Archive for the ‘Fashion’ Category

Today – Streetwear brand Bstroy is facing backlash after debuting their latest clothing collection.

The New York-based brand unveiled its spring 2020 collection at a fashion show earlier this week, and many Instagram users are calling some of the designs “disgusting” and “tasteless” in response. The garments at the center of the controversy? A series of sweatshirts embroidered with the names of several school shootings locations, including Sandy Hook, Columbine, Virginia Tech and Marjory Stoneman Douglas. Each of the sweatshirts features tattered details and distressing that resemble bullet holes.

Why? Who does this? Who buys this?

Listen, I’m about as open as they come where dark or off-color humor is concerned. My friends will tell you I’ve told jokes about many a touchy subject. I mean, to me there is no correlation between feeling empathy for something and your ability to laugh about it. That said, man does this make me cringe. Hey, I don’t know what my line is but I do know this clothing line crossed it. Here are some examples, but be warned. It’s tasteless, callous, stupid and reprehensible.

 

 

And whether that level is upward or downward is entirely up to you. See, Cam wore this ensemble at his post-game presser last night and it set the internet ablaze. Some say he looked like the Queen of England, others say he resembled the wolf disguised as the grandmother in Little Red Riding Hood. He reminded me of Mother Goose but that’s just me. Cam had a terrible game, and afterwards he gave us this gem of a quote: “It’s time for me to look at myself in the mirror.” I agree Cam. I agree.

Click and scroll for the insanity.

So I was watching hockey last night, which I rarely do but it was Game 7 so why the hell not? Plus I love to see the city of Boston lose no matter the sport so fingers were crossed, ya know? For some reason Charles Barkley was there giving his 2-cents which made no sense but not much does anymore. Anyway, Charles started with a simple polo shirt, but came back wearing this ensemble:

That, my friends, is your classic unbuttoned button-up with some sort of paisley design thrown in for good measure. You can see the polo underneath. So what’s up, Chuck? As always I have some theories, ranked in order of probability:

1. Charles was having a delicious bratwurst, or perhaps some Dippin’ Dots, and dropped a dollop of mustard or ice cream on his polo. Hence the cover-up. But what are the odds of someone having a XXXXL shirt handy?

2. One of the suits in charge told Chuck he needed to be more presentable, that a mere polo wouldn’t do. Being the irascible rascal we know him to be, he grabbed whatever he could find and threw it on, buttons be damned.

3. Being a hockey game and all, it was cold. Charles adjusted accordingly. Also oddly.

4. Charles didn’t want to carry a bag on his flight to St. Louis so he wore a couple sets of clothes simultaneously. He also has on two pairs of pants, underwear, and so forth. 

5. Charles Barkley thinks this looks good.

Bottom line, the fashion world as we once knew it has been forever altered. But for whatever the reason, this must be investigated post haste. Questions must be answered.

Charles, the world awaits.

The 80s, man. What a decade. Big hair, spandex, high-wasted jeans, leg warmers, neon colors, cut-off sweatshirts, mullets, I could go on forever. I taught at a middle school in Greenfield, Ohio back then and everyone looked like they were straight out of Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club or Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Anyway, I ran across this gem today and it’s so 80s it hurts. Denim for days, man.

PS- I had no idea Jordache jeans still existed, but damned if they don’t.

PPS- That one guy looks like the lead singer of Fine Young Cannibals. Google it.

PPPS- If I was that denim I’d be distressed, too.

So actor Jeff Goldblum is apparently a model now in his spare time, and his latest shoot with fashion giant Prada is borderline terrifying. Apparently, just like in basketball short shorts are back and Jeff is leading the way in all his glory. The photo itself doesn’t need a whole lot of explanation, but I do advise a deep breath before viewing because, you know, you can’t unsee it. Take a gander:

Yep. Those would be short alright. Apparently all of the guys will be sporting those this summer, which is scary. Want to know something scarier? They sell for $838.00.

Then again, Goldblum has always been a bit of a fashion daredevil. Check out this shirt he wore recently:

That’s your basic Hawaiian style shirt with dead shrew shoulder pads. Stellar look. Anywho, Jeff Goldblum? Cutting edge fashionista.

Note: Now that I think about it, Prada is getting attention so perhaps the joke’s on us. Sigh.

Well, at least according to me. Thoughts?

