Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category

Earlier this autumn, an asteroid named Oumuamua captured the attention of the scientific world when it was confirmed as the first known object from outside the solar system. Now, Breakthrough Listen wants to see if it’s the first sign of life beyond our planet.  On Wednesday, the $100 million project to detect potential evidence of extraterrestrials plans to use the Robert C. Byrd Green Bank Telescope in West Virginia to observe the asteroid across four radio bands for 10-hours. “Most likely it is of natural origin, but because it is so peculiar, we would like to check if it has any sign of artificial origin, such as radio emissions,” Avi Loeb, professor of astronomy at Harvard University and an adviser to Breakthrough Listen, told The Guardian. “If we do detect a signal that appears artificial in origin, we’ll know immediately. We don’t want to be sensational in any way, and we are very realistic about the chances this is artificial,” Yuri Milner, the Silicon Valley billionaire behind the Breakthrough Initiatives, told Scientific American. “But because this is a unique situation, we think mankind can afford 10 hours of observing time using the best equipment on the planet to check a low-probability hypothesis. Oumuamua’s unusual cigar shape ― 10 times longer than it is wide ― was also “the most likely architecture for an interstellar spacecraft since this would minimize friction and damage from interstellar gas and dust,” the organization said. However, “a natural origin is more likely.”

Well, hell. It’s happening. It’s really happening. A cigar-shaped alien spaceship is cruising by earth. Everybody stand really still and try to act inconspicuous. Maybe Oumuamua won’t see us. Seriously, everybody knows asteroids aren’t long and thin. They’re all jaggedy and whatnot. That’s just science. You know what is longer and than it is wide and flies through space? A damn alien spaceship, that’s what. Now excuse me while I take Sparky with me to my underground lair.

PS- My underground lair is fully stocked with Cheez-Its, Cheez Whiz, Wonder Bread and Rock Star Punch energy drinks. That’s all I need until Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal take care of these freaks.

PPS- Can you imagine what Trump would do if aliens landed in DC? He’d probably finish his round of golf in Florida and then fly to Russia to ask Putin to protect him.

PPPS- I lied in my first PS. I’d have some booze down there too.

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CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas — Personal injury attorney Thomas J. Henry knows how to throw a party.  This weekend, he made sure his son’s 18th birthday didn’t fall short. The $4-million dollar party for Thomas Henry Jr. was held at Hotel Discotheque lounge in San Antonio. The event had a Gatsby-mixed-with-burlesque theme complete with showgirls, aerial performers, art installations and contortionists.

The party featured performances by Diplo, J Balvin and Migos. Celebrity guests included Ashanti, Rumer Willis, Lance Bass, Josh Henderson, Adrienne Bailon, Joanna Krupa, Aubrey O’Day, Austin Mahone and others. The star of the party, who sat on a throne-like chair when he wasn’t dancing, was given a fully loaded blue Ferrari, an IWC Portugieser Tourbillion watch and a custom-made painting from Alec Monopoly.

Thomas, when he wasn’t dancing, sat on an elevated throne-like chair at the front of the room. 

Meh. Big deal. Who hasn’t had a Gatsby-mixed-with-burlesque themed birthday party complete with showgirls, aerial performers, art installations and contortionists? That’s a normal Tuesday evening rager here in Southern Ohio. And seriously, Diplo? That’s a low-rent rapper if one ever existed.*

Seriously, I guarantee I had more fun on my 18th birthday than Thomas J. Henry. My friends and I went down to the creek, built a bonfire and listened to Alice Cooper while chugging Stroh’s beer and shots of Old Grand-Dad. And I didn’t have a throne-like chair but Mary Jo Corbett and I sat on a really comfortable log. Plus it didn’t cost $4-million. More like $17.26. You can’t put a price on a good time, kids.

*I have no idea who Diplo is.

 

You guys know how all these wild conspiracy theories interest me. JFK, the supposed death of Paul McCartney, hell, I even posted about cartoons and the movie Back to the Future predicting 9/11. And have I mentioned that Stevie Wonder may not be blind? Anywho, this stuff make compelling reading even if you’re 99% certain it isn’t true.

Still, there’s that 1%. That’s what makes it all fascinating.

Anyway, what you’re about to read and see may be the wildest, most outlandish theory of all – Elvis Presley was an extra in Home Alone.

Because of course he was.

