Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category

Norwegians are nuts, man.

So Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is dealing with the holdout of running back Zeke Elliott and the contract demands of Dak Prescott and Amari Cooper. Here’s what Jones said regarding his players:

Anyone care to interpret that for me?

 

A gang leader in Brazil failed in a bid to escape jail disguised as his 19-year-old daughter.

Officials released photos showing Clauvino da Silva wearing a silicone mask, a long wig, glasses, jeans, and a pink T-shirt with donuts on it after being caught out. His escape attempt was thwarted when prison guards saw him acting nervously, the Associated Press reported.

In a video also released by Rio de Janeiro’s state secretary of prison administration, da Silva takes off the disguise and some of the clothes before saying his real name. The 42-year-old, also known as Baixinho, or “Shorty,” is serving a 73-year sentence for drug trafficking.

The plan was to just to walk out through the main door and leave his daughter in his cell.

Gotta give ol’ Shorty an A for effort I guess? Dude almost pulled it off except not really. It’s hard to slip out of the slammer looking like a mannequin though. And hey, how about those parenting skills? Little guy was planning on vamoosing and leaving his daughter in his cell. That’s hardcore. Father of the Year candidate for sure. Brazilian Drug Lords, man. Always pulling some sort of shenanigans.

PS- You know he thought the t-shirt with the donuts was just the thing to put his ensemble over the top.

UPDATE: Shorty is dead. He was found in his cell, the victim of an apparent suicide.

Adorable. Love the “prank your kids” selling point. Also, I’m questioning the “real spiders” promise on the packaging.

Not Larry.

(CNN) Workers removing shelves and coolers from a No Frills Supermarket in Council Bluffs, Iowa, in January discovered a body behind one of them.

The remains were recently identified as those of Larry Ely Murillo-Moncada, a former employee who had been reported missing November 28, 2009.

Investigators used his parents’ DNA to confirm the identity, and the clothes matched the description of his attire at the time he was reported missing, according to Council Bluffs Police Capt. Todd Weddum.

Investigators now believe that Murillo-Moncada went to the supermarket and climbed on top of the coolers. The space was used as storage for merchandise, Weddum said, and employees would sometimes go there to hide when they wanted to take an unofficial break. He is thought to have fallen into the 18-inch gap between the back of the cooler and a wall, where he became trapped. Noise from the coolers’ compressors may have concealed any attempts to call for help, according to Weddum.

Man, talk about burying the lead. Sure, I can see a dead guy being overlooked behind a freezer. Not exactly an everyday occurrence but I guess it could happen. And I can sort of buy the theory that he couldn’t be heard over the noise of the compressors. Sort of. What I can’t buy is the fact that a guy lay rotting behind a cooler for 10-years and nobody smelled anything. Hey, I’ve smelled dead bodies before. It’s a pretty distinctive aroma, lemme tell ya. Hard to miss to put it mildly. And they said store employees were up there all the time? Doesn’t add up. Something smells fishy, dude.

PS- I tried to come up with a line about the store’s name but I couldn’t pull it off. No Frills + Dead Guy. There has to be a joke in there somewhere. 

PPS- “Frill” is one of those words we always use with “no.” Nobody ever says, “I want a lot of frills” or something like that. Weird.

Honest question. This dude has to pay, right? No way I’d sit there and witness this atrocity. Number one, keep your damn shoes on. Number two, keep your stinking feet off a screen somebody else will be using. You disgust me, foot swiping touch screen guy.

PS- He’s not handicapped, at least physically. Mentally? Obviously.

I would have let her go ahead and ride with the luggage.

Actually it’s a moth from Southeast Asia that’s inflating scent glands from its butt, but still. Nature, man. Just messing with us per usual. On a related note, Good God.

PS- It’s preparing for its mate. Yep, that’ll get the ladies.

PPS- If you want all the fascinating details regarding this bad boy, read below the photos.

Newsweek- Creatonotos gangis is a species of moth that lives in Southeast Asia and parts of Australia. Most of the time it looks like a normal moth with white and black wings and a red or yellow body. It’s in the Eribidae family of moths, which includes some of the largest moth species.

But when preparing to mate, four tubular, translucent scent glands, or coremata, inflate like balloon animals from his behind.

Some male moths and butterflies have these coremata, or “hair-pencils.” They use them to expel pheromones to attract mates, and the hairs waft the smell toward the females. WIRED wrote a detailed analysis of these odd organs. You can also learn more about the weird body parts of moths and butterflies in this Powerpoint slideshow (PDF), complete with macro photos.

Comments on the video of C. gangis, which six days after posting has more than 200,000 shares, express fear and confusion at this strange creature’s inflating organs which are each about the length of the rest of his body. The behavior is confusing and makes it look a bit like a sinister alien. But the animal is harmless, as long as you don’t eat too many of them.

When C. gangis is just a caterpillar, before it has transformed into its mothy self, it eats plants with alkaloid chemicals. These plants evolved toxicity to discourage insects from eating them, but the caterpillars bit back evolutionarily—in fact, it’s necessary for them to eat the toxic plants in order to grow these glands as moths. The more toxins they eat, the bigger their hair-pencils ultimately will be. These toxins also have the added benefit of making them taste terrible.

So following the USA’s World Cup win in soccer Bleacher Report sent out this tweet with the caption “One Nation, One Team.” The weird tweet was a graphic that featured, among others, Taylor Swift, Will Ferrell, Maverick from Top Gun, Oprah, the cast of Friends and Modern Family, Zac Efron, Michael Scott from The Office, Brad Pitt, Lebron and Kobe, Ellen, Beyonce and Jay-Z, Kim Kardashian, and freakin’ Iron Man.

So my question is this – WHAT THE HELL? Was this supposed to represent a cross section of America or something? Celebrating our diversity? Isn’t Matthew Perry Canadian? And Iron Man? What am I missing?

[UPDATE]- Others must have been confused as well. Bleacher Report deleted the tweet.

Click to enlarge.

Just kidding. He looks awful. Read on . . .

Siberia- A man allegedly found alive in a bear’s den a month after the beast attacked him and dragged him to its lair survived by drinking his own urine, according to reports in Russia. Named only as Alexander, the victim is said to have been severely injured and close to death when hunting dogs found him in Russia’s remote Tuva region. The emaciated man was reportedly rushed to hospital where medics discovered he’d broken his spine after being set upon by the brown bear.

He is said to have told doctors that the predator had overpowered him  – then tossed him in its den where it kept him for a month. According to the Siberian Times, Alexander explained: “The bear preserved me as food for later. I drank my own urine to survive.”

A group of Russian hunters found Alexander after their dogs barked and refused to move on from a bear’s den they passed in the forest, it’s reported. When the hunters checked inside the lair they apparently saw what they believed to be a “human mummy” – until they realized he was alive.

Listen, I was fully prepared to pooh-pooh Alexander’s story. After all, no website can pooh-pooh a story like Shoe: Untied, amirite? That is, until I saw that photo. That, my friends, is a man who’s been kept in a bear’s den for 30-days. No way to fake that. End of argument.

Note: The Siberian Times sounds like a great newspaper to work for, huh? Just reporting on people freezing to death, bear attacks and vodka overdoses on the daily.

Note 2: Is anyone surprised who saved Alexander? Dogs, because of course they did. Cats would have waited until the bear ate him and feasted on the scraps. 

Note 3: There are now reports this is indeed a hoax. Why does somebody always have to try and ruin a good story?

Jade Stanley, 35, launched Sex Doll Official in 2018, a company which sells customized dolls. Speaking on This Morning with hosts Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield, Jade, who was joined by sex doll Amelia, opened up about one service they offer where they create a replica of deceased partners. Asked if she had people ask for a doll of their dead partner, Jade said: “Yes, actually I have. Loneliness is a massive issue and I think one of the most surprising aspects of this industry for me, is really it’s not all seedy and sexual.” Jade was joined by sex doll Amelia. “I’ve had lots of customers who genuinely come to me and they want a doll for comfort purposes only. I think that’s fantastic. I think in that case I’m fulfilling my job by providing comfort to somebody in their time of need.”

