Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category

Just some random photos of life in the Land Down Under. Home to the BeeGees, Olivia Newton-John, Hugh Jackman, Keith Urban, Mel Gibson, and a bunch of these guys . . .

[Click to enlarge, then scroll through the cool pics]

The BBC reports that the two men, armed with machetes, aimed to carry out a client’s fantasy of “being tied up in his underwear and stroked with a broom”, except they entered the wrong house.

The role play was arranged over Facebook by a man near Griffith, New South Wales, who provided his address to the hired pair.

“He was willing to pay $5,000 if it was ‘really good’,” one of the men said.

However, the client moved to another address 30 miles away without updating the two men. They then entered a home on the street of the original address. When the resident noticed a light on in his kitchen at 6:15am, he assumed it was a friend who came by daily to make morning coffee.

When the men called out the name of their client, the resident turned on the light, and saw them standing above his bed with the machetes. At this point one of the machete-carrying men realized their mistake and one of them said, “Sorry, mate”, shook the shocked resident’s hand, and left.

In handing down a not guilty verdict, a judge stated that all evidence pointed to an honest mistake.

Oops?

Is there any reaction more Australian than after breaking into someone’s house while brandishing machetes you realize your mistake and then say, “Sorry, mate” and shake the guy’s hand? I think not. The intruders probably went back home, threw some shrimp on the barbie and had a good laugh about it.

And how about the dude who hired them? Don’t you think the correct address m-i-g-h-t be a crucial detail? Crikeys, man. Get it together client who wanted tied up in his underwear and stroked with a broom. You’re better ‘n’ at.

PS- Australia, man. First the apology and then the judge called it an honest mistake. Can’t imagine this happening anywhere else.

PPS- Except Canada.

 

Feel free to steal. I did.

Wait. Who the hell wants to camp with 13 other people in the same tent? Isn’t the point of camping to get away from people? And if you do go with others isn’t it better to sit around the campfire, roast some marshallows, have a couple barley pops, and then retreat to the privacy of your own tent? This is like staying 14 damn people staying in the same hotel room. I don’t get it. Anyway, here’s your 14-person tent. No thanks.

Bonus Photo: The tent I used whilst crossing the American Northeast back in ’77 with my dog Hank. That’s right, no floor. That’s what sleeping bags are for.

Queen guitarist Brian May confessed this week that he was recently hospitalized because he somehow “managed to rip my Gluteus Maximus to shreds in a moment of overenthusiastic gardening.”

May didn’t bother elaborating exactly how “overenthusiastic gardening” might lead to such an uncommon injury, only that he did a “thorough job” wounding himself and “I won’t be able to walk for a while … or sleep, without a lot of assistance, because the pain is relentless.”

May added that he’ll be taking a break from social media to recoup and “please, please don’t send me sympathy.” 

Buddy Holly’s plane crash, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin’s overdoses, Elvis expiring on the toliet, the assassination of John Lennon, Freddie Mercury and AIDS, Kurt Cobain’s suicide, the list of rock star tragedies is a long and sad one. But this, this one is a pain in the ass. One of the founding members and lead guitarist of Queen, seriously wounded in a moment of overenthusiastic gardening. Seriously, dude shredded his butt muscles. Gardened his ass off if you will. I’m not sure how we’re going to recover from this one, kids.

Pray for Brian May.

PS- I seriously need to know what happened. Did he fall on a rake? Back into some pruning shears? Get involved with the wrong hoe? The world needs to know.

PPS- I tried to get a Fat Bottomed Gardener line in there but couldn’t figure it out. 

Hey, those wireless speakers must need antennas, right?

Remember those Giant Murder Hornets I wrote about the other day? The ones that recently arrived in America? Their sting can kill you and they are able to kill honey bees by the thousands. Well, it turns out these psychos can be taken out by bees as well – Japanese Honey Bees to be exact. And how do these Japanese Honey Bees kill Murder Hornets? Read on because the answer is awesome.

Murder Hornets are best known for their ability to decimate honeybee hives, decapitating bee after bee during what the Washington State Department of Agriculture so eloquently described as a “slaughter phase”, destroying one hive within a matter of hours. However . . .