There is a scene midway through the film, where Catherine O’Hara’s character is bartering with an airline employee over a ticket counter in a Scranton Airport. A bearded man in a sports coat and turtleneck hovers over her left shoulder, occasionally expressing his impatience with his body language. This man, many believe, is played by none other than The King himself. Let’s take a gander . . .

Huh. Well, Elvis grew a beard for the movie Charro back in the 60’s. Let us compare:

Damn, that is a close resemblance. But oh, there’s more.

Well, now I’m all shook up. Say no more. I’m convinced. I know suspicious minds won’t concur, but Elvis was in the movie Home Alone 13-years after his alleged “death.” Come on Elvis. Don’t be cruel. It’s now or never. It’s time for your big comeback.

Have a blue Christmas everybody!

PS- If you know that actor’s name please don’t tell me. Let me keep on believin’.

 

Not saying that she’s an alien. But she’s an alien.

(DailyStar) — Sahar Tabar has undergone extreme plastic surgery in a bid to look like Angelina Jolie. The Iranian teenager is only 19, but has reportedly had 50 operations in a bid for fuller lips and defined cheek bones, according to Belgian website Sud Info. Sahar claims to be one of the actress’ biggest fans and says she “would do anything” to emulate the movie star.

Sahar Tabar would do anything? Really? That’s a shocking statement. Who would’ve thought it? Those photos give no indication of that at all. Anyway, had I not read the article I’d have thought that was Angelina Jolie. Dead ringer really, with the emphasis on the word “dead”. Just stellar work by the plastic surgeon.

Note to self: Never get plastic surgery in Iran.

Source – Bacteria discovered on the surface of the International Space Station may not be from Earth, a Russian cosmonaut claims. Anton Shkaplerov, an ISS expedition flight engineer who will take his third trip to the space station in December, said that living bacteria harvested from the metal skin may be extraterrestrial. Shkaplerov said: “Bacteria that had not been there during the launch of the ISS module were found on the swabs.
“So they have flew from somewhere in space and settled on the outside hull.” Incredibly, bacteria found on the ISS can survive in a vacuum and temperatures ranging from -150C to 150C. Last month Sky reported that bacterial cells treated with a common antibiotic were spotted changing shape to survive while aboard the ISS.

Isn’t this how every space horror movie since 1953 has started? A seemingly harmless bacteria finds its way inside your spaceship and proceeds to grow into a freakin’ 12-foot space monster from hell and then kill everybody on board?

Honestly, if this doesn’t scare the bejesus out of you I don’t know what will. First off, there is no way we can let this craft back into the earth’s atmosphere. NO WAY MAN. Why? Because SOMETHING FLEW IN FROM SPACE AND SETTLED ON THE SHIP’S HULL. And oh, by the way, it can live in a damn vacuum and in temperatures ranging from -150C to 150C and is changing shape to survive. 

Sweet dear God we must blow that Space Station to hell and we must blow it to hell right now. Come on Trump! Do something!

Note: This reminds me of that damn Tardigrade I wrote about once. Scary stuff.

Also called a Water Bear. Cool.

First, watch the video:

Wait. What just happened? That’s physically impossible. Dude floated back up like a damn ghost or something. That’s some supernatural shit right there, man. And the player from the Chiefs knew. Look at how he looked at Zay Jones. He was flabbergasted. Here’s what happened – Zay Jones forgot he was pretending to be human and acted exactly how an alien from God-knows-where would act. Hey, I wrote about these people recently. I ain’t dumb.

Oh sweet Jesus no. Nope. Oh HELL naw. Good Lord almighty that’s chilling to gander at. But yes kids, this nightmare fuel is a real, honest-to-God living creature. Speaking of God, he had to be just messing with is with this guy, huh? “Hey, I’m in a weird mood today. Think I’ll create a flying wolf.” Anyway, this dude lives in Africa and feeds mostly on fruit, toddlers and the occasional drunken native stumbling home from the local watering hole. Seriously, they say just fruit but color me skeptical. I mean, look at this guy. Anywho, African Buttikofer Epaulatted Fruit Bat.