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So a random cat crashed a fashion show this weekend, showing how she felt about the ridiculous attire that passes for fashion these days. The disgusted feline swatted at the models, licked herself, and finally did a strut down the catwalk to the delight of the crowd. Well done cat. You spoke for all of us.

That cat don’t give a damn ’bout nuthin’.

Rare.US.com: Winter is coming. Is your wardrobe ready? Sure you’ve got hats, gloves, scarves, jackets, and boots, but is that everything? Are you maybe forgetting another part of your body that you’ve neglected to keep warm? Obviously you’ve got your eye muffs too, because no one wants to go frost blind. But I’m talking about your nose, fool. The nose, as they say, is the exhaust vent to the soul. So protect it from the cold! Now you can with specialty nose warmers. You can find Aunt Marty’s Original Nose Warmers on Amazon and Etsy and, oh my. With a nose sporting one these you’ll certainly be the talk of the Hobby Lobby parking lot this winter.

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Listen, I try to keep an open mind. I really do. I try to keep up with the times. I listen to hip-hop, I make an attempt to have the newest technology, and I accidentally bought what I thought was a pair of shorts that may or may not have been manpris. I haven’t worn them yet but still. Yet when I take a gander at these nose warmers I have one thought – disgust. I’m sorry man, but that dude needs punched right in the nose warmer. What’s next, something to cover our ears to keep them warm? Our hands? Our feet? Wait. Never mind.

Full disclosure: If somebody knitted me a Sparkyhead nose warmer I’d sport that baby all over the place.

Bet you thought the thong was a relatively modern invention, amirite? Negatory, my friends. In fact, the modern thong is a surprisingly old innovation that Greenlandic Inuits have been rocking for several hundred years.
Called a Naatsit, it’s made of seal fur, chosen for its durability and insulation. And get this kids – it’s stitched together with reindeer or whale sinews and was made fashionable with decorative beads or the head of the seal. You heard me, right? The head of a freakin’ seal. Fun Fact: When the Danish missionaries showed up they tried to get the Inuits to wear something less revealing. Didn’t work.

Listen, everyone knows I’m a bit of a fashion maven. After all, I’m the guy who gave the world acclaimed blogs like Time for the Latest Shoe: Untied Fashion Review, and The Thom Browne Fashion Show: A Shoe: Untied Review, both of which were critical and commercial successes in the fashion world. Hell, just type “fashion’ into the search box over there and you’ll find fashion blogs on Russell Westbrook, Kanye West, the NBA, the 70s, the Grammy Awards, the NRA, hell, even Michael Jordan. Bottom line you’re talking to an expert here. Anyway, this all brings us to something J-Lo sported at the MTV offices the other day, which are basically jeans in the form of boots. Yep, I’m talking belts and pockets and everything, the whole package. I don’t see zippers but you never know, they might be on there somewhere. Bottom line, this opens up a whole new arena in the boot game. Dress pants boots, cargo shorts boots, pajama pants boots, parachute pants boots, the list is endless really. Check ’em out because they’re sure to be all the rage on the streets of your town soon.

PS- Seriously, it looks as if her pants are falling off, right? Good Lord man. I guess it’s easier taking a dump when your pants are your boots?

PPS- Maybe we know what J-Lo stands for now?

PPPS- The Joots are a Donatella Versace creation. Brother Gianni would be so proud.

It was a different time. In many ways better, in some ways not.

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Is weirdly a word? I really don’t know. Anyway, pro golfer Phil Mickelson wore this button up number at the Masters practice round and golf fans everywhere are all going insane. It’s not traditional, he looks like an insurance salesman, blah-blah-blah. Hey, maybe it’s because I did a lot of golfing growing up at my local course where half the guys playing wore bib overalls and no shirts, but this look doesn’t bother me at all. I mean, it’s not like professional golf hasn’t had its share of sartorial daredevils.

Loosen up, golf.

 

So everyone is freaking out about the interview Jim Carrey gave on E! the other day on the Red Carpet at something called the New York Fashion Awards. They’re saying he’s crazy, losing his gourd and not fit for normal society. My question is this – didn’t everyone already know he was batshit crazy? He’s sorta like Robin Williams was, just sort of demented and on the edge of sanity. Hence, no surprise here. Here’s the interview.

