Posts Tagged ‘When pranks go wrong.’

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Yeah, sorta like this.

So the other night I’m expecting a friend over, and as I’m waiting for him I decide I’ll take Sparky out for a short walk. It was, oh, around 9:00pm or so, overcast and very dark. I’m walking and The Spark is out in a field sniffing around when I see my friend’s car turning onto my street. At this point I decided to do something stupid. I was wearing a hoodie, so I quickly put it up and pulled it down over my eyes. Next, I stood right in the middle of the road and sort of stood with my legs spread out and head down.

I guess I was trying to look scary, menacing if you will. Why, you ask? I have no answer for that, other than the fact I’m a lunatic and I thought it would be funny.

Anywho, as I stood there trying to look like Freddy Krueger the car comes towards me and slows to a stop about 50-feet away. I kept my head down, but as I did I sort of peeked out from under the hood and tried desperately to keep from laughing. Hey, I figured he’d recognize me and we’d have a good laugh over it. What can I say, my friends and I have weird senses of humor.

But then, the car begins to back away very slowly, all the way to the intersection where it originally turned. It then turned around and headed back from whence it came.

You see where this is going, right?

At that point I’m wondering what my buddy was doing and where the hell he was going. Still, I thought he was just messing with me and would be back in minute or two, which is exactly what he did except he came in the other direction. He pulled in my driveway and the following conversation ensued.

“Hey man, why did you turn around? Did I scare ya? Haha!”

“Huh?”

“When I stood in the road a few minutes ago. Did I scare you? Why did you leave?”

“What the hell are you talking about, man? I just got here.”

Uh . . . oh.

Good God. After more conversation it became clear to me that I had stood in the middle of the road, looking like a serial killer and blocking the way of a complete stranger, an innocent motorist, a horrified passer-by.

After a brief discussion my buddy and I thought it best to head on in to town. You know, just in case the authorities were on their way or something.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times. It’s a miracle somebody hasn’t murdered me by now.

When pranks go poorly.

Posted: April 7, 2014 in Fights, Humor
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Many of you will recognize the places and people I’m talking about in this story. I don’t use 1names because you never know when you might make somebody uncomfortable. That said, you know who you are.

It was many years ago and I was teaching and coaching at a school in an adjoining county. The school was in a small town with a reputation of having tough, hard-nosed people who had a lot of pride in their community. I loved the town and school then and I still do. That said, back then at least, folks were a little more prone to result to fisticuffs rather than “talk things out” if you will.

Trust me, that last point will become relevant in a bit.

I was at a local watering hole and we were celebrating the birthday of the guy who’d hired me to coach under him. Even back then the guy was a local legend in the community and one helluva man from which to learn the game of basketball.

Like many good coaches he had a lot of pride and stepping on his toes could cause problems. In the case I’m about to tell you about, that’s exactly what I did.

Like I said, on this night we were celebrating the head man’s birthday and there were probably 15-20 guys there to take part in the festivities. We’d shoved a couple tables together and were all sitting around shooting the breeze and enjoying some adult beverages. Back then a lot of us smoked cigars, and a few of us had some stogies fired up as we conversed, including your truly.

Anywho, as I sat there enjoying a barley pop I noticed the birthday boy was looking the other way. For reasons known only to me this gave me an idea, which happened to be a bad one. I reached over and dropped what remained of my cigar into his bottled beverage, much to the enjoyment of a few friends who witnessed the act.

At that point all that remained was to sit back and watch what hilarity would ensue when he took his next swig, which commenced rather quickly. He took a sip, immediately tasted trouble, and made a really funny face, which incidentally is the exact face you’d expect to see when a guy tasted cigar-flavored beer.

Well, whatever thoughts I harbored of getting away with the deed vanished quickly when several of my so-called buddies began pointing at me at yelling, “Shoe did it! SHOE DID IT!”

Thanks, guys.

At that point it became abundantly clear that the birthday boy wasn’t going to take this well. I’m not sure of the exact moment I realized this, but it may have been when he leaped up, pointed at me and screamed, “I’M GOING TO BEAT YOUR ASS!” 

Now we come to the part of the story that sort of illustrates the difference between the community I was working in at the time and other places. In most instances you’d expect cooler heads to prevail, guys maybe hopping up and getting between the combatants, doing what they could to stop the fracas.

There though, at that time? Not so much.

The next thing I knew, chairs and tables were pushed aside, men formed a circle, and somebody yelled this:

“GIVE ‘EM ROOM!”

Seriously, somebody yelled that.

Fortunately, the bartender came running around the end of the bar and stopped us before we came to blows, much to the chagrin and disappointment of our “friends.” I was then fired from my coaching job for the 4th time in less than 3-months, only to be rehired the next morning when everyone had come to their senses.

What can I say? I seemed to piss off my head coach a lot back in those days, for a variety of reasons.

Is there a moral to this story? Other than making sure you know your crowd when pulling a poorly chosen prank, I would say no.

Good times though. Wouldn’t trade ’em for the world.