Listen, having my life threatened because of something I’ve written isn’t new. I’ve been threatened by angry clowns, Nazis, racist rednecks, a crazy lady stalker and even an angry mother of a high school bowler from Cincinnati. Still, this latest threat has me a little flummoxed. See, a few weeks ago I wrote a little something called Do you know a psychopath? which I thought was a fairly innocuous piece about, well, psychopaths. Anyway, a couple days later I received this little missive from some nutjob who has to be out of his gourd. I shall break it down as we go:

YOU, personally, really should weigh your words SERIOUSLY. I strongly advise you to delete this written defamation of a huge group of people who do not take slander and character assassination like this easily.

Well, I sort of assumed psychopaths would not take things lightly, so this part doesn’t surprise me a bit. Psychopaths, man. Thin-skinned like you read about.

I do not know which organization you have got to back you up, but if you do not care about lawsuits in the multi-million dollar range, fine, just keep on doing what you are doing.

HA! First off, these people have no idea what organization I have backing me up, and if they did they’d back off in a heartbeat. Let’s just say The Black Wave has my back.

Bad. Ass.

If you DO care about spending x-amounts of money to try and defend this CLEARLY written libel, then take my advice – DELETE. Your post is now officially been copied and screen-shotted and digitally stored for later use and evidence. This is just a warning. Delete or pay the consequences either monetarily or physically.

Whoa, can you say dark turn? But listen, any threatening letter writer that uses the word screen-shotted is alright by me. Hell, I’m not even mad. That’s amazing.

We are Antifa, we do not forget.

Wait. What? Who? Antifa? The anti-fascist group? Has this psychopath even read my website? Hell, I’m practically Antifa myself, man. C’mon Antifa. You’re better’n ‘at.

Note: No way somebody from Antifa wrote this. Has to be a lone wolf psychopath dude. I’m not rich so a lawsuit means nothing to me, and I ran the IP address and it originated from Arlington, Virginia. That would be a what, a 7-hour drive to kill me? To be safe, Sparky and I shall be on high alert for a few days. Such is the life of a world-famous blogger.

 

Jeebus.

Well, I see the plan to wipe out the human element in the workforce is almost complete. As soon as these things become self-aware they’ll organize an army and destroy us all. Seriously, with all the politically correct crap going on these days I can see these robots patrolling the streets monitoring hate speech and trigger words and whatnot. Every time “Trump” and “hate” are uttered in the same sentence one of these dudes will staring you straight in the grillmix. Terrifying really.

PS- Robot tipping will be a thing in the future. Write it down.

pppppppp

PIX11 — An online worksheet that was never meant for children has parents at one Virginia middle school furious after a teacher mistakenly passed it out to the class, according to WTVR. A teacher at Carter G. Woodson Middle School assigned the “Family Quiz” worksheet Friday in a Family & Consumer Sciences class, according to parents.

Oh boy. First, let’s take a gander at the worksheet? How bad could it be? I mean really?

Well hell. How bad could it be? I guess the answer is pretty bad. It really took a left turn there on 17 through 20, amirite? And “boy toy” and “trophy wife” really takes it to another level, man. But honestly, who downloads a test and passes it out without, you know, looking it over first? Good God.

PS- Kudos to the kid that took this test. Nailed it.

PPS- Love the family dog at the top of the test. Cool.

Source
A security guard nearly lost an arm in a brutal battle with a 25-ft python – which was later chopped up and fried by hungry Indonesian villagers. Robert Nababan crossed paths with the giant creature while patrolling an oil palm plantation in the remote Batang Gansal subdistrict of Sumatra island. Police say the 37-year-old tried to catch the giant python and stuff it in a gunny sack. But the huge serpent fought back and bit him on his left arm, nearly severing it from his body.

There’s one thing that stands out to me regarding this story, and that is the fact that Robert Nataban saw a 25-foot python while patrolling a oil palm plantation and proceeded to try and catch it and stuff it into a gunny sack. What the hell, man? I searched up “gunny sack” on the Goggle and here’s what came up:

How in the hell did Robert Nataban think he was going to stuff that monster into that tiny sack? Dude either has balls the size of basketballs or a brain the size of a BB. Good God man. Any normal human being would have taken one look at that slithering reptilian beast and run for his life. Instead, Robert Nataban tries to be a badass and ends up with his arm nearly severed from his body. There are some wild shenanigans going on over there in the Batang Gansal subdistrict of Sumatra Island, lemme tell ya.

PS- The fact that this snake was chopped up, fried and eaten by the villagers is so Indonesia it hurts.

