Yes, you CAN get a technical for what you’re thinking.

I have about a million stories about referees, but here are a few of my favorites:

Years ago a guy I coached with was really getting on this referee after a couple bad calls early in the game. It was some ref none of us had ever seen before. Anyway, he was just blistering this guy every time he ran by, really burying him. Finally, somebody was shooting a free throw in front of our bench and the ref was standing there with the whistle in his mouth, watching the shooter. My friend said something unflattering to him again, and I thought for sure he was going to finally call a technical foul. Instead, voice quivering and near tears, out of the corner of his mouth came this response:

“Well, maybe I’d do a better job if you’d quit yelling at me.”

I swear to God this was the first time I’d ever seen my buddy speechless. He just stared at the guy for a second, turned around, and sat back down.

Another time a coach I know was having a particularly hard time with a ref he knew well named John. Here’s their exchange:

Coach: “John, can you give me a T for what I’m thinking?”

Ref: “Of course not.”

Coach: “Good, because I think you’re an asshole.”

And yes, he got the T.

You may have heard of this one, but I was actually there when it happened. I was at Indiana University for a coaching clinic featuring Bob Knight, who is obviously well-known for his disdain for referees as well as his brutal honesty. Knight gave his talk, and at the end opened the floor for questions. Right in front, a man stood up and explained that he had three young men with him who wanted to become referees. They happened to be deaf and the guy asked Coach Knight if he saw any problems with that. His answer?

“Who the hell cares if they’re deaf? Half of them are blind anyway.”

Cold.

Note: It may seem odd but I don’t have a lot of friends who are coaches. Truth be told I don’t like most coaches. I don’t know, a lot of them just seem like egotistical blowhards to me. Typical cocky, dumb jocks who are trying to relive their high school years if you will. For this reason I rarely attend coaching clinics anymore. Too many guys strutting around in polo shirts, khakis and Nike shoes, trying to look important. What can I say? I’m way too judgmental and yes, I realize I just offended 99% of my coaching peers.

On a related note, that last paragraph had absolutely nothing to do with referee stories.

Have a great Easter Weekend.