Archive for the ‘Wussification of America’ Category

 – A mother from South Carolina was arrested after entering an elementary school without permission where she says she was just trying to confront her son’s bullies. 

The interaction soon got emotional, and according to a police report as well as the Greenville County School District, Jamie Rathburn was seen yelling at a group of kids and a teacher. 

Brotherton said there had been several isolated incidents between Rathburn’s son and fellow classmates but she said it was nothing that would constitute bullying, which she defines as repeated behavior by a specific individual or specific group of people.   

“Maybe in her mind she was going there to confront a bully or a couple of children, but in not knowing who those were and choosing to yell at dozens of innocent kids, there is nothing appropriate about yelling at other people’s children’s in a school setting after you’ve snuck in illegally,” Brotherton said. 

According to Brotherton, some of the specific incidents involved another classmate making faces or telling Rathburn’s son that his haircut was “silly.” 

She says that these incidents continued to occur over the course of the school year and eventually became violent, saying that he was thrown off a ladder slide by his neck and even hit with a computer.  

Rathburn has since sincerely apologized for her behavior but says she was just fed up with how her son was being treated. 

“Anyone who chooses by their own admission to illegally sneak into a school building, yell at a hallway full of 8 and 9-year-old children, and curse an elementary school teacher in front of those children is going to get put on a no trespass notice and not be allowed back into the school for the rest of the year,” said Brotherton. 

Kids, let me tell you a rule of childhood that’s as old as time. If you want to shake that nerd image the last thing you want is for mommy to show up at school to fight your fights for you. It’s just a bad look all-around, man. Hey, if I got picked on at school the last thing I’d do would be to run home and tell my parents. Dad would have taken a look at me, slapped me upside the head and told me to man up and take care of it. For the zillionth time, if you’re going to jump in and save your kid from every little bit of adversity how will they ever learn to fend for themselves?

PS- Making faces at someone is considered bullying now? Telling someone their haircut is silly? Where will it all end?

PPS- If I had $5 for every time I was thrown off the slippery slide by my neck I’d be a millionaire today. That’s nothing, man. Barney Hansberry once got the merry-go-round going so fast I flew off, took out three 1st Graders, hit a basketball pole and lost the feeling on the right side of my body for 15-minutes. Good times. 

NYP- A superhuman group of adolescents broke the Scripps National Spelling Bee on Thursday, with eight contestants crowned co-champions after the competition said it was running out of challenging words.

It was a stunning result, coming just after midnight Thursday, for the 92nd annual event, which has had six two-way ties but had never before experienced such a logjam at the top. After the 17th round, Jacques Bailly, the event’s pronouncer, announced that any of the eight remaining contestants who made it through three more words would share in the prize.

“We do have plenty of words remaining in our list, but we’ll soon run out of words that will challenge you,” Mr. Bailly told the contestants at Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center in National Harbor, Md.

He added: “We’re throwing the dictionary at you. And so far, you are showing this dictionary who is boss.”

Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? An 8-way tie? And what’s this “running out of words” bullshit? Newsflash: There are always more words. Hey Scripps National Spelling Bee, you want to crown a true champion? Play this thing out until you have a winner. I don’t care if it lasts 3-days and kids are passing out left and right up there. Hell, give them a 10-minute break every 8-hours to eat a Caramel Nut Blast or something, but we have to have one winner, not eight. How can you call yourself a true champion if you’re tied with seven other nerds contestants? That’s lame, man.

PS- Someday soon we’ll stop March Madness or the NFL Playoffs at 8-teams and give everybody a damn trophy. Somebody make it stop.

PPS- The words are getting too easy anyway. Here’s what 14-year old Erin Howard, 14, of Huntsville, Alabama had to spell for her final word: erysipelas. Please.

PPPS- No Scripps National Spelling Bee blog can be complete without this gem. Hey Homeschool, never celebrate too early brother.

Woodstock 50 has been cancelled. Earlier today officials with Dentsu Aegis Network, which is funding the festival, released the following statement to Billboard:

“Despite our tremendous investment of time, effort and commitment, we don’t believe the production of the festival can be executed as an event worthy of the Woodstock Brand name while also ensuring the health and safety of the artists, partners and attendees.”

The statement goes on, “As a result and after careful consideration, Dentsu Aegis Network’s Amplifi Live, a partner of Woodstock 50, has decided to cancel the festival. As difficult as it is, we believe this is the most prudent decision for all parties involved.”

Big shocker here, huh? This is so 2019 it hurts. “A event worthy of the Woodstock Brand name?” BWAHAHAHAHA! They realize the original Woodstock was held in a torrential downpour, without adequate lodging or toilet facilities, little medical staff, and everyone in attendance was risking death by electrocution, correct? Still, the show went on. Hell, people gave birth in the mud, muck and human waste as Hendrix, Joplin, The Band, The Who, CCR and others rocked on.