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So the NRA had their big Conceal Carry Fashion Show a few days ago and the World of Fashion is in a tizzy. Just hotties with guns busting out all over the joint. Before I show you the spectacular photos, remember that I don’t own a gun and I couldn’t kill an animal if you paid me, but I’m not anti-hunting or anything. It’s just a personal preference. Do I think we could do without the Uzis on the streets? Sure I do. On the other hand, I enjoy a slab of venison for dinner as much as the next guy. Anyway, on to the photos that rocked the fashion world . . .

Sure robbers, I have my valuables r-i-g-h-t here.

 

With a sexy show of the ankle, Heloise Perkins slowly slipped out her Glock.

Here’s Myrna Schmedlap modeling the gun-concealing bra, new for 2017. On a related note, she could hide a howitzer in that thing.

Wait. Isn’t going shirtless sort of defeating the purpose of the whole “conceal” thing?

Not sure what’s happening here. Is his gun backwards? That may not turn out well.

“Are you SURE you won’t take these Piggly Wiggly coupons?”

Here’s fan favorite Mack Moonley, doing his patented Disco Draw move.

Plenty of A-List celebrities were in attendance. Here’s Hank Flaherty, owner of the local Guns R Us affiliate.

Occupying front row seats were the Bobby Plotnik family, well-known owners of the local Brew City Shooters Gun Emporium.

 

At first glance, pinstripes. At second glance . . .

So Markelle Fultz was drafted in the #1 spot last night by the Philadelphia 76ers, and all the talking heads were blathering on about the fact that his college team, the Washington Huskies, only won 9-games last year. Sure, that’s a concern, but nobody mentioned the other elephant in the room – Markelle Fultz wears two watches. Man, that’s such an outrageous move I’m not sure what to think. Who needs two watches? That’s just insane, man. Makes me question his judgement and, dare I say, his intelligence. Take a gander.

Makes no sense on any level. However, he redeemed himself somewhat with these sweet shoes that are made from, wait for it . . . basketballs. Atta boy Markelle.

From time-to-time my crack staff here at Shoe: Untied likes to post some of the latest fashion trends and throw in our 2¢. Don’t believe me? Just type in the word “fashion” in that search box over there and have a look-see. Anywho, our head Fashion Consultant Yuki Fukumodo brought in some photos of some of the hottest trends out there today, and I must say they beg for our attention and commentary. Let us commence with the festivities . . .

Remember the fake muddy pants I showed you a few weeks ago? Same concept here. And guess what? Still dumb.

These are called Ugg Sandals. Don’t you wear boots to keep your feet warm and dry? Aren’t open-toed boots defeating the actual purpose of boots? I’m so confused.

Man, these things have to be a nightmare for ladies with love handles, amirite? Stuff be poppin’ out all over the place up in here. Seriously, that’s not a good look, man.

Oh for the love of God. Now they’re just messing with us. “Hey, let’s cut up some old sweats, attach them with clamps and see if people will buy them.” Guess what? People will.

Perfect for people who want to ride their horse to the beach and sink their toes in the sand. Geesh. On a related note, the tan lines would be outrageous.

Perfect for the woman who has an extra 10-minutes to buckle-up her Elbow Purse.

Honestly, were out of ideas so we’re just reaching now, right? Just making stuff up right and left and expecting people to eat it up. The sad part is, some people will.

So I posted that photo of Pharrell William’s wife and the weird-ass outfit she wore to the Met Gala this past weekend, and it turns out that was just the beginning. Here’s my girl Katy Perry, who showed up in something people might wear on Uranus. What the hell is on her head, gadgets to help her contact aliens or something? Honestly, these designers are just messing with us now, right? Just throwing crap together to see if these celebs will wear it. Crazy Town, man.

A-a-a-a-n-d . . . she wore this. Sweet Mother of God that’s awful. I mean, here’s Pharrell wearing ripped jeans and a leather jacket, something you’d see folks wearing into your local bar, and his wife is sporting something that looks like one of those squirrel wingsuits people wear to fly off of mountains and whatnot. Modern fashion is weird, man.

Yep. And as you can read below, you can own a pair for a mere $425. Honestly, what kind of a moron would buy these? Number one, why would you want to wear pretend-dirty jeans and look like a homeless dude? Number two, why would you spend $425 on them? On a related note, people are dumb.

