Archive for the ‘Social Media’ Category

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It’s common knowledge that smart phones have turned most of us into mindless, unimaginative automatons who are losing our ability to interact with each other like the human beings we’re supposed to be. How many times have you seen a couple at a restaurant, heads down, looking at their phones? Passed a car and saw the driver, head down and looking dazed and confused into his mobile device? I know the answer. Of course you have. And hey, I’m no exception. It’s a constant battle for me as well. With all that said, I shall now give you a stark example of how life as we know it has been forever changed by the smart phone.

To begin, I give you this photo of a golf gallery watching Tiger Woods in 2002. Just look at everyone. Taking in the moment, not wanting to miss a second, all eyes on Tiger, soaking it in and embedding the moment into their memory forever . . .

And now, let us fast forward to 2018. Same golfer, different gallery, different time . . .

Yep. 99% of the people are not actually watching what’s happening. They’re watching the moment, and their life, through their cell phones.

I weep for the future of humanity.

Terrifying Fact: People spend an average of 4.7 hours of a day looking at their smart phones. Watch the video below to have your mind boggled.

“Da hell?”

Everyone is familiar with the social media folks who are always pulling the old humblebrag schtick, amirite? I wrote about this in the blog Facebook, Twitter and the Art of the Humblebrag  and yes, it was a classic. Here’s an excerpt from that gem:

Here’s a humblebrag I read the other day:

“Took some homemade cookies over to the Snortlik’s this morning. I know they’re grieving and food always helps.”

This one is fairly common. Somebody is going through a terrible tragedy and you get humblebraggers trying to inject themselves into the situation to get attention. And guess what? It works. You usually see responses from unwitting enablers saying things like, “Oh, you’re so sweet for doing that!” which is exactly the response the humblebragger was looking for. And oh, by the way, if you were a really good person you wouldn’t announce what you did on social media. Another common humblebrag is when people post things like, “I feel so ugly today!” or “I hate it when people stare at me. So rude!” Uh, it’s pretty clear what sort of responses they’re looking for, right?

I recently noticed another phenomenon has reared its ugly head, and that is the “blessed” social media user. Everywhere we look we see it:

“Check out my new Hyundai Accent!” #blessed

“Blessed to announce I’ve decided to accept a scholarship to Southeastern Texas University of South Dakota South Central after narrowing it down from 27 schools!”

[posts photo from beach in the Dominican Republic] #blessed!

I got a 4.0 this semester! #blessed!

[posts photo of rock hard abs] “Hard work pays off!” #blessed!

“Today I gave a homeless man a sandwich, volunteered at a leper hospital, and rescued a homeless baby kitten from a drainpipe.” #blessed!

But have you been “blessed” or are you “bragging”?

If you say you are blessed, I’m assuming you believe your situation has been all a part of God’s plan, right? That God has blessed you? That you’re being rewarded for being a good person?

But aren’t people sometimes just lucky?

“Hey! I hit the lottery!” #blessed

Really?

I guess what these people are saying is that the all-powerful, all-knowing absolute deity of the universe has focused on their well-being more than others because they are just that terrific?

I also wonder about the person who worked just as hard as you did and didn’t get that big reward—if you’re so blessed, is he or she cursed? Because in order for you to be so special there must be people who are not so special. That means that you must consider your life to be better than others in some way, right?

No?

And if being able to get into those old jeans again make you “blessed” doesn’t that minimize more meaningful blessings like the birth of a healthy baby or recovering from a disease? Hell, I once saw a Twitter pic someone posted of her ass with no comment, just “#blessed”. Really? I guess God doesn’t bless a woman with a small booty?

And really, if you truly care about others and wish to add value to their well-being, why is there a need to proclaim that you’re blessed? Is anyone following me here? Bueller? Bueller?

Bueller?

Finally, are we even using the word “blessed” correctly? Do we really even know what we’re saying? Let’s take a look at what the word actually means:

 

Oops. That sort of changes everything, doesn’t it? So you were made holy by that new condo in the Ozarks? You were consecrated by your new rock hard glutes? No, I didn’t think so.

