Archive for June, 2017

Seriously, Ugly Dog Contest people? You think Martha here is ugly? You, sirs, are idiots. Martha is beautiful. Oh sure, you can pull on her jowls and make fun of her, but gorgeous she still remains.

And hey, although I love dogs I’m not one of those guys who think all dogs are beautiful. Some are decidedly not, like these guys:

Still, they’re sorta cute in their own, quirky way. But Martha? Give me a break, man.

Yeah, we’ve known for awhile.

Space.com – Many other planets throughout the universe probably hosted intelligent life long before Earth did, a new study suggests.

The probability of a civilization developing on a potentially habitable alien planet would have to be less than one in 10 billion trillion for humanity to be the first technologically advanced species the cosmos has ever known, according to the study.

“To me, this implies that other intelligent, technology-producing species very likely have evolved before us,” said lead author Adam Frank, a professor of physics and astronomy at the University of Rochester in New York.

Gee, ya think? Listen, I don’t know how much money was wasted on this “study”, but I could have told them this when I was 8-years old. My cousin Mel and I figured that out when we used to camp out on the ground in my back yard, man. You now how we figured it out? We looked up at the stars, and what we surmised was that space is big. Really big. No way we were alone in our own universe, much less whatever the hell else is out there. End of study. We’d lie there and think about it for awhile, then we’d get scared and go back in the house. Anywho, scientists, man. Just wasting money like you read about.

Ted Landsmark was a young attorney in Boston back in 1976 when he came upon a group of young white protesters from South Boston. The group had just been riled up by an anti-busing speech by City Councilor Louise Day Hicks, who was opposed to court ordered busing that would require blacks and whites to attend school together. The result is an attempted stabbing with the symbol of freedom, the American flag.

During the Civil War, Robert E. Lee’s horse Traveller became so famous that his mane and tail became thin from people plucking the hair as souvenirs.

 

One of the great songs of the early 90’s.

Check out that Asian Sheepshead Wrasse, man. Dude looks like the guy in that movie Mask back in the 80’s. Seriously, click on that link. Not even kidding. The Asian sheepshead wrasse is a species of wrasse, because of course it is. It’s one of the largest wrasses native to the western Pacific Ocean. It inhabits rocky reefs, because really, who’d want to go out with that mug? It can reach 39-inches in length. This species is valued as a food fish in Japan, which is sort of sad. Anywho, Asian Sheepshead Wrasse. 

PS- Check out the video at the bottom about an Asian Sheepshead Wrasse and his buddy. Awesome stuff.

If you have an in-ground pool you know how little animals are always getting in there, only to die and end up in your skimmer. Now those days can come to end thanks to the FrogLog, an invention by a guy named Rich Mason. Check it out man. Buy a FrogLog, save many little lives. As Hippocrates said, “The soul is the same in all living creatures, although the body of each is different.”

[click to view, video below]

So Markelle Fultz was drafted in the #1 spot last night by the Philadelphia 76ers, and all the talking heads were blathering on about the fact that his college team, the Washington Huskies, only won 9-games last year. Sure, that’s a concern, but nobody mentioned the other elephant in the room – Markelle Fultz wears two watches. Man, that’s such an outrageous move I’m not sure what to think. Who needs two watches? That’s just insane, man. Makes me question his judgement and, dare I say, his intelligence. Take a gander.

Makes no sense on any level. However, he redeemed himself somewhat with these sweet shoes that are made from, wait for it . . . basketballs. Atta boy Markelle.

“Not so fast, fish boys.”

NP– The orcas will wait all day for a fisherman to accumulate a catch of halibut, and then deftly rob them blind. They will relentlessly stalk individual fishing boats, sometimes forcing them back into port. Most chilling of all, and this is new: After decades of relatively peaceful coexistence with cod and halibut fishers off the coast of Alaska, the region’s orcas appear to be turning on them in greater numbers.“We’ve been chased out of the Bering Sea,” said Paul Clampitt, Washington State-based co-owner of the F/V Augustine. Like many boats, the Augustine has tried electronic noisemakers to ward off the animals, but the orcas simply got used to them. “It became a dinner bell,” said Clampitt. John McHenry, owner of the F/V Seymour, described orca pods near Alaska’s Aleutian Islands as being like a “motorcycle gang.” “You’d see two of them show up, and that’s the end of the trip. Pretty soon all 40 of them would be around you,” he said.

I already knew Orcas were the Badasses of the Sea. Hey, I saw that documentary where that pod of Orcas went hunting and eating Great White sharks just for kicks and giggles. But gathering and bullying fishermen? That’s chilling, man. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times, once the animals figure it out we’re all doomed. We’ve been bullying them for years, making them work and putting them in cages to gawk at for our pleasure. Now the tables are starting to turn. Pretty soon it’s gonna be Planet of the Apes, Eight Legged Freaks, The Birds, Willard, and Razorback all rolled into one. Good thing I have Sparky to vouch for me.

PS- Love the quote about the sounds becoming a dinner bell. Orcas, man.

PPS- If you haven’t seen Razorback do so immediately. The opening scene is terrifying.

