Posts Tagged ‘Cell Phones’

Full disclosure: I wasn’t close to dying this morning, but I thought I was. I just wanted to draw you in with a tantalizing title, and if you’re reading this it apparently worked. Here’s how it all went down . . .

It was a normal Friday morning like most others. Rise at 6:00 AM, shake out the cobwebs, shower, turn on the news, check my email, blah-blah-blah. About 7:20 AM I grabbed my backpack and headed out the door to my car. I was opening my car door when it happened . . .

My head suddenly became a buzzing, reverberating, electrified, spinning dervish of confusion. My teeth were rattling, my ears were tingling, my tongue felt like a woodpecker was going at it, my lips felt like I’d chewed through a live wire, and my entire mouth felt as if it was inhabited by a gang of angry bumblebees. In addition, I’m pretty sure my eyes popped out of my head for a second like one of those cartoon characters who’d been electrocuted. There was also a strange humming sound that seemed to be emanating from my very core.

Horrifying thoughts raced through my quivering cranium. Had I been tazed? Had an aneurysm popped in my brain? Had I inadvertently stepped on a downed electric wire? For the love of God, was I having a stroke? My mind was reeling. Looking around wildly, I sort of staggered/dropped into my car seat, looking for my cell phone to dial 911. Where the hell was it?

Suddenly I remembered – I’d stuck it in my mouth so I’d have a free hand to open the car door.

And the ringer was off.

And it was on vibrate.

And someone was calling me.

Good Lord.

On a positive note, I’m pretty sure I’m growing hair again.