So let’s pump the brakes on all this “blessed” talk, everybody. Maybe throw in a “grateful” or a “thankful” instead. Sweet mercy.

#yourewelcome

Touché.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a blog whose time has come. It has to be done. Our future, and may I say the fate of humanity, depends on it. What am I talking about, you ask?

The death of grammar. Or rather, the DEATH OF GRAMMAR.

I don’t know, that just seemed to warrant all caps. It’s that important, man. What you’re about to read are a few basic, simple guidelines to using correct grammar. I shall focus on the rules that seem to be broken most often. Let us begin . . .

You’re vs. Your

You’re means “you are.” So, when you say, “You’re sweater is cute” you are incorrect. The correct usage would be “You’re not going to eat those cheese doodles are you? Your means that something belongs to you. So don’t say, “Hey, your welcome to some of my cheese doodles.” That would be incorrect. Instead you would use it as such: “Your cheese doodles look delicious.” See? This is easy. Stay with me kids.

They’re vs. Their vs. There

They’re means “they are” as in “Have you tried my cheese doodles? They’re really good.” Their, however, means it belongs to them, as in “The Dungworth’s keep their cheese doodles in the pantry.” Incorrect usage would be something along the lines of, “I love cheese doodles. Their delicious.” Don’t do that. Want to know about there? OK. There refers to a place, an example being, “My cheese doodles are in my top drawer. Don’t go there.” Please tell me you’re taking notes.

We’re vs. Were

We’re means “we are” and should be used like this: “We’re all having cheese doodles for lunch!” Were, however, is the past tense of are, as in “Wally and Mildred were dating for awhile, but Wally was addicted to cheese doodles. Now they are dating other people.” Get it?

Random thought. Should cheese doodles be capitalized?*

*It should not. I checked.

Then vs. Than

Listen carefully. Then is a point in time, as in “I went to a store to buy cheese doodles, then I went to another store to buy more cheese doodles.” Than, however, is a method of comparison, as in, “I know you love cheese doodles but I love them more than you do.” See? I was comparing our love of cheese doodles.

Two vs. To vs. Too

This is a really easy one. You see, two is simply a number. The number 2, as in “I bought two bags of cheese doodles but I should’ve bought three.” On the other hand, to indicates motion, as in “Hank Moffit is going to the cheese doodle store.” Too can mean either also or excessively, as in “Hey, I like cheese doodles too!” Or, “I love cheese doodles way too much.” Make sense? Good.

Set vs. Sit

The verb set requires an object, like let’s say, oh, a bag of cheese doodles. “Larry set the bag of cheese doodles on the table and his dog Norman took them.” On the other hand, sit doesn’t require a direct object, instead it’s something you do, like when you sit on a couch. Woot! Easy, man. You got this.

Lay vs. Lie

Lay requires an object. To lay is to set or place something in a resting position. Lie does not require an object. So, you lay a bag of cheese doodles on the counter, but you lie down on the couch. Get it? Good.

Note: Remember the Eric Clapton song “Lay Down Sally”? It should’ve been called “Lie Down Sally.” Also, the lyrics to Bob Dylan’s song “Lay Lady Lay” should actually be “Lie lady lie, lie across my big brass bed.” True story. It also gets confusing because lie can also mean a falsehood. It’s a mad world I tell ya.

Seen vs. Saw

This one seems to be common for some reason. Saw is the past tense of the verb see, and usually comes immediately after nouns and pronouns. Example: “Charlie saw a bag of cheese doodles.” On the other hand, the word seen can’t stand alone. It needs another verb like has or had to help it out, unlike saw. Check out this sentence: “Charlie has seen many cheese doodles, but none like the cheese doodles he saw today.” So to review, saw is usually used after nouns and pronouns, and seen is used with a buddy word like have, has, had, was, or were.

Whose vs. Who’s

This one is simple. Who’s is a contraction of who and is, as in “Who’s hungry for cheese doodles?” Whose is a possessive pronoun, and you use it when you’re asking or telling whom something belongs to. Example: “Whose cheese doodles are these?” So, who’s = who is and whose = Possessive of Who. Done dizzle.

