Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category

The White Moose is found in Sweden, and there are only about 100 of them in existence. The moose is not albino, but lacks color thanks to a genetic mutation. Albino animals are unable to produce melanin – animals with leucism, like white moose and peacocks, for example, have reduced pigment. True albino animals have pink or red eyes, whereas animals with leucism have dark eyes. They stand as high as 6′-6″  at the shoulder and weigh up to 1,800 pounds, and the males have massive antlers that can span 6-feet from end to end. And believe it or not, these animals can run up to 35-mph. That’s fast. Anyhoo, White Moose. Man, they’re majestic.

Namibian media say an elephant trampled and killed an Argentine who was in a group of hunters tracking a herd of elephants. The Namibia Press Agency said the hunter, identified as 46-year-old Jose Monzalvez, was killed on Saturday afternoon in a private wildlife area 43-miles northwest of the small town of Kalkfeld. The agency said Monzalvez, who worked for an oil company, was with another Argentine and three Namibians when he was killed. It says one of the elephants charged before the group was able to find a spot to aim and shoot.

No fair! No fair! The elephant didn’t give Jose Monzalvez time to find a spot to shoot! What kind of hunting rules are these Namibian elephants playing by, anyway? That’s bogus, man. Everyone knows the animal is supposed to just stand there while the hunter takes his time to murder it, man. Play by the rules, animals!

PS- This seems to be happening more and more. Animals, man. They’re fighting back. Next we’ll hear about a squirrel hunter getting a vein ripped out of his neck and bleeding out under a walnut tree.

PPS- Can’t wait.

 

ABC Network – A booze-pilfering, drunken, feral pig has caused chaos by running amok at an Australian campsite and starting a fight with a cow.

The belligerent porker went on a drunken bender after stealing and drinking three six-packs of beer that had been left out by campers at the DeGrey River campsite in Port Hedland, Australia.

In the series of events that followed the animal went on to ransack rubbish bin bags to find some late-night snacks before starting a fight with an innocent eyewitness cow.

Following the boarish rampage the pig decided to swim out into the middle of a river before collapsing drunk under a tree and falling asleep.

Ladies and gentlemen, every once in a awhile you come across a story that is so perfect, so splendid, so beyond compare that even a world-class blogger such as I cannot improve upon it. This, my friends, is one of those stories. Thank you and goodnight.

PS- Nothing worse than a pig who can’t handle his booze. Trust me, I’ve seen a few.

PPS- Also, those eyewitness cows aren’t always so innocent. Trust me . . . never mind.

A fisherman was horrified to return to his car to find a swarm of millions of mosquitoes “having a party” inside. The revolting footage shows the Russian man’s car completely full with the blood-sucking insects.  He had regrettably left the window open when he and friends went on a fishing trip. 

It is likely that the mosquitoes decided to commandeer the vehicle because they are attracted to the carbon dioxide exhaled by humans, and with the windows left wide open, the scent of a potential meal evidently proved to much of a temptation for millions of the insects.

Big animal guy here but dang THAT’S A MILLION MOSQUITOES MAN! Doesn’t this signify the end of times or something? Or is that locusts? You pretty much have to set that car on fire at this point, amirite? Mosquitoes for days in there. There’s something really disgusting about writhing piles of those bugs. Yikes. Guess we should keep our car windows up at night in the summer?

Yep. Sam Kanizay’s legs.

Newsweek – Mysterious sea creatures that began eating a teenager’s legs in Australia were identified as “Sea Fleas” on Monday. The incident occurred near Melbourne on Saturday, when 16-year-old Sam Kanizay emerged from an evening dip in the ocean with his legs and feet covered in blood, the result of the considerable appetite of the flesh-eating tiny creatures. Unable to walk, the teenager was brought to a hospital suffering from “pin-sized holes” that were bleeding profusely.

At first, experts were left scratching their heads as to what the meat-loving animals these were. Then Kanizay’s father went back to the beach with a net full of meaty bait to attract the creatures, then filmed them. Thanks to his video, experts were able to confidently identify the creatures as Lysianassid Amphipods, a type of scavenger shrimp-like crustacean commonly known as “Sea Fleas.”

