Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category


Rueters: No one loves the Home of Unlimited Soup, Salad, and Breadsticks as much as one Arkansas couple who has decided to name their daughter after Olive Garden. When Justin and Jordan Garton found out that they would be having their first child in December 2017, they knew they wanted to give her a name with “Italian origins,” ABC News reports. After considering and then rejecting the name Olive Garton, they landed on the much more subtle Olivia Garton. Soon after marrying in 2015, the Gartons bought Olive Garden’s famous “never-ending pasta pass” for $100, allowing them to eat unlimited amounts of pasta and guzzle countless soft drinks at their local restaurant for a set period of time. For six to seven weeks, the couple ate there every single day. Because of Justin’s Italian roots and their love of the eatery, when the couple found out they were expecting, they knew they wanted to give their first child an Italian name. For a while, they considered naming her Olive but ultimately decided it would be too much — they feared kids would bully their daughter named after the Italian eatery. When they landed on Olivia, though, they both knew “immediately” that it was the one. In their minds, that’s a less mockable pun. The couple also landed on a middle name, Michelle. Her initials will be OMG.

Hey Justin and Jordan Garton, let me give you some advice. If you don’t want your kid bullied, don’t name her after an Italian restaurant chain. And what will you name your next kid? Redd Lawbster? Crakker Barrell? Buffelow Wildwing? PF Chang? Wait. That last one might actually work.

And OMG for her initials? Nah, that will never get here picked on.

On a related note, I shall now give my Top 5 restaurants you could name your kid after and it would be cool:

  1. Bonefish
  2. Carrabba
  3. Longhorn (boys only)
  4. O’ Charley
  5. Benihana

Thank you and goodnight.


Listen, I’m the last guy who should be poking fun at somebody’s head lettuce. But man, politics aside, WHAT THE HELL US HAPPENING WITH TRUMP’S HAIR? I mean, seriously? Is he bald save for a small patch that he just grows out to comb over everything else? I honestly can’t figure it out. It’s a mystery inside a paradox under a puzzle. Trump, man. He’s never boring.

Sweet Jesus look at that Tree Stump Spider, man. Dude is definitely the spawn of Satan or something. Just horrific like you read about. And not to terrify you more or anything, but this bad boy can jump remarkable distances. Chilling. They also “move in a jerky gait” which somehow makes them even more scary. Anywho, Tree Stump Spider.


What you see here my friends, is the Lungfish. There’s nothing really extraordinary about the Lungfish other than it can stay alive in the dirt for 5-freaking years. Yes, I said it. The Lungfish knows the river is gonna go dry, so it digs down in the mud and buries itself in a cocoon of sorts. Then this little bro comes digging out when the rains return like a damn miracle fish. I beseech you, no, I order you, to watch the videos below. Then, just be amazed. Anywho, Lungfish.


Writing for a website is weird. Sometimes you write something that you think is really good only to find out that people have zero interest in it. Other times you sort of throw something out there that you think isn’t worth much and people love it. The story I wrote called Regarding Beach Midgets is one of those blogs.

You know how the Pink Floyd album Dark Side of the Moon stayed on the charts for 741 weeks from 1973 to 1988? That’s sort of like what Regarding Beach Midgets is to Shoe: Untied and I know not why. Just take a look over there to the left of this page under the “Trending” heading. That shows what story on Shoe: Untied is getting the most attention or views at any particular time. More often than that, Regarding Beach Midgets will be on that list, and I first wrote it in the summer of 2014.

Again, it’s weird to me because it’s just a short little anecdote about something that happened on the beach at Oak Island many, many years ago. I wrote it while I was sitting in a cottage there and it took about 20-minutes to type it up and publish it. Still, for whatever reason, it struck a nerve. Strange.

Anyway, for those of you who haven’t read it, here ’tis –  my own little Dark Side of the Moon:

Regarding Beach Midgets





You’ve all heard of the 1980s movie Gremlins, right? What you may not know is that the little creatures in the movie were based upon allegedly real entities which, during the World War II and even before, plagued pilots with all manner of mischief and outright vandalism. In the skies of WWII crews of various aircrafts from all sides described seeing essentially the same thing –  bizarre impish beasts that were there with the sole intent of causing enough problems to bring down airplanes from the sky.