We all know guys like this. J-u-s-t not quite right. A couple eggs short of a dozen. Both oars not quite in the water. A few sandwiches short of a picnic. They remind you of Paul Revere’s Ride, as in a little light in the belfry. Anyhoo, Jameis Winston is one of those guys. Honestly, you can tell he’s half nuts by looking into his eyes. Listen to his pregame speech yesterday and tell me I’m wrong. Dude is unhinged, man. But seriously, somebody needs to make sure Tampa Bay is following the proper concussion protocol.

PS- His speech rallied the squad to a 30-10 loss. Good times.

wasn’t

The Hill — Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) is reportedly recovering from five broken ribs after he was attacked while doing yard work on Friday. Doug Stafford, a top aide to Paul, told The Associated Press on Sunday that it is unclear when Paul plans to return to work as he deals with searing pain that prevents him from traveling and flying. Three of the five broken ribs are displaced fractures, which pose a risk for life-threatening problems, the aide told the news wire. His injuries could cause the senator lasting pain for months, according to the report. Rene’ Boucher, Paul’s 59-year old next-door neighbor, has been charged with misdemeanor fourth-degree assault.

First off, nothing screams “I’m a nerd” better than getting the shit kicked out of you by a guy named Rene’. Secondly, how the hell do you get beat up doing yard work? Wouldn’t you have a weapon with you? Maybe a rake? A sickle? Hell, a lawnmower? Make a charge at that bro with your 18 HP Cub Cadet XT1 Enduro Series LT 42″ Kohler Hydrostatic Gas Front-Engine Riding Mower  and watch that sucker go running back to his own freakin’ yard. Just a bad look all-around for Senator Rand Paul. Bad look indeed.

PS- You just know Trump is behind this. As if this public humiliation and evisceration wasn’t enough.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Yep. sure did. And they even put the 2017 World Series MVP on the cover. Pretty wild prediction that came to be. Crazy stuff.

Haven’t these people seen Children of the Corn?

The Post: A 3-year-old boy was found wandering alone through a 10-acre corn maze in northern Utah after his family left him behind, not realizing the small child was missing until the next morning, police say.

The distraught preschooler was discovered by a good Samaritan on Monday night near the entrance of the Crazy Corn Maze in West Jordan, near Salt Lake City.

“He was crying and upset and obviously scared,” Kendall Schmidt, co-owner of the corn maze, told The Washington Post in a phone interview Wednesday. “We were trying to calm him down.”

He was handed over to the Utah Division of Child and Family Services for the night. It wasn’t until Tuesday morning that his mother noticed he was missing, police said.

Number one, 10-acres is one big-ass Corn Maze. Number two, if you run a Corn Maze shouldn’t you, you know, run a sweep of the damn thing before you close to make sure there are no people left in there? That’s Corn Maze 101, man. The whole idea of a Corn Maze is for people to get lost in it. Number three, anyone who believes these parents are idiots. They clearly left the kid and made a run for it. Nobody leaves a Corn Maze, goes home and goes to bed without realizing their 3-year old isn’t around. “Hey, anyone seen little Ernie? Breakfast is ready.” That’s insane.

Update: The kid is now in the custody of Children’s Services, thank God. Let somebody have him that doesn’t lose their kid like you lose your car keys.

If you live literally anywhere but in a major city the video below will be laugh-out-loud funny. A cow got loose in the Big Apple and the locals acted like an alien dropped down from Uranus. It’s funny because New Yorkers act like midwesterners are gullible, innocent hicks yet there they are, giggling, taking photos and acting like school children at the sight of a regular farm animal. Too funny, man. City people are hilarious.

PS- Uranus jokes simply never get old, amirite?

People Magazine: Mugsy the dog still lives in Severna Park, Md. Given the eerie events claimed by his owners, it’s surprising that Mugsy lives anywhere at all. On Oct. 27, they say, the 4-year-old Jack Russell terrier went to that cold, dread place that Edgar Allan Poe and Stephen King have written about—and he has lived to wag the tail.

Mugsy’s brush with the beyond began about 3 P.M., when he was hit by a car outside Viola Tiszl’s house, where her boyfriend, Glenn Maloney, was taking care of their two children. “I picked Mugsy up,” says Maloney, 30, a restaurant worker, “but he died in my arms.”

Maloney told the children—Megan, 5, and Kevin, 3—to stay in the house. He carried the body to a corner of the wooded lot, dug a hole he estimates was three feet deep and buried him. “I know a dead dog when I see one,” says Maloney. “This one was real dead. He was not breathing. He had no heartbeat.”

