Woman’s Letter to Advice Column: What Are Your Thoughts?

 

So I ran across this girl’s question regarding her ongoing relationship with her boyfriend Derek. Let’s call her Heather, because it seems like her name would be Heather. No offense Heathers. Anyway, read the letter, followed by my reply, then let me know what you think about it.

Q: I had been dating my boyfriend, Derek, for five years (from ages 20 to 25) and up until recently we had lived together for two and a half. When we first moved in together, I told him I wanted a proposal within the next year or else I would leave. He said this was completely doable and said he figured it would even happen before then!

So a year goes by and there’s no proposal. Derek says he needs more time to save up for a ring, so I tell him he has six months. I say ok and warn that I’ll leave if he doesn’t. Again, no ring. This time he says he can’t find a ring that’s “perfect,” so I pick one out that I like and he says to give him six months to save for it.

Another six months go by and NO RING. By now it’s been two years that I’ve been waiting to get married, so I tell him he has another six months and that it’s his last chance because I love him. Again, nothing – and this time he says it’s because he’s not sure if I’m “The One.” Ok, then why the fuck didn’t you say that two years ago Derek??

I finally had my fill of his lying. Last Friday I packed up all my stuff, took my name off our joint bills and moved out (my name is not on our lease.)

Derek does not have money problems and makes more than I do, so his excuse about saving for a ring was bullshit. It’s not like I even needed an expensive ring! Just a regular diamond ring that costs between $2,000 – 3,000. At one point he even said he’d go down to a pawn shop to get a ring RIGHT THEN and propose RIGHT THEN, but I felt like that would be cheap and he was only offering it to get me to stop talking. He told me we were soulmates, but refused to get the ring.

Did I do the right thing, yes or no?

Heather, Heather, Heather. First off, what’s the rush, kid? Hell, women wait to get married when they’re 35 or 40 these days, and sometimes not at all. Nobody cares. Why? Because, you know, they have careers and stuff. This isn’t 1922 when people would start calling you an Old Maid if you weren’t married by the age of 28. It’s a new day, sista. Welcome to 1970.

Secondly, guys don’t like deadlines for this type of thing. Demanding a ring is sort a bad move, don’tcha think? Dudes don’t like that kind of pressure, man. If you’re so obsessed with a diamond, wearing a white dress and having your big day you should’ve kicked Derek to the curb after he missed your first deadline, then gone and found a guy who wanted the same thing as you.

Finally, it’s pretty clear Derek has been stringing you along for several freaking years. I mean, those excuses are pretty lame. Can’t find the “right” ring? R-i-g-h-t. Heather, here’s the deal. Your big mistake was made when you moved in with this guy. He had you right where he wanted you, so why get married? The only thing a ring would’ve changed is that Derek would’ve been poorer.

So Heather, to answer your question, yes, you did the right thing. A little late, but ultimately you did. Now go find another guy to squeeze a ring out of.

So, thoughts?