One of the first mentions of the creatures can be traced back to the early 1900s in a British newspaper called the Spectator:

The old Royal Naval Air Service in 1917 and the newly constituted Royal Air Force in 1918 appear to have detected the existence of a horde of mysterious and malicious sprites whose whole purpose in life was to bring about as many as possible of the inexplicable mishaps which, in those days as now, trouble an airman’s life.

Yikes. That’s wild stuff. The legend of the gremlins really took off in 1923 when a British pilot crashed his plane into the sea and later reported that the accident had been caused by tiny creatures which had followed him aboard his plane, created havoc, sabotaged the engine, messed around with the flight controls, and ultimately caused the plane to crash.

That story spread, and it wasn’t long before other British pilots began to complain of being harassed by similar miniature troll-like creatures with a mastery of technology and machinery which caused engine failures, electrical malfunctions, communications shutdowns, bad landings, freak accidents, and pretty much anything else that could possibly ever go wrong with an aircraft.

Gremlins were also said to engage in such a bunch of bad behavior like sucking the gas out of tanks through hoses, jamming radio frequencies, screwing up landing gear, blowing dust or sand into fuel pipes or sensitive electrical equipment, cutting wires, removing bolts or screws, tinkering with dials, knobs or switches, jostling controls, slashing wings or tires, poking or pinching gunners or pilots, banging incessantly on the fuselage, breaking windows, and a wide variety of other crazy acts.

They were also reported to be seen sitting out upon the nose of the plane or the wings of aircraft in midflight tampering with the wings or even the engines. On occasion the gremlins were said to shout, giggle, whisper, growl, or otherwise make noise so as to distract aircraft crews. Bottom line, by the end of the 1920s almost anyone who flew a plane had claimed to have seen the little beasts.

One of the most famous alleged gremlin accounts from this period was made by none other than Charles Lindbergh as he was taking his historic nonstop solo flight over the Atlantic from New York to Paris in May of 1927. In the 9th hour of his flight Lindbergh reported that he suddenly found himself surrounded by several strange looking beings in his cockpit, and they spoke to him and demonstrated incredibly complex knowledge of navigation and flight equipment. In this case, however, rather than cause mischief, Lindbergh said that the gremlins actually kept him alert and reassured him that he would remain safe on his journey.

Lindbergh kept this experience to himself for years until the account was finally published in his 1953 book The Spirit of St. Louis.

What did Gremlins look like, you ask? Well, actually the little monsters in the Gremlin movie were based on their description. They were said to look animalistic, with hairy bodies, large, pointed ears, deep red or even glowing eyes, and horns. Other reports spoke of gremlins as having hairless grey skin, being sort of reptilian in appearance, and having enormous mouths filled with pointy teeth. Some were even described as having bat-like wings. Holy moly.

One common trait in all reports is that through whatever means, gremlins were known to be able to adhere to the outer fuselage of planes and to withstand incredible temperature extremes, high altitudes, and violent winds.

Gremlins seemed to reach their peak during World War II when reports reached an all-time high. In fact, during the Battle of Britain gremlin reports were so prevalent that the British Air Ministry acknowledged the problem and even made serious attempts to investigate the phenomenon.

Hell, the Ministry even went as far as to have a service manual written up by a gloriously named “Gremlorist,” Percy Prune, which included the creatures’ exploits, how to placate or distract them, and various ways to avoid accidents due to their presence. You cannot make this stuff up, folks.

It wasn’t just the British who saw the little pranksters, either. German pilots saw them, Americans too, and the only common denominator was that they were almost always seen over European soil or water. Strange but true.

One of the stories told by an American pilot is a rather chilling one. He said he looked outside to his right and saw a freakish “entity” outside of the plane’s window and latched onto the plane. He described a creature that was about 3-feet tall with abnormally long arms, grey hairless skin, deep red eyes, a gaping mouth full of teeth, and pointed ears with tufts of black hair at the ends like “owl ears.” He said it was just staring in at him from beyond the glass. When the terrified pilot looked to the nose of the aircraft he was astonished to see yet another one of the creatures apparently dancing about out there and pounding away haphazardly at the fuselage. He said that the strange creatures appeared to be laughing maniacally, and that they gleefully cavorted about outside of his plane pulling on whatever they could get their clawed hands on, banging on the aircraft with all of their might, obviously trying their best to bring the plane down.

Good God almighty.

Crazy stuff, man. So what are gremlins? A figment of a bunch of pilot’s imaginations? What were all of these people seeing or experiencing? It’s been pointed out that the lack of adequate pressurization of aircraft back in those days may have led to hallucinations, but why would so any people have basically the same hallucination? Some have said that gremlins may have been an excuse for human error, with pilots blaming accidents on these creatures. “Captain, I was doing one helluva job flying my plane until those damn gremlins made me crash.” Seriously?

To this day nobody knows for certain, but one thing is undeniable – to thousands of pilots who flew back in the early 1920s up through to the end of World War II, gremlins were real.

So, next time you’re flying somewhere and feel a little turbulence or bouncing of the plane, or maybe you hear a strange noise outside, take a gander out the window. You just might see a gremlin peering back at you.

PS: You know the old Twilight Zone episode where the monster is on the wing? It was inspired by gremlins. A couple pics above were taken from the 80s remake of that episode.

PPS: Disney even had a book about gremlins. That’s cray-cray.



A self-serve gas law took effect in Oregon on Monday, and some Oregonians aren’t taking it well. House Bill 2482, which was signed into law last year, allows motorists to pump their own gas in nearly half of Oregon’s 36-counties. It seems that Oregon and New Jersey had long been the only two states in the U.S. to bar customers from pumping their own fuel. Anywho, like I said, folks are all freaking out about having to actually get out of their car and handle a dangerous and smelly gas pump and whatnot. Check out some of the social media comments:

“I don’t even know HOW to pump gas and I am 62, native Oregonian! I say NO THANKS! I don’t want to smell like gasoline!”

Uh, bro. You won’t. What, do you think you dip it out of a bucket with your hands?

“I’ve lived in this state all my life and I REFUSE to pump my own gas. This is a service only qualified people should perform. I will literally park at the pump and wait until someone pumps my gas.”

Yep. Couldn’t agree more. Because those gas station attendants undergo a stringent training course to learn the intricacies of operating the complicated gas pump. Like, you know, lifting it from the cradle, inserting it into the filler neck of your gas tank, and pulling the trigger thingy to pump the gas.*

*Trigger Thingy is actually the name. True story.

“I go to work at 5 in the morning. Not a lot of people at the gas pumps at that time in the morning. And yes, I will not feel safe pumping my own gas. Not to mention it’s freezing and rainy. So thank you to all who voted to change it. You have now taken away a nice luxury that most of us enjoyed.”

Awww. Again with the worries of safety and getting cold and wet. Are Oregonians really that soft? In Ohio we lick the access gas off our hands and get on with our day.

“Many people are not capable of knowing how to pump gas and the hazards of not doing it correctly. Besides I don’t want to go to work smelling of gas when I get it on my hands or clothes. I agree very bad idea.”

Seriously, do these people think folks are blowing up their cars on the regular in the 48 states where people pump their own freaking gas? Good God, man. On a related note . . .

“Yuck! Pumping my own fuel in freezing temperatures and handling a nasty ole fuel nozzle that 50 other people have touched that day (and who knows what cooties are on there), no thank you. It’s nice to not have to pump your own fuel.”

Son, do you realize how many objects you touch every day that 100 other people have touched? The answer is exactly 4,567. I looked it up. Seriously, are Oregonians that soft? Damn it Trump!

Note: You youngbloods out there won’t remember this, but when I was a kid you’d pull into a gas station, 3 or 4 guys in uniforms and ties would come running out, and not only would they pump your gas but they’d wash your windshield, check the air in your tires and give you a foot massage. OK, that last part wasn’t true but the rest is 100% accurate. Oh, and if you filled your tank they’d give you a dinnerware set or something. True damn story. 

See? I wouldn’t lie to ya.


Photographer Daniel Biber from Hilzingen, Germany was there when a bunch of Starlings began to swirl and twist, most likely the result of a predator such as a falcon or hawk being in the vicinity since they do this as a protective instinct. It was by coincidence they resemble a giant bird. We think.

Also, a large group of Starlings is called a Murmuration. That’s cool.


Ever notice how sports talking heads have to constantly beat us over the head with useless statistics? Just mindless, meaningless, dare I say counterproductive information that actually leave us dumber in their wake?

Yeah, me too, and I’m sick of it. Theretofore, today begins my war against this useless drivel that rains down upon us on with alarming regularity. First off, some stats are so ridiculously obvious they’re worthless. To wit:

“Golden State is 89-0 while leading by 23 or more points with less than a minute to play in regulation.”  

Gee, ya think?

Other stats are even more witless. I shall now point out a few examples of what I may or may not have heard on TV and radio over the past few months but I quite possibly may have simply made up. Either way, you’ll get my point.

I hope. Let us begin . . .

“Jimmy Joe Snorkelwhipple is the 2nd player to have a triple-double on Christmas Day whilst wearing a man bun.”

“Artie ‘Goatface’ Mortlingdickle is the 3rd player to gain 100-yards on his 25th birthday while wearing #32 and having the nickname ‘Goatface’.”

Max Smorkendoodle is the 7th player to hit a home run while playing against a team with 3-players named Henry who have sets of triplets named Michael, Mika and Mickey.”

“DeShawn Jackson is the 33,510,113th player to play professional sports while being pursued by a Kardashian.”

Incidentally, I made up those names. Didn’t want you think those were actual professional athletes. But you get the picture, right? Do we really need the dumb sports stats? I think we do not.

I mean, can’t you make up a statistic about anything? For instance, I just created this stat about me, which happens to be true:

“Dave Shoemaker is the first Paint Valley basketball coach in history named Dave Shoemaker to coach a team that defeated Southeastern and Adena a week prior to eating 37-shrimp cocktails on Christmas Eve while owning a dog named Sparky who once won a fight with a coyote.”

See what I mean? Dumb.

In the interest of my blogging integrity I shall now give you actual, real-life stats given by actual, real-life sports announcers. Be amazed.

“He was the second pitcher in the last 83-years to win 13 more games than he lost for a team finishing 13-games or worse under .500.”

83-years? Really? On a related note, I had to read that 5-times before I sort of understood it.

“He’s the first player since 1912 with 50-doubles and 50-stolen bases in one season.”

So we’re combining doubles and steals to make up a stat? What’s next, foul balls and ear hair?

“He’s the first catcher over the age of 35 to hit .330 with 20-homers and 85-runs batted in.”

So let me get this straight. There could be another catcher over 35 with 25-homers and 80-RBIs? See what I’m saying? Geesh.

In conclusion, I give you one more meaningless statistic:

“What you have just read is the only blog written on December 26th, 2017 that contained the words Snorkelwhipple, Mortlingdickle, Goatface and Kardashian.”

God I’m bored. I need a nap.


Remember that big story yesterday where we found out the US government has been investigating UFOs for years? Well, now we have some actual, real video of a goddamn UFO. Did you read what I just wrote? We have video of an alien spacecraft. Watch the video for yourself, man. That spaceship flies off like a damn bumblebee at the end. What the hell moves like that? An alien craft, that’s what. Seriously, the pilots witnessing this are just dumbstruck. I’ll tell you something else, folks – being able to fly like that means they have the technology to travel at the speed of light. Which means they can bend time. Which means they are probably bending time in space so they can’t be seen. Which means we are beyond screwed and we’re all gonna die soon because we would totally lose an intergalactic war. Hey, I’ve seen movies. Those alien transformer freaks don’t mess around. Meanwhile we’re still trying to put a person on Mars while these ETs are cruising from universe to universe like it ain’t no thang. It’s all over but the dying.