Good God, man. 2019, 1969 if laughing in your face right now.

Note 1: Promoter Michael Lang, does not agree Woodstock 50 is sunk. He says Dentsu’s announcement was a “complete surprise,” but adds “we’re not giving up on the festival yet.”

Note 2: Does Fyre Fest really have people that skittish? Sad really.

Note 3: Have you ever really taken a hard look at the original Woodstock 3-day lineup? Sweet Mother of Rock. And these bands are just the highlights:

Friday:

  • Richie Havens
  • Ravi Shankar
  • Arlo Guthrie
  • Joan Baez

Saturday

  • Country Joe & the Fish
  • Santana
  • John B. Sebastian
  • Canned Heat
  • Mountain
  • Grateful Dead
  • Creedence Clearwater Revival
  • Janis Joplin
  • Sly & the Family Stone
  • The Who
  • Jefferson Airplane

Sunday

  • Joe Cocker
  • Ten Years After
  • The Band
  • Johnny Winter
  • Blood, Sweat & Tears
  • Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
  • Paul Butterfield Blues Band
  • Jimi Hendrix

 

So school was cancelled again today at many schools in southern Ohio, this time because of water I guess? Anyway, it seems like school gets cancelled more and more often these days. It can be too hot, too cold, too windy, too wet, too whatever. Not sure what changed over the years, but it sure seems like we’ve become softer, doesn’t it? With that in mind, let’s take a look at what it’s like to attend school in Finland. These photos were taken during a normal school day where the temperature was a balmy 15°. As you can see, students in Finland are not deterred by a little cold weather or snow on the ground. Out of 1200 kids at this school, 1000 arrive by bicycle, 100 to 150 walk, and the rest travel by skiing or on kicksleds. I’m assuming they have recess outside, play shirts and skins basketball and skin a moose during Biology class. Anywho, kids in Finland? Badasses.

PS- Those kicksleds look cool as hell, man.

Sigh . . .

Local radio stations across the country have officially started to air their Christmas playlists as the holiday quickly approaches. But when it comes to Cleveland’s Star 102’s festive lineup, one classic won’t be heard.

“Baby It’s Cold Outside” may have been a fan favorite in the past. However, after one listener called in to flag the song’s lyrics, the station’s emcees realized that there may not be a place for the “manipulative” connotations of the song in 2018.

Written in 1944, the song’s lyrics detail an interaction between a man and woman, when the woman expresses her desire to leave his house, and he lures her to stay:

“My mother will start to worry (Beautiful what’s your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor (Listen to the fireplace roar)
So really I’d better scurry (Beautiful, please don’t hurry)
Well maybe just a half a drink more (Put some records on while I pour).”

“We used to play the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” but the executives told us it’s no longer appropriate,” employee Glenn Anderson wrote on the station’s site.

Aaaand so it begins. First “Baby It’s Cold Outside”, and next they’ll come after “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” because it’s about adultery (yes, I know Santa was actually the father but you get the point). Seriously, I understand the Me Too Movement and its importance. I realize certain attitudes need changing, but isn’t this going a little too far? We’re talking about a Christmas song from another time. It was written in 1944 after all, and music reflects the time in which it was written. And have any of these people listened to rap lyrics? Hell, John Lennon sang about killing his girlfriend if she left him in 1964. Don’t believe me? Check it:

Well, I’d rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or you won’t know where I am
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand, little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end, little girl.

But hey, Lennon never killed anyone as far as we know. But this is not a new story where music is concerned. Remember back in the 80s when some kid committed suicide and his parents blamed an Ozzy Osborne song? You know, because it had nothing to do with the fact they were inattentive, lousy parents. Yeesh.

Anyway, lighten up people. It’s a song.

PS- Anyone under 25 won’t be listening to this song or give a damn anyway.

 

LaDue, MO: A St. Louis mother has filed a federal lawsuit, claiming that a soccer coach’s decision to cut her son from the junior varsity team was age discrimination.

The suit claims the soccer coach told the boy’s mom that he was “right on the bubble” of making the team, but that there were too many kids who had a better soccer skill and soccer IQ than him. The coach also wasn’t willing to put the boy on junior varsity again.

The mother and stepfather complained to the school, but they eventually supported the coach’s decision.  The teen’s mom claims her son will face “irreparable harm” if he’s not put on the team.