Ladies and gentlemen, those of you who read this site regularly know that it is a rare topic indeed that renders me speechless. However, this is one of those topics. Thank you and goodnight.

PS- Hey, I know when to keep my mouth shut.

PPS- Usually.

Sweet ride.

WALHALLA, S.C. (AP) — A South Carolina woman who police say was driving drunk will not be cited with a DUI because her vehicle of choice was a toy truck. News outlets quote police as saying that instead they charged 25-year-old Megan Holman with public intoxication. They say they spotted her cruising down the road in a Power Wheels electric toy truck after a caller reported a suspicious person on the street. Officers say she was driving about a mile from her home in Walhalla when they stopped her.

What an injustice. Listen, I ain’t mad at Megan Holman. Not at all. I mean, who amongst us hasn’t had a couple barley pops and took our Fisher Price Power Wheels Electric Toy Truck out for a spin? No harm no foul, amirite? And what about the fun hating narc who called the po-po? That’s no way to live your life, ruining other folk’s good times. Get a life, random snitch. Free Megan Holman! Free Megan Holman!

PS- I’ve been to Walhalla, South Carolina. There’s a 90% chance Megs was heading to Triple Ds out on Highway 11.

PPS- Xzempt is playing there Friday. Road trip! 

PPS- Of course you shouldn’t drive anything drunk. Chill.

So I was watching hockey last night, which I rarely do but it was Game 7 so why the hell not? Plus I love to see the city of Boston lose no matter the sport so fingers were crossed, ya know? For some reason Charles Barkley was there giving his 2-cents which made no sense but not much does anymore. Anyway, Charles started with a simple polo shirt, but came back wearing this ensemble:

That, my friends, is your classic unbuttoned button-up with some sort of paisley design thrown in for good measure. You can see the polo underneath. So what’s up, Chuck? As always I have some theories, ranked in order of probability:

1. Charles was having a delicious bratwurst, or perhaps some Dippin’ Dots, and dropped a dollop of mustard or ice cream on his polo. Hence the cover-up. But what are the odds of someone having a XXXXL shirt handy?

2. One of the suits in charge told Chuck he needed to be more presentable, that a mere polo wouldn’t do. Being the irascible rascal we know him to be, he grabbed whatever he could find and threw it on, buttons be damned.

3. Being a hockey game and all, it was cold. Charles adjusted accordingly. Also oddly.

4. Charles didn’t want to carry a bag on his flight to St. Louis so he wore a couple sets of clothes simultaneously. He also has on two pairs of pants, underwear, and so forth. 

5. Charles Barkley thinks this looks good.

Bottom line, the fashion world as we once knew it has been forever altered. But for whatever the reason, this must be investigated post haste. Questions must be answered.

Charles, the world awaits.

Holy . . .

Raccoon Dogs are terrorizing a village in central England after escaping from their pen in Nottinghamshire, according to news reports.

Raccoon dogs, also called Tanukis, look like a combination of a dog and a raccoon, but are neither dog nor raccoon, however they are part of the canid family, which includes wolves and dogs.

Shortly after escaping their pen, one of the loose dogs was photographed and reportedly attacked a goat.

Police are warning residents to watch out for the animals and to stay away from them if spotted because they are “potentially dangerous if approached as they are not domesticated,” Nottinghamshire police officials said, according to CNN.

Nottinghamshire resident Mandy Marsh told the Independent that one of the escaped animals attacked her pet goat and pony.

“I heard such a terrifying noise like I had never heard before. It was screaming. We ran out and this animal – we now know it’s a raccoon dog – was trying to attack our goat, Marsh said.

“The raccoon dog was trying to kill it. It was absolutely crazy. It was hissing and screaming and snarling. It was going absolutely mad.”

Sweet Mother of God that’s a horrific looking beast. Raccoon Dog? Really? Hell, this opens up a whole new world. What’s next, Wolf Cows? Hummingbats? The mind reels. And you have to bring your A Game, goat. And any self-respecting billy would have head-butted the hell out of that Raccoon Dog. Embarrassing really.

PS- My parents had a couple miniature burrows named Pancho and Lefty that were not to be trifled with. A couple coyotes made the mistake of harassing Pancho and got kicked into oblivion.