PS- The chances of us being alone are as infinitesimally small as the universe in exponentially big. That’s just science.

PPS- No way I’m getting captured either. Nobody’s probing me, man.


Source – A professor at Boston University has proclaimed Christmas carol favorite “Jingle Bells” to be a “racist song” and is urging people to shun the jaunty tune. Kyna Hamill, a theater history professor at Boston University, recently told the Boston Globe that the venerable Christmas song has a “secret” racist past that has been “systematically” hidden from Americans as they celebrate the Christmas season. Hamill claims the song, written 160-years ago by James Pierpont, was written to ridicule black people and was first performed in a blackface minstrel hall in Boston in 1857. The professor said that her study of the history of the song proved that the song was made to satirize how black people reacted to winter activities such as sleigh riding. 

Wow. And here all these years I thought the song was about riding in a one horse open sleigh and laughing and jingling all the way and whatnot. Now Kyna Hamill has gone and ruined it for me. Seriously, how in the hell can a song be racist when not one person on earth sings it with that intent? Answer: It can’t be.

PS- I also read where “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” was totally about date rape. I don’t understand anything about anything anymore.


Earlier this autumn, an asteroid named Oumuamua captured the attention of the scientific world when it was confirmed as the first known object from outside the solar system. Now, Breakthrough Listen wants to see if it’s the first sign of life beyond our planet.  On Wednesday, the $100 million project to detect potential evidence of extraterrestrials plans to use the Robert C. Byrd Green Bank Telescope in West Virginia to observe the asteroid across four radio bands for 10-hours. “Most likely it is of natural origin, but because it is so peculiar, we would like to check if it has any sign of artificial origin, such as radio emissions,” Avi Loeb, professor of astronomy at Harvard University and an adviser to Breakthrough Listen, told The Guardian. “If we do detect a signal that appears artificial in origin, we’ll know immediately. We don’t want to be sensational in any way, and we are very realistic about the chances this is artificial,” Yuri Milner, the Silicon Valley billionaire behind the Breakthrough Initiatives, told Scientific American. “But because this is a unique situation, we think mankind can afford 10 hours of observing time using the best equipment on the planet to check a low-probability hypothesis. Oumuamua’s unusual cigar shape ― 10 times longer than it is wide ― was also “the most likely architecture for an interstellar spacecraft since this would minimize friction and damage from interstellar gas and dust,” the organization said. However, “a natural origin is more likely.”

Well, hell. It’s happening. It’s really happening. A cigar-shaped alien spaceship is cruising by earth. Everybody stand really still and try to act inconspicuous. Maybe Oumuamua won’t see us. Seriously, everybody knows asteroids aren’t long and thin. They’re all jaggedy and whatnot. That’s just science. You know what is longer and than it is wide and flies through space? A damn alien spaceship, that’s what. Now excuse me while I take Sparky with me to my underground lair.

PS- My underground lair is fully stocked with Cheez-Its, Cheez Whiz, Wonder Bread and Rock Star Punch energy drinks. That’s all I need until Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal take care of these freaks.

PPS- Can you imagine what Trump would do if aliens landed in DC? He’d probably finish his round of golf in Florida and then fly to Russia to ask Putin to protect him.

PPPS- I lied in my first PS. I’d have some booze down there too.


CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas — Personal injury attorney Thomas J. Henry knows how to throw a party.  This weekend, he made sure his son’s 18th birthday didn’t fall short. The $4-million dollar party for Thomas Henry Jr. was held at Hotel Discotheque lounge in San Antonio. The event had a Gatsby-mixed-with-burlesque theme complete with showgirls, aerial performers, art installations and contortionists.