A judge is expected to make a decision in the case on Monday.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Age discrimination? For realz? Listen, any coach with a brain in their skull will tell you that if two players are of equal talent the younger one usually plays. That’s just common sense, right? Because you’re going to have them longer and they’ll have more of a chance to develop? Bueller? Bueller? Anybody? And sorry kid, but I guarantee your coach was being kind when he said you were “on the bubble.” Newsflash: You were not on the bubble. You were under the bubble. Perhaps nowhere near the bubble. In fact, there were not only “too many kids with better soccer skills” than you, but they also had better soccer IQs. This means you don’t understand how to soccer, dude.

But you know the worst part of this story? The worst part is that mommy squandered a perfect life lesson for this kid, like, you know, work harder to achieve your goals, rewards are earned and not given, stuff like that. I can’t wait until this kid is passed over for a promotion at work when he’s 27 and mom tries to sue his boss. Good stuff, man. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times – how in the world can a kid learn to deal with adversity if mommy and daddy are going to jump in and save them every time they face it?

UPDATE: The judge threw the case out of court, stomped on it, spat upon it and was seen laughing uncontrollably as he skipped away. Good job, judge.

PS- I can totally name some parents who would do this, but I’ll save it for my upcoming blockbuster blog. Stay tuned.

Back before 2004, when athletes weren’t big babies and could handle a little champagne in their eyes, baseball celebrations looked like this:

Then, in 2004 the Boston Red Sox went all wussified and wore ski goggles. Now? Here’s how baseball players celebrate:

Good God. What’s next, hazmat suits? And the wussification continues . . .

PS- I know, I know. Champagne can supposedly damage your corneas. Blah-blah-blah. I don’t recall anyone going blind before 2004.

 

This has made the internet rounds the last couple years and is a legitimate photograph of a turn-of-the-century Texas playground. It can be viewed on the web page of the Dallas Public Library with a description noting that it captures “Children playing on iron pole playground equipment at Trinity Play Park.” 

Aw. Look at Marshmallow.

Wilmette, IL: Just after returning home from a walk around the block with her dog, Marshmallow, an 8-year-old Wilmette girl expected a visit from a playmate. Instead, police officers arrived at the family’s door. An anonymous caller had contacted police after seeing the girl walking the dog alone, said her mother, Corey Widen. The seemingly common activity launched an Illinois Department of Children and Family Services investigation to see if Widen was neglecting her children. Widen said the girl’s walk around the block — most of which Widen says she can see out her windows — is the only time her daughter is unsupervised. 

Oh for the love of God. When I was a 8-years old I used to get up and leave the house without telling anyone, come home for a can of Vienna sausages at lunch, leave the house, come back at 6:00pm for supper, then Mom would tell me to come back when the street lights came on.  She had no idea what the hell I was doing when I was gone. My only rules were to stay out of Paint Creek, don’t get into a car with a stranger and don’t go into old widow Snodgrass’s house over on North Alley Street. In today’s world an 8-year old can’t even take her dog Marshmallow for a walk. Sadly, the Wussification of America is alive and well.

Note: Sanity prevailed. The Police never pursued charges. 

Check it out, man. That toy gun would put your eye out in a millisecond. Think anybody complained? Hells to the nah. If I would’ve gotten blasted in the eyehole by that thing Dad would’ve yelled at me for not ducking sooner, then punched me in the shoulder so hard my ankles would’ve gone numb. Back in my day men were men and toys could literally kill you.

PS- How did I miss this thing as a kid? I would have struck terror in the hearts of my sisters, man.

It may be the most epic baseball playoff matchup in history, and it didn’t even involve a pitch. As reported by GametimeCT.com, a Southern Connecticut Conference baseball quarterfinal between Amity and North Haven was postponed due to weather, but still earned a result when the two teams decided to play rock-paper-scissors to decide a winner. The lighthearted battle went 11 rounds, with North Haven eventually emerging with a 6-5 upset victory with a deft use of scissors.

The issue is that whether the teams wanted it or not, the result won’t count in the official SCC logs. Per GametimeCT.com’s Peter Paguaga — whose “game story” may be the most epic piece of baseball prose of the past calendar year — the SCC commissioner’s office is now determining whether to accept the rock-paper-scissors result as the equivalent of an actual baseball game.

The odds of that ruling coming down in the affirmative are probably small. In short, it ain’t happening. Still, the creativity employed by both teams, and the enthusiasm of using a unique way of deciding a result during a time crunch, likely brought more enjoyment than anything else either could have done. And if enjoyment is the entire goal for high school sports, which is allegedly the most genuine and earnest form of athletics, shouldn’t that be enough to justify accepting a rock-paper-scissors battle as a bona fide baseball quarterfinal result?

Uh, no. No, it shouldn’t. But let’s digress a little. Soooo, you’re saying that winning a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors would be more fun than, you know, actually winning the game by using the skills you developed in practice to get better at the game you love? What’s next, deciding a basketball game by playing a game of Hungry Hippos?