McMillan TAC-50

A Canadian sniper set what appears to be a record, picking off an ISIS fighter from some 2.2 miles away, and disrupting a potentially deadly operation by the terror group in Iraq.

Shooting experts say the fatal shot at a world-record distance of 11,316 feet underscores how stunningly sophisticated military snipers are becoming. The feat, pulled off by a special forces sniper from Canada’s Joint Task Force 2, smashed the previous distance record for successful sniper shots by some 3,280 feet, a record set by a British sniper.

“The Canadian Special Operations Command can confirm that a member of the Joint Task Force 2 successfully hit a target from 3,540 metres [2.2 miles],” the Canadian military said in a statement.

The new record was set using a McMillan TAC-50, a .50-caliber weapon and the largest shoulder-fired firearm in existence.

The sniper’s spotter would have had to successfully calculate five factors: distance, wind, atmospheric conditions and the speed of the earth’s rotation at their latitude. To get the atmospheric conditions just right, he would have had to understand the temperature, humidity and barometric pressure of the air the round had to travel through.

Are you f**king kidding me? I’m pretty sure the only record I hold is fitting 47 Cheez-Its into my mouth at once, and this dude is taking out ISIS assholes from 2.2 miles after considering distance, wind, atmospheric conditions, the speed of the earth’s rotation and the barometric pressure of the air the round had to travel through? Good God, man. That’s intense. Terrorist was probably sitting there eating some hummus and boom, life over. Well done, Canadian sniper. Well done indeed.

Larry Bird was incredible. He hit shots unseen by anyone prior to his existence. One night he dropped 60 on the Atlanta Hawks and even their bench was impressed. Watch, children, and be amazed.

Here’s The Donald just committing the cardinal sin of cruising across a golf course green like a boss, which incidentally he is because he owns the course. Then he tops it off by cruising over to a couple bros and bragging about the security on his course because it’s blanketed by the secret service: “Best security in the history of golf.” That’s gold. But the best part is when he casually gives them a knuckle-bump and rolls away. I tell ya, on some level you gotta respect the man’s brashness. Dude doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks.

PS- You’d be amazed how many people get offended by posts like this. I’ll get all sorts of threats for this one. But I’m actually sort of admiring this move, right? Trumpians are way too thin-skinned, man.

PPS- Somebody said he’s just in front of the green. Damn, I hope not. That would ruin everything.

George Clooney is selling his tequila company Casamigos to Diageo for as much as $1 billion, the company said Wednesday.

Diageo said it will initially pay $700 million, with the potential for another $300 million based on the tequila’s performance over 10 years. The transaction is expected to close during the second half of 2017.

“If you asked us four years ago if we had a billion dollar company, I don’t think we would have said yes,” Clooney told CNBC via email. “This reflects Diageo’s belief in our company and our belief in Diageo. But we’re not going anywhere. We’ll still be very much a part of Casamigos. Starting with a shot tonight. Maybe two.”

It’s great to see George Clooney finally catching a break, huh? Dude’s struggled through life being an incredibly handsome movie star, dating models and hanging out with DiCaprio on yachts and whatnot. Now he’s selling a tequila company he started 4-years ago for $1-Billion, followed up by a couple shots.

Clooney, man. I’d hate that guy if I didn’t admire him so much.

 

The 80’s were a simpler time. You know, back when TV shows like Growing Pains had characters named “Boner” and nobody gave it a second thought.* When we watched a show about an furry alien named “Alf” who had an affinity for eating cats and thought it was hilarious. When David Hasselhoff rode around in a car that was way smarter than he was. You get the drift. Anyway, it should come as no surprise that a bro would want to get a tattoo of his favorite lovable, family values icon of the era.

Oops.

*I just found out that the guy who played Boner in Growing Pains committed suicide in Canada back in 2010. Man, that’s sad. 

From time-to-time my crack staff here at Shoe: Untied likes to post some of the latest fashion trends and throw in our 2¢. Don’t believe me? Just type in the word “fashion” in that search box over there and have a look-see. Anywho, our head Fashion Consultant Yuki Fukumodo brought in some photos of some of the hottest trends out there today, and I must say they beg for our attention and commentary. Let us commence with the festivities . . .

Remember the fake muddy pants I showed you a few weeks ago? Same concept here. And guess what? Still dumb.

These are called Ugg Sandals. Don’t you wear boots to keep your feet warm and dry? Aren’t open-toed boots defeating the actual purpose of boots? I’m so confused.

Man, these things have to be a nightmare for ladies with love handles, amirite? Stuff be poppin’ out all over the place up in here. Seriously, that’s not a good look, man.

Oh for the love of God. Now they’re just messing with us. “Hey, let’s cut up some old sweats, attach them with clamps and see if people will buy them.” Guess what? People will.

Perfect for people who want to ride their horse to the beach and sink their toes in the sand. Geesh. On a related note, the tan lines would be outrageous.

Perfect for the woman who has an extra 10-minutes to buckle-up her Elbow Purse.

Honestly, were out of ideas so we’re just reaching now, right? Just making stuff up right and left and expecting people to eat it up. The sad part is, some people will.

Beautiful.

Man, it was difficult to narrow this list down. There were a thousand musicians who stepped up and made statements musically during the Civil Rights Movement. These just happen to be my favorite moments. Let us proceed. Oh, and click on the title to hear a song if it applies.

PETULA CLARK AND HARRY BELAFONTE TOUCH ON NATIONAL TV

Yes, I said “touched.” Petula Clark was one of the most popular recording artists of the 1960s. She sang songs like “Downtown”, “Don’t Sleep in the Subway”, and “I know a Place”, good tunes all.

In early 1968, Clark was given the chance to host her own special on NBC. She had, as a guest star on the program, the popular singer and noted civil rights activist, Harry Belafonte.

Incredible as it may seem now, the show made waves when, during the performance of an anti-war song written by Clark, “On the Path of Glory”, Clark locked arms with Belafonte.

The program was sponsored by Chrysler, and a vice-president of the company, Doyle Lott, was present at the taping in early March of 1968. He took issue with the “interracial touching,” and asked them to use a different take of the song (they had filmed a number of different takes). Clark and her husband (co-producer of the special), Claude Wolff, objected.

To make sure that they could not be overruled, Wolff told the producer of the special, Steve Binder, to actually destroy all other takes of the song. Binder checked with NBC, who said that they’d defer to whatever he decided to do. He agreed with Wolff. Binder later recalled telling the editor to erase the other takes and the editor actually made him sign a document attesting that Binder was taking full responsibility for the erasure of the other takes.

The whole situation made major public waves, and attracted a lot of publicity for the show. Bottom line, good for everyone who fought the good fight that day.

The show aired on April 8th, 1968.

CHUCK BERRY’S DUCKWALK INTEGRATES SOUTHERN DANCE HALLS

Rock n’ Roll played an immeasurable part in getting blacks and whites together in the 1950s. Rock music itself was the result of a blending of the blues and country, sounds that had been pretty seperate the previous couple of decades. The early face of this wild new genre was Chuck Berry, and his risqué lyrics and signature moves sent teenagers of all colors into a frenzy. A few years before Elvis’s pelvic thrusts would define a generation, Berry’s “Duckwalk” guitar solo created such demand from black and white audiences that clubs would hold integrated parties with velvet ropes running down the middle of the dance floor to keep the races separated. Soon, the velvet ropes would disappear. Rock can’t see color, kids.

JAMES BROWN SAVES BOSTON FROM RIOTS

The spring of 1968 was darkened by the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr., and the subsequent rioting that took place in cities across the country. Boston, Massachusetts, wasn’t spared, and on the night the news broke, kids took to the streets in Roxbury, Dorchester and the South End to express their rage. James Brown was scheduled to perform there the next day, and the city decided to broadcast the show on local TV to keep folks in their homes and off the block. During the concert, attendees ran on stage and the police began to swarm, but Brown halted them and addressed the kids directly. “Now I ask the police to step back, because I think I can get some respect from my own people.” The crowd obliged, and the concert went on without incident. The next day, he walked through the hoods of the Bean and personally asked the people not to riot, promising, “there’s another way.”

BILLIE HOLIDAY RECORDS “STRANGE FRUIT”

“Strange Fruit” was first performed by Billie Holiday in 1939, and it paints a portrait familiar to southerners in the first half of the 21st century. The song describes “a strange and bitter crop” with “bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,” an illustration of a then all-too-common sight – a lynching. The song is weird because it sounds sort of romantic and sensual. Only when you really listen to the lyrics does the real, more sinister meaning of the song become clear. Just a chilling song, really.

RAY CHARLES REFUSES TO PLAY AUGUSTA

After Bell Auditorium announced that Ray Charles was going to do a show there in 1961, students told Charles the dance floor would be for whites only and the upper balcony would be sectioned off for blacks. Ray immediately took a stand and cancelled his appearance. The venue fined him for breach of contract, expecting him to back down. Instead, in one of civil rights history’s greatest boss moves, he paid the fine and didn’t play another show in Augusta, Georgia until it was desegregated. Ray, man.

MARVIN GAYE RELEASES “WHAT’S GOIN’ ON”

Marvin Gaye needs no introduction: his name has become synonymous with the rich legacy of Motown and the soulful R&B that came to define Black music for decades to come. It should come as no surprise that the man released his (arguably) best single eleven albums into his career. “What’s Going On” is all at once a gripping protest song, a syrupy love song and a giddy party starter. When the track dropped in 1971, Gaye was struggling through the sudden loss of his frequent collaborator and close friend Tammi Terrell, a brother that had been shipped off to war, and a country that was still mired in the dregs of violence and racism. Although inspired by an act of police brutality, “What’s Going On” led to some of Gaye’s most bright-eyed work on the landmark album of the same name, and gave the movement one of its defining anthems.

BOB DYLAN RELEASES “THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN'”

I’ve always thought of this classic song by Dylan as more anti-Vietnam than pro-Civil Rights, but the lyrics can apply to both. “This was definitely a song with a purpose,” Dylan would later say. “The civil rights movement and the folk music movement were pretty close for a while and allied together at that time.” That same year saw the arrival of the Civil Rights Act, putting an end to racial segregