Archive for the ‘Pranks’ Category

I saved this a couple months ago and I just found it again. Good stuff.

That’s actually a Grassquatch.

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In a tragedy captured in a chilling video, Frosty the Snowman and his son Chilly were struck by a train and killed today somewhere near the North Pole. Authorities reported that Frosty, 66, and Chilly, 45, were seen standing on the tracks when they were ruthlessly and savagely run down by the train. Witnesses say they made no attempt to get out of the way because, you know, they have no legs. A bystander recorded the horrific video, which may be seen below. Cold, man. Cold.

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Kilganon is a professional dunker. Yeah, they had no idea.

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Hunter S. Thompson pranked Jack Nicholson on his birthday by shining a spotlight on his house, blasting a recording of a pig being eaten alive by bears, firing his pistol, and leaving an elk’s heart at the front door. Nicholson and his two daughters were so terrified they ran and hid in the basement.

 

You’re welcome.

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Shocking.

pranksters-electrocuting-bike-thieves-will-definitely-make-you-chuckle1

A yearly tradition.

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Black Humor.

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Brilliant!

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Yeah, yeah, we all know Paul McCartney isn’t dead. If he did indeed die back in the late 60’s, his replacement has sure made some damn good music for the past 40+ years. Band on the Run, Jet, Maybe I’m Amazed, and Live and Let Die were pretty good songs if written by some replacement. Still, something was going on back then, because the lads left way too many clues for it to be a coincidence. Was it a prank? Were The Beatles just messin’ with us? Who knows, but one thing’s for sure – it’s fun looking at the clues they left.

For those out of the know, it all started back on October 12th, 1969 when some shady character called a Detroit radio station (WKNR-FM on your dial!) and told disc jockey Russ Gibb about the rumour and its clues. Gibb and other callers then discussed the rumor on the air for the next hour. Thus, the firestorm had begun. Soon people were discovering clues everywhere, on album covers, in song lyrics, hell, even when you played certain Beatles songs backwards. The clues dated back to Sgt. Pepper’s in 1967.

Holy shit man, was Paul really dead?

As the story goes, Paul had gotten into a huge argument during a recording session, rushed off and was killed in a horrific traffic accident. He was then replaced by the winner of the Paul McCartney look-alike contest, the contest that was held with no winner ever being announced. I know, pretty preposterous and obviously untrue. But still, a bazillion and three clues were left, some more credible than others, but all incredibly compelling. Let’s discuss some of my favorites . . .

“Turn me on Dead Man”

This one was a d-o-o-o-z-y (anyone get the Groundhog Day movie reference? Sigh). Here’s the deal. If you put the song “Revolution #9” on the turntable (it’s on the White Album by the way) and turn it backwards slowly you hear “Turn me on dead man” over and over. Wanna hear it? Hear ya go. Now, that song was freaky anyway, but listening to it backwards in the middle of the night was downright chilling.

“Paul is dead, man. Miss him. Miss him.”

Also from The White Album. At the end of the song “I’m So Tired” and before the beginning of “Blackbird” there is some mumbling. When played backwards you can hear the words, “Paul is dead, man. Miss him. Miss him.” Again, I have the audio right here for y’all, more proof that I’m not your average run-of-the-mill blogger. Enjoy.

“I buried Paul.”

This is a good one. If you listen to “Strawberry Fields Forever,” at the end of the song there’s a fade-out followed by a fade-in of gibberish and noises. Then, right before the second fade-out you hear the words, “I buried Paul.” John said later he was saying “cranberry sauce” but I never bought that. Of course, at another time he said he was saying “I’m very bored” so John was either forgetful, messing with us, or high (definite possibility). Click here and you be the judge. It begins at the :13 second mark.

There are numerous other lyrics people point to when declaring that The Beatles were trying to tell us something…

“He blew his mind out in a car, he didn’t notice that the lights had changed.”

These are lyrics from “A Day in the Life,” on 1967’s “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” album, and of course they fit right in with the conspiracy theorists macabre conjectures.

“You were in a car crash, and you lost your hair.”

From Ringo’s “Don’t Pass Me By,” which was on 1968’s White Album. Sure are a lot of references to car wrecks, huh?

“Yes, he’s dead” and “We loved you yeah, yeah, yeah.”  

If you listen to “All You Need is Love” closely, which you will in a second, you’ll hear “Yes he’s dead” and shortly thereafter the words “We loved you yeah, yeah, yeah.” I’ll give you the link shortly.

“Will Paul be back as Superman?”