Later that evening, after Viola got home from her job at a cable TV company, they took the children—including Raymond, 8, Viola’s son by her ex-husband—to view the grave. Megan said a prayer. They planned to put a wooden cross on the spot next morning. At 5:30 A.M., 14 hours after Mugsy’s interment, Glenn and Viola were awakened by scratching at the door. Glenn went to the door. “I couldn’t believe it,” he says. What he saw was the not-so-late Mugsy, with his “little tail wagging at 90 mph.”

“Mugsy was covered with dirt,” says Viola, 27, “and his eyes were bloodshot.” Incredibly, he seemed quite chipper otherwise. For a few days after the night of the living dog, Zeus, Viola’s German shepherd, gave Mugsy a wide berth. As for Mugsy himself, he is back chasing squirrels, digging for moles and eating the brains of small children who wander into his yard.

OK, I made that last part about brains up. Not gonna lie.

Anyway, wow. Just wow. That’s some Stephen King shit right there. I believe I’d have kept a close eye on old Mugsy for a couple days. Zeus the German Shepherd knew what was up. He sensed there might a little zombie action going on. “Kept a wide berth” indeed.

And hey, that Glenn Maloney sure has some nerve, right? “I know a dead dog when I see one.” Uh, Glen? No, you don’t. You don’t know a dead dog when you see one. You know, because that wasn’t a dead dog you saw. Bottom line, dogs? Don’t fall asleep around Glen. You might wake up buried 3-feet deep in the corner of a wooded lot.

And is anyone surprised the dog that came back to life was a Jack Russell? Little dudes are badass. My Sparky has whipped a coyote and brought a Doberman to its knees once. Being buried alive is like a walk in the park to those guys.

PS – What are the odds Glenn Maloney resented Mugsy’s awesomeness and used the accident as an excuse to get rid of him? If so, the dude had no idea who he was dealing with. Jacks, man. Takes more than being buried alive to kill them. Tough as nails.

New research shows pressure beneath Yellowstone could build much quicker than previously thought, and such an eruption could make Earth uninhabitable. Research presented by the Arizona State University at a recent meeting in Oregon goes against previous findings which that it could take thousands of years to build up. Scientists say it could happen within tens of years after a study analyzing crystals in volcanic rocks found in the area.
As the crystals grew, they were increasingly prone to being influenced by their surroundings, such as pressure, heat and water content.

Lead researcher Hannah Shamloo of Arizona State University told the New York Times: “It’s shocking how little time is required to take a volcanic system from being quiet and sitting there to the edge of an eruption.

The usually peaceful volcano has now experienced some 2,750 tremors since June 12th which could indicate that it is ready to burst back into life.

This is the second most active swarm of quakes since records began.

If the volcano were to erupt it would kill an estimated 87,000 people immediately and make two-thirds of the USA immediately uninhabitable.
The large spew of ash into the atmosphere would block out sunlight and directly affect life beneath it creating a “nuclear winter.”

Hey-O!  Saving up for little Hunter’s college fund? Screw that. Spend that dough while you can, folks, because well, this winter could be a bad one. A Nuclear Winter you might call it. Seriously man, a large spew of ash blocking out the sun just sucks. Pretty much what happened to the dinosaurs with that little meteor incident thingy. Turned out bad for them. And isn’t it wild that the Supervolcano is in Yellowstone National Park? Hell, that’s where Yogi Bear and Boo Boo live. Supervolcanos are supposed to be in Siberia or somewhere.

Fun Fact: The volcano system under Yellowstone has enough lava to fill 11 Grand Canyons. Sweet Mother of God. 

Lake Natron is located in Tanzania, and it’s one of the most unique bodies of water in the world. The water within it has an extremely high soda and salt content, so high that almost nothing can live in it. Blood-red from the bacteria that live in it, the salt lake is steaming hot, with temperatures that can reach up to 140º Fahrenheit.

The soda and salt causes creatures that enter its water to calcify, perfectly preserved, as they dry. They’re so hard they’re almost like rock. No one knows for certain exactly how the animals die, but it appears that the extreme reflective nature of the lake’s surface confuses them, causing them to crash into the lake.

Below are photos of animals photographer Nick Brandt found along the shores of the lake. Although he reposed them, the bodies are exactly the way he found them. Amazing, ghostly stuff.