In Asia the bees have learned to fight back, and I mean really fight back, as in kicking some serious Murder Hornet ass. Japanese Honey Bees are able to form hot defensive “bee balls” in order to collectively cook hornets at a temperature that the bees can withstand but the hornets cannot. Man, that’s diabolical. They do it by surrounding the hornets and vibrating their rear flight muscles. Bee twerking if you will.

The video below shows a Murder Hornet scout approach a Honey Bee hive as a means of checking it out and marking it with a pheromone that will allow its fellow hornets to find it. But no so fast, Murder Hornet. The video shows the hornet being swarmed by hundreds of bees all at once, with thermal photography revealing the temperature increase as the honeybees raise the temperature within the bee ball to a precise temperature and roasting the hornet alive.

Nature, man. Doing her thing per usual.

PS- I don’t know how those little bees get the signal to attack, but attack they do, and all at once. Just a chilling sight to behold.

The other day I saw a guy working on a streetlight that was sitting on the ground and I thought, “Man, that streetlight is big.” So, I decided to put my crack staff here at Shoe: Untied to work finding other big things that we might think are smaller. The results were astounding, befuddling, stupefying and downright flabbergasting. Take a gander and prepare to be dumbfounded.

[click a pic and scroll to read the witty captions by Shoe: Untied intern Naitee Aggarwal]

Listen man, I know the animals are making big comebacks all over the damn globe. We have wild beasts walking casually through city streets, birds are flying lower and becoming more brash, and alligators are walking through city parks like they own the damn place. But you know what I never thought I’d see? Monkey motorcycle gangs making toddler kidnap attempts. That one surprised even me. Be careful out there kids. It’s a new world. I swear I even caught Sparky looking at me funny today.

An Alabama man was found camping out on Walt Disney World’s abandoned Discovery Island after the park closed during the novel coronavirus pandemic, and the local sheriff’s office says the man told deputies that he was “unaware” he was trespassing.

Richard McGuire, 42, was arrested on Thursday after security found him on the Disney-owned property. He was charged with one misdemeanor count of trespassing.

According to an arrest affidavit seen by Newsweek, McGuire told authorities that the island was a “tropical paradise.”

Deputies from the Orange County Sheriff’s Department said McGuire, from Mobile, Alabama, accessed the island on Monday, ignoring multiple “no trespassing” signs to make his way there. McGuire told officials that he had planned to camp for about a week.

According to Click Orlando, McGuire was sleeping in one of the island’s abandoned buildings when police arrived.

McGuire has since been banned from Disney World properties. 

Wait. What? Well, I have lost all respect for Disney World at this point. I mean, when a man can’t camp out on Discovery Island the world as I once knew it is long gone. What did the cops expect him to do? Camp in a swamp or something? I’m not sure if you’re aware of this but Florida has alligators, man. And why camp under a bridge when the happiest place on earth is available? Seriously, if you’re going to trespass to find somewhere to sleep that’s the place to do it.

PS- I love Richard McGuire’s excuse that he was “unaware” he was trespassing. That one almost always works.

PPS- Banned for life? Really? They couldn’t just escort the man off the property and tell him not to come back? Guess Disney World isn’t feeling sympathetic during these troubled times.

PPPS- I knew this guy was from Alabama when I read the headline.

Work ethic like you read about.

