Excellent*. Click and scroll.
*That was an E.T. reference.
Excellent*. Click and scroll.
*That was an E.T. reference.
Yep. Cooler. Click and scroll, ya nerds.
So I was perusing the world wide interweb today and came across a website that featured fashion from that decade called the ’70s. For you youngsters out there, the 70’s was called the “Me Generation” and was coincidentally one whole hell of a lot of fun. Well, usually. It was time of great music and awful clothes, as you are about to see. Below you will find some awesome photos of awesomely bad clothes in all their sartorial splendor. You’re welcome in advance.
First off, this dude could have no other name than Douglas Bull. Anyway, that one-piece on the right is straight fire. On a related note, I may or may not have worn something similar to the Charlie Horse Disco in Lancaster, circa 1978.
PS – You must read the selling points accompanying the jumpsuit photo. It includes words like “fashion climax” and “walking turn-on.” Dead serious.
You see, children, there once was a time when all self-respecting gentlemen dressed like inner city flesh-peddlers. The above photo is evidence of that time. In addition, man, those are high waisted patterned slacks.
Get it? Bells? Bell bottoms? I even remember my first pair and where I wore them, not even kidding. Oh, and see those neck scarves? They’re called ascots and were very popular among trendy folk in the 1970s. They also doubled as belts (see white slacks, second from left). Oh, and I have to say it’s a damn shame the guy on the far right had to make a pair of pants from his grandmother’s living room curtains.
As you can see, that guy on the left is wearing a tank top. You may have noticed that these have made a comeback over the past few years. What goes around comes around, baby. It’s just a matter of time before Douglas Bull’s one-piece starts hitting the streets again. As for the safety helmet and Jesus sandals, I got nuthin’.
Let’s talk about the guy in the bib overalls. I promise you that myself and every one of my friends owned a pair of bib overalls at one point or another. If you really wanted to be sexy (and who didn’t?) you wore them sans shirt. The ladies dug that look like you would not dream. At least that’s what I was told. They avoided me like the Yellow Fever Outbreak of 1793.
Oh, hell yeah! Shiny clothes never get old, do they? And the hair on those three is spectacular. Just blown dried and feathered back like you read about. Sigh. Swear to God I once had feathered hair and it was breathtaking. Just blew in the breeze like a boss. At least in my mind. And I have to tread lightly here, but the guy on the right looks as if he might be trying to smuggle out a baggie of quarters or something. Yikes.
Not gonna lie here. I’m wearing a robe like the guy on the right as we speak. Big robe guy here. Wait. I’m wearing a kimono? Su-weet. And I’m torn on the slipper socks. They’re boots, right? Those existed? But damn those look comfortable. If you think I’m not searching those babies up on The Goggle later you’re out of your gourd.
That vest looks like something my Aunt Millie would have knitted during My Uncle Deck’s lengthy sermons back when I was a kid attending church in southern Ohio. Oh, and nice that she had some material left over and put together that little ill-fitting stocking cap up top. But hey, the guy has a cane so that ups his coolness factor quite a bit.
PS – Check out that dude’s smug smile. Thinks he a real male model and whatnot. I hope he gets eaten by a pack of rabies infested weasels whilst on his hike.
Listen, if it was just the nightshirt I wouldn’t be interested in this get-up. However, that Sea Captain’s Hat just takes things up to another level. Ahoy indeed. I have no idea what that means. PS- Does anyone still wear nightshirts? Did anyone ever?
What the hell happened to the old belt worn over the knitted sweater look? That was the bomb-diggity, man. Throw in the wide collar and ascot and you were good to go, brother. And once again, this cat is sporting the knitted sweater from Granny’s closet. Sudden thought – is there a difference between knitting and crocheting? The mind reels.
First off, let’s get straight to the obvious. That guy’s mustache is magnificent. Throw in that majestic sweater, neck scarf and the fact that he kills dinner with his bare hands and that’s a man’s man, my friends.
Note: Seriously, what’s up with the chicken?
Hey-O! Now that’s a poncho! Honestly, I had a throw in my college apartment that my mom made that looked exactly like that poncho. Man, if that throw could talk. Anyway, I missed out on the whole vest with no shirt look. It apparently never made it this far inward from the fashion bastions on the coasts. On a related note, is the guy on the back left not wearing pants?
