Since Halloween Is Approaching, Let’s Watch 5 Terrifying Short Horror Films

Let’s begin with a genuinely chilling film called 2AM: The Smiling Man. Yikes.

Next we have a delightful little story entitled Last Bus Home. Enjoy.

This next one is not for the faint of heart. It’s called I Heard It Too.

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Whatever you do, Don’t Look Away.

And finally, She Knows.

Getting Over the Tough Losses

So I’ve been hearing the talking heads of the sports world, many of whom have no idea what it’s like to ever play a sport, discussing the collapse of the Baltimore Ravens a couple weeks ago.

Anyway, the discussion regarding blowing a game always seems to come down to this – will the losing team recover? How long will it take for them to get past this? It seems that most folks are saying things like, “Oh, it will sting for awhile but they’ll eventually get over it.”

Let me say this. I’ve coached for well over 30-years and have suffered some tough losses.

I had a team that was ranked #2 in Ohio and was undefeated through our first 15-games. We lost one of our best players to ineligibility and ended up losing our opening tournament game.

Another game we were undefeated and lost in triple overtime to a team we should have beaten. The team took several three 3-pointers in the last few seconds of the 4th quarter, getting their own rebound and kicking it back out for another chance 2-3 times. Problem is we were up 3 at the time and we should’ve fouled. For whatever reason I didn’t tell my team to do that. I think I was probably trusting my defense to make a stop, but in retrospect it was a bad decision. We ended up losing our first game of the year that night.

A few years ago my team played a district tournament game against a team that was 24-0 and we were up 5-points with about a minute left. In retrospect we had fouls to give and I probably should have used them, gradually working the clock down until our opponent had to take a quick shot with little time remaining. Instead I chose not to because #1) I didn’t want to stop the clock, #2) I feared we’d get an intentional foul call, and #3) I really believed in our defense. What happened was a kid threw in a 25-foot shot at the buzzer and we lost. So yeah, that one hurt.

In addition, I’ve had players miss free throws that would’ve won huge games for us, and I’ve had players turn the ball over in crucial situations that led directly to losses.

So, back to the original question. When do you get over tough losses and failures in really, really big games?

The answer is simple. You don’t.

Ever.

Sure, you learn to deal with it and you don’t dwell on it every day, but it never really leaves you. Not if you’re a real competitor.

For instance, that tournament game we lost back in 1993, nearly 30-years ago? How often do I think about it? Oh, not as much as I used to. Maybe once a week.

And the tournament game where we lost at the end? I still think of it 2-3 times a week if not more.

I’m serious. Second guessing yourself is a cruel game, man.

Because like I said, you never really get over it.

Ever.

Here Are 23 Old Photos That Will Make You Long For A Simpler Time

Well, if you’re old like myself at least. Click, scroll, and enjoy.

Woman Loses Twerk-Off, Proceeds To Jump Off Cruise Ship To Her Death

A “twerk-off” dance contest preceded a woman jumping from an EDM party cruise ship during the 2022 Mad Descent Boat Party late Thursday off the coast of Cuba.

Speaking exclusively with NBC 6, Graham Hansen, who knows the woman, says he spoke with a mutual friend of theirs who was also on board that cruise.

“She and some other girl who was calling herself the Twerk Queen were having a twerk-off, ” Hansen told NBC 6 via phone. “Twerk Queen started twerking on her (the missing woman’s) boyfriend, and it caused some sort of issue between the two of them.”

The woman reportedly jumped from the ship not long after the dance contest escalated. Hansen says their mutual friend on board the ship is “completely and totally mortified.”

Listen, if anything can make you want to kill your yourself it’s losing a twerk-off, amirite? Hey, losing a loved one or finding out you have an incurable disease is one thing, but getting beaten by the Twerk Queen would be enough to send anybody over the edge. Or ledge in this case. I hate myself right now.

And is it me or is the cruise name “Mad Descent” incredibly fitting here? And yes, I’d say “completely and totally mortified” is a fitting reaction. “Somewhat and just a tad mortified” just wouldn’t have seemed right, ya know?

Anyway, lesson learned. Don’t challenge the Twerk Queen, man. Bad things will happen.

The True Story Of The Album “Let It Be”

The album “Let It Be” by The Beatles was supposed to be a trip back to their roots – pared down, simple, no orchestration or strings, no overdubs, and no overwhelming production. They wanted the album to have an almost “live” feel. This from a band that had recorded albums like “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” in which the studio work and production were groundbreaking in their complexity. Bottom line, The Beatles wanted to get back to their roots.

