More Nuts at the Supermarket

I swear to God the crazy people watch me, wait for me to leave, and follow me to get groceries.

Not really relevant, but I liked the photo.

Today this actual conversation took place between me and a tiny, wild-eyed, blue haired lady as I passed her in the frozen food aisle (it always seems to be the frozen food aisle):

Lady: “You’re going in the wrong direction.” 

At first I thought maybe she was critiquing my life choices, you know, telling me I was headed directly to hell or something. Then I realized she meant literally.

Me, looking around: “Huh?”

Lady: “You’re going in the wrong direction. You’re supposed to start in Aisle 1 and work your way around. You’re going backwards.”

Say what? I reached my age without knowing this vital piece of information? That there’s an unwritten code amongst shoppers that requires directional shopping skills? How have I survived all this time without a major accident? Here I’ve been running willy-nilly and haphazardly around the grocery store like a madman, oblivious to this supermarket decree. Hell, it’s a miracle I haven’t had some horrific head-on shopping cart collision with Cheez Whiz, Cheez-Its and body parts flying everywhere. Good God, man.

At that point I just said this:

“Hey, I’m a rebel. I follow my own set of rules.”

Then I rolled proudly away in the wrong direction, head held high.

In other news, I’m thinking of looking into one of those online grocery delivery sites.

Note: At my Brocery Store (coming soon to a city near you), shoppers may go in any direction they want.