Sweet Mother of God.

On a related note, if the SCC Commissioner allows this to stand he should be beaten with rocks, stabbed with scissors, and suffer a thousand paper cuts.

Heaven help us all.

Here’s the hotly contested, intense, character building contest:

Note: I refuse to believe these kids thought this would actually count as a game. No way.

CBS Boston – Julia Hartwell loves her dolls, arts and crafts, and like most four-year-olds, she has a best friend. However, that’s not a term Julia can use at Pentucket Workshop Preschool in Georgetown. Her mother, Christine Hartwell, says, “The teacher told her she couldn’t say that in school.”

The Georgetown preschool offered an explanation to Julia’s parents, saying the term best friend “can lead other children to feel excluded” and it “can ultimately lead to the formation of “cliques” and “outsiders.” The preschool wrote, they “encourage children to have a broader group of friends, and foster inclusion at this particular age.”

Oh, for the love of God. Now the schools are telling our kids they can’t have “best friends.” Hey, I met my best friend Dave Allen in second grade and we remain best friends today. Sure, he’s a highfalutin (that’s how you spell it, I looked it up so shut it) doctor in the big city who only sees me at his convenience, but still.*

My point is, who in the hell can tell us who our friends are? Answer: Nobody. If you have no friends you need to take a look in the mirror, amirite? Newsflash: Everyone is not popular in preschool. Some are better at coloring, others are really good at somersaults or counting or drawing circles and stuff. Figure it out, man. Carve out your niche. Learn how to make friends without your damn school’s help. Sad really. Get it together, America!

*Just kidding, J.R.

Source – A professor at Boston University has proclaimed Christmas carol favorite “Jingle Bells” to be a “racist song” and is urging people to shun the jaunty tune. Kyna Hamill, a theater history professor at Boston University, recently told the Boston Globe that the venerable Christmas song has a “secret” racist past that has been “systematically” hidden from Americans as they celebrate the Christmas season. Hamill claims the song, written 160-years ago by James Pierpont, was written to ridicule black people and was first performed in a blackface minstrel hall in Boston in 1857. The professor said that her study of the history of the song proved that the song was made to satirize how black people reacted to winter activities such as sleigh riding. 

Wow. And here all these years I thought the song was about riding in a one horse open sleigh and laughing and jingling all the way and whatnot. Now Kyna Hamill has gone and ruined it for me. Seriously, how in the hell can a song be racist when not one person on earth sings it with that intent? Answer: It can’t be.

PS- I also read where “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” was totally about date rape. I don’t understand anything about anything anymore.

California – Controversy erupts at Vista Del Lago High School in Folsom over students chanting “USA.”

It’s a popular way to for students to show pride during sporting events and rallies, but school and district officials are now warning students that the chants could appear inappropriate and intolerant. The chants are now causing chatter campus-wide after school staff brought up the topic to a leadership class.

The school’s principal told students and parents that sometimes “We can communicate an unintended message.” She also said USA chanting is welcome, but it may be best to do it at what she says are appropriate times, like following the national anthem or the Pledge of Allegiance.

The district says there has never been a complaint about USA chants at the high school. Students say there’s likely to be a lot of chanting at this Friday’s football game, where the theme is USA pride.

Well for the love of all that is holy and good WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? We can’t be proud of out country? And who in the world is a USA chant going to offend? The three foreign exchange students from North Korea? The ISIS guy hiding under the bleachers? I’d say no to both because they’re not at the game and if they were we should do it anyway because WE’RE IN THE USA! Sweet Mother of God.

PS- The first person who blames this on wimpy liberals is going to get punched in the throat by this non-wimpy liberal.

(Source) — A former Los Altos High School student and baseball player is suing the school district and his former coach for hundreds of thousands of dollars because the coach repeatedly benched him. According to the suit, the school’s head varsity baseball coach, Gabriel Lopez, repeatedly refused to let 17-year-old Robbie Lopez, no relation, play throughout his senior year. The suit claims this constituted a pattern of “harassment and bullying.” The teenager and his parents are seeking $150,000 or more, according to the suit.

Sigh. And so it continues. If this is bullying, do you know how many of my former players could sue me? I’ll give you the answer – hundreds. Good God, man. Newsflash, Robbie Lopez – it’s your coach’s job to bench you if you’re not playing well. Hell, using this logic every kid on the bench could sue his coach. That’s just dumb, man.

PS- In the future every coach will be required to play every player an exact even number of minutes. Then nobody will get their feelings hurt. Awesome.

So a friend of mine from the Eastern Seaboard told me an amazing story recently about an amusement park in New Jersey that was open from 1978 to 1996. It was called Action Park, and to say this place was dangerous would be an understatement of the highest order. 6-people died at the park in 18-years, and average of 1 every 3 years, and the injuries were in the hundreds if not thousands.