Here’s the album track list:

Side 1

1. Two of Us
2. Dig a Pony
3. Across the Universe
4. I Me Mine
5. Dig It
6. Let It Be
7. Maggie May

Side 2

1. I’ve Got a Feeling
2. One After 909
3. The Long and Winding Road
4. For You Blue
5. Get Back

The songs range from the silly (“Dig It”, “Dig a Pony” and Maggie May”) to the rockin’ (“Get Back”) to the almost country sounding (“One After 909”) to the beautifully legendary (“Let It Be”, “Across the Universe” and “The Long and Winding Road”). It was a truly a wonderful album in spite of the cracks that were beginning to show, fissures that would eventually tear the group apart.

Quick note – although “Let It Be” was the last album released by The Beatles, it was actually recorded before Abbey Road.

As I mentioned before, during the recording of “Let It Be” the relationships between all four Beatles was strained severely, almost to its breaking point. It was so strained, in fact, that the guys became so tired of the in-fighting they allowed manager Allen Klein (who Paul hated but John liked) to take over the finishing touches on the album. Klein ended up handing the project over to legendary “Wall of Sound” producer Phil Spector, who proceeded to completely defeat the original purpose of the album by adding orchestras and female background singers (which The Beatles had never used before) to songs like “The Long and Winding Road” and “Let It Be.” Paul McCartney has stated publicly many times that when he first heard the final product he was aghast at the results.

Years later, in 2003, the album was re-released by McCartney as “Let It Be . . . Naked” in an attempt to rectify the mistake and let the public listen to the album as it was originally intended. The result was a beautiful album of simple songs in which the voices and musicianship stand magnificently on their own.

Here’s a comparison of the original release of “The Long and Winding Road” with strings and background vocals, followed by the originally intended pared down, simple version:

Long and Winding Road (with added vocals and orchestration)

Long and Winding Road (original “naked” version)

Big difference. Sure, the first version is beautiful, but I much prefer the second one, especially since Paul wanted it to be heard that way originally. Again, all the added fluff went against the spirit of the album, which was to “get back” to the roots of The Beatles.

Let It Be Factoids:

• Piano legend Billy Preston played keyboard on the album.
• During the recording sessions, tensions between George Harrison and Paul McCartney, grew so heated that Harrison left the studio.
• Although recorded in 1969 and released on “Let it Be” a year later, the song “One After 909” was one of John Lennon and Paul McCartney’s first collaborations, dating back to 1959.
• In the United States, advance orders for the album were the largest in the industry up to that point – over 3.7 million units.
• Legend has it that when McCartney sang “Get back, get back, get back to where you once belonged” he was looking directly at Yoko Ono, who was in studio during the recording. UPDATE: This is not true. As seen in the recent Peter Jackson documentary “Get Back” The Beatles all seemed to get along quite well.

Dark Side of the Rainbow Is Mesmerizingly And Awesomely Eerie

You’ve all heard about it. Well, those of you over 40-years of age anyway. You know, how if you play Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon simultaneously with a muted Wizard of Oz you get a mind-blowing experience? That it’s called Dark Side of the Rainbow? Well, it’s a long story but I ended up playing it for a high school class the other day and I’m 90% sure I confused the living hell out of 98% of them. I say 98% because there were 1 or 2 that sat there wide-eyed, nodding approvingly. At one point a kid asked me how in the world anyone ever discovered this phenomenon and I responded thusly:

“Well Jonah, I figure one day back in the mid-70’s some guy was sitting in his apartment stoned out of his gourd. He must have been listening to Dark Side of the Moon and watching The Wizard of Oz with the sound off. Then, at 20-minutes in, his roommates heard this: ‘Dude. DUDE! You guys have to come and see this!'”

And so it was born. Do I actually believe Pink Floyd wrote Dark Side of the Moon specifically to play alongside The Wizard of Oz? I do not. Do I believe it’s hauntingly mesmerizing to do so? I do. For those uninitiated, here ya go . . .

Note: Give it a couple minutes. It takes a bit for the movie to start.

Coyote Thinks He’s Going To Eat Trixxie the Chi-Weenie, Happy the Rottweiler Says Not Today

Good dog, Happy. Good dog.

Two Televangelists Explain Why They Need Private Jets

God I love this. Jesus had to travel at night because he didn’t have shoes and the sand was too hot, but these two multimillionaire preachers* are justifying their private jets by saying the Lord told them they need one. That’s classic TV preacher right there.

*I looked it up. The guy on the left, Kenneth Copeland, has a net worth of $800-million. Jesse Duplantis, the guy on the right, is a little more secretive regarding his wealth but a photo of his house is below. 

Here’s a photo of Copeland’s house.

And here’s the house of DuPlantis when it was under construction.