  1. There isn’t a single bridge across the Amazon River.
  2. The founders of Adidas (Adi Dassler) and Puma (Rudolf Dassler) are brothers and their houses are next door to each other in Germany.
  3. The distance from the United States to Russia is 55-miles.
  4. Jack the Ripper was still active when Nintendo was founded.
  5. The sun is so loud that if space was filled with air instead of being a vacuum we’d be hearing screeching sun noises at 125 decibel at all times.
  6. Stonehenge was already a ruin when Jesus lived.
  7. Because the number of possible combination of genes isn’t infinite, there are probably at least 7 humans that look the same as you.
  8. Netflix was founded before Google.
  9. The 10th president of the US, John Tyler (1790-1862), has two living grandchildren. Yes, GRANDchildren.
  10. Wyoming only has two escalators.
  11. Dinosaurs were officially discovered in 1842, so George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and the boys had no knowledge of them.
  12. Vending machines kill twice as many people per year than sharks do.
  13. Sharks are older than trees. Sharks date back 450 million years, trees 350 million years.
  14. The combined weight of all the ants on the planet is greater than the combined weight of all the humans.
  15. The Nazis were the first people in modern history to start an anti-smoking and tobacco movement.
  16. Maine is the closet US state to Africa.
  17. Woolly Mammoths were still alive when Egyptians were building the pyramids.
  18. England’s Oxford University had existed for hundreds of years when the Aztec Empire was founded.
  19. The world’s oldest living tree was already 1,000-years old when the last Wolly Mammoth died.
  20. When the Pilgrim’s landed at Plymoth Rock, the Spanish had been settled in what is now the American Southwest for 100-years.
  21. The Brooklyn Bridge was being built while Custer’s Last Stand occurred.

Scroll down for the awesome descriptions.

Did you know that in Antarctica around 1% of the continent is permanently ice-free? Wait. Whuuuut? It’s true. These areas are called Antarctic Oasis or sometimes, more boringly, Dry Valleys. They’re surrounded by the Antarctic ice sheet, which is what we all think of when we think of Antarctica. They develop in areas that have very low humidity and very little precipitation. Sure, it’s very cold there (der), but enough solar energy is absorbed by the ground to melt what little snow falls. That’s wild and I had zero idea Arctic Oasis existed. Anyway, it does and here it is:

Harrison County Hospital, Kentucky.

Harrison Memorial Hospital, Kentucky.

You know COVID 19, the virus that dropped into all our lives a few weeks ago? The virus that’s turned all of our lives topsy-turvy? I recall first hearing about it when the first case in the USA was comfirmed at Harrison Memorial Hospital in Kentucky. That’s when something began nagging at me. I didn’t quite know why.

Until late last night when it hit me.

As many of you know I was a big Walking Dead fan in the early years of the series. Even read the comic books. The Walking Dead is about a plague that has turned the world into a zombie apocalypse. It begins when Rick Grimes, a Kentucky policeman, is shot and goes into a coma, only to wake up in a completely different world.

Wanna guess what hospital he was in?

 

Yep. Weird, man.

PS- I know the TV series is set in Atlanta so shut it.

Note: I recently posted a photo of a woman in a local supermarket covered head to toe in plastic, along with a giant hat, rubber galoshes, and what appeared to be humongous gloves like Mickey Mouse wears. I posted it because she looked funny, not because I questioned her reasoning regarding staying healthy. Everyone settle down.

So we’ve run out of facemasks. We humans a creative species, amirite? We figure it out. We make do. Lemonade from lemons and whatnot. Want proof? Take a gander . . .

[click a pic, then scroll]

 

 

Oh, there have been many a dumb moment on television. Fonzie jumping the shark, Geraldo opening Al Capone’s vault, Dan Quayle, I could go on for days. But yesterday may have taken the proverbial cake. It all started with this tweet:

As you can surely see, the Math here is a bit flawed. And by “a bit” I mean “horrendously.” Any 5th grader knows that 1,000,000 divided by 1,000,000 is 1, right? Right? The truth is, every American would have gotten $1.53. But hey, the guy was only $999,998.47 off the mark. Amazingly though, MSNBC anchor Brian Williams and NYT Board Member Mara Gay aired the tweet and discussed it on live TV:

Oh boy.

I’ve been telling some basketball stories lately, most regarding coaches I’ve had the pleasure to have met over the years. And don’t worry guys, I’ll save the best ones until much later down the line. I’d never do that to y’all.

Not yet anyway.

I kid. Anyway, the story I’m about to tell came to mind the other day, and to this day I have no idea exactly what happpened. All I know is that afterwards I was pretty sure Bob Huggins was a warlock, a soothsayer, a seer, or possibly a combination of all three. Here’s the deal . . .

