Scientists Create Chicken With Dinosaur Beak, All Our Deaths Are Imminent

Sweet Mother of God.

65-million years ago, an asteroid is believed to have crashed into Earth. The impact wiped out huge numbers of species, including almost all of the dinosaurs. One group of dinosaurs managed to survive the disaster.

Today, we know them as birds.

The idea that birds evolved from dinosaurs has been around since the 19th century, when scientists discovered the fossil of an early bird called Archaeopteryx. It had wings and feathers, but it also looked a lot like a dinosaur. More recent fossils look similar.

But these early birds didn’t look the same as modern ones. In particular, they didn’t have beaks: they had snouts, like those of their dinosaur ancestors.

To understand how one changed into another, a team has been tampering with the molecular processes that make up a beak in chickens.

By doing so, they have managed to create a chicken embryo with a dinosaur-like snout and palate, similar to that of small feathered dinosaurs like Velociraptor. 

There are no plans to hatch any more eggs.

Well, here we go. We all saw this coming, amirite? Damn scientists start sticking their noses where they don’t belong and we end up with that monster in the photo up there. Thing looks like it’s gonna leap out of the photo, pull a vein out of my neck and kill me, which is what those DinoChickens are all going to do once these scientists start hatching those eggs, which we all know they’re going to do. Sorry for the long sentence but I’m a little upset. Didn’t they watch Jurassic Park? Good God man, kill the eggs! Kill them with fire!

And here’s how we’re all going to die. Remember that Monster Chicken video I showed you a couple weeks ago? How long before somebody turns one of those beasts into a Monster DinoChicken? We’re doomed, I tell you. Doomed.

PS- Sparky just growled at my computer screen. He’s ready for the inevitable War with the Chickens.

PPS- Now that I think about it, he may have started it.