So anyway, congrats to all the folks who donate to these men. After all, I’m sure it’s important to them that they have this lifestyle. You know, because God told them to have it. Hallelujah!

Here’s the Single Dumbest Play in Football, Over and Over Again

Dumb. Also infuriating.

[click to watch on YouTube]

Photos Of How Artists Would Look Today Are Sadly Fascinating

John Lennon looks pretty accurate to me. Interesting stuff.

[click and scroll]

Bob Huggins: Much More Than 916 Wins

Coach Bob Huggins has won 916 college basketball games. That’s #4 among D1 coaches and he’s only 5 wins from passing Jim Calhoun and moving up to 3rd. He’s behind only Coach K, Jim Boeheim and Calhoun and is ahead of Bob Knight, Roy Williams, Dean Smith, Adolph Rupp, Eddie Sutton and Lefty Driesell.

That, my friends, is one hell of a career.

I first met Huggs back on May 15th, 1989 when our family was given a private tour of the brand new Shoemaker Center at the University of Cincinnati, named after my Uncle Myrl. My uncle had been a State Representative and Chairman of the House Finance Committee (and later Lieutenant Governor of Ohio), and he’d been instrumental in the construction of the new facility.

Anyway, because of this family connection I was there, and the man who showed us around was the University of Cincinnati’s new coach, Bob Huggins.

At some point I introduced myself, told him I was the coach of the other Bearcats, and we ended up having a lot in common. Over the next 15-years I took my teams to camp at UC, attended games, and got to know Huggs fairly well. We’d go out after camp, hang out when I visited Cincy or attended clinics where he was speaking, stuff like that.

And no, I’m not going into details regarding those visits so don’t go there. I was mentioned in a book Huggs once wrote, although not by name.

In 2005 Huggs was let go by the University of Cincinnati and a university president I refuse to name, ostensibly because “the Bearcat program under Huggins didn’t fit with the plan to upgrade UC’s academic reputation” but more likely because of a DUI and most likely because Huggs wielded more power at the university and in the city than she did. And by the way, the whole graduation rate reasoning was flawed to put it mildly. But that’s a subject for another day.

Huggs was then snatched up by Kansas State, but a year later his beloved West Virginia came calling with an offer Huggs could not refuse. After all, he’d played college basketball at WVU, was born there, had family there and had many other connections to the university. He loved West Virginia, West Virginia loved him, and it was a perfect fit.

As for me, it’s pretty clear where my loyalties lie. When Huggs brought his Mountaineers back to Cincinnati in an emotional return a couple years after leaving, I was on the floor behind the bench. West Virginia’s bench.

Note: That’s an unfortunate (for me) photo on the front page of the ESPN website the next morning. It showed an emotional Huggs with some poor schmuck in the background who’s apparently having a stroke.

But hey, I’m far from the only supporter Huggs still has in Ohio. A year or so ago I was at an AAU tournament with him, and he and a friend of ours went to a little bar near Mason, OH, just outside of Cincinnati. There were probably 20-people in the place when we arrived, but by an hour later that number had quadrupled. People were asking Huggs to pose with them, on their motorcycles, everything. The guy was besieged with people. I swear he could get elected mayor of Cincinnati in a landslide tomorrow.

Bob Huggins is one of those guys that people can sometime love to hate, mainly because of his fiery, sometimes explosive sideline demeanor and his straight shooter mentality. Huggs has not always been appreciated by some fans, usually those that disapprove of that sometimes in-your-face, aggressive style. I maintain that those people have no idea of who Bob Huggins really is. I’ve been around a few college coaches, and I’ve known none that are more compassionate about their players than Huggs. They know this, and that’s exactly why they allow themselves to be pushed to be better by him. It’s an old school tough love, and that love is returned to him far past a player’s days on the court.

And for over 30-years it’s worked. It’s amazing what players can accomplish when they know their coach cares about them in the manner Huggs does.

It all adds up to those 916 wins total at Akron, Cincinnati, Kansas State and West Virginia. 916 wins, man. That includes 30-years with at least 20-wins in 40-years of coaching. Still, for some reason his name is not usually mentioned alongside Krzyzewski, Knight, Williams or Calhoun. Makes no sense.

You know how we constantly hear (or heard) about Coach K or John Calipari turning down an NBA job, only leveraging it to get a big raise shortly thereafter? Basically Huggs has been offered NBA jobs before, he just doesn’t have his agent hold a press conference to announce it to the world.