The park is legendary amongst Jersey folk, and people like my friend are proud to say they survived it. In researching the park I came across this quote from a man who attended as a kid:

It was almost like our Vietnam. It was like another step in the quest to manhood. Guys would come back and they’d just have these stories of terror. One kid I knew had a broken ankle — he was on a ride that caught on fire and he had to jump off.”

Good God.

This hellhole was also known as, among other things, “Traction Park” “Accident Park” and “Class Action Park,” and you’ll soon see why. What follows are real stories and tidbits regarding the Death Trap known as Action Park:

In 1979 Action Park opened one of the first wave pools in the country. On its first day open it was estimated over 100 swimmers had to be rescued from the wave pool. Park officials attributed this to a lack of experience in the pool by park goers, because of course they did. A staff of 12 Red Cross certified lifeguards were on duty at all times, and numbers as high as 30 saves per lifeguard per day were recorded. Tragically there were 3 confirmed deaths in the wave pool.

In 1985 the park opened a slide called The Cannonball Loop. Take a look at this monster:

Kid looked like he was going about 80-mph.

 

Remember that this is a slippery slide, not a coaster. Kids went through this without safety gear. Sweet Jesus that looks dangerous. Also fun. And get this – during testing of the Cannonball Loop dummies were sent down and they were decapitated. The attraction was adjusted until the dummies came through with heads intact and then park employees were offered $100 to test it out themselves. Thankfully, no one died on this monstrosity but some people did become stuck. Before it was finally closed for good a trap door was installed into the loop to retrieve riders that became stuck in the top of the loop. The first summer it opened it had 110 reported injuries, including 30-fractures and 45-head injuries. Good times!

At one point they opened up a skate park in Action Park. It was open for only one summer season before they deemed it too dangerous and it was shut down. They were so scared that people would use it after hours that they plowed over it with dirt and set up a picnic area on top of it. Dangerous indeed.

The infamous Cliff Dive was very cold, and also very deep. Legend has it that the bottom of the 40-foot pool had to be repainted white one summer because lifeguards were unable to see drowning swimmers against the black floor. Insanity, man. Check it out:

It’s a fact that 911 calls were so frequent at Action Park (an estimated 5-10 trips per day) that the owner of the park purchased additional ambulances for the township of Vernon, NJ. Hey, that’s a civic-minded man right there.

Shockingly but not really, Action Park had some difficulty in retaining their insurers. Since they could not legally operate without insurance they set up their own fake company in the Cayman Islands. Owner Eugene Mulvihill pleaded guilty to setting up the company, copped a plea, got 3-years probation, and paid $300,000 in fines. He was supposed to sell the resort but, incredibly, he never did.

One of the biggest problems at Action Park was its employees. Legally you needed to be 16-years old to operate a ride in New Jersey, which already seems a tad young. However, Action Park had many employees as young as 14-years old. That’s not the most amazing fact I read though – it seems it was not uncommon for operators of all ages to be on duty with cans of beer in their hands. What could possibly go wrong, man?

Employees would often use park attractions after hours, and believe it or not they didn’t always operate them properly. One thing they would do was shove tennis balls into the speed governors of the cars at their Motorworld Speedway, a section of Action Park. The governors were designed to limit the speed of the vehicle to 20-mph, but after the tampering they could reach speeds as high as 50-mph. Of course, sometimes they’d forget (or not) and leave the tennis balls in, then sit back and watch the hilarity that ensued as an 8-year old kid drove a miniature car 50-mph around a little track. Oh, and by the way, without a helmet.

Helmets schmelmets.

One of the parks biggest and most dangerous attractions was the notorious Alpine Slide. The slide was a sloped and swerving cart ride. The track was built out of fiber glass, and riders would roll down in flimsy carts with no protection, using a defective handbrake as their only means of control. Riders would often get scrapes and burns on the fiberglass. In fact, friction burns were so common that paramedics would be waiting at the bottom of the slide. And burns were not the only danger – despite the crack team of underage and possibly drunk park employees manning the ride, slow riders were often in danger of being rammed from behind by the next set of riders. Unsurprisingly, Action Park’s first recorded death occurred when an after hours park employee flew off of the Alpine Slide and hit his head on a rock, killing him instantly.

Weee! Uh-oh.

One of the reasons Action Park stayed open was because they actually had an on-site infirmary. Unless you had a broken bone you wouldn’t go to the hospital and your injuries wouldn’t be reported. That’s either ingenious or insane, but probably a combination of both.

Here’s a good tidbit. In 1982, owner Mulvihill told a New Jersey newspaper that his park is “gonna be better than Disney World!” That same year a 15-year-old drowned in the Wave Pool and a week later a 27-year-old was electrocuted on a ride called the Kayak Experience. True story.

