Posts Tagged ‘DJs’

Behind the Mic: A DJ’s Take.

Posted: September 5, 2012 in Humor, Opinion, Rock Music
Tags: ,

What follows is the first contribution from guest bloggers contributing to the site. Our first offering comes from DJ extraordinaire Branden “Tweet” Jackman (yep, the nickname was mine) as he gives his take from behind the mic. Enjoy . . .

As I was perusing Facebook the other day, I came across a post by Shoe asking for contributions to this blog. I figured with my years in the trenches as a club and private party DJ I could come up with something, so here goes!

Here are the things I’ve learned as a DJ:

Drinking a bottle of Jaeger does not improve your singing ability.

Requesting a song without having a bleeping clue as to the name, artist or any of the lyrics is not conducive to your song getting played. Please go play in traffic, the tune might come to you!! No, I don’t know that certain song that’s on the radio, (it’s real popular!) because all DJ’s live in a cave and we don’t listen to popular music!!

Never, under any circumstances, will I allow you and your drunk friend to sing “Picture” by Cheryl Crowe & Kid Rock! Man, I hate that f’n song!!

Asking me to play your song more than once, acting like you’re leaving soon or any other lame-ass excuse will not get me to move Merle Haggard into the playlist late in the evening!

WOW, you were a DJ at one time. Why’d ya quit? Here, let me guess – cause your an assclown with the personality of a rock?

The ever famous “but” statement! Your playing great music BUT “insert drunk logic insult here.”

No, I don’t use iTunes, Windows Media Player or any other audio player that’s built into an operating system.

Buying me a drink will definitely get your song moved up the playlist! 😉

Guys, be nice to the DJ, if your hoping to hook up with someone, I can be your best friend or your worst nightmare!!

Last but not least. In the words of smokey, don’t EVER, EVER, EVER EVER EVER touch my equipment, laptop, mixer or anything in the DJ booth. Nothing pisses me off more than to hit the head when I finally get the chance, only to come back and find some drunk ass in my chair!!

That about sums it up for now but rest assured I have heard some messed up shit in the booth and have DJ’d some serious parties that would go down in my Top Ten of all time!

P.S. – I should have included this in the list but the guy that invented karaoke should be bound, gagged, beat, shot, tarred, feathered, drug behind a wild horse, beaten about the head and shoulders with something heavy and then shot again!!

Just sayin’.