New Planet Discovered “Right Next Door.” In Other News, Alien Invasion Imminent.

ITV – A new planet which could contain life has been discovered close enough to Earth to be reached by future space missions. The new world, which is slightly larger than our planet, is just 4-light years away in another solar system. It has been named Proxima B by astronomers. In terms of astronomical distances Proxima B is right next door, four light years is 25-trillion miles away. Astronomers believe that future generations of super-fast spacecraft could travel to the planet within the scale of human lifetimes.

First, everybody settle down. This is probably nothing to worry about. I mean, a new planet has been discovered 4-light years away, no big deal. 25-trillion miles is along way, amirite? Hell, you’d have to have spacecrafts that traveled really fast to get from Proxima B to Earth, and only a civilization much more advanced than ours would have such machines.

Wait.

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

PS – Proxima B sounds like a fancy shampoo or something. Horrible name.