What can I say, man? We were tougher back then I guess? Seriously, I talk about the Wussification of America more than anyone but Good God this place was wild, insane and all sorts of crazy.

In other words, just the kind of place my friends and I would’ve loved.

ASHWAUBENON— A student wearing a Star Wars mask and costume prompted an evacuation at Ashwaubenon Middle School Thursday morning, May 4th.

Officials say a concerned parent called police after seeing someone walk into the school with dark clothing and a mask.

“There was no legitimate threat at AMS today. It was a misunderstanding where a student wore a Star Wars costume for “May the Fourth Be With You” day. There was no intent of a threat, but the student will be held accountable,” said Ashwaubenon School District said in a Facebook post.

Number one, what kind of a degenerate anti-American Putin-loving communist assclown snitch doesn’t know who Darth Vader is? And why the hell will the kid be “held accountable”? How is showing up on Star Wars Day as Darth Vader wrong? I mean, how does this school expect to deal with Halloween, man? Seriously though, a kid walks into a middle school dressed as Darth Vader and the entire school is evacuated. Never underestimate the power of the Dark Side, huh?

The AdvocateA plan to quietly ban dodgeball and other “target games” from public schools was shelved Tuesday by Louisiana’s top school board.

The sweeping prohibition was in a new set of physical education benchmarks drawn up by nearly two dozen teachers and others.

“Human target games (e.g. dodge ball) and drills that promote aggressive behaviors by attacking and overpowering other humans are not to be permitted,” according to the proposed standards.

Sponsors of the change said they were surprised by the reaction.

“Honestly, I didn’t think it was going to be an issue,” Kathy Hill, a member of the committee, said a few hours after the meeting.

First things first:

Secondly, Ms. Kathy Hill can go straight to hell. Dodgeball is the greatest game on earth. I bet little Timmy Hill is one of those kids that stand in the back during the dodgeball game, afraid to get hit, while the real go-getters just try and pummel the crap out of him. I also bet Kathy runs to his defense every time he faces the tiniest bit of adversity. Bravo, Louisiana State School Board. Bravo.

PS- Hey, I’ve told you of my love for dodgeball in the acclaimed blog Dodgeball: A Microcosm of Life. Do yourself a favor and read it, man.

So some bratty kid climbed into one of those machines where you try and grab

Future serial killer.

a stuffed animal with a claw, and the internet has exploded with cuteness overload.

Really? Let’s reward the kid for misbehaving? At the risk of offending new age parents everywhere, I shall now peruse the entire article, with my comments interjected:

Washington Post: Damien Murphy’s 3-year-old son, Jamie, is one of those curious, mischievous kids who gets into everything. 

Translation: Little Jamie is a spoiled brat who hasn’t been taught to behave properly. He’s on the road to being a wife-beater, or perhaps a serial killer.

“Whenever I walk into a room and see something that could be trouble,” said Murphy, of Nenagh, Ireland, “I instantly see Jamie in it. He’s a real boundary pusher.” 

Newsflash: Jamie is 3-years old. He’d “push boundaries” by walking off a cliff if you let him. It’s your job, Damien Murphy, to set his boundaries.

Once, for example, he and his dad were looking after an aunt’s dog. Jamie “woke up early in the morning and cut a bunch of hair off it,” Murphy, 35, told the Washington Post.

Adorable. I wish the dog would have eaten him, or at the very least tore off a limb.

Still, Murphy said, he didn’t see it coming — it being Jamie’s Great Toy Machine Caper — when he, Jamie and Jamie’s brother, Shane, 5, walked into Jump ‘n’ Gyms, a commercial play center that boasts a “multilevel play area” filled with kidly delights. 

Yes, the author of this article used the word “kidly.” That alone should be grounds for dismissal.

Among them was one of those big claw machines filled with cuddly stuffed teddy bears, doggies, giraffes and dragons, a contraption tantalizing to young and old alike but especially to 3-year-olds. Even though it says “Prize Every Time” in big yellow letters, 3-year-olds can’t read and are smart enough anyway not to be taken in. 

Yep. They’re smart enough not to be “taken in” yet stupid enough to do what comes next.

Indeed, getting a prize can be tough unless you’re small enough to climb inside and it happens that Jamie was small enough, said his father. 

“I was sitting down having a coffee,” Murphy said, when Jamie wandered off for just a second. “He went out of my sight, walked off just to my left. I heard what I thought was a muffled complaint,” looked over and there he was. “He was just there, inside the machine, looking out of the glass.” 

Sure, dude was just sitting there ignoring his kid as the brat had the time to climb inside a freaking toy machine.

