Archive for the ‘Funny Videos’ Category

Man, that’s a happy nerd.

Only one Dave.

Here he is at Taco Bell.

And here’s Dave annoying the hell out of McDonald’s employees.

Pup on a bender.

Man, that snake scared that bro shitless, amirite? Poor dude leaped like he’d seen a Komodo Dragon, man. Seriously, it was every man for himself there for a second. But seriously, did you see that snake leap through the door? Holy crap, that was a snake on a mission. A mission to kill. On a related note, by the end of the video the original guy at the door was 3-blocks away. He gone.

Listen, everybody knows how I despise the fairly recent trend where the wedding party dances into the reception, basically acting like fools. I’ve seen people ziplining in, grooms walking up the actual wedding aisle doing tricks with a soccer ball, all sorts of ludicrous activity. Why do I dislike this stuff, you ask? Well, basically it’s because I think the big day should be all about the bride, ya know? Not some doofus shimmying into the reception like Steph Curry after a routine 3-pointer. It’s not about you, ya assclown. And this may sound odd coming from a guy who is 0 for 2 in the marriage game, but to me all those goofy shenanigans take away from the actual ceremony, which should be sort of sacred, right? Yeah, I know the reception is different from the ceremony but do you really want everyone going home remembering what happens in this video? I think not. On a related note, that bridesmaid might be dead.

I swear to God that asshat is still dancing after that debacle.


So apparently this guy is a cop and he just got demolished by that goose. I’d have had to pull my piece and capped that goose in the ass, man. Listen, there’s nothing meaner than a goose, except for maybe a peacock. Geese are all pretty and whatnot, but they crap all over everything and if you get close they go for the jugular. My parents had a goose problem at their lake until I unleashed a certain Jack Russell into their midst. Let’s just say those geese vamoosed the premises post haste. Anywho, check out the video. That’s fowl, man.

Scott, fighting the good fight.

Regular readers know just how much myself and my crack staff here at Shoe: Untied hate bad parking, especially asshats who think they have special privileges because they drive an expensive car. And parking in handicapped spots is a particularly unforgivable sin. You can find proof of our mean-spiritedness at our Asshat Parkers of the Day site. Our basic philosophy is this – if your asshattery is so strong that you need to perform the asshatish act of taking up two spots, go to the far corner of the damn lot. It’s not a complex concept, asshat. Anyhoo, what follows is my Top 10 Acts of Asshat Parking Revenge. Kudos to these fine Americans who are fighting this righteous, noble fight. Let us begin . . .

This first one is a rather harmless, though annoying act of revenge. I suppose it could be quickly rectified with a pocket knife, but it is irritating and point proving nonetheless. Other acts of revenge can much more malicious, as you shall soon see.

Next we have an asshat who made the mistake of parking in someone’s business lot illegally. Rather than calling a tow truck, this awe-inspiring do-gooder pulled out his handy-dandy forklift. Well done, sir.

What we see below is an asshat who made the egregious error of parking his precious vehicle on one of those grass islands rather than the actual lot so it wouldn’t get dinged. Seems he had a reputation for this asshattishly boorish behavior. Hence the bros lifting some concrete parking dividers to hem the asshat in. Kudo, bros. Kudos.

In the photo below we have an asshat who, although the spot was clearly marked “No Parking,” thought he could squeeze in because he had one of those obnoxious little smart cars. As you can see by the photo below, smart car, dumb owner. Note: I would have probably just picked it up and put it in a tree or something.

Here we have the act of some heroic mall workers, exacting sweet revenge on an asshat who left his car there after business hours, a rule clearly posted for all to see. Except asshats of course. Interlocking shopping carts – genius!

Hey asshat! You parked in a clearly marked spot for motorcycles! Good job, motorcycle dude. Note: I know 2-people could easily move the motorcycle, but still a nice effort.

Oh, how I love this next one. Now this asshat can never say he didn’t see the line. PS- That’s probably tape but oh how I wish it were paint. Wait. It’s clearly tape. Disregard.

Word of warning to all asshats: Never block a fire hydrant when the firefighters care about to roll in. And I love the fact that although the firemen had plenty of hose [insert joke here], they busted the windows out anyway. Firemen, man.

One of my all-time favorites. When an Asshat Vette owner rolled into a prime spot in front of a Red Robin near Boston, heroic Asshat Patrol member Kyle DeMattia took action. He even took video of his courageous act, which you may view below the photo. You are a legend, Kyle DeMattia. A legend I say.

Lastly we have proof that righteous, virtuous and honorable people still exist in this world, in this particular case Maringa, Brazil. This photo shows the breathtaking and honorable public shaming of an asshat who illegally parked in a handicapped spot. Hundreds of people lined up on both sides of the street to jeer and laugh at this asshat who returned to his car and found it covered with thousands of blue stickers and white wheelchair signs. Glorious, I tell you. Glorious. Felicitações, Brasil!

So be forewarned, asshats. The world is watching, and you shall be held accountable for your asshatish actions. Our movement is growing by leaps and bounds, and we are everywhere. Your solution? Park like a human being and not an asshat.

These little twin dudes know how to have a good time, man.

Nothing to see here, just enjoying the weather.

This chick blew it, right? What, romance is dead? I mean, what’s more romantic than having a bad violinist play a song for you in a mall food court? Dude pulled out all the stops. Your loss, girl. Your loss.

This makes me very happy.

cccocky

Just the best. I’m mesmerized by this.

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Quite a family here.

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His heart was in the right place.

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Chills.

kazooka

Classic stuff.

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Love how this bro’s “friend” is so understanding. Guy looks like he’s been through a meat grinder and his buddy is laughing hysterically the whole time.

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I’m dyin’ over here.

triumph

Too good.

obama

Instant classic. Does it scare me to post this? Nah, I’ve had angry clowns threaten me. I ain’t afraid of no terrorists.

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The man dressed as Santa Claus and walking along Stevens Road in santa-shot-pellet-gun-facebookSoutheast Washington saw three babies peering at him from a window, and he did what any Santa would do. Pumped with holiday cheer, he turned, waved and shouted the traditional festive greeting.

“Man, this is awesome,” Xavier Hawkins exclaimed on Christmas Eve morning, as he prepared to hand out presents to 800 needy children. “Oh, yes, Merry . . .”

But before the 50-year-old from Maryland’s Eastern Shore could say “Christmas,” a sharp pain cut through his upper back. The driver for the global moving firm Interstate, and Santa for seven consecutive years, had been hit with at least one blast from a pellet gun.

The wound was minor — a large welt — and Hawkins was quickly treated at a hospital and released.

Honestly, what kind of sick S.O.B. takes a shot at Santa Claus? That’s cold-hearted, man. Diabolical. Poor Santa just out there trying to spread some Christmas cheer and gets popped with a pellet gun. Good to know that a shot to the back won’t take Santa down though. Dude was Ho-Ho-Hoing even as they drove him away in the ambulance. That’s dedication right there.

Anyhoo, check out the video below:

Cute in a horrifying sort of way.

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Gold.

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Sweet Mother of God.

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