In retrospect, the mess at the University of Cincinnati was the best thing that ever happened to Bob Huggins. He ended up with a job he loves at a university he loves, and in a city and state that loves him right back. They understand Huggs better than any fan base ever has, of that I’m certain. In a college basketball coaching world full of phonies and sleazy shucksters, Bob Huggins is going to give it to you straight. If you think he’s one of those slick-sell salesmen types you’re sadly mistaken, because there’s not a phony bone in him. It’s just not a part of his make-up. West Virginians appreciate that, and so do I. He’s a great coach and an even better man. I consider it an honor to know him.

And the best part is that Bob Huggins is still going strong. That’s good for both West Virginia and college basketball.

Shoe: Untied True Fact o’ the Day

The songs Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, ABCDEFG and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the same melody.

[for more cool facts, simply type “True Fact” into our search bar]

Shoe: Untied True Fact o’ the Day

The following countries have the highest estimated World War II casualties:

Soviet Union: 20 – 27 million

China: 15 – 20 million

Germany: 6 – 7.4 million

Poland: 5.9 – 6 million

Dutch East Indies/Indonesia: 3 – 4 million

Japan: 2.5 – 3.1 million

India: 2.2 – 3 million

Yugoslavia: 1 – 1.7 million

French Indochina (Laos, Cambodia, part of Vietnam): 1 – 2.2 million

France: 600,000

By comparison, the United States had 298,000 deaths.

For more true facts, just type “true facts” into the search box and go to town.

Map of the Day: Mediterranean Sea vs. Australia Size Comparison

I love this sort of stuff.

Classic Television: Ed McMahon Drunk On The Tonight Show

Johnny was the best.

My Favorite Sports Memories

Yep. Totally missed this. I was 2-blocks away.

Over the years I’ve been fortunate enough to witness some pretty special moments in sports, so I thought it was time to share. Let’s see, where to start . . .

I’ve been to several big Maryland basketball games thanks to my friends out there, so I won’t list them all. Still, the 2001 Final 4 game against Duke in Minneapolis stands out. The Terps were up 17 in the first half only to lose the game due to some very shady officiating. We were pretty close to the bench, and at one point Gary Williams turned around to a group of NCAA Committee members and yelled, “Just how f***king bad do you want Duke to win?” Priceless. It actually brought a gasp from the crowd around us. Michigan State and Arizona contingents were also there, and everybody, I mean everybody, was anti-Duke that day.

The legendary Cole Field House

You never knew who you were going to run into at College Park. We were always on Row 1 right behind the bench, thanks to my friend Billy Hahn. Robert Novak and Tony Kornheiser always sat nearby, and there were always a few pro athletes sitting near us as well. One night we sat down and I said hello to the guy next to me. I kept glancing at him because damn, he looked familiar. He seemed like an uncle from my past or something. I was flummoxed for a bit, and then it hit me – I was sitting beside Johnny Unitas.

Once, at a Maryland-Duke game at College Park, I heard quite a ruckus behind me in the Maryland student section. I turned around and saw a guy in the middle of the Maryland fans with a Duke hat on. People were going nuts booing the guy and screaming obscenities at him. After a while things died down a bit so I turned back to the pregame warmups. A few minutes later I heard a roar and looked around to see that somebody had swiped the hat and was passing it up through the stands. The Duke guy was livid but he was outnumbered by about 5000 to 1. At that point I thought it was over, but about 5-minutes later I heard another roar. This time I turned around and there was a Maryland fan waving the hat on the end of a long stick. And get this – the hat was on fire.

Have mercy.

Sticking with college hoops, I have to say that being behind the bench in Cincinnati a few years ago for “The Return of Huggs” was pretty special. Just being that close to all the emotion was pretty overwhelming, and I was honored to be given such special seats. It was unforgettable, and other than the fact that I appeared on the front page of ESPN’s website the next day looking like I was having a stroke, it was a great night.

When I was a kid I was lucky that my dad was not only a big sports fan, but also the head of purchasing at a pretty big corporation. Because Dad was in charge of buying literally everything for the company, he was constantly being bombarded with freebies from people who wanted him to buy from their businesses. Hence, all he had to do was mention a game he wanted to go to and he had the tickets post-haste (he also used to get a ton of free food and alcohol around the holidays, which was always a bonus). I’m pretty sure there are ethics laws preventing at least some of this stuff now, but maybe not. Anyway, combine Dad’s occupation with the fact that I had an uncle who was pretty high up in Ohio politics and I was one pretty lucky kid where getting tickets was concerned.

Because of this I was in attendance on April 4th, 1974 when Hank Aaron hit his 714th home run off of the Red’s Jack Billingham to tie Babe Ruth. Now there’s something you don’t see every day. I’ll never forget the electricity in Riverfront Stadium that day. I was 18-years old and I knew I was witnessing history.

