The Wussification of America is Alive and Well: School Bans Tag

MERCER ISLAND, Wash. (KCPQ) — Kids at the Mercer Island School District are now banned from playing the popular childhood game of tag on the playground.

Parents KCPQ News they had no idea about the ban until their kids told them. Now, moms and dads are asking why they weren’t part of the decision-making process.

“Good grief, our kids need some unstructured playtime,” said mom Kelsey Joyce.

It’s a game that practically everyone has played – but if you go to public school on Mercer Island, keep your hands to yourself.

The signs outside one elementary school encourage kids to join league sports teams – but playing tag on the playground is no longer allowed during recess.

Mercer Island School District communications director Mary Grady explained the district’s decision via email:

“The Mercer Island School District and school teams have recently revisited expectations for student behavior to address student safety. This means while at play, especially during recess and unstructured time, students are expected to keep their hands to themselves. The rationale behind this is to ensure the physical and emotional safety of all students.

And so it continues.

Nice job, Mercer Island School District. You must be really proud of yourself. You’ve banned the game of Tag, quite possibly the second greatest game known to children (after Dodgeball of course).

Let’s see. So now we’ve banned Tag, Dodgeball, War, Monkey Bars, Father’s and Mother’s Day cards (out of respect for students without a mom or dad!), Flaming Hot Cheetos, and heaven help us all, HUGS.

What do we ban next, smiles?

Hell, one school even banned the dictionary because kids were looking up inappropriate words. Good God, people.

True story. About 6-7 years ago I was teaching Phys Ed when one of our douchestick administrators walked by. As he did, a little kindergartner happened to be giving me a hug. Later I saw the same assclown guy in the hallway and the following conversation took place:

“You know Dave, you really need to be careful letting kids hug you.”

“Really? Why?”

“Because it could be misinterpreted.”

“Misinterpreted as what?”

“Well, you know.”

“No, I don’t know. In addition, the day I’m not allowed to let kids hug me is the day I leave education.”

At that point he just stared blankly at me. But then I swear he said this:

“And there’s also the lice thing.”

Then I just turned and walked away. Why? Because I was talking to a moron.