Hey, I’ve had a tough day today. Sparky hopped into my new car with muddy paws and I had to come back all the way back in the house to get a towel, then go all the way back out and wipe the seat and his paws off. I also have a blister on the little toe on my right foot from when I was working out because I forgot my socks. Anyway, I’m struggling with these burdens today. Somehow, I persevere, and reading this article made me feel a little better because, you know, at least I didn’t get my legs eaten by Sea Fleas.

Note: I guarantee every man who read this was thinking the exact same thing I was – thank God the Sea Fleas didn’t attack higher. Chills, man.

Note 2: Originally I was going to make fun of this kid for being a wuss, I really was. Come on, he couldn’t walk? Please. And then I saw this:

So some dude in Thailand apparently dangled a bowl of rice over a bear, teasing him by pulling it up and out of reach just as the bear reached for it. At some point Mr. Bear got fed up, grabbed the guy’s wrist, pulled him on down and went to town on him, just nibbling on him like a chew toy. You know, except with blood and stuff. I really hate to see people get hurt except when they’re messing with animals, then I’m highly amused by it. It’s really just a  form of natural selection, amirite? Weeding out the weak and whatnot? Enjoy.

PS- Unfortunately the guy is only in critical condition and not dead.

Whoooops!

UPI- A man sitting at the edge of an Alaska river to capture images of nature was startled to be joined by a relaxed bear that enjoyed the view at his side. Anchorage photographer Drew Hamilton said he was photographing bears playing in the McNeil River when another bear, which apparently just woke up, approached his spot. Video captured by Hamilton shows the bear casually walk up and plop down next to the chair Hamilton set up next to the river.
Hamilton said he and the bear watched the other bears together for a short time until the larger mammal decided to join its brethren in the water.

I swear to God this cat must be the chillest bro to ever walk this planet earth of ours. A 1,000 pound killing machine with razorblade claws and fangs saunters up and takes a seat, and this guy casually films it with his damn cell phone. Of course, I guess running down into the river with the other bears would’ve been a bad idea too. Either way, if it woulda been me it wouldn’t have mattered. I would have keeled over dead the instant I turned around. Even watching the video I was waiting for the bear to turn, make a leap at the dude and rip him to shreds. Jeebus.

PS- Anyone dumb enough to sit on a riverbank watching grizzly bears swim deserves to be eaten.

The internet has gone udderly wild for a Texas calf’s uncanny resemblance to Kiss frontman Gene Simmons. The baby cow, named Genie, was born on Friday at a ranch in Kerrville, Texas, and even likes to stick out its tongue like the rocker. Hill Country Visitor, a tourism agency that promotes the region of Texas Hill, shared the image on Facebook, joking that Simmons could be the father. Simmons himself was delighted, tweeting: “This is real, folks!!!” The bovine doppelgänger’s markings quickly drew comparisons to Simmons, who is famous for his long tongue and black-and-white face paint.

Let’s get this out of the way first – that cow looks nothing like Gene Simmons. Not even close. Face paint is all wrong. “Uncanny resemblance”? Uh, methinks not. And what cow doesn’t like to stick its tongue out? That’s what cows do. It’s pretty clear to me that Hill Country Visitor is working the whole tourism angle a little too hard with this scam, man. And what’s up with these shanksters suggesting Gene Simmons fathered a cow in the first place? That seems sort of rude.

PS- I also have a beef with writers who get cute with puns like “udderly wild.” That’s just cheap blogging technique right there. Not very well done. Of course, writers like myself are rare. Well, gotta get moooving.

PPS – I hate myself right now.

Mobula Rays are also referred to as Devil Rays or Flying Rays, due to their propensity for breaching, or shooting out of the water in a spectacular manner. Launching themselves as high as 6-feet above the ocean’s surface, these dudes do flips before plunging back into the water with a big flop. They travel with about 100 other rays that also jump, twirl, and belly flop as they move through the sea. Dudes are acrobats, man. Scientists think the males do it to attract attention. And get this – the Mobula Rays wing-like fins can extend up to 17-feet. That’s wild, man. Anyhoo, Mobula Rays.