At the very end of the “Sgt. Pepper’s” album you hear some weird voices with unintelligible words. When played backwards you can hear “Will Paul be back as Superman?” Cu-reepy.

I actually found a video with the last four examples included (as well as some others I have and have not mentioned). You can hear “Yes he’s dead” at the 1:20 mark and “We loved you yeah, yeah, yeah” at 1:29.  The others are pretty clear-cut. Here’s a link to said video. It also includes the “Walrus was Paul” line from Glass Onion. The walrus was apparently the symbol of death in Scandanavian culture, and Paul was dressed as one on the “Magical Mystery Tour” album cover. Good stuff.

There are other weird lyrics, like in “Come Together” when John sings “One and one and one is three” which could be the lads trying to tell us there were only three Beatles left. No way, right? But still . . .

There are also several clues located on album covers, in album sleeves and elsewhere. I’ll begin with the most famous . . .

Abbey Road Album Cover 

Everybody knows this one, right?

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Here’s the way this one was interpreted. You see, from left to right we have George dressed as a gravedigger, Paul as the corpse (left-handed Paul is holding the cigarette in his right hand and he’s also out of step with the other three), Ringo as the undertaker and John as the preacher, ambulance driver or heavenly figure according to what you read.

And on the back of the Abbey Road album we have this:

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Check out those dots before the word BEATLES. If you connect them can you make a 3? As in 3 BEATLES? Some people can. In addition, some can see a skull in the shadows to the right of BEATLES. A stretch? You be the judge.

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band Album Cover

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Well, the first clue is pretty obvious, since there’s a grave on the cover. But check out that guitar made of flowers. Is it possible they spell out PAUL?, including the question mark? Can you see it? Oh, and did I mention that’s a left-handed guitar and Paul was left-handed?

There’s also a photo of the boys on the inside fold-out. Paul has a patch on his sleeve that apparently has the letters OPD on it. Let’s see . . . Officially Pronounced Dead? Sure.

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On the back cover there was a photo of the band and only one member has his back turned. Yep, you guessed it. Here’s a close-up:

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You can’t see the lyrics George is pointing to, but they say, “Wednesday morning at 5:00 as the day begins.” Since Paul supposedly left an all-night recording session in an angry state, could this be referring to the time he was killed?

One more thing regarding the Pepper’s album I must mention. On the cover there is a hand above Paul’s head. This, according to the experts, is a European symbol of evil and/or death. Here’s a closeup:

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There are several examples of this hand over Paul’s head on the Magical Mystery Tour album as well.

Magical Mystery Tour Album

There was a booklet contained in the album, and it included this picture:

Yep, Paul has a black rose, everybody else has a red rose (the pic is enlarged in the corner for your benefit – again, top-notch blogging). The black rose, obviously, is a symbol of death. Why the hell did it take a phone call to a radio station to get people to see these clues? Geez.

Here’s another photo from the booklet:

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Sure enough, there’s Paul with a sign saying, “I was” on it. Can’t get much clearer than that.

As I said, these are just a few of my favorite clues. The list goes on and on . . .

There are tons of websites dedicated to the rumor that Paul McCartney died back in the 60’s. If you don’t believe me just Google “Paul is Dead” and see what happens. Insanity.

To reiterate, we all know that Paul is indeed alive. Still, it’s pretty clear to me that The Beatles were having some fun with us. There’s just way too many clues to be coincidental.

But it’s 2015, and Paul still isn’t dead.

Rock music creativity, though? Yeah, definitely on life-support.

So some bro put Forrest Gump’s profile on Tinder, one of those dating sites (Match, eHarmony) where you can meet people who are pretending to be someone else. You know, the sites where you can meet a guy who says he’s 28-years old, 6-2, 180 pounds and owns his own business but in reality he’s a 53-year old, 5-9, 260 pound guy who has an internet business selling Star Wars figurines? Anyway, of course some gullible girl fell for it and the results are hilarious. Check it:

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Jones looked like Manning taking a sack.

Well prepared, man.

Times two.

Note. To me it’s The Walmart. Deal with it.

So I was in our local Walmart this afternoon when I pulled another of my patented screw-ups involving a misguided prank. My latest gaffe occurred when I spotted a teacher I work with and her daughter perusing the kitchen department and checking out one of those cutlery sets.

Being the ornery rapscallion that I am, I decided I’d put a little scare in them. After all, I knew they were good sports and cool and whatnot.  So, I crept stealthily up behind them and gently grabbed them both by the back of the neck while saying in my best psycho voice . . .

And what are YOU two doing here?”