Its vs. It’s

Again, simple. This one gets mixed-up because an apostrophe often indicates possession, but it’s is a contraction for it is. Its is a possessive pronoun and might be used like this: “The cheese doodle and its glorious golden hue were a sight to behold.” See? The cheese doodle possessed a golden hue, thus the use of the word its.

Lose vs. Loose

Another really simple one that there is no excuse for screwing up. You lose a bag of cheese doodles. Your cows get loose. Good Lord.

Good vs. Well

All you need to remember is that good modifies a person, place, or thing, and well modifies an action. If you’re having a good day, then your day is going well. Technically, “I’m good” or “You did good” is poor grammar. It should be “You did well.” I’ve actually heard grammar Nazis respond to that one with “How good are you?” Anyway, sorry everyone including me. I mess that one up all the time.

Using Apostrophes to Make Words Plural

I see this all the time as well. For some reason people seem to think that you should use an apostrophe to make a word plural. You do not. “My son Ethan won three trophy’s at the fair” is incorrect. Just add an S, man.

The Unnecessary “At”

Heard all over Southern Ohio and beyond: “Where you at?” You don’t need the “at” kids! Try “Where are you?” It will do just fine! Free your soul of the unnecessary at! You can do this!

Honestly, these mistakes probably bother me the most when I see educators do it. Come on, teachers. You’re better than that. Clean it up.

And hey, before you start correcting all the mistakes I’ve made in this blog please understand I know I’m far from perfect. I make plenty of mistakes too.

PS- Before you message me, I’m pretty sure I violated several uses of quotation marks during this blog. So sue me.

PPS- “So sue me” isn’t a complete sentence. I know this. I’m allowed to use something called Creative and Artistic License, man. Chill.

***BONUS BLOG ALERT***

It’s “I couldn’t care less.” “I could care less” means you probably do actually care.

“Literally” means it actually happened. If you say, “I literally shit my pants” you shit your pants.

“Affect” is a verb. “Effect” is a noun.

“Irregardless” is not a word. 

Thank you and goodnight.

Good stuff.

Good stuff. Click on the tweet and scroll away.

Nothing worse than late people. They’re selfish and basically telling you their time is more important than yours. Anyway, love the tweet.

So Jim Nance doesn’t know how to pronounce the word “meme.” He thinks it’s “mimi” which is sort of cute. Anyway, the jackals on social media are destroying the poor guy for his faux pas and I’m not sure he deserves it. Dude apparently isn’t as internet savvy as professional bloggers such as myself. Maybe he’s just one of those old school guys who’s not into the whole worldwide interweb thing the kids are into these days. Still, it was a bit of a cringe-worthy moment. Check it out.

PS- Jim Nance is 3-years younger than I am. That’s sort of disappointing to me for some reason. 

God I hope this is real.

So the Mad Tweeter, also known as the Leader of the Free World, has now taken credit for the lack of commercial airplane crashes since he was elected by a minority of Americans. What he didn’t mention was the fact that 2017 was the 8th year in a row with no commercial aviation deaths in the United States. Of course and as always, Twitter reacted accordingly. First, his tweet:

A-a-a-a-a-a-n-d then came the responses. Even the Breaking Bad dude chimed in. Click to enjoy the snarkiness.

I swear to God you can’t make this stuff up. Honestly, there’s a part of me that shall miss him when he’s impeached/thrown out/loses the next election/goes completely batshit cray-cray and is taken away in a paddywagon. It’s inevitable you know.

I weep for our future. And our present.

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People can’t seem to understand that whatever faults social media may have, it will always expose the frauds of the world. Case in point, when somebody asked the Twitterverse to name a badder bitch than Taylor Swift, the People of Twitter did precisely that. There were literally hundreds of responses, but I shall only post my two favorites. Let’s begin with the original post, followed by the responses.

Ooh, tough one. Who could possibly be badder? Wait . . .

Boom. But there’s more . . .

Mmmm . . . K. Once again, the internet wins. Thank you and goodnight.