I was heading out to Morgantown for a game, and as usual I took a friend with me. It’s nearly a 4-hour drive, so we usually made a stop around halfway. We pulled off the main road somewhere west of the Ohio/West Virginia border, took a little side road and ended up at a gas station. My buddy went to use the bathroom as I grabbed some soft drinks and chips. We then loaded back up into the car and were on our way.

After about 45-minutes my friend suddenly yelled, “Damn it! I left my cell phone back at the gas station! It’s in my coat hanging on the back of the stall door! Shit!”

Well, hell. We were planning on attending the 10:00am walkthrough like we always did, and by the time we went all the way back to find the phone we’d miss it. So, we decided to call the phone, hope someone answered, and tell them we’d stop and retrieve it on our way back through the following day.

However, although we used my phone to call the number over and over until we got to WVU Coliseum, nobody was answering. We figured it was stolen or that simply nobody was hearing the phone ringing. Bottom line, we both figured the phone was long gone.

So we arrived at the walkthrough, took a seat beside the court, and got ready to watch the preparation for that night’s game. Soon Huggs came over and sat beside me and we began shooting the breeze. I introduced him to my friend, and I couldn’t help but throw this in:

Yeah, the dumbass left his phone in the bathroom stall of a little Mom & Pop gas station somewhere between Athens and Parkersburg. We tried calling it but I’m afraid it’s long gone.”

At that point Huggs laughed, asked a couple questions about the station (we had no clue of its name and just had a general location), and I assumed it was forgotten.

Except . . .

As we’re sitting there, just chilling and watching practice, Huggs suddenly hands me his phone and says, “Here. Say hello.”

Huh?

“Just say hello, damn it.”

I then say hello, not knowing what the hell was going on, and a woman’s voice says, “Hey honey, don’t worry, we have your phone. It’s under the counter. Just pick it up tomorrow.”

Wait. What? How?

Somehow, Huggs knew exactly the name of the little out-of-way gas station we’d told him about, called it, and explained our problem.

Of course I asked him what the hell just happened. His answer?

“Shoe, I’ve been on every backroad in Ohio and West Virginia looking at players. I knew exactly where you were talking about.”

Huggs, man. He never ceases to amaze.

German fashion designer Philipp Pleine earned the justified ire of both professional and amateur fashion critics on Saturday with a show he staged during Milan Fashion Week. The collection included a limited-edition selection of purple-and-gold jerseys ($2,070), hoodies ($3,150) and sneakers ($2,200) that take their styling cues from Bryant’s iconic Lakers jersey.

The designer replaced the team’s name with his own on these garments and rendered all the letters and the Lakers legend’s number, 24, in glittering crystals. Bryant’s name is nowhere to be seen, but the back of the jersey and hoodie include a rendering of a black mamba—an homage to the basketball player’s nickname.

On their own, these items might have passed muster, but Plein’s set design pieces for the show proved too much for some onlookers to bear. “Philipp Plein made two gold helicopters for his show today, which falls 27 days after Kobe died in a helicopter crash,” one observer pointed out on Twitter. Another called the choice “Distasteful, tacky and material waste.’

In a statement to Page Six, Plein said he didn’t have time to remove the helicopters (which appeared alongside a tableau of land, sea and aircraft commissioned for the show in November) and lamented that his intentions were misunderstood.

As you know I’m a bit of a fashion maven myself, having written the acclaimed blogs The NRA Held Their Concealed Carry Fashion Show in Milwaukee and It Was Straight Fire, The Thom Browne Fashion Show: A Shoe: Untied Review, Time For The Latest Shoe: Untied Fashion Review!, and Fashion Brand Makes School Shooting Clothing Line And It’s Absolutely Disgusting. Click on those links to read my crack fashion team’s opinions on various shows.

Which brings us to this latest show by a dude named Philipp Plein. As you’ve already read, it was supposedly a “tribute” to Kobe Bryant as models in Lakers style jerseys paraded on stage around (ugh) golden helicopters. In what world, my friends, would someone think this was a good idea? Golden helicopters? Good God almighty that’s horrific. And since Mr. Plein feels so “misunderstood” I’d really like to hear his explanation. Check out the photos, but be preapared to wince.

I know, captivating title. You’re welcome.