It seems that Jamie had climbed in through the flap where the toys come tumbling out, his father said. “He seemed a bit panicked,” said Murphy, “and then I told him, ‘listen, you’re fine,’ and gave him a big smile. Then he started laughing. Jamie was then rescued from the machine by a visiting fireman.

And this, my friends, is where the opportunity for a teaching moment was missed. A true, caring parent would not have smiled. They’d have walked up, told little Jamie he was stuck forever, and left him alone in there for 20 or 30-minutes. The point would have then been imprinted into the little punk’s skull forever.

The owner of the gym, James O’Sullivan, said he had the machine removed and asked the company that operates it to review it. “At this stage,” he said, “we are thankful that Jamie didn’t manage to hurt himself during his little adventure.”

Of course, because it’s the machine’s fault. Sigh.

Dad, and son were reunited, joined by two cuddly green dragons, courtesy of Jump ‘n’ Gyms.

S-u-r-e, let’s reward the kid and his asshattery by giving him toys. Lesson learned! Sweet Jesus.

But honestly, what’s next?

“Omigod! You should’ve seen that little rascal Sebastian today! I turned my head for a few seconds and he ran into 8-lanes of freeway traffic! That little rapscallion was nearly squashed by a Kenworth W900! Totes adorbs!

Good Lord. I would’ve made Damien try and rescue Jamie by using the claw, and if he couldn’t do it little Jamie would have to stay in there. Maybe shove some Twizzlers up there to sustain the little delinquent for a couple days.

PS- Feel free to bitch in the comments section, and I will ignore you as always.

SourceThe University of Minnesota has done away with the traditional Homecoming King and Queen titles and replaced them with the gender-neutral “Royals” term.

Taking it one step further, University of Minnesota officials also pointed out that the winners don’t even have to be one biological male and one biological female, stating on its website: “‘Royals’ … can be any combination of any gender identity.”

Campus officials called the change a move “toward gender inclusivity” that promotes “a spirit of inclusion at the University of Minnesota.”

Whew. Thank God this has been cleared up. For years schools all over the country have been electing homecoming kings and queens willy-nilly as chaos ruled the day. Well, after years of suffering and senselessness, the powers-that-be in Golden Gopher Land have set things right. Thank God for them.

PS – Seriously, what a waste of time. Why not just let a gay man run for queen or a gay woman run for king? Who the hell cares? And how long before the University of Minnesota rids itself of this insensitive Golden Gopher mascot? It’s offensive to gophers everywhere, man! On a related note, the wussification continues . . .

 

Sigh. Here’s the deal. Princeton’s class of 2012 is having a 5th year reunion and their slogan is “Revenge of the Fifth.” Get it? The latest Star Wars movie was “Revenge of the Sith”? I know, not very original but whatever. Anyhoo, their costume inspiration was stormtroopers, and people got upset. Here’s the letter the reunion committee sent out: starwars-princeton

Sweet son of a mother. How in the world can someone who was born in 1990 be offended by a common term used in Nazi Germany? HOW? Newsflash: Star Wars came out in 1977, only 32-years after the fall of Hitler’s Germany, and it was a huge worldwide hit. This means, kids, that millions of the actual people who suffered at the hands of the Nazis were still alive when the movie came out. I’m talking about people who were terrorized by Hitler’s Gestapo and SS and survived the Nazi death camps. These people somehow managed to watch the movie, hear the term Stormtrooper, and you know, realize they were watching a movie. Yet, a bunch of 27-year-olds wussies from Princeton are so offended they have to run to their “safe space.” Heaven help us all.

stormtroopersboth

Attention Princeton dumbasses: L: Actual Stormtrooper. R: Pretend Movie Stormtrooper

Ladies and gentlemen, the Wussification of America continues . . .

Looks like a horrible idea.

Looks like a horrible idea.

NORTHAMPTON, Mass. (AP) – A Massachusetts police department’s program that sent officers into elementary schools one day a week to high five and fist bump students has been ended because some people complained.

Northampton Chief Jody Kasper says “High Five Friday” was started in December as a way to foster better relationships between police and children.

But some people questioned the program’s effectiveness and worried that it might upset some children, for example those in the U.S. illegally or those who have previously had negative experiences with law enforcement.

The chief tells The Daily Hampshire Gazette that parents were informed about the events beforehand and children were never forced to participate. She called the program’s demise “frustrating.”

Frustrating? FRUSTRATING? How about idiotic? We’ve become so thin-skinned as a nation that we’re worried about making little kids nervous who’ve had bad experiences with the po-po? And we don’t wanna upset the little illegal immigrants or kids who’ve run afoul with the law, now do we? Damn it, Trump! I thought you were gonna fix this crap.