Listen, having my life threatened because of something I’ve written isn’t new. I’ve been threatened by angry clowns, Nazis, racist rednecks, a crazy lady stalker and even an angry mother of a high school bowler from Cincinnati. Still, this latest threat has me a little flummoxed. See, a few weeks ago I wrote a little something called Do you know a psychopath? which I thought was a fairly innocuous piece about, well, psychopaths. Anyway, a couple days later I received this little missive from some nutjob who has to be out of his gourd. I shall break it down as we go:

YOU, personally, really should weigh your words SERIOUSLY. I strongly advise you to delete this written defamation of a huge group of people who do not take slander and character assassination like this easily.

Well, I sort of assumed psychopaths would not take things lightly, so this part doesn’t surprise me a bit. Psychopaths, man. Thin-skinned like you read about.

I do not know which organization you have got to back you up, but if you do not care about lawsuits in the multi-million dollar range, fine, just keep on doing what you are doing.

HA! First off, these people have no idea what organization I have backing me up, and if they did they’d back off in a heartbeat. Let’s just say The Black Wave has my back.

Bad. Ass.

If you DO care about spending x-amounts of money to try and defend this CLEARLY written libel, then take my advice – DELETE. Your post is now officially been copied and screen-shotted and digitally stored for later use and evidence. This is just a warning. Delete or pay the consequences either monetarily or physically.

Whoa, can you say dark turn? But listen, any threatening letter writer that uses the word screen-shotted is alright by me. Hell, I’m not even mad. That’s amazing.

We are Antifa, we do not forget.

Wait. What? Who? Antifa? The anti-fascist group? Has this psychopath even read my website? Hell, I’m practically Antifa myself, man. C’mon Antifa. You’re better’n ‘at.

Note: No way somebody from Antifa wrote this. Has to be a lone wolf psychopath dude. I’m not rich so a lawsuit means nothing to me, and I ran the IP address and it originated from Arlington, Virginia. That would be a what, a 7-hour drive to kill me? To be safe, Sparky and I shall be on high alert for a few days. Such is the life of a world-famous blogger.

 

So mega-rich former Hollywood producer, banker and current US Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin posed with his trophy wife and a sheet of money, presumably because he’s excited to see his signature on a dollar bill, but hey, who wouldn’t be? Anyway, the worldwide interweb is having some fun with the photos. First, check out the pics:

Now, the comments:

“Picking out wallpaper for the cognac swirling room.”

“Only way this could be worse would be if Linton and Mnuchin were lighting cigars with flaming dollar bills.”

“You cannot parody these folks.”

“Why are they dressed like Bond villains?”

“Just a friendly reminder that the GOP wants to raise taxes on the middle class & take health insurance away from millions of Americans so people like Louise Linton and Steven Mnuchin can get a tax cut.”

“Me at Chipotle when the tell me the guac is extra.”

Good stuff. And it’s also comforting to know that some women are attracted to a man’s personality and not his bank account.

PS- Kidding. She’s totally attracted to his bank account.

People are dumb. Here’s proof. Click for the funny.

So some bro created a cloud lamp that reacts in real time to the tweets of Donald Trump, because of course he did. This connected lamp is capable of reacting in real time to messages posted on Twitter, creating a thunderstorm every time a hilarious, self-congratulatory, delusional Trump tweet is posted. It’s the perfect gift for those of us who’d like a warning before a Trump Tweet slaps us in the Twitter Face, or for those who enjoy and approve of The Donald’s wacky, childlike antics. As for me, I’m going to purchase one and have the Looney Tunes theme song play with every Trump Tweet.

Photos and video below.

ggggggggg

Some classics here. Click on the pics and scroll to get the full effect, man.

So this popped up on the Twitter late Thursday night after Trump buddy Tom Brady’s Patriots got waxed by Kansas City 42-27. Classic stuff.

WHEN YOUR FRIEND’S APPROVAL RATINGS DROP BELOW 35%

So the prestigious Washington Post just fired off one of the most insightful, in-depth and well-researched tweets of the year with this gem:

NATION’S FOURTH LARGEST CITY STRUGGLES TO GET MOVING AGAIN AFTER HARVEY

 

Gee Washington Post, ya think?

 

That’s pretty high alright.