I’d have to say the sounds that came out of their mouths weren’t really screams, but more akin to a high-pitched wail, sorta like Roger Daltrey at the beginning of “Won’t Get Fooled Again.” You know, the one they always play at the beginning of CSI Miami.

I should probably mention at this point that watching a 20-piece Farberware Cutlery and Tool Set in a Carousel ($17.99!) go flying through the air as if in slow motion is a beautiful although horrifying thing to witness. I seriously expected one of the knives to impale an innocent bystander, and if not for the surprisingly nimble footwork of a little old blue-haired lady walking by one of them would have.

So even then I realized I’d maybe gone a little too far, especially when they turned around, their faces contorted in fear as if looking into the face of pure evil, which happened to be me.

And believe it or not, it took me a few seconds before the realization sunk in that the two people I’d scared the living hell out of were complete and utter strangers, innocent folk just out for some afternoon shopping, enjoying themselves on a rainy Wednesday afternoon.

You know, before running into the psychopath that ruined their day for them.

Somehow, after listening to me yammer on, apologizing profusely while trying to explain myself, the two terrified shoppers sort of backed away as I picked up the cutlery, warily looking around, hoping against hope that a kid wasn’t laying behind the microwaves with a butcher knife in his neck.

Alas, all was well. Well, except for the mother and daughter who were undoubtedly scarred for life because of yours truly.

PS: Does this story sound vaguely familiar? Because only an idiot such as I could do it twice. Yep, a couple years ago I had a similar encounter and wrote about it. Only that time it was an Incident at the Mall. Guess I’ll never learn.

Even I think this was over the top.

Note: If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times, nobody writes titles like voiceme. I’m so proud right now.

Anyway, I thought that’s who it was, at least for a second.

Here’s what happened . . .

A few months ago I was strolling into our local Blockbuster store (now closed), just minding my own business, probably going in to rent The Big Lebowski for the eleventy-third time.

Note to self: Actually buy a copy of The Big Lebowski.

Note to reader: If you didn’t recognize eleventy-third as a Tolkien reference, I don’t even know you.

Anyway, as I cross the parking lot I hear a man’s voice. Not an ordinary voice, but a tinny, disembodied voice from somewhere . . . else. It echoed as if coming from a helicopter or police bullhorn or something.

The disembodied voice simply said, “Mr. Shoe.”

I froze. At first I thought it was the Voice of God or something, but I was 77% sure that God wouldn’t refer to me as “Mr. Shoe.” I was pretty sure HE would call me “Mr. Shoemaker” or even “Dave” but then again I couldn’t be positive, now could I? And the fact that I may or may not have heard angels singing is beside the point.

As I stood there looking around quizzically, I heard the voice again . . .

Mr. Shoe.”

WHAT. THE. HELL?

And then, in a sing-song voice . . .

M-i-s-t-e-r  S-h-h-h-h-h-o-o-o-o-o-o-e.”

OK, now I was a tad freaked out. Have I  mentioned it was late at night?

Just as I was about hit my knees or run back to my car screaming like a 12-year old girl, I heard the voice laughing. And then . . .

Over h-e-e-e-e-r-e!

Only then did I look over towards the Kentucky Fried Chicken joint next door, where one of my former students was manning the drive-thru window . . . and talking to me through the drive-thru speaker.

Damn kids.

Now, although I’m fairly certain this type of behavior goes against KFC protocol, the kid must have thought this was the funniest gag ever pulled, as evidenced by his laughter that could undoubtedly be heard through the speakers from a quarter mile away.

What I wanted to do was run over there and kick him in the Snack Box, but what I did was yell,  “Ha-ha, real funny! Why don’t you go kill some poultry!”

I know, not my best retort, but I was still a bit shaken.

So that’s it, the story of my encounter with the disembodied voice that I thought may have been God that was actually a former student working at a KFC.

What can I say? I lead a strange but often interesting life.

PS – Now that I think about it, I think God would call me “David”. I don’t know no why but I’m fairly certain of it.

Jokester.

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That is the scream of a man that truly believed he was going to die.

Boy, did she change her tune quickly.

Ruh-roh.

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Not Agnes.

Back in the 90’s a good friend of mine coached at a nearby school. We were always messing with each other the way friends do, and I was always looking for a good angle to pull a prank on him. One day after reading the paper I found one.

My friend’s team had played a game the night before and they hadn’t played well at all. In the newspaper he’d given this quote:

We shot so poorly tonight we’d have had trouble beating the Little Sisters of the Poor.”

Bingo!