I post this photo for a couple reasons. First, whatever happened to the old horizontal opening? Never caught on I guess? Seemed like a can’t-miss, ya know?* Secondly, check out the colors – gold, orange, pink, rhubarb, ice and red. Lemme tell ya, the chicks dig rhubarb, man. Can’t live without the rhubarb undies.
*I never heard of the horizontal opening until 5-minutes ago.
So there’s your fashion blast from the past. Hope it brought some good memories and not horrific nightmares. Just remember kids, fashion always comes back. You’ve been warned.
Streamline Moderne is a late type of Art Deco architecture and design that emerged in the 1930s. Some people call it Air Flow Design as well. Its architectural style emphasized curving forms, long horizontal lines and it was cool as hell. I don’t know, there’s just something rally appealing to me about the look. There were Streamline Moderne automobiles, houses, furniture, appliances, and even toys. Check out the slideshow below. Love it, man.
Yeah, you got it right. I’m writing about hats. Stay with me. I’ve never let you down before have I? Wait. Never mind.
As a lot of you know I taught history for several years. It’s been an interest of mine as long as I can remember. Anyway, I was teaching the period from the discovery of the Americas by those dudes who walked across that swampy area we now call the Bering Strait right up to reconstruction after the Civil War. There are a million cool things I covered, such as the Vikings, Mayans, Incas, Paul Revere, George (“The Man” as he was known in my class) Washington, Lewis & Clark (love ’em), the Intercontinental Railroad, and of course Abe Lincoln and all things Civil War related.
There was always been something that has stood out to me and my students as we studied history though, and that was the demise of the cool hat. Stop laughing, I’m dead serious here. Seriously, stop it. The cool hat has died. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a kid stop in the middle of a lesson, look at a picture and say, “Dude. Cool hat.”
Some historians say the hat was the first apparel worn by man, ya know? Weird, when you think of a bunch of cavemen running around with nothing on but a fur hat.
Speaking of the Vikings (I did a second ago, you can go back and look), did you know those cool Viking helmets never actually had horns? Sure makes the Minnesota Viking logo look pretty dopey, huh? Vikings actually looked more like this dude:
Yeah, I know. Badass. Of course, an axe always adds to your badassness, amirite?
Note: Quite possibly another first. I just used the word badassness in a blog. Twice. I’m awesome.
But anyway, over the years hats went from being popular as hell to basically dying out to the point where all we have left in hat fashion statements are baseball hats being worn sideways, which only serves to make you look like a tool. So, kids, on with some hat blogging!
Let’s begin with the Mayans. Take a look:
Holy! What the . . .? No, that ain’t The Mothman. Mayan warriors wore stuff like this to battle so they’d hopefully scare their enemies. Legend says some Mayan enemies cried like little girls upon seeing that get-up and quite possibly shat their pants. Yikes.
Let’s move on. Here’s the man credited with discovering America, although we now know he wasn’t nearly the first and in addition pretty much wiped out an entire race of people. Yep, we’re talkin’ the one and only C-Bus as his buddies called him.
Check out this lid:
I don’t even know what I’m looking at here. Not a stellar look. Of course it doesn’t help that Chris resembled my 77-year old 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Toler. Regardless, let’s move on to the American Revolution:
Hey-O! Now we’re talkin’. That’s not your run-of-the-mill hat right there. That’s the three cornered hat, the ol’ tri-corner we all know and love. You do love it, right? Right? It definitely needs to make a comeback.
The trappers in the days after Lewis and Clark had cool hats. Let’s check one out:
That’s your basic run-of-the-mill Beaver on the Head Accentuated with a Feather look, wildly popular amongst the men of the wild back in the day. You can actually see similar hats on the streets of Bainbridge, Ohio today, and no, I’m not kidding.
Later on, a hat we all know and love became the symbol of the west:
Now there’s a hat. By the way, that’s John Wayne for you youngbloods out there. Incidentally, he was as bad as they come. He could have taken one look at Chuck Norris and made him poop his pants. Not even kidding.
Let’s take a look at the Outlaws of the Sea and some of their headgear:
Yes friends, that is Blackbeard the Pirate. Legend has it that when he was beheaded and his body thrown overboard he swam around the boat 7-times as he tried to get back aboard and kill the bastards who did him in. He also used to braid his beard and light the tips on fire when fighting to intimidate his enemies. Rough customer he was. Anyway, stellar hat.