Huntsman Spiders generally live in Australia and are huge, with leg spans of up to 12-inches. They eat cockroaches and other insects, but have been seen dragging mice up refrigerators. Not kidding, here’s a video. In addition, Huntsman Spiders can sometimes move using a “cartwheel motion” which sounds absolutely terrifying. Fun fact: People have released Huntsman Spiders in the southern United States, so run for your lives. Anyhoo, Huntsman Freakin’ Spider.

You don’t have to say it. I know it’s a great headline. Anyway, check out the Caracara, man. Dude has a future in aerial photography.

The Sand Cat, also known as the Sand Dune Cat, is the only cat living mostly in true deserts. Amazingly, even adult Sand Cats look like adorable little kittens. This little dude is widely distributed in the deserts of North Africa, the Middle East and Central Asia. The Sand Cat inhabits both sandy and stony desert, in areas far away from water. It has really thickly furred feet and is tolerant of extremely hot temperatures. Believe it or not, Sand Cats can meow but can also yelp like a Chihuahua. That’s cool, man. They can also run 25-mph, which is speedy as hell. Oh, and Sand Cats are master diggers and can burrow like a boss. Anyhoo, Sand Cats.

Totes adorbs.

Cool.

Out of 489 known shark species, only 3 are accountable for double digit fatalities.  The last 3 fatalities in the United States occurred in 2015, 2013, and 2013 respectively and all in Hawaii by what were presumed to be Tiger Sharks.

 

Dogs, man.

PS- Honestly, I can hear the fear in that guy’s voice. He’s pretty sure Storm is trying to save that deer, but a small part of him thinks Storm might just be hungry for a little venison. Good stuff.

“Bring it on, bacon boy.”

Al.com– Hogs aren’t unusual in rural south Alabama, but Wade Seago said he’d never seen anything like the 820-pound animal he shot and killed in his front yard.

Seago told al.com that he and his daughter spotted the massive hog in their yard in Samson last week after the family’s pet schnauzer Cruiser started barking.

“Cruiser had this huge hog confused with all of the barking and movement,” Wade said.

So the man got his .38-caliber handgun and took aim. It took three shots to drop the hog, Seago said, and he later weighed it on scales at a peanut company.

Seago told NBC4 he didn’t fear for his life during the confrontation.

“I was watching out for the dog. I knew that I wasn’t going to allow a hog that size to hang around,” Seago said. “He didn’t rush me, but I didn’t really give him time.”

Who the hell do you think you’re fooling, Wade Seago? You clearly inserted yourself into a situation where you weren’t needed, son. It’s obvious to me that Cruiser the Schnauzer had this thing under control from the get-go. Shoulda let your loyal best friend handle the situation from the safety of your back porch. Cruiser woulda sent that porker to Louisiana in a heartbeat if you’d have minded your own damn business. Instead, now you’re the big hero and Cruiser is a pint-sized victim, for God’s sake, all so you can have a hog head on your wall. Pathetic, man.

PS- Nothing says rural Alabama like killing an 820-lb hog with a handgun and weighing it at the local peanut company.

Not even kidding. Check ’em out, man.

Here’s a baby wombat running. Dude’s like s little earth-bound furry zeppelin.

And here’s a baby wombat named George. Look at the way he loves his human. George is cool.

An underwater photographer named Franco Banfi was the one who snapped these extremely rare photos while following a pack of sperm whales in the Caribbean Sea, near Dominica Island. The whales suddenly stopped moving and went into what’s called a “synchronized vertical rest.” This behavior that was first documented back in 2008, when a team of stunned biologists from the UK and Japan drifted into a group of completely still sperm whales. After further studies, they found that this collective nap occurs for approximately 7% of the whale’s life, almost always in short intervals of just 6-24 minutes. That’s crazy, man.