Archive for the ‘Tweets’ Category

Even though I’m w-a-a-a-a-a-y past 35, these are funny.

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Good stuff. Click on the tweet and scroll away.

God I hope this is real.

So former NBA player Kenyon Martin went to Twitter to make fun of Jeremy Lin’s dreadlocks, accusing him of cultural appropriation and “wanting to be black.” Lin’s response was kind, respectful, and intelligent. Check it out:

Well, they basically stick their snouts up through the water, let the water freeze around it, and stay there until it melts. I kid you not. Check it:

So the Mad Tweeter, also known as the Leader of the Free World, has now taken credit for the lack of commercial airplane crashes since he was elected by a minority of Americans. What he didn’t mention was the fact that 2017 was the 8th year in a row with no commercial aviation deaths in the United States. Of course and as always, Twitter reacted accordingly. First, his tweet:

A-a-a-a-a-a-n-d then came the responses. Even the Breaking Bad dude chimed in. Click to enjoy the snarkiness.

I swear to God you can’t make this stuff up. Honestly, there’s a part of me that shall miss him when he’s impeached/thrown out/loses the next election/goes completely batshit cray-cray and is taken away in a paddywagon. It’s inevitable you know.

People are dumb. Here’s proof. Click for the funny.

So some bro created a cloud lamp that reacts in real time to the tweets of Donald Trump, because of course he did. This connected lamp is capable of reacting in real time to messages posted on Twitter, creating a thunderstorm every time a hilarious, self-congratulatory, delusional Trump tweet is posted. It’s the perfect gift for those of us who’d like a warning before a Trump Tweet slaps us in the Twitter Face, or for those who enjoy and approve of The Donald’s wacky, childlike antics. As for me, I’m going to purchase one and have the Looney Tunes theme song play with every Trump Tweet.

Photos and video below.

ggggggggg

So this popped up on the Twitter late Thursday night after Trump buddy Tom Brady’s Patriots got waxed by Kansas City 42-27. Classic stuff.

WHEN YOUR FRIEND’S APPROVAL RATINGS DROP BELOW 35%

So the prestigious Washington Post just fired off one of the most insightful, in-depth and well-researched tweets of the year with this gem:

NATION’S FOURTH LARGEST CITY STRUGGLES TO GET MOVING AGAIN AFTER HARVEY

 

Gee Washington Post, ya think?

 

 

Can’t touch this.

So the folks over at NASA shot out this tweet yesterday and it got my attention:

“We’ve renamed our first mission to touch the sun as the Parker Solar Probe in honor of astrophysicist Eugene Parker.”

Wait? Touch the sun? Hey, I’m no scientist but I’m 77% sure you can’t touch the sun. Pretty sure it’s too hot. After all, it’s like 800° or something, right? Anywho, later on came a slight clarification:

“In 2018, NASA will send a craft called the Parker Solar Probe on a journey which will come within 4-million miles of the searing surface of the sun, facing heat and radiation more intense than any spacecraft has endured before.”

4-million miles? Getting 4-million miles from the sun is touching?

Badasses.

Hell, by that logic I’ve been touching Kate Beckinsale for years now. Honestly, this is another case of NASA blowing things out of proportion in order to justify their existence. Listen, I have nothing against NASA but since the original Mercury 7 astronauts things have been going downhill. Even Neil Armstrong couldn’t match up with those guys. Those cats were the Space Cowboys, man.

Touching the sun. Seriously NASA, let us know when you contact some aliens. Otherwise nobody cares.

PS – I know the sun is hotter than 800°. I was kidding. It’s actually 27,000,000°. Some people can’t seem to get my humor at times. Life’s tough for a world famous blogger, man.

PPS – I had a killer Uranus joke to put in there but I just couldn’t pull the trigger.

Wait.

So if you don’t know, Neil Degrasse Tyson is an astrophysicist, author, and scientist of some renown. He’s on TV all the freakin’ time. Anywho, he thinks he has all the answers and he took a shot at cats recently, which turned out to be a mistake. Why? Because a cat named Bitches responded by eviscerating him in one vicious tweet. Game, set, match to Bitches.

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Dads are the best.

So Michigan football coach Jim Harbaugh took a shot at Ohio State yesterday, tweeting out this photo with the words “Unairbrushed evidence has been uncovered that confirms Woody’s love & strong feelings for the University of Michigan.”

As you might imagine, this set off a firestorm in Buckeye Land. First off, Woody wore that abomination on his head for a reason. He was at a charity event and a man told him he’d donate $50 if Woody would put it on. Woody then responded that he’d do it for $100. Hence the photo.

 As for Harbaugh, it was fans of Michigan State, Michigan’s other blood rival, that responded with a vengeance. The following photos were soon tweeted with the caption: “Unairbrushed evidence has been uncovered that confirms Jim’s love & strong feelings for MSU.”

  

That’s good stuff right there.

Full disclosure: I kind of like Jim Harbaugh. He seems like he’d be a cool guy to hang out with, plus he makes the rivalry a hell of a lot more fun than Brady Freakin’ Hoke.

As you all know, JK Rowling is the author of all the Harry Potter books. In addition, it turns out she’s someone you don’t want to mess with on the ol’ Twitter unless you want to be brutally destroyed. Here are some of her comebacks to the Twitter Trolls. JK Rowling is diabolical, man.

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