I tried to watch The Oscars. I really did.

I actually DVR’d The Oscars tonight and attempted to actually watch the show. I have no idea why. However, within the first 30-minutes I heard the following words used to describe several winners:

Visionary – This was used to describe somebody who won an award for make-up. I’m not kidding.

Genius – I heard this more than once, never to describe somebody who was working towards curing a an incurable disease, but always to describe someone who pretended to be somebody else in a movie.

Brilliant – This word was used to describe an animator for Despicable Me 2, because of course it was.

Hero – Used not to describe someone who leaped in front of a bullet to save a life, but rather someone who made a documentary about a guy who carves sandstone caves.

Courageous – This one was used to describe the visual effects artist for the movie Gravity. You know, because it takes a very brave visual effects person to make a movie about astronauts.

I can’t do this anymore. Excuse me while I go watch The Walking Dead.