Anyway, this is a time-honored question that has plagued the minds of the citizenry for decades. Why do people feel the need to stick their tongues out when a camera is focused upon them or when talking a selfie? Such a strange custom, amirite? And isn’t it sort of rude and off-putting? But maybe that’s the point? The mind reels. Here’s what my crack staff found out after minutes hours of mind-numbing research on the interweb, or more specifically Psychology Today: 

No scholar appears to have covered tongue protrusion systematically, comprehensively, and cross-culturally. It’s safe to say that no ultimate, authoritative source yet exists to account for the phenomenon. 

Well, hell, Psychology Today is no help. Bottom line, there are a lot of people who are plagued with the idea that this is a good look for them.

Hey, this is just my opinion but if you’re above the age of 18 and you’re sticking out your tongue in pictures we will all be making fun of you for it.*

*Unless you live in a Tibet where sticking your tongue out is a common greeting. In that case you get a pass.

With all that said, let’s take a look at some examples, followed by some historic tongues, or the possible originators if you will.

Yeah, I don’t get it either, but maybe we can blame this guy?

No? What about these two?

That’s Gene Simmons of KISS and Debbie Harry of Blondie for all you youngbloods out there. But let’s go back a little farther. Can we blame it on the Rolling Stones?

Nah, surely not. But wait, I just had an epiphany. I think I’ve got it! It goes back to THIS rapscallion!

Einstein, man. Dude was a pioneer in more ways than one.

Anyway, grownups, please spare us the sight. Put that obnoxious flappy tongue back in your mouth. Nobody wants to see it, and despite what you might think it’s not cute, funny, silly, or sexy. It’s just gross. And to those of you who continue to adhere to this goofy practice I say this:

 

PS- This brought up an interesting debate amongst the staff here at Shoe: Untied – Has the flappy tongue replaced the dick lips is selfiedom? I say it has.

PPS-

 

 

NYP – A mysterious object 500-million light years away has baffled scientists after transmitting signals that hit Earth every 16-days. Scientists do not know what is causing the phenomenon, but it is being recognized as the first reliable pattern of fast radio bursts in deep space.

Astrophysicists discovered the pattern in data from the Canadian Hydrogen Intensity Mapping Experiment, or CHIME, radio telescope in British Columbia. In this particular instance, around one to two radio bursts will blast out per hour for four days before going silent for 12-days. The cycle then repeats itself.

These newly discovered repeating bursts suggest that someone, or something, is controlling them.

And so it begins. First a minor blurb in the New York Post, then a sighting of a major asteroid that’s not really an asteroid heading our way, then we’re all laser beamed into smithereens. Seriously, I’ve read Steven Hawking. Basically he said any civilization that has the capability to cross inter-galactic space can treat humans however the hell they want. On a related note, the histories of advanced civilizations meeting primitive ones doesn’t bode well for humankind. What I’m trying to say is that it’s all over, kids. Farewell and goodnight.

PS- Wait. It’s 500-million light years away. Which means it was doing this 500-million years ago, right? I’m so confused.

 

Da hell? Pig Dog? Pony Pig? The mind reels. What is it? Scroll down to find out.

Here’s the photo flipped 180 degrees. Does this help? No?

Ah, there it is. Puppy! And the best part is that his name is Doug.

Oh hell yes he did. Way back in 2014.

PS- And is anyone else wondering what Jack Terrel did with his life? I need to know.

PPS- Also, Kaitlin Rosetta knew exactly what was up.

See, an anchor sinks. In fact, that’s its job.

Dude, that’s a 5-foot tall stork, bigger than a damn 6th grader. I’m telling you man, the glaring, dark stare of a 5-foot tall stork can be a frightening thing for a weary traveler. These bad boys can exhibit territorial tendencies, as seen in an infamous incident that occurred at the Belize Zoo. Their stork exhibit now features a roof above the visitor viewing platform after a Jabiru Stork tried to stab an unsuspecting patron with its freakin’ 14-inch-long bill. Jeebus. Jabiru storks are native to Central and South America, where they typically feed on small mammals, fish, amphibians and the ocassional lost toddler. Anywho, Jabiru Stork.