A few years earlier, on May 17th, 1970, I’d seen Hank get his 3000th hit at Crosley Field. It was the second game of a doubleheader, and later in the game he hit his 570th homer. We were right down the first base line.

Speaking of Crosley Field, I was also at the last game played there on June 24th, 1970. I remember the great Juan Marichal pitching for the Giants and Johnny Bench and Lee May hit back-to-back home runs off him, enabling the Reds to go ahead and eventually win the game. Afterwards a helicopter came in, picked up home plate, and flew it over to Riverfront Stadium to be placed there. Pretty cool night.

Joe Rudi, 1972.

Another great memory of Crosley was during Game 2 of the 1972 World Series. With Tony Perez on first and Oakland leading 2-0 in the ninth inning, Joe Rudi raced to the left-field fence and made a leaping, backhanded catch of Denis Menke’s smash to save a run. Earlier in the game, Rudi had a solo home run. Dad and I were in the right field stands about 5-rows up, so I had a great view of that famous catch.

Wilt.

We also used to go to several Cincinnati Royals games a year at the old Cincinnati Gardens. We were once at a Royals-76ers game and I really wanted Wilt Chamberlain’s autograph. He was by far my favorite player. Anyway, not knowing any better I decided to go down at halftime and tried to get it as the players walked off the court. At that time both teams exited at the same point, right at half-court, walking together and then going into opposite locker rooms. So, I’m standing there waiting for my hero when there he comes. Listen, I was probably 10-years old but Wilt looked 20-feet tall to me. He was walking right beside Jerry Lucas, and they were yelling at each other, saying words I’d never before heard in my young life. Then, right in front of me they stopped. They were nose-to-nose, just completely going at it. Other players came in and broke it up, but before Wilt left he looked down at me, rubbed my head, and shook my hand. I guess I should say he shook my forearm because his hand gripped mine practically all the way up to my elbow. Hell, even then I realized that was way better than an autograph.

Greg Cook.

My Dad and Uncle Myrl used to take us to a bunch of Bengals games every year, especially when our cousin Greg Cook was the quarterback for the team. He used to take us to the locker room afterwards and it was great. We even went into the visitors locker room a couple times where I met some famous players, including Joe Namath and OJ Simpson. I shook hands with both. One particular game stands out from when I was a little older though. Again, I can thank my dad for pulling through for the tix, but I was in attendance at the Bengals vs. Bills Monday Night Football Game back in 1975. During the Bengals’ 33-24 win Ken Anderson threw for 447 yards and the aforementioned O.J. Simpson ran for 197 yards. Man, he just seemed to glide out there.

I also got to see a ton of big Ohio State basketball games and almost all of the Ohio State-Michigan football games through the late 60’s up to the present. Once in the 70’s I was nearly clotheslined by a security guard when I rushed the field after the game. I also vividly remember watching Lew Alcindor play against the Bucks in 1968 and just dominate. Dad never liked him because he thought he was lazy. Indeed, with John Wooden’s fast break there were several times Alcindor never made it past mid-court. As a kid, I was also impressed when he untangled the net without even standing on his tip-toes.

The Pistol.

Another great memory is a Royals game we went to against the New Orleans Jazz. The Jazz had none other than Pistol Pete Maravich on their team, and he torched the Royals for 44-points that night as I recall. I also remember that he wasn’t the high scorer in the game. Unheralded Royals center Connie Dierking had 45. I could be off on those numbers but I know I’m close. Pete Rose sat a few seats down from us that night. Probably had some jack placed on the outcome.

And finally, here’s an amazing memory that never was. Back in 1988 a friend of mine had a buddy who worked for CBS Sports. This guy got us tickets to the 1988 NBA All-Star Game in Chicago. We had passes for the dunk contest, the whole works. Well, by the time we checked into The Omni in Chicago that Saturday we were, uh, having a little too much fun. Later on we were in a bar near the stadium and were having such a good time that we decided, in our infinite wisdom, to stay there and skip the dunk contest. This would turn out to be the contest where Dominique Wilkins and some loser named Michael Jordan would have their legendary showdown. You know, the one where Jordan came in from the side, looking down on the basket, and nearly ripped the rim off. Oh, and later he dunked from the foul line. Personally I thought Wilkins won, but what the hell did I know? I was in a bar 2-blocks away. To put a cap on things, as we were walking into the stadium for the All-Star game the next day some guy offered us $300 for our tickets. Of course we promptly sold them. What can I say? We were idiots.

So there you have it, a few of my favorite (and one not so favorite) memories of sports.