The party featured performances by Diplo, J Balvin and Migos. Celebrity guests included Ashanti, Rumer Willis, Lance Bass, Josh Henderson, Adrienne Bailon, Joanna Krupa, Aubrey O’Day, Austin Mahone and others. The star of the party, who sat on a throne-like chair when he wasn’t dancing, was given a fully loaded blue Ferrari, an IWC Portugieser Tourbillion watch and a custom-made painting from Alec Monopoly.

Thomas, when he wasn’t dancing, sat on an elevated throne-like chair at the front of the room. 

Meh. Big deal. Who hasn’t had a Gatsby-mixed-with-burlesque themed birthday party complete with showgirls, aerial performers, art installations and contortionists? That’s a normal Tuesday evening rager here in Southern Ohio. And seriously, Diplo? That’s a low-rent rapper if one ever existed.*

Seriously, I guarantee I had more fun on my 18th birthday than Thomas J. Henry. My friends and I went down to the creek, built a bonfire and listened to Alice Cooper while chugging Stroh’s beer and shots of Old Grand-Dad. And I didn’t have a throne-like chair but Mary Jo Corbett and I sat on a really comfortable log. Plus it didn’t cost $4-million. More like $17.26. You can’t put a price on a good time, kids.

*I have no idea who Diplo is.



You guys know how all these wild conspiracy theories interest me. JFK, the supposed death of Paul McCartney, hell, I even posted about cartoons and the movie Back to the Future predicting 9/11. And have I mentioned that Stevie Wonder may not be blind? Anywho, this stuff make compelling reading even if you’re 99% certain it isn’t true.

Still, there’s that 1%. That’s what makes it all fascinating.

Anyway, what you’re about to read and see may be the wildest, most outlandish theory of all – Elvis Presley was an extra in Home Alone.

Because of course he was.

There is a scene midway through the film, where Catherine O’Hara’s character is bartering with an airline employee over a ticket counter in a Scranton Airport. A bearded man in a sports coat and turtleneck hovers over her left shoulder, occasionally expressing his impatience with his body language. This man, many believe, is played by none other than The King himself. Let’s take a gander . . .

Huh. Well, Elvis grew a beard for the movie Charro back in the 60’s. Let us compare:

Damn, that is a close resemblance. But oh, there’s more.

Well, now I’m all shook up. Say no more. I’m convinced. I know suspicious minds won’t concur, but Elvis was in the movie Home Alone 13-years after his alleged “death.” Come on Elvis. Don’t be cruel. It’s now or never. It’s time for your big comeback.

Have a blue Christmas everybody!

PS- If you know that actor’s name please don’t tell me. Let me keep on believin’.



Not saying that she’s an alien. But she’s an alien.


(DailyStar) — Sahar Tabar has undergone extreme plastic surgery in a bid to look like Angelina Jolie. The Iranian teenager is only 19, but has reportedly had 50 operations in a bid for fuller lips and defined cheek bones, according to Belgian website Sud Info. Sahar claims to be one of the actress’ biggest fans and says she “would do anything” to emulate the movie star.

Sahar Tabar would do anything? Really? That’s a shocking statement. Who would’ve thought it? Those photos give no indication of that at all. Anyway, had I not read the article I’d have thought that was Angelina Jolie. Dead ringer really, with the emphasis on the word “dead”. Just stellar work by the plastic surgeon.

Note to self: Never get plastic surgery in Iran.


Source – Bacteria discovered on the surface of the International Space Station may not be from Earth, a Russian cosmonaut claims. Anton Shkaplerov, an ISS expedition flight engineer who will take his third trip to the space station in December, said that living bacteria harvested from the metal skin may be extraterrestrial. Shkaplerov said: “Bacteria that had not been there during the launch of the ISS module were found on the swabs.
“So they have flew from somewhere in space and settled on the outside hull.” Incredibly, bacteria found on the ISS can survive in a vacuum and temperatures ranging from -150C to 150C. Last month Sky reported that bacterial cells treated with a common antibiotic were spotted changing shape to survive while aboard the ISS.

Isn’t this how every space horror movie since 1953 has started? A seemingly harmless bacteria finds its way inside your spaceship and proceeds to grow into a freakin’ 12-foot space monster from hell and then kill everybody on board?

Honestly, if this doesn’t scare the bejesus out of you I don’t know what will. First off, there is no way we can let this craft back into the earth’s atmosphere. NO WAY MAN. Why? Because SOMETHING FLEW IN FROM SPACE AND SETTLED ON THE SHIP’S HULL. And oh, by the way, it can live in a damn vacuum and in temperatures ranging from -150C to 150C and is changing shape to survive. 

Sweet dear God we must blow that Space Station to hell and we must blow it to hell right now. Come on Trump! Do something!

Note: This reminds me of that damn Tardigrade I wrote about once. Scary stuff.

Also called a Water Bear. Cool.


First, watch the video:

Wait. What just happened? That’s physically impossible. Dude floated back up like a damn ghost or something. That’s some supernatural shit right there, man. And the player from the Chiefs knew. Look at how he looked at Zay Jones. He was flabbergasted. Here’s what happened – Zay Jones forgot he was pretending to be human and acted exactly how an alien from God-knows-where would act. Hey, I wrote about these people recently. I ain’t dumb.


Oh sweet Jesus no. Nope. Oh HELL naw. Good Lord almighty that’s chilling to gander at. But yes kids, this nightmare fuel is a real, honest-to-God living creature. Speaking of God, he had to be just messing with is with this guy, huh? “Hey, I’m in a weird mood today. Think I’ll create a flying wolf.” Anyway, this dude lives in Africa and feeds mostly on fruit, toddlers and the occasional drunken native stumbling home from the local watering hole. Seriously, they say just fruit but color me skeptical. I mean, look at this guy. Anywho, African Buttikofer Epaulatted Fruit Bat.


Listen, having my life threatened because of something I’ve written isn’t new. I’ve been threatened by angry clowns, Nazis, racist rednecks, a crazy lady stalker and even an angry mother of a high school bowler from Cincinnati. Still, this latest threat has me a little flummoxed. See, a few weeks ago I wrote a little something called Do you know a psychopath? which I thought was a fairly innocuous piece about, well, psychopaths. Anyway, a couple days later I received this little missive from some nutjob who has to be out of his gourd. I shall break it down as we go:

YOU, personally, really should weigh your words SERIOUSLY. I strongly advise you to delete this written defamation of a huge group of people who do not take slander and character assassination like this easily.

Well, I sort of assumed psychopaths would not take things lightly, so this part doesn’t surprise me a bit. Psychopaths, man. Thin-skinned like you read about.

I do not know which organization you have got to back you up, but if you do not care about lawsuits in the multi-million dollar range, fine, just keep on doing what you are doing.

HA! First off, these people have no idea what organization I have backing me up, and if they did they’d back off in a heartbeat. Let’s just say The Black Wave has my back.

Bad. Ass.

If you DO care about spending x-amounts of money to try and defend this CLEARLY written libel, then take my advice – DELETE. Your post is now officially been copied and screen-shotted and digitally stored for later use and evidence. This is just a warning. Delete or pay the consequences either monetarily or physically.

Whoa, can you say dark turn? But listen, any threatening letter writer that uses the word screen-shotted is alright by me. Hell, I’m not even mad. That’s amazing.

We are Antifa, we do not forget.

Wait. What? Who? Antifa? The anti-fascist group? Has this psychopath even read my website? Hell, I’m practically Antifa myself, man. C’mon Antifa. You’re better’n ‘at.

Note: No way somebody from Antifa wrote this. Has to be a lone wolf psychopath dude. I’m not rich so a lawsuit means nothing to me, and I ran the IP address and it originated from Arlington, Virginia. That would be a what, a 7-hour drive to kill me? To be safe, Sparky and I shall be on high alert for a few days. Such is the life of a world-famous blogger.




Well, I see the plan to wipe out the human element in the workforce is almost complete. As soon as these things become self-aware they’ll organize an army and destroy us all. Seriously, with all the politically correct crap going on these days I can see these robots patrolling the streets monitoring hate speech and trigger words and whatnot. Every time “Trump” and “hate” are uttered in the same sentence one of these dudes will staring you straight in the grillmix. Terrifying really.