[click to enlarge]

Washington Post: Mammalogist Tyrone Lavery has learned of a giant rat known to locals as Vika that lives in the trees, is a foot-and-a-half long, and has teeth so sharp it can punch through a coconut. Yes, the Vika is very real.

Its scale-covered tail, great jaws and a few rare photos were revealed Wednesday in the Journal of Mammalogy.

Uromys Vika is the first rodent species to be discovered in the Solomon Islands in nearly a century, at the end of Lavery’s long search.

He was first drawn to this chain of hundreds of islands in 2010, as he researched mammals at the University of Queensland. Far off the coast of Australia, the Solomons are renowned for elusive, unique species that evolve in near isolation from the rest of the planet — like the Guadalcanal monkey-faced bat.

The PhD student was sitting around a fire with village elders on the island of Vangunu, in the thick-forested caldera of an ancient volcano. As rice and sweet potato cooked in the flames, Lavery recalled, he asked the elders what things he might find in the forests.

“They told me about this giant rat they called Vika,” he said. They said Vika lived in the trees, was a bit smaller than a possum, and was so strong it could chew through thick-shelled Ngali nuts.

And then one day in late 2015, back in Australia, he got a phone call from the island. Loggers in a camp outside the village had felled a Kapuchu tree — particularly prized for its wood. After the tree hit the ground, something big and brown came scampering out of it. The loggers knew an Australian scientist had been searching for Vika for years, and word of the animal spread through the village.

Two friends of Lavery — John Vendi and Hikuna Judge — managed to catch the animal.

It looked like an adolescent, and it had lost part of its tail in the fall or subsequent capture. Still, it was estimated to be a foot-and-a-half long, and might grow to weigh more than two pounds — four times larger than your average garbage rat.

Well, sweet Jesus. This is all we need, right? Monster possum-sized rats that live in the freaking trees? That’s just horrifying. But hey, they can only bite through coconut shells and thick-shelled Ngali nuts, so nothing to worry about.

PS- That Guadalcanal Monkey-Faced Bat is downright petrifying, huh? Looks like someone experimented with a Chihuahua and a Fruit Bat.

California – Controversy erupts at Vista Del Lago High School in Folsom over students chanting “USA.”

It’s a popular way to for students to show pride during sporting events and rallies, but school and district officials are now warning students that the chants could appear inappropriate and intolerant. The chants are now causing chatter campus-wide after school staff brought up the topic to a leadership class.

The school’s principal told students and parents that sometimes “We can communicate an unintended message.” She also said USA chanting is welcome, but it may be best to do it at what she says are appropriate times, like following the national anthem or the Pledge of Allegiance.

The district says there has never been a complaint about USA chants at the high school. Students say there’s likely to be a lot of chanting at this Friday’s football game, where the theme is USA pride.

Well for the love of all that is holy and good WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? We can’t be proud of out country? And who in the world is a USA chant going to offend? The three foreign exchange students from North Korea? The ISIS guy hiding under the bleachers? I’d say no to both because they’re not at the game and if they were we should do it anyway because WE’RE IN THE USA! Sweet Mother of God.

PS- The first person who blames this on wimpy liberals is going to get punched in the throat by this non-wimpy liberal.

So some fans hung this banner at the Boston game tonight, and the internet is abuzz with confusion about what it means. I assumed it was racist at first, but many people are saying it’s anti-racism. However you put it it’s confusing as hell. What do you think?

Update! The people responsible for the banner have released a statement:

“We want to remind everyone that just as baseball is fundamental to American culture and history, so too is racism,” the group said in a written statement. “White people need to wake up to this reality before white supremacy can truly be dismantled. We urge anyone who is interested in learning more or taking action to contact their local racial justice organization.”

Pretty sure he was saying to get the hell out of there.

This little beauty is also known as a Tongue Eating Louse, which is disgusting as all holy hell. What happens is this little demonic parasite enters fish through the gills and attaches itself to the fish’s tongue. It severs the blood vessels in the fish’s tongue, causing the tongue to fall off. It then attaches itself to the stub of what was once its tongue and becomes the fish’s new tongue, and I want to throw up right now. I swear to God I can think of few things more repulsive than this little beast. Nature, man. Anyhoo, Cymothoa Exigua.

Yes,, it’s inside a fish’s mouth. Ewww.

Good God almighty.