Then again, I bet a lot of you have some pretty cool sports memories. What are they? They can be anything, from little league to the big leagues.

Let’s hear ’em.

PS- Perhaps my favorite personal memory of playing sports was tossing a perfect game against the hapless Knockemstiff Badgers when I was 12. Struck out everyone, 18 in six innings. Man, I was throwing smoke. I didn’t even need infielders out there. On a related note the Badgers were really, really bad.

5 Ways I’m Turning Into My Father

Yep. It’s happening. I already look just like him, now I’m turning into him. It’s been a slow process but oh, it’s happening. Here are some of things I’ve caught myself doing and thought to myself, “Damn, I’m turning into my father” . . .

Walking the Perimeter

When I was a kid dad would often walk around the perimeter of our property in the evening, just making sure everything was in order. You know, you never know when some ne’er-do-well might be lurking in mom’s Gardenia’s or something. Anyway, guess what I caught myself doing the other day? Walking the damn perimeter.

Yelling at Speeders

When I was little dad used to yell at the young Bourneville hooligans if they drove too fast past our house. Hey, there were kids in the neighborhood, man. W-e-l-l, a couple weeks ago I chased a car that blew by my house too fast and gave a youngster a good talking to down at the gas station. Hey, Lilly was out there with me. On a related note, without that admonishment the kid may have one day run over Lilly and I may have saved myself from a future murder charge.

Staring at Historical Markers for Uncomfortably Long Periods

When we’d go on vacations dad would sometimes get off the main highway and take a few turns while occasionally glancing at a map. Then he’d end up at some remote spot, get out, and walk into a field. In the ground would sometimes be an old historical marker that showed where some little-known Civil War battle like “The Battle of Knob’s Field” or something had taken place. Then dad would stand there looking around at this unremarkable site for what seemed like an hour as I stood eyeing him quizzically. B-u-t, I now know what he was doing. How? Because I do the same thing. He’d read about the battle, studied it, and was reliving it in his head.

Saying Certain Words or Phrases

Ladies and gentlemen, I now find myself saying things my dad said, like “He’s a dandy” (he’s a good one) or “That’s the berries” (if he liked something). The older I get, the more I revert to phrases and words dad used.

Putting Things on My Head

When I was little dad would put things on his head for a laugh. For instance, I remember one time he came out of the bathroom after a shower with a towel around his waist and his underwear on his head. Trust me, at the age of 8 that is the height of comedy. Anywho, when I visit my granddaughters I find myself putting stuff on my my head for laughs, like a teddy bear or toy or something. And you know what? It still works.

So yeah, the older I get the more I’m turning into my father, and that’s a good thing. That said, I could never turn completely into my father. I’ll be lucky to be half the man he was.

PS- I wrote about dad when he passed away in 2018. You can read it here: My Dad and I.

The Best Athletes I’ve Ever Seen

And by seen I mean seen live and in person. I’ve been incredibly lucky in my life, with a father who took me to high school, college and professional games all the time. As an adult I’ve been fortunate to be able to attend some pretty amazing games up close as well. What you’ll find below are some memories of some pretty incredible athletes.

Dad used to take me to see the Cincinnati Royals, the old NBA team, several times a year. One of my favorite memories is watching the Royals, with Oscar Robertson and Jerry Lucas, take on the Philadelphia 76ers in 1967, the year they won the NBA Championship. Philly had Hal Greer, Billy Cunningham and the great Wilt Chamberlain. Wilt was my favorite player, and he actually shook my hand that night. Unforgettable memory.

On December 6th, 1968 (I looked it up) dad took me to Ohio State to watch a good Buckeye team take on John Wooden’s famed UCLA Bruins. We sat behind the basket, and I’ll never forget watching center Lew Alcindor and his famous sky hook. Alcindor, of course, later changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Another memory of that day is my father complaining that Alcindor didn’t work hard enough.

My Dad and my Uncle Myrl used to take us to a bunch of Bengals games every year, especially when our cousin Greg Cook was the quarterback for the team. He used to take us to the locker room afterwards and it was great. We even went into the visitors locker room a couple times where I met some famous players, including Joe Namath and OJ Simpson. Yes, I shook that hand. One particular game stands out from when I was a little older though. Again, I can thank my dad for pulling through for the tix, but I was in attendance at the Bengals vs. Bills Monday Night Football Game back in 1975. During the Bengals’ 33-24 win Ken Anderson threw for 447 yards and the aforementioned O.J. Simpson slashed his way for 197 yards rushing. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

Another great memory is a Royals game we went to against the New Orleans Jazz. The Jazz had none other than Pistol Pete Maravich on their team, and he torched the Royals for 44-points that night as I recall. The Pistol was mesmerizing, and the Cincinnati Garden was electric every single time he touched the ball. I also remember that he wasn’t the high scorer that night. Unheralded Royals center Connie Dierking had 45. I could be off on those numbers but I know I’m close. Pete Rose sat a couple rows behind us that night.