PPS- Sparky would tear that Raccoon Dog to shreds.

 

NYP- A superhuman group of adolescents broke the Scripps National Spelling Bee on Thursday, with eight contestants crowned co-champions after the competition said it was running out of challenging words.

It was a stunning result, coming just after midnight Thursday, for the 92nd annual event, which has had six two-way ties but had never before experienced such a logjam at the top. After the 17th round, Jacques Bailly, the event’s pronouncer, announced that any of the eight remaining contestants who made it through three more words would share in the prize.

“We do have plenty of words remaining in our list, but we’ll soon run out of words that will challenge you,” Mr. Bailly told the contestants at Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center in National Harbor, Md.

He added: “We’re throwing the dictionary at you. And so far, you are showing this dictionary who is boss.”

Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? An 8-way tie? And what’s this “running out of words” bullshit? Newsflash: There are always more words. Hey Scripps National Spelling Bee, you want to crown a true champion? Play this thing out until you have a winner. I don’t care if it lasts 3-days and kids are passing out left and right up there. Hell, give them a 10-minute break every 8-hours to eat a Caramel Nut Blast or something, but we have to have one winner, not eight. How can you call yourself a true champion if you’re tied with seven other nerds contestants? That’s lame, man.

PS- Someday soon we’ll stop March Madness or the NFL Playoffs at 8-teams and give everybody a damn trophy. Somebody make it stop.

PPS- The words are getting too easy anyway. Here’s what 14-year old Erin Howard, 14, of Huntsville, Alabama had to spell for her final word: erysipelas. Please.

PPPS- No Scripps National Spelling Bee blog can be complete without this gem. Hey Homeschool, never celebrate too early brother.

Early leader for 2019 Father of the Year.

PORTLAND, Ore. (KOIN) — A Forest Grove man pleaded guilty after admitting he stole his daughter’s Girl Scout Cookie proceeds to pay for an erotic massage. 

Brian David Couture was ordered to do 80-hours of community service and pay restitution for filing a false report. Couture called police on March 6, 2019, saying a stranger had come into his home through the sliding glass door and fought him.

The Washington County District Attorney’s Office said Couture’s laptop was damaged and $700.00 was missing from a jar of his daughter’s Girl Scout Cookie sales.

Nice try by Brian David Couture, huh? Dude gave it a hell of a shot. I mean, it took some major cojones to burgle $700.00 from his daughter’s Girl Scout Cookie money jar and then blame an intruder. I really don’t think the whole “I fought the intruder” shtick was necessary, but I guess he was trying to play the hero for little Emily. Hell, he even sacrificed his laptop to make the break-in more believable. Brian David Couture, man. 2019 Father of the Year.

PS- I brought my A game with that headline, amirite?

PPS- I’ve never had an erotic massage (well, professionally anyway) but 700 clams seems pretty steep no matter what sort of service you’re getting.

PPPS- It’s 80-20 Robert Kraft has contacted this guy for more information.

Source – Alabama Public Television has refused to show the premiere of the 22nd season of Arthur because it features a gay wedding.

Entitled “Mr Ratburn and the Special Someone,” the episode features the same-sex marriage of Arthur’s third-grade teacher, Mr Ratburn.

“It would be a violation of trust to broadcast the episode,” the director of programming at APT, Mike McKenzie, told NBC NewsMcKenzie said that in April, PBS alerted APT and other stations about “possible viewer concerns about the content of the program.” After watching the episode, McKenzie and others at APT made the decision not to broadcast it.

We can always depend on Alabama to bring the comedy, amirite? Only the folks in the Heart of Dixie would ban the viewing of a fictional cartoon rat wedding. Can’t let a TV episode of animated talking rodents turn our kids gay, now can we? Roll Tide! Seriously, it’s OK to show old episodes of Bugs Bunny blowing Daffy Duck’s head off with a shotgun but we can’t show a fake gay animal marriage on television. I mean, aren’t we past all this bullshit by now? Hell, didn’t Ellen come out in 1997 or something? Good Lord. You love who you love. Who cares?

PS- I wonder if they show The Muppets? I mean, we all know about Bert and Ernie, right?

PPS- The video below is for all Alabamians who were denied viewing a couple gay rats getting hitched. You’re welcome.

PPPS- Check out the photo under the video to see what a real live homophobic, prejudiced, discriminatory person looks like. Hint: He looks just like you’d expect him to look.

Mike McKenzie.

May 8 (UPI) — A Chinese doctor shared video of the unusual cause of a patient’s ear discomfort — a spider building a nest inside his head.

The video filmed at a hospital in Yangzhou, Jiangsu province, shows the inside of an ear belonging to a patient identified by the surname Li.

Li came into the hospital complaining of discomfort in his ear and the doctor looked inside to discover a small spider was building a nest inside the man’s ear canal.

The doctor said the spider was too small and fast to be grabbed using tools, but hospital staff were able to use water to flush the arachnid out of the patient’s ear.

Not much to see here, just a freakin’ spider building a nest inside a man’s head. Next time you feel a little tingle in your old earhole don’t worry about it. It’s probably just a spider setting up shop in there. No biggie. Now excuse me while I go spray some Industrial Maximum Strength Raid in my ears.

PS- What the hell, man? Don’t they have Q-Tips in China?

So I run my website through WordPress, and they make available pretty detailed statistics besides your typical hits per day and whatnot. You can actually see where people are viewing the site in the world, and the results are pretty fascinating. It’s cool because they put little flags by the country’s name. I mean, it’s weird to think of somebody sitting in Vatican City taking a look at one of my blogs about Sparky, but that they did. Maybe it was the Pope? Because that would be super. Hey, only about 1,000 people live there, so you never know.

Anywho, what follows are the Top 25 countries (according to views) that have visited Shoe: Untied, followed by some of the other rather odd countries on the list. I included their flags because it’s my site and I like flags. Roll on . . .

1. United States

 

 

 

 

 

2. Australia

 

 

 

 

3. Canada

Image result for canada flag

4. Philippines

 

 

 

 

5. United Kingdom

Image result for united kingdom flag

6. New Zealand

 

 

 

 

7. Germany

 

 

 

 

 

8. India

 

 

 

 

 

9. South Africa

 

 

 

 

 

10. Singapore

Image result for singapore flag

11. France

Image result for france flag

12. Thailand

Image result for thailand flag

13. Netherlands

Image result for netherlands flag

14. Malaysia

Image result for malaysia flag

15. Romania

Image result for romania flag

16. Ireland

Image result for ireland flag

17. Mexico

Image result for mexico flag

18. Spain

Image result for spain flag

19. Italy

Image result for italy flag

20. Sweden

Image result for sweden flag

21. Brazil

Image result for brazil flag

22. Poland

Image result for poland flag

23. Greece

Image result for greece flag

24. United Arab Emirates

Image result for united arab emirates flag

25. Japan

Image result for japan flag

In all, 217 countries have visited Shoe: Untied, including (as I said) some that are very interesting. Intrigued, I researched some of the more fascinating ones. Take a gander.

Vatican City

Yep, somebody there is an avid fan of The Sparkster. Sure, they read some other stuff but my little best friend is the draw for sure. And just think, there’s a 1 in 1000 chance it’s Pope Francis.

Iran

Censorship in Iran is increasing, and Facebook and Twitter are banned. So, it must be somebody who stumbled upon the site directly, or perhaps an American soldier? Do they have internet service?

Myanmar

Myanmar is also know as Burma and is just north of Thailand. I had no clue.

 

Macau

Macau is a region on the south coast of China, across the Pearl River Delta from Hong Kong. Huh. Learn something every day.

 

Jersey

This one really threw me. It’s actually the largest of the Channel Islands, between England and France. Cool beans.

 

Mauritius

Mauritius is an Indian Ocean island nation located hundreds of miles east of Madagascar, is known for its beaches, lagoons and reefs, and it looks and sounds awesome. Take a look:

Somewhere on that island somebody is reading about Sparky and all the other stuff contained within Shoe: Untied. That’s weird.

Lesotho

Lesotho is a high-altitude, landlocked kingdom encircled by South Africa. Wild stuff.

 

Isle of Man

The awesomely named Isle of Man is a self-governing British Crown dependency in the Irish Sea between Great Britain and Ireland. Also, greatest flag ever.

 

Azerbaijan

Azerbaijan is located by the Caspian Sea in what used to be the Soviet Union. Thanks for visiting Azerbaijanians.

 

Caribbean Netherlands

The Caribbean Netherlands can be found north of Venezuela and close to Aruba and Curacao. It lies 512 miles across open water to the southeast of Montserrat. Note: They actually use the flag of the Netherlands.

 

Northern Mariana Islands

The Northern Mariana Islands are actually a United States commonwealth and lie way out in the Pacific Ocean, 5,871 miles from the California coast.

Reunion

Reunion sounds like a quaint, friendly little country doesn’t it? It’s actually and island in the Indian Ocean east of Madagascar, and it’s close to Mauritius. Wouldn’t it be nuts if somebody from Mauritius told someone from Reunion about Shoe: Untied? The mind reels.

Guernsey

I was hoping against hope this was where Guernsey cows came from, and I’ll be damned if I wasn’t right. Guernsey is an island in the English Channel off the coast of Normandy. And what, no cow on the flag?

Vanuatu

Another island. Shocker. Vanuatu is located in Oceania, which is northwest of Australia. Man, my geography knowledge is exploding.

Niue

Niue is a little island (again) in the South Pacific and is south of American Samoa. And doesn’t that seem like a lot of wasted space on their flag? ‘Sup Niue?

Aland Islands

You can find the Aland Islands between Finland and Sweden and again, they look cool as hell. I mean, come on, who’s on their computer reading about the Wussification of America when they could be outside in this?

Timor-Leste

This country sits smack dab between Indonesia and Australia, and somebody there obviously loves my Cool Animal of the Day blogs.

 

Again, it blows my mind imagining somebody in one of these faraway countries visiting and reading something I wrote. Still, they do. The internet, man. It’s truly made the world a smaller place.

 

Yep, that’s three alright.

New York Post- A bizarre snake with a third eye smack dab in the middle of its head was found this week by park rangers on a highway in Darwin.

Members of the Northern Territory Parks and Wildlife found the juvenile 15-inch-long belly-crawler on the Arnhem Highway near the town of Humpty Doo, the wildlife agency wrote in a Facebook post.

First off, of course the three-eyed snake was found in Australia, and of course it was found in Darwin. You can’t make this stuff up, kids. Secondly, a town named Humpty Doo is so Australia it hurts. Finally, and I probably should have mentioned this first, we’re all doomed. If a three-eyed snake isn’t a symbol of the end of times I don’t know what is. Have a good weekend everybody!

Woodstock 50 has been cancelled. Earlier today officials with Dentsu Aegis Network, which is funding the festival, released the following statement to Billboard:

“Despite our tremendous investment of time, effort and commitment, we don’t believe the production of the festival can be executed as an event worthy of the Woodstock Brand name while also ensuring the health and safety of the artists, partners and attendees.”

The statement goes on, “As a result and after careful consideration, Dentsu Aegis Network’s Amplifi Live, a partner of Woodstock 50, has decided to cancel the festival. As difficult as it is, we believe this is the most prudent decision for all parties involved.”

Big shocker here, huh? This is so 2019 it hurts. “A event worthy of the Woodstock Brand name?” BWAHAHAHAHA! They realize the original Woodstock was held in a torrential downpour, without adequate lodging or toilet facilities, little medical staff, and everyone in attendance was risking death by electrocution, correct? Still, the show went on. Hell, people gave birth in the mud, muck and human waste as Hendrix, Joplin, The Band, The Who, CCR and others rocked on.

Good God, man. 2019, 1969 if laughing in your face right now.

Note 1: Promoter Michael Lang, does not agree Woodstock 50 is sunk. He says Dentsu’s announcement was a “complete surprise,” but adds “we’re not giving up on the festival yet.”

Note 2: Does Fyre Fest really have people that skittish? Sad really.

Note 3: Have you ever really taken a hard look at the original Woodstock 3-day lineup? Sweet Mother of Rock. And these bands are just the highlights:

Friday:

  • Richie Havens
  • Ravi Shankar
  • Arlo Guthrie
  • Joan Baez

Saturday

  • Country Joe & the Fish
  • Santana
  • John B. Sebastian
  • Canned Heat
  • Mountain
  • Grateful Dead
  • Creedence Clearwater Revival
  • Janis Joplin
  • Sly & the Family Stone
  • The Who
  • Jefferson Airplane

Sunday

  • Joe Cocker
  • Ten Years After
  • The Band
  • Johnny Winter
  • Blood, Sweat & Tears
  • Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
  • Paul Butterfield Blues Band
  • Jimi Hendrix

 

The eyes. You can always see it in the eyes.

Sometimes the headlines just write themselves, ya know? Anyway . . .

Jacqueline Ades, a woman accused of sending a man she went out on a date with once and then sending him more than 159,000 text messages and breaking into his home doesn’t understand why she’s in jail. She also wants to go to trial b,ecause she believes that a jury will not only find her not guilty, they will insist that she marry the man she stalked.

In a recent phone interview with The Arizona Republic, Ades expressed disbelief that she’s been incarcerated since May 2018 after authorities charged her with sending thousands of text messages, many of them very disturbing, over the course of 10-months, ending with her arrest in the man’s home as she was taking a bath.

Ades, who was deemed mentally incompetent at a Rule 11 hearing in March, amazingly, could have actually been released from jail several months ago, according to her attorney Matthew Leathers, if she had just accepted a plea deal which included time served, 10-years probation, and being barred from contacting the victim. However, Ades told The Republic she refused to take the deal because she didn’t believe it was real. She thought it might be the victim’s way of testing her resolve, she said.

Ades said she wants to go to trial, where she’s positive the jury will not only find her not guilty, but will order her and the man she’s accused of stalking to marry her.

Listen, I’ve seen a stalker or two in my day but this lady takes the cake. 159,000 text messages? I did the math and you’d have send 500 texts a day for 318 days to get to 159,000. That’s a whole other level of cray right there, man. And what’s the deal with people breaking into a house and taking a bath? I’ve read about this phenomenon several times. Seems odd. Then again, anyone who would text somebody 159,000 times after one date goes by their own set of rules I guess. And how about the poor schmuck who went out with her? Dude meets a woman on a dating site, takes her out for a nice dinner and the next thing you know he has a full blown screwball on his hands. Anywho, Jacqueline Ades? Batshit crazy.

PS- I listed some examples of the times I’ve been stalked, harassed, or otherwise threatened with bodily harm in this post. Such is the life of a world famous blogger.

My 25 Most Controversial Blogs

Good stuff.

Check out this beauty. The little dude is a Magnificent Spider, otherwise known as a Ordgarius Magnificus, but I’m sure you knew that. According to the Australian Museum it isn’t dangerous to humans, so feel free to pick it up and play with it at your leisure. Magnificent Spiders are often found in New South Wales and Queensland and can grow up to 2.5 cm in length. Unlike most spiders they don’t spin a web, they just use a sticky silk orb to catch their prey. That’s diabolical, man. Anywho, Magnificent Spider.

The female Magnificent Spider has distinctive markings on its body. The body is white with two bright yellow blobs on its abdomen, and a red-coloured spots

So actor Jeff Goldblum is apparently a model now in his spare time, and his latest shoot with fashion giant Prada is borderline terrifying. Apparently, just like in basketball short shorts are back and Jeff is leading the way in all his glory. The photo itself doesn’t need a whole lot of explanation, but I do advise a deep breath before viewing because, you know, you can’t unsee it. Take a gander:

Yep. Those would be short alright. Apparently all of the guys will be sporting those this summer, which is scary. Want to know something scarier? They sell for $838.00.

Then again, Goldblum has always been a bit of a fashion daredevil. Check out this shirt he wore recently:

That’s your basic Hawaiian style shirt with dead shrew shoulder pads. Stellar look. Anywho, Jeff Goldblum? Cutting edge fashionista.

Note: Now that I think about it, Prada is getting attention so perhaps the joke’s on us. Sigh.

Well, shit.