In 1961, Martha Stewart was selected as one of Glamour magazine’s “Ten Best-Dressed College Girls.” Here’s a photo from the shoot:

Here’s noted douche-tool Carmelo Anthony last night, fur-laden because he’s apparently doing some post-game trapping in the Yukon and not hopping into his limo before it even exits the bowels of Madison Square Garden. Nice look, Grizzly Adams.

So some dude named Thom (with an h) Browne is an avant garde fashion designer who unleashes some mighty interesting style choices on an unsuspecting public. He recently staged his latest show, and it begs for a look-see from the Shoe: Untied Committee of Style (SUCS). The committee consists of yours truly (CEO and Founder), Sim Hao Xiang (Legal Department) and Ariella Levinsky (Fashion Editorial Assistant). Sim Hao asked to be on the committee because he has a “passion for fashion” (his words). Ariella happens to actually have a degree from Bunka Fashion College in Tokyo, ranked 7th in the world (look it up). Me? I’m on the committee because it’s my website and for my snarky, insightful world view.

The plan is to show you a photo, followed by the committee’s comments and knee-jerk reactions. Enjoy!

Sim Hao: “Daring look here. I like it. Sort of 1920’s throwback.”

Ariella: “The swim caps and socks top off an exciting, fresh look.”

Shoe: “Looks like a Beach Party on Uranus.”

Sim Hao: “Again, a clean, classic look that harkens back to a simpler time.”

Ariella: “The Elizabethan makeup symbolizes the starkness of the style. Wise in a stylistic sense.

Shoe: “Does that bro have whiteface on or did he go overboard with the sunscreen?

Sim Hao: “A daring take on the classic business suit.”

Ariella: “Here Thom is saying that Wall Street is in dire need of some loosening up. Love the leggings.”

Shoe: “Not sure what Thom is saying, other than he’s batshit crazy.”

Sim Hao: “The black and white look never goes out of style. Love love love.”

Ariella: “While the white lips are jarring at first glance, they’re simply an extension of the entire fashion statement.”

Shoe: “Listen, I’m not a PC guy but that’s racist. Wait. Is that a dog purse? Cool.

Sim Hao: “Love this look, and the boots are fabulous.”

Ariella: “The long-flowing arms are saying that our reach is limitless and has no bounds.”

Shoe: “How in the hell can you perform the most basic human functions with those sleeves? And my dominant eye is my right one so I’d be screwed.”

Sim Hao: “A light, airy look. Bravo!”

Ariella: “Again, the feathers symbolize freedom and an ability to take flight from our inhibitions. Well played, Thom Browne!

Shoe: “How many chickens died here in the name of fashion? On a related note, feather shorts are not a horrible idea.”

Sim Hao: “Omigod! I simply must see his footwear!

Ariella: “Here Thom has gone beyond white, showing that freedom comes in all the colors of the rainbow!

Shoe: “Looks like a hyena ate a bunch of parrots and vomited on this poor guy.

Sim Hao: ‘The black bird headgear is the perfect counteraction to the white outfit. Genius!

Ariella: “Thom is now simply going beyond style. He’s showing we can actually be a bird and possess all their best qualities.”

Shoe: “Oh, for Christ’s sake. That dude would never make it through hunting season where I come from. And he sort of quit from the knees down, didn’t he? I mean, really? Brown loafers?”*

*Maybe they’re red. Still bad.

Sim Hao: “Another modern take on a classic look. And the chokers are fab!

Ariella: “This look is right in line with Thom’s artistic vision. The plastic gloves are saying, ‘Let’s get dirty!” Sexy look indeed.

Shoe: “Looks like the 1776 British Army Infantry, Gay Division.

Sim Hao: “They look like mysterious superheroes! Oh how I love this look!”

Ariella: “Thom is famous for his bowler hats. Here’s a fresh, unique look at an old fashion staple. Courageous creativity at its pinnacle.

Shoe: “Wait. Face hats are a thing? Who knew? I know a few people who could use one, including Thom Browne after trying to sell people this trash.”

So there you have it kids, Shoe: Untied’s take on the Thom Browne Fashion Show. Go buy your face hats and feather coats today!

Just an outrageous move by Julie Snook here. How dare she wear white like the other women! Everyone knows the news will get drowned in a sea of white if this act of egregiousness goes unchecked. And what a brazen move, claiming that her obviously white top was blue. Just a desperation move right there. Thankfully Amber Sherlock took charge and calm was restored in Australian News Land when a black jacket was brought forth. Whew. Crisis averted.

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