For those of you that don’t know, the Little Sisters of the Poor is a charitable organization that is hundreds of years old. I saw an opening and immediately pounced. I began crafting a letter, complete with the Little Sisters of the Poor logo and heading. The letter said, in effect, that the Little Sisters of the Poor Organization was highly offended by my friend’s derogatory and very public remarks and were meeting with their attorneys. They were then planning to discuss possible litigation at their bi-monthly Meeting of LSOP Directors. I concluded with a statement from the organization’s president, Mother Agnes Schumacher (heh-heh), that basically blasted my buddy Phil for his callous remarks. The statement referenced the organization’s years of service to the unfortunate and how his words publicly diminished a respected and prestigious group such as theirs. His statements were, in a word, slanderous.

I sent the letter, complete with a professional Sisters of the Poor envelope and the aforementioned stationary. Then I sat back and waited.

At the time, I was Athletic Director at Paint Valley and my friend was coaching. His team was to play Paint Valley a few days after I sent the letter. I knew I had to bring it up somehow, for all I knew he’d read it and thrown it away. It was a Friday night and his varsity team was warming up when I walked over to him in front of the bench . . .

Hey Phil, I saw where you guys didn’t play well the other night. Your comments in the paper were pretty funny.”

Yeah, we were bad. I wasn’t very happy.”

Well, you better be careful talking about some of those charitable organizations, they can get pretty upset about certain things you say about them.”

O.K. Thanks.”

Then I just walked away.

It took maybe 10-seconds to hit him. At that point I heard this from behind me.

You! It was YOU!”

Then he ran across the floor to where his principal and superintendent were sitting in the stands, pointing at me and talking excitedly.

I distinctly remember the principal dropping his head into his hands and shaking it repeatedly while the superintendent just sat there with his mouth open, staring at me.

Little did I know what had transpired back at his school. My friend had recieved the letter and had been mortified. He’d taken it to his principal, who’d then taken it to their superintendent. There had been long discussions regarding how best to handle this horrible breech of civility, not to mention the impending lawsuit.

They’d decided the best course of action was was to make a public apology on the Friday night Scoreboard Show on WKKJ, which was airing right after the game, then send a typed copy of the apology, along with a recording of the show, to the Little Sisters of the Poor and its indignant president, Mother Agnes Schumacher. I believe a letter to the local paper was also to be crafted.

Guess I spoke up just in time.

This past season my basketball team played at the school where my friend had coached when I sent the letter. As luck would have it, the former superintendent and principal, now retired, were sitting a few rows behind my bench. At one point before the game I heard someone yell, “Little Sisters of the Poor!”, followed by some loud laughter.

I turned around and saw them grinning and shaking their heads, and I just smiled. The enjoyment of a prank well-pulled lasts a lifetime.

Originally published on February 2nd, 2013.

I didn't know about the cancer thing. Promise.

I didn’t know about the cancer thing. Promise.

So I read this on Reddit and thought it was worth a mention. Read on, with my comments to follow . .

So I’m a bit of a chilli head. Love my hot sauces. I also love to cook. I also cook my wife a delicious lunch each day, She kept complaining that someone was stealing her lunch every couple of days out of the fridge at work. So I made her some buffalo wings for lunch to put in the fridge, They are really popular with her colleagues But I spiced them up just a little with some Blair’s 4am Reserve, which is the hottest legal sauce known to man. (I note you are meant to dilute it with 1 drop per 5 litres of liquid). So I added a couple of drops of Blairs 4am Reserve per wing with nice dusting of Ghost chilli powder for good measure. I did eat a couple to make sure it didn’t kill anybody, they were real hot. Even cream doesn’t cut the heat: and Ghost chillies keep getting hotter for about 5 minutes. Needless to say just before lunch, there was a shrill from the kitchen, a young male colleague decided to help himself the my wife’s lunch which was clearly marked with her name. He ran to the toilet and vomited over and over. Apparently the moans sounded like he was dying. My wife just sat there innocently pretending nothing was wrong. Needless to say she has not lost a single lunch since.

Listen, I love this move. You know why? Because there is nothing worse than a lunch thief. Nothing. When I was in high school a guy was stealing my lunch so I got some formaldehyde from the chemistry room, poured it on my ham sandwich, put it in my lunch sack, and waited for the hilarity to ensue. Boom. Roasted. Trust me, the guy never stole my lunch again. Oh, there may or may not have been a trip to the hospital involved as well, but that’s neither here nor there. The bigger point is everyone’s lunch was safe because of yours truly. You’re welcome, fellow students. You’re welcome.

Note: The statute of limitations has passed, right? Right?

Ka-boom!

Fun with air cannons!