Note #2: Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a picture of a pirate that is not Johnny Depp? Good God.
Alright, now let’s move on to the mid-1800’s, a great time for hats. You might even call it The Golden Age of Hats. Or, you might not. Totally your call. Anyway, here’s quite possibly the most famous hat ever, period.
That’s an actual photo of Abe, and you have to admit his hat is spectacular. Not many men could pull that off folks. Hey, you know it’s a great hat when it can hold your wallet, notes, hanky, and you know, the Gettysburg Address. Impressive. Impressive indeed.
Here’s a hat that was popular in the Roaring 20s. Great name for a decade, right? Not as good as the Swinging 60s, but still. Check it:
Yeah, I know. Not great but better than anything we have today, no? On a related note it could double as a frisbee. That is, if they’d been invented yet.
Few could pull off the Rastacap better than the one and only Bob Marley. First off, I believe dreds are required before you even try, right? Look at this guy.
Cool.
OK, let’s get to the hat worn by a guy who probably wore a hat better than anyone in history. I give you this cool cat:
Seriously, nobody, and I mean nobody, could pull off wearing a fedora like The Chairman of the Board, Mr. Frank Sinatra, though some have tried and failed miserably. I’m talking to you, Bruno Mars:
Nope.
All of which brings us to 2023, where 99.9% of the hats we see today are baseball caps. Check out this doofus:
Ugh. The truly sad part is that this girl probably thinks this dope is cool. Do me a favor and look at this guy, then scroll back up and look at Sinatra. Do it a couple of times. This is what has happened to people’s perception of cool, not to mention cool hats. Cool is dead people, and with it, cool hats.
One day, hopefully, the cool hat will return. Not holding my breath though.
Finally, this subject wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the latest hat phenomenon – the Big Hat. Trust me when I tell you people are wearing these all over the ol’ US of A.
Yeah, I don’t get it either. Funny though.
Note: I left out many a cool hat, most notably the Sombrero, the Beanie, the Porkpie and the always practical Umbrella hat. Oh, and I cannot complete this article without pointing out the fact that some of today’s baseball style caps should come with directions. Here’s proof:
Good grief.
It’s crazy what rich people will spend money on, man. My crack staff here at Shoe: Untied got online to check out some of the high-end shopping sites (like Nordstrum) and here’s what we found. It’s cray. Check ’em out:
[click and scroll for the ridiculousness]
Well, at least to me. Check out what people expected the 2020s to be like back in the day. Some are close, most not so much. Interesting stuff for sure though. Enjoy.
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Man, for the life of me I don’t recall suits being that damn big in 2003. I swear they had enough fabric in that photo to clothe the population of Zimbabwe. There were extra buttons and too many pant cuffs scraping the floor. It has been said that Steve Harvey deserves blame for this style. That it was Michael Jordan’s fault. That maybe it was P. Diddy and Sean John, the origins are murky. Check out Kirk Hinrich (front, third from left). Dude looks like a kid on his way to his First Communion. Jarvis Hayes (front, second from left) looks as if he might have thought, “Screw it, I’m gonna button all of these, I don’t know where to start or end.” Carmelo Anthony (front, far left) inexplicably only buttoned the top button of his jacket. But the collars had to be the worst part. Wait. Maybe it’s the length of those pants. Good God man. The mind reels.
PS- This was a hell of a draft class, except for #2 pick Darko Milicic there in the back middle. He sucked. Otherwise LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh, and Dwyane Wade turned out to be pretty good. Steal of the draft? Maryland’s Steve Blake at #38.
The annual Met Gala was held on Monday, and as always celebrities arrived decked out in their latest fashion statements. My crack staff here at Shoe: Untied chose their favorite looks and are heretofore ready for your perusal. Let us begin . . .
We’ll start with somebody named Billie Porter, whose getup apparently pays homage to the Flying Monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. Breathtaking, and it can just as easily be worn down to your local grocery or pub as the Met Gala!
Next up is Carly B (I’ve heard of her!), who has chosen a feathered shoulder giant boa train thingy. Fun fact: It took a team of 27 posse members/hangers on/people without a life to get her in and out of her limo.
Here we have Celine Dion sporting a rather conservative yet elegant dress, which was unfortunately forgotten when she stepped on a live electrical cable that sent her hair into a bizarre peacock spread that frightened bystanders.
Not gonna lie about Dwyane Wade here. I really liked his outfit. The black jacket with the cool designs on the sleeves, the simple black slacks . . . and then he had to add the damn hoodie that makes him look like a 6th grader coming in from recess.
Here we have a guy/gal wearing an elegant pin-stripe suit with 50’s style saddle shoes, topped off by long tails and WHAT THE HELL MAN MAN THAT PERSON HAS SEVEN EYES!!!
Next up is Hamish Bowles (again, nuthin), seen moments before he was completely eaten by the giant pet caterpillar he’d brought to the event as an emotional support companion.
Here’s Janelle Monet (nope, don’t know her either) who made the decision to wear eyeballs on her hand and boob, as well as at least four hats. I sort of like the earrings though.
You know, I don’t hate what Jared Leto is wearing, I really don’t. He sort of looks like the king of a faraway alien planet. But why is he carrying his own head?
So there you go. Seriously, where fashion is concerned I got nothin’ anymore.
German fashion designer Philipp Pleine earned the justified ire of both professional and amateur fashion critics on Saturday with a show he staged during Milan Fashion Week. The collection included a limited-edition selection of purple-and-gold jerseys ($2,070), hoodies ($3,150) and sneakers ($2,200) that take their styling cues from Bryant’s iconic Lakers jersey.
The designer replaced the team’s name with his own on these garments and rendered all the letters and the Lakers legend’s number, 24, in glittering crystals. Bryant’s name is nowhere to be seen, but the back of the jersey and hoodie include a rendering of a black mamba—an homage to the basketball player’s nickname.
On their own, these items might have passed muster, but Plein’s set design pieces for the show proved too much for some onlookers to bear. “Philipp Plein made two gold helicopters for his show today, which falls 27 days after Kobe died in a helicopter crash,” one observer pointed out on Twitter. Another called the choice “Distasteful, tacky and material waste.’
In a statement to Page Six, Plein said he didn’t have time to remove the helicopters (which appeared alongside a tableau of land, sea and aircraft commissioned for the show in November) and lamented that his intentions were misunderstood.
As you know I’m a bit of a fashion maven myself, having written the acclaimed blogs The NRA Held Their Concealed Carry Fashion Show in Milwaukee and It Was Straight Fire, The Thom Browne Fashion Show: A Shoe: Untied Review, Time For The Latest Shoe: Untied Fashion Review!, and Fashion Brand Makes School Shooting Clothing Line And It’s Absolutely Disgusting. Click on those links to read my crack fashion team’s opinions on various shows.
Which brings us to this latest show by a dude named Philipp Plein. As you’ve already read, it was supposedly a “tribute” to Kobe Bryant as models in Lakers style jerseys paraded on stage around (ugh) golden helicopters. In what world, my friends, would someone think this was a good idea? Golden helicopters? Good God almighty that’s horrific. And since Mr. Plein feels so “misunderstood” I’d really like to hear his explanation. Check out the photos, but be preapared to wince.
Today – Streetwear brand Bstroy is facing backlash after debuting their latest clothing collection.
The New York-based brand unveiled its spring 2020 collection at a fashion show earlier this week, and many Instagram users are calling some of the designs “disgusting” and “tasteless” in response. The garments at the center of the controversy? A series of sweatshirts embroidered with the names of several school shootings locations, including Sandy Hook, Columbine, Virginia Tech and Marjory Stoneman Douglas. Each of the sweatshirts features tattered details and distressing that resemble bullet holes.
Why? Who does this? Who buys this?
Listen, I’m about as open as they come where dark or off-color humor is concerned. My friends will tell you I’ve told jokes about many a touchy subject. I mean, to me there is no correlation between feeling empathy for something and your ability to laugh about it. That said, man does this make me cringe. Hey, I don’t know what my line is but I do know this clothing line crossed it. Here are some examples, but be warned. It’s tasteless, callous, stupid and reprehensible.
And whether that level is upward or downward is entirely up to you. See, Cam wore this ensemble at his post-game presser last night and it set the internet ablaze. Some say he looked like the Queen of England, others say he resembled the wolf disguised as the grandmother in Little Red Riding Hood. He reminded me of Mother Goose but that’s just me. Cam had a terrible game, and afterwards he gave us this gem of a quote: “It’s time for me to look at myself in the mirror.” I agree Cam. I agree.