Archive for May, 2013

You ever see those shows on Animal Planet where they try and figure out how smart animals are? I watched one once where they hung a banana from the ceiling and put a chair in the corner, then watched to see how long it took a monkey to figure out how to pull the chair over, get on it, and grab the banana. This came to mind one day in one of my P.E. classes . . .

It was during my free period and 3 seventh graders wandered into the gym. They were goofing off as I watched from the stage. One of the morons kids was carrying a sweatshirt and his buddy grabbed it and threw it toward the basketball rim. As luck would have it, the sweatshirt got stuck. Here’s when the fun began . . .

I can’t tell you how fascinating it was to watch these kids go through the progressions, trying to figure out how to get the sweatshirt down. Here’s how the geniuses went about it:

  • First, they spent 10-minutes trying to jump up and grab it. Keep in mind it was stuck on the back of a 10-foot rim and they couldn’t get within 3-feet of it. Still, they kept trying.
  • Next, they spent 10-minutes throwing a basketball at the sweatshirt, trying to knock it off.
  • Their next attempt involved one of the kids taking his shirt off and whirling it up toward the target, trying to knock it off the rim. No dice.
  • Finally, one of the kids decided he should get on another’s shoulders, reach up, and grab the sweatshirt. Miracle of miracles, it worked.

Keep in mind that between the jumping and throwing they’d stand there, staring at the sweatshirt, conspiring how to get it down.

The whole ordeal, while taking a little more than 30-minutes, was a definite study in the workings of the 13-year old brain. I didn’t know whether to weep for our future or be optimistic because they worked it through and figured it out.

Either way, it was an amusing half-hour. Kids entertain me endlessly.

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I really need to get out of the house more.

Too fun. Let’s do this.

Can you imagine Jordan, Bird or Magic pulling this crap?

Spark, protecting his territory and doing his thing per usual.

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1STUDENT GIVEN DETENTION FOR BRINGING A TOY GUN THE SIZE OF A QUARTER ON SCHOOL BUS.

PALMER, Mass. —A Massachusetts kindergartener has been given detention and could be suspended from the bus after bringing a Lego-sized gun to school last week. WGGB in Springfield reported that the incident happened on an Old Mill Pond Elementary School bus in Palmer last week. A 6-year-old had the toy gun, which is slightly larger than a quarter, on the bus and it was seen by another student, who alerted the bus driver. The boy’s mother, Mieke Crane, said her son had to write a letter of apology to the driver, was given detention and could be temporarily suspended from the bus. “I think they over-reacted totally. I totally do,” Crane told WGGB, adding her son knows guns can be dangerous and are not allowed at school.

I have no words. Just speechless right now. I weep for the future of education.

Happy Memorial Day!

Adrian Beltre hates, and I mean HATES, having his head touched. It’s really some sort of phobia with him and he freaks when it happens. So, of course his teammates try to touch his head as often as possible. Last night Elvis Andrus tempted fate during a mound visit and hilarity ensued.

Hey, I’d turn in my own Grandma for eating my Cheez-Its so I understand.

Latasha Renee Love, I ain’t mad at ya.

Listen, I promise I’m not going to keep writing sappy stories about my retirement from teaching. Ishoeskids know some people are rolling their eyes and wishing they were in my position. I understand that. And nobody died, people retire every day, blah-blah-blah.

But they say to write what you know, what’s in your heart. Well, right now, this is what’s in my heart . . .

I can honestly tell you at no time in my life have I ever regretted becoming a teacher. I can’t remember a day when I didn’t want to come to school. The people who know me best will back me up on that.

Teaching just never seemed like “work” to me. Yes, it got tougher with all the crap the state has brought down on teachers over the years, but to me, actually being in the classroom never changed. From the day I walked into Greenfield McClain back in the fall 0f 1984 up until the minute I left Paint Valley today, I loved it.

I really, really loved it.

Sure, there were times I wanted to kill kids, there were problems with administrators and Boards of Education, and there was the occasional problem with a parent who wondered what the hell I was doing in my classroom. Still, there was never a day when I didn’t want to go to school.

School was always the place I wanted to be during the difficult and painful times of my life. Close friends have passed away, but when I went back into the classroom things got better. During my teaching career I’ve been through two divorces and hurt two people who didn’t deserve it. I’ve been a bad husband and haven’t always been a good man.

Bur I’ve always been pretty good with kids.

When those friends died or I was going through those tough personal times, everything got better when I walked into my classroom.

The pain went away.

My students made me forget.

You see, my kids never saw the jerk some adults were seeing. They saw something better, and I think it was because I was better with them.

For some reason I’ve always been better with kids.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m more like the kids than I am the adults. Maybe that’s why I’m so afraid to leave them.

And maybe I’m afraid, for the first time in my life, that I’ll have to grow up.

The last day of school is always a great time, a happy time for both students and teachers. Hell, usually the teachers are actually happier. I’m usually right there with them, fired up and ready for summer – basketball camps, the beach, reading, outdoor concerts . . .

This year? Not as much. It’s a little different when you’re not going back.

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I’ve never said anything with any more conviction and certainty than what I’m about to say now.

Kids, I’ll miss you more.

Wow.

Cool.

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Not really Charlie’s. But it could have been.

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Wondrous.

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Watch until the end, please. It’s worth it.

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I swear these guy’s stylists are laughing behind their back. Have to be. Here’s Dwyane wearing Justin Beiber’s pants. Wait. I could be wrong. From the waist down he looks just like Miley Cyrus.

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Simply epic.

A collection of the best interviews, featuring our man Charles Ramsey.

 (HuffPo)A woman from Immokalee, Fla., allegedly threw an 8-inch-long kitchen knife at her boyfriend after he farted in her face. Deborah Ann Burns, 37, told Collier County detectives that an argument ensued Tuesday night, while the two were watching TV, Naples Daily News reported. Burns says that her boyfriend purposely passed gas while walking by her on his way to the kitchen. When officers responded to a report of a possible stabbing, they found Burns’ boyfriend in front of his house, with cuts on his abdomen and left arm, according to a Collier County Sheriff’s Office arrest report sent to The Huffington Post. The victim told authorities that his stomach wound came when Burns and he were arguing in the kitchen over money. He said she threw the knife at him, left the house, but came back, and struck him in the arm with a stick. According to the report, the victim makes no mention of the alleged flatulence, but “continually stated if [Burns] returned he would kick her ass.” When detectives interviewed Burns, she allegedly asserted that her boyfriend became agitated and began yelling only after she confronted him about his fart.

You know what? I’m generally against violence of any kind but if anybody deserved to get cut it was this dude. Farting and belching in somebody’s face are the two worst acts a human can commit in my opinion. Hey, try that with me and even I can’t be held responsible for my actions either.

Maybe this cat, and others, will think twice before pulling this move next time. Deborah Ann Burns did a favor for all of us. Well done Ms. Burns. Well done indeed.

Note: My students will be the first to tell you that two things will make me become unhinged. Farting and belching. Will. Not. Tolerate. It. 

Can you say inevitable? And awesome?

Charles Ramsey = Internet Gold