Names of Things You Didn’t Know Had Names: My Top 10

Nobody can write a title like me, amirite? Just rolls off the tongue. Anyway, I’m here to educate you, people, so listen up. What you are about to read are names for things you’re familiar with but didn’t know had names. Make sense? No?

Just read on, and please pay attention. Note taking is encouraged.

BOX TENT

Hmmm, Box Tent. Some sort of shelter a Boy Scout has to learn to put up when camping? Negatory. The plastic, tiny table-like item found in pizza boxes is called a box tent and was patented in 1983. Most people in the pizza game now call it a pizza saver. We’re off to a rousing start, huh? Hold on kids!

AGLET

What’s an aglet? Maybe a small Ag? Naw, an aglet is that small metal or plastic tube fixed tightly around the end of your shoelace. Go ahead, you can look. I know you want to.

PARESTHESIA 

Paresthesia sounds like some sort of a disease, amirite? Nope, it’s that tingling sensation when your foot falls asleep. Just think, the next time your foot falls asleep you can say, “Damn it! Paresthesia has set in! I need to walk it off!” Do it to impress your friends!

GRAWLIX

You know that string of typographical symbols comic strips use to indicate profanity (“$%@!”)? It’s called a grawlix. Crazy, huh? If you don’t like it you can go &*%$ yourself.

CARUNCULA

Caruncula sounds like some sort of poisonous desert creature, maybe a cousin to the tarantula. Or perhaps a nice vacation destination. Nope, in fact we all have a couple carunculas. That small, triangular pink bump on the inside corner of each eye is called the caruncula. It contains sweat and oil glands that produce rheum, also known as “that gook in your eyes when you wake up in the morning.”

RHUMBA

Nope, it’s not a dance although it should be. A rhumba is what we call a group of rattlesnakes. And I have to say it – “LET’S GET READY TO RHUMBA!”

DRINGLE

I may pull a dringle tomorrow because, hey, I’m retired. Why, you ask? Because to waste time by being lazy is to dringle. “Whatcha doin’ Shoe?” “Ah, I’ve just been dringling all day. Thanks for asking.” On a related note, if you think I’m not going to use the word “dringle” from now on you’re out of your gourd.

AGRAFFE

Try as I might I could think of nothing funny to say about the word agraffe. I tried to work giraffe in there, but it just wasn’t working for me. Anywho, a agraffe is the little wire cage that keeps the cork in a bottle of champagne. That is all.

RASHER

A single slice of bacon is called a rasher. This fact is totally irrelevant because nobody in the history of the world has ever eaten a single slice of bacon.

PURLICUE

Open your hand palm down and look at it. See that web between your thumb and forefinger? It’s called the purlicue. W-h-a-a-a-a-t? Hey, I wouldn’t lie to you.

So there ya go. Hey, Shoe: Untied is nothing if not educational. I’m here for y’all. Remember, knowledge is power.