Archive for the ‘Tweets’ Category

People are dumb. Here’s proof. Click for the funny.

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So some bro created a cloud lamp that reacts in real time to the tweets of Donald Trump, because of course he did. This connected lamp is capable of reacting in real time to messages posted on Twitter, creating a thunderstorm every time a hilarious, self-congratulatory, delusional Trump tweet is posted. It’s the perfect gift for those of us who’d like a warning before a Trump Tweet slaps us in the Twitter Face, or for those who enjoy and approve of The Donald’s wacky, childlike antics. As for me, I’m going to purchase one and have the Looney Tunes theme song play with every Trump Tweet.

Photos and video below.

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So this popped up on the Twitter late Thursday night after Trump buddy Tom Brady’s Patriots got waxed by Kansas City 42-27. Classic stuff.

WHEN YOUR FRIEND’S APPROVAL RATINGS DROP BELOW 35%

So the prestigious Washington Post just fired off one of the most insightful, in-depth and well-researched tweets of the year with this gem:

NATION’S FOURTH LARGEST CITY STRUGGLES TO GET MOVING AGAIN AFTER HARVEY

 

Gee Washington Post, ya think?

 

 

Can’t touch this.

So the folks over at NASA shot out this tweet yesterday and it got my attention:

“We’ve renamed our first mission to touch the sun as the Parker Solar Probe in honor of astrophysicist Eugene Parker.”

Wait? Touch the sun? Hey, I’m no scientist but I’m 77% sure you can’t touch the sun. Pretty sure it’s too hot. After all, it’s like 800° or something, right? Anywho, later on came a slight clarification:

“In 2018, NASA will send a craft called the Parker Solar Probe on a journey which will come within 4-million miles of the searing surface of the sun, facing heat and radiation more intense than any spacecraft has endured before.”

4-million miles? Getting 4-million miles from the sun is touching?

Badasses.

Hell, by that logic I’ve been touching Kate Beckinsale for years now. Honestly, this is another case of NASA blowing things out of proportion in order to justify their existence. Listen, I have nothing against NASA but since the original Mercury 7 astronauts things have been going downhill. Even Neil Armstrong couldn’t match up with those guys. Those cats were the Space Cowboys, man.

Touching the sun. Seriously NASA, let us know when you contact some aliens. Otherwise nobody cares.

PS – I know the sun is hotter than 800°. I was kidding. It’s actually 27,000,000°. Some people can’t seem to get my humor at times. Life’s tough for a world famous blogger, man.

PPS – I had a killer Uranus joke to put in there but I just couldn’t pull the trigger.

Wait.

So if you don’t know, Neil Degrasse Tyson is an astrophysicist, author, and scientist of some renown. He’s on TV all the freakin’ time. Anywho, he thinks he has all the answers and he took a shot at cats recently, which turned out to be a mistake. Why? Because a cat named Bitches responded by eviscerating him in one vicious tweet. Game, set, match to Bitches.

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Dads are the best.

So Michigan football coach Jim Harbaugh took a shot at Ohio State yesterday, tweeting out this photo with the words “Unairbrushed evidence has been uncovered that confirms Woody’s love & strong feelings for the University of Michigan.”

As you might imagine, this set off a firestorm in Buckeye Land. First off, Woody wore that abomination on his head for a reason. He was at a charity event and a man told him he’d donate $50 if Woody would put it on. Woody then responded that he’d do it for $100. Hence the photo.

 As for Harbaugh, it was fans of Michigan State, Michigan’s other blood rival, that responded with a vengeance. The following photos were soon tweeted with the caption: “Unairbrushed evidence has been uncovered that confirms Jim’s love & strong feelings for MSU.”

  

That’s good stuff right there.

Full disclosure: I kind of like Jim Harbaugh. He seems like he’d be a cool guy to hang out with, plus he makes the rivalry a hell of a lot more fun than Brady Freakin’ Hoke.

As you all know, JK Rowling is the author of all the Harry Potter books. In addition, it turns out she’s someone you don’t want to mess with on the ol’ Twitter unless you want to be brutally destroyed. Here are some of her comebacks to the Twitter Trolls. JK Rowling is diabolical, man.

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My Top 10 Trump Tweets

Posted: January 11, 2017 in Humor, Politics, Tweets
Tags:

Listen, my side lost. I get it. And yes, I was surprised (obviously) but not shocked. America is getting exactly what it wanted. Actually I don’t think they’re getting anywhere near what was promised them but that’s another story. Anyhoo, some of my closest friend were and still are Trumpians. Wait, is Trumpians right? Maybe it’s Trumpites? Trumpeters? Trumpanzees? That last one was probably too harsh. I never know what to call them. Still, many are my friends and we somehow, someway, maintained our friendships throughout this long national nightmare of an election. That said, just because we lost doesn’t mean we can’t poke some fun at the winner. Hell, the next year and a half 4-years are probably going to be much more fun for me than had the election gone the other way. So, let us begin by listing my Top 10 Trump Tweets. Why? Because they are awesome.

10.trump9a

So I had to look this one up, but it’s about the actors Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart who were in Twilight, that vampire movie series, which I’ve never seen. Apparently they were an item for a while, she cheated on him, and The Donald felt the need to give his relationship advice to Robert. Why he’s so invested is beyond me, but his Miss Universe advice is on-point.

9.

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What the hell, man? Back to these two again? Does Trump know something we don’t? I’m starting to think he does.

8.

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Listen, I’m not going to be a hater and loser and criticize this tweet. Was calling September 11th a “special date” a poor choice of words? Yeah, probably. Let’s just give him credit for extending best wishes to all, even the haters and losers. That shows character right there.

7.

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Here we have a classic case of Donnie being Donnie, once again giving relationship advice. I’m guessing it’s his way of getting Katy Perry’s attention, even though saying that “she’s no bargain” was a weird way of doing it.

6.

trump6

Oh for the love of God. What the hell? Let it go, man. Dude was obsessed with these two. I’m so confused right now.

5.

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Listen, it’s hard to argue with Trump here, and this is exactly the sort of attitude that got him elected President of the United States of America. I can see that guy who lives on a back road near me (the one with the Trump Christmas lights on his trailer) reading this and yelling, “Hell yes! Preach it! Reverse racism! We’ll get rid of this show right after we build that wall!

4.

trump4

Ah, this was quite an issue at the time, wasn’t it? Even after it was proven wrong he hung onto it. Still hasn’t admitted he was incorrect as far as I know. Weird, because Donald usually has no problem admitting when he’s wrong, amirite?

3.

trump3

That’s right, damn it! Go to faraway places to help the sick and needy but just know that you may not be allowed back! Honestly, that last line was the one that put it over the top. Just slammin’ those do-gooders like a boss.

2.

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This is so Trump it hurts. Just attacking his critics at the lowest possible level, attacking their personal lives like a beast. Good thing he doesn’t have any skeletons in his closet. Wait . . .

1.

trump1

Yes, this is my favorite Trump Tweet of all-time. It’s The Donald in a nutshell – rude, insecure, self-praising, narcissistic, then following with a back-handed compliment. Vintage Trump, man.

So there ya go, my Top 10 Trump Tweets so far. Of course I’m sure there will be many more to come, and I for one can’t wait.

‘Murica!

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If you’re not following this guy you’re missing out. Just owns Twitter.

‘Merica!

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Hilarity.

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Weird but honest.

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