(NBC)Hamden High School was placed on lockdown and evacuated this hellreadmorning after an altercation was reported and police said a student making “basketball” moves prompted the response. Police said a school employee reported hearing someone walking toward her, then saw a teenage boy raise his fist as if he was going to punch her, so she hurried her pace to get away and alerted coworkers. The school investigated and police said the student was running in the hallway and made believe he was dunking a basketball when the school employee turned around, according to police. Hamden High School students were brought to Hamden Middle School during the lockdown and have been allowed back into their own school.

First off, how can a school be put on lockdown and evacuated at the same time? Isn’t that an oxymoron?

Anyway, what we have here is, first, an overreaction from the teacher. Have a little fun for once in your life, Miss Buzzkill. And even if you felt disrespected take the kid to the office and give him an in-school suspension or something. Secondly, it’s an overreaction from the administration. Clearing the building? Really? It’s not like the kid had an uzi or something. He fake-dunked on a teacher. Big whoop. Sadly, this type of reaction is typical of the wussified society we live in.

PS- Can’t wait until Trump fixes this. Maybe after he builds that wall, bans Muslims, throws Hillary in prison, and kills ISIS. January 20th can’t get here too soon.

NY TimesCurrent federal guidelines state that fulcrum seesaws can be texas-seesaw-massacre-1-0-1-300x229installed safely if car tires are embedded under the seats and adequate space is left around them in case of a fall. But they are not recommended for toddlers or preschoolers. So the reaction to the guidelines in New York City, and many other places, is to phase seesaws out.

In 2000, 55 percent of playgrounds around the nation had a seesaw, according to the National Program for Playground Safety. By 2004, that number was 11 percent.

The main reason was safety. “New York City Parks has not installed seesaws for at least 30 years due to safety concerns,” said a spokesman, Sam Biederman.

Finally, this blight upon the very fabric of our society is being faced head-on. The death-traps that have been injuring our nation’s children for years are finally being removed. Unsuspecting children have been thrown off these beasts for years, and I say it’s about time, except not at all.

Honestly, the fun is being taken out of our children’s lives, man. No dodgeball, no monkey bars, no slippery slides, no trampolines and no seesaws. Hell, there was nothing more fun than getting a kid on the high end of the seesaw and getting up and walking away as he crashed to earth. Newsflash: Kids are attracted to stuff with a hint of danger, a threat of bodily harm. That’s why kids climb trees, ride bikes fast down hills, walk along the top of a fence, and jump off cliffs into water. That’s why they try to go down the slippery slide standing up. It’s scary. It’s a thrill. It’s America, damn it.

GRANITE FALLS, Wash. – A third high school football team is now refusing to play Everett’s Archbishop Murphy amidst concerns about player safety.

Archbishop Murphy is a private Catholic school in Everett that’s been so dominant this season that South Whidbey, Sultan, and now Granite Falls High School have all opted to forfeit instead of taking the field against the Wildcats.

In the three games Archbishop Murphy has played this season, they’ve outscored their opponents 170-0.

“It’s not that we’re afraid to play the game, it’s an injury issue,” said Dennis.  “Because of the size disparity between the linemen.  They have 300-pound linemen.  And we have sophomores that are weight 210, 220 pounds and starting on varsity.  So that’s the issue, is the size disparity.”

“My son is 5′-8″ and weighs 117 pounds and just got out of middle school and just turned 14.  They’ve got 18-year-old players that are 6’5″ and weigh 330 pounds.  I mean, that’s like putting a Volkswagen bug against a Mack Truck,” said Granite Falls mom Stacey McBride.

She and many other parents on the team feel that a football game just isn’t worth it.

“I’ve said from the very beginning that there’s no way I’m going to let my son play these guys,” said McBride.  “He said Mom I’ll get killed, why would I even put myself in that position?”

In the end, it was the players themselves who had the final say.

They came forward in the middle of Tuesday’s meeting and announced footballthey’d decided as a team that they would not play Archbishop Murphy on Friday.

Parents in the crowd applauded their decision.  One of the players explained that they chose to forfeit not because they are afraid to play Archbishop Murphy, but because the Granite Falls team is already dealing with some injuries.  He said they’d rather have the chance to finish out their entire season than risk someone getting seriously hurt while playing the Archbishop team that has a bigger roster and much bigger players.

So we get to pick who we play now? Just forfeit games against bigger and better teams? Good Lord almighty.

And hey, Stacey McBride. If you’re worried about your 5′-8″, 117-pound son getting hurt, I have a radical idea for you – don’t let him play football. Every single high school player who’s ever played the game can tell you a story of playing against much larger opponents. And as for the players who said the decision is “not because they’re afraid to play” it’s totally because they’re afraid to play.

Wussification, alive and well in Washington. Sigh.