PS- Robot tipping will be a thing in the future. Write it down.



PIX11 — An online worksheet that was never meant for children has parents at one Virginia middle school furious after a teacher mistakenly passed it out to the class, according to WTVR. A teacher at Carter G. Woodson Middle School assigned the “Family Quiz” worksheet Friday in a Family & Consumer Sciences class, according to parents.

Oh boy. First, let’s take a gander at the worksheet? How bad could it be? I mean really?

Well hell. How bad could it be? I guess the answer is pretty bad. It really took a left turn there on 17 through 20, amirite? And “boy toy” and “trophy wife” really takes it to another level, man. But honestly, who downloads a test and passes it out without, you know, looking it over first? Good God.

PS- Kudos to the kid that took this test. Nailed it.

PPS- Love the family dog at the top of the test. Cool.


A security guard nearly lost an arm in a brutal battle with a 25-ft python – which was later chopped up and fried by hungry Indonesian villagers. Robert Nababan crossed paths with the giant creature while patrolling an oil palm plantation in the remote Batang Gansal subdistrict of Sumatra island. Police say the 37-year-old tried to catch the giant python and stuff it in a gunny sack. But the huge serpent fought back and bit him on his left arm, nearly severing it from his body.

There’s one thing that stands out to me regarding this story, and that is the fact that Robert Nataban saw a 25-foot python while patrolling a oil palm plantation and proceeded to try and catch it and stuff it into a gunny sack. What the hell, man? I searched up “gunny sack” on the Goggle and here’s what came up:

How in the hell did Robert Nataban think he was going to stuff that monster into that tiny sack? Dude either has balls the size of basketballs or a brain the size of a BB. Good God man. Any normal human being would have taken one look at that slithering reptilian beast and run for his life. Instead, Robert Nataban tries to be a badass and ends up with his arm nearly severed from his body. There are some wild shenanigans going on over there in the Batang Gansal subdistrict of Sumatra Island, lemme tell ya.

PS- The fact that this snake was chopped up, fried and eaten by the villagers is so Indonesia it hurts.


We all know guys like this. J-u-s-t not quite right. A couple eggs short of a dozen. Both oars not quite in the water. A few sandwiches short of a picnic. They remind you of Paul Revere’s Ride, as in a little light in the belfry. Anyhoo, Jameis Winston is one of those guys. Honestly, you can tell he’s half nuts by looking into his eyes. Listen to his pregame speech yesterday and tell me I’m wrong. Dude is unhinged, man. But seriously, somebody needs to make sure Tampa Bay is following the proper concussion protocol.

PS- His speech rallied the squad to a 30-10 loss. Good times.



The Hill — Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) is reportedly recovering from five broken ribs after he was attacked while doing yard work on Friday. Doug Stafford, a top aide to Paul, told The Associated Press on Sunday that it is unclear when Paul plans to return to work as he deals with searing pain that prevents him from traveling and flying. Three of the five broken ribs are displaced fractures, which pose a risk for life-threatening problems, the aide told the news wire. His injuries could cause the senator lasting pain for months, according to the report. Rene’ Boucher, Paul’s 59-year old next-door neighbor, has been charged with misdemeanor fourth-degree assault.

First off, nothing screams “I’m a nerd” better than getting the shit kicked out of you by a guy named Rene’. Secondly, how the hell do you get beat up doing yard work? Wouldn’t you have a weapon with you? Maybe a rake? A sickle? Hell, a lawnmower? Make a charge at that bro with your 18 HP Cub Cadet XT1 Enduro Series LT 42″ Kohler Hydrostatic Gas Front-Engine Riding Mower  and watch that sucker go running back to his own freakin’ yard. Just a bad look all-around for Senator Rand Paul. Bad look indeed.

PS- You just know Trump is behind this. As if this public humiliation and evisceration wasn’t enough.