I was in attendance on April 4th, 1974 when Hank Aaron hit his 714th home run off of the Red’s Jack Billingham to tie Babe Ruth’s all-time record. Now there’s something you don’t see every day. I’ll never forget the emotion in Riverfront Stadium that day. I was 18, and I knew I was witnessing history.

A few years earlier, on May 17th, 1970, I’d seen Hank get his 3000th hit at Crosley Field. It was the second game of a doubleheader, and later in the game he hit his 570th homer.

Speaking of Crosley Field, I was also at the last game played there on June 24th, 1970. I remember the great Juan Marichal pitching for the Giants and Johnny Bench and Lee May hit back-to-back home runs off him, enabling the Reds to go ahead and eventually win the game. Afterwards a helicopter came in, picked up home plate, and flew it over to Riverfront Stadium to be placed there. Pretty cool night.

I also saw Roberto Clemente of the Pittsburgh Pirates play in old Crosley Field a few times. He was so smooth and fluid, just a joy to watch. You knew you were seeing something special as you watched him. He recorded his 3000th hit on September 30, 1972, and it would be his last regular season hit. Sadly, three months later, Clemente died in a tragic crash of a cargo plane carrying relief supplies to earthquake victims in Nicaragua.

I can’t tell you how many times I watched Pete Rose play. My father absolutely loved Pete because of his style of play, which was all out, all the time. Pete sprinted to first base after walks and he sprinted to and from the outfield between innings. Once my cousin Mick cut his knee walking into Crosley Field and somehow (my dad and Uncle Myrl had connections, man) we ended up in the Reds training room. There was Mick, sitting on a training table beside Pete Rose, who was getting taped up. He couldn’t have been nicer.

This next one may surprise you, but Steve Francis in his prime was one of the best basketball players I have ever seen, period. It’s sort of cool because I knew him when he was 13-years old. I was working at Gary William’s Basketball Camp at Maryland in 1990 and there was a little kid sitting in the stands at Cole Field House, crying. Since I was the camp commissioner somebody sent me over to talk to him. Turns out he was mad because some of the counselors were playing a pick-up game during lunch and wouldn’t let him play. He knew he was good enough, and he was probably right. 10-years later he came back to speak at camp as an NBA All-Star.

I’ll never forget the first time I saw North Carolina’s Vince Carter in Cole Field House either. There was a fast break, and guard Ed Cota threw a pass from mid-court. It looked like it slipped or something because it was way too high and far away from the basket. I thought for certain it was going into the crowd. All of a sudden Carter came out of nowhere, leaped up, caught the ball with one hand, behind his head and probably 3-feet over the rim, and threw down a dunk that defied logic, gravity and human belief. I’d never seen anything like it.

I also got to see Ohio State Buckeyes like Archie Griffin, Orlando Pace, Eddie George, Maurice Clarett, and Jack Tatum. You could always spot the special ones. They were just . . . different. And Tatum was called The Assassin for a reason.

Anyway, thanks to Dad, Billy, Gary, Huggs and all the other people who have hooked me up with tickets and great seats over the years.

Hopefully the ride will continue.

Jimmy and the Biker Dad

Not him. Close though.

I once had a kid named Jimmy who was a bit of a punk. All of us knew kids like him when we were in school, he was always running to the teacher to tell on somebody, threatening to sue someone, running to mommy when he got into trouble, generally being a future assclown in training.

One day Jimmy was being his typical annoying self and wouldn’t shut his piehole, so I called him to the front of the class. As some of you know I like to draw (I even illustrated a book on nutrition a couple years ago – picture dancing carrots and bananas on skateboards and stuff). With this in mind I thought I’d draw Jimmy a picture to illustrate my point. You know, because he didn’t seem to understand the spoken word very well. And by “very well” I mean not at all.

At that point I proceeded to draw what I thought was a pretty cool picture depicting a group of people standing well away from the edge of a cliff that plunged down into the sea, just standing there contentedly safe from harm. I also drew some mighty sharp rocks down below. I have to admit it was a pretty cool picture considering I drew it in about a minute and a half. I mean, I had the waves crashing into the rocks and everything.

Right at the edge of the cliff I added one little man, just a step away from taking the fall far into the abyss, and with it certain death. I then had this conversation with Jimmy:

“Jimmy, here’s the deal. See all those people standing safely back away from the edge of the cliff? That’s our class. Now, see the little guy there standing real close to the edge of the cliff? Jimmy, that’s you. Now I want you to think about this for a minute. You can turn and walk safely away from danger, join the rest of the class, and get on with your life. Or, you can take that step the other way, the step that takes you over the edge and off the cliff. What decision are you going to make?”

To which Jimmy replied quietly, “I think I’ll walk back and join the rest of the class.”

Good answer.

Jimmy was fine for the rest of the period, but the story doesn’t end there. The next day I was called to the principal’s office. As I walked in I saw my principal behind his desk, albeit with an almost undetectable smirk on his face. In the visitor’s chair sat a big biker dude, complete with the leather pants and vest and all. I think the vest said something on the back like The Grim Jokers or Satan’s Spawn or The Lost Peckerwoods or something along those lines. I also recall thinking that a family of Ospreys could be living in biker dude’s beard. My principal then informed me that biker dude was in fact Jimmy’s dad and made the intros. Animosity was in the air and you could cut the tension with a switchblade.

Note: I should probably point out that I really hate badass wannabes who buy a Harley, purchase some leather at the gift shop and suddenly think they’re a Hell’s Angel. That said, man, did Jimmy’s dad look like a Hell’s Angel. 

Here’s what went down from there:

Principal: “Mr. Shoemaker, Jimmy’s father says you threatened to throw his son off a cliff.”

Wait. W-h-a-t?

Me: “Well, I have three things to say about that. Number one, I drew a picture on the board illustrating that Jimmy was about to get into serious trouble. Number two, the entire class knew exactly what I meant. Number three, that includes Jimmy.”

Biker Dude: “He threatened my son. I want him fired!”

Principal, who really liked me but was sort of befuddled: “Mr. Shoemaker, can you show me what you drew?”

I then, on the board in the principal’s office, proceeded to draw an incredible re-creation of my original masterpiece. OK, maybe I put the kid a little farther away from the edge, and I’m pretty sure I made him uglier. Then the principal took a look, approved of my class management style, and told biker dude so.

Biker Dude: “At the very least I want this put on his permanent record!”

Me: “Nah, I don’t think it needs to go on Jimmy’s permanent record. It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

This apparently upset daddy greatly, as I guess he meant my permanent record. He started yelling and stomping around, just generally making threats and stuff. I don’t think the principal could really hear him though because he had his head in his hands, trying his damndest not to laugh. As for me, I was just leaning against the wall.

Oh, and it’s possible I could have been grinning.

Long story short the guy finally stormed out and my permanent record remained clean. Well, clean compared to, you know, Charles Manson or somebody.

My principal stopped by my room later to chastise me, saying this:

“Remind me to never have you in a parent meeting again.”

Then he walked away shaking his head, but I’m pretty sure he was smiling.

Of course, the never going to a parent meeting thing was fine by me.

As for Jimmy, the little narc didn’t give me any more problems. The old “Throw you off a cliff” strategy must have done the trick.

That’s some top level classroom management right there, teachers. Feel free to borrow at your own risk.

Here Are 13 Jaw Dropping Facts For Your Perusal

You heard me, peruse and let your jaw be dropped.

1. When it’s so quiet you can hear snow falling, you’re actually hearing the static discharge of the snowflake hitting the ground. It gathers the electricity while it’s falling to Earth.
2. There are more castles in Germany than McDonalds in the U.S.
3. A graveyard is connected to a church while a cemetery is not.
4. Greenland sharks can become up to 400 years old and don’t reach sexual maturity until they’re 150.
5. Oxford University existed 250 years before the Aztecs existed. Oxford University first opened in 1096, the Aztec period was from 1345-1521. Oxford University is second only to the University of Bologna for continuous operation.
6. Sharks have been around longer than the rings of Saturn. The rings of Saturn formed no more that 100 million years ago, we know what they are made of, how fast they move, and the rate of decay. Sharks have been around for about 450 million years. We have fossilized records of this.
7. The Sahara Desert used to be under the ocean, and you can still find seashells in the sand there.
8. The Goonies go underground on the exact same day (Saturday, Oct. 26, 1985) as Marty travels back in time to 1955.
9. Ancient Egypt and Wooly Mammoths existed at the same time.
10. George Washington died in 1799. Dinosaurs were discovered in 1824. George Washington didn’t know dinosaurs existed.
11. Giraffes have the same number of neck bones as humans and mice.
12. “OMG” usage can be traced back to 1917.
13. The Earth is traveling through space at 1.3 million mph relative to the cosmic background radiation. Which means by the time you finished reading this, you’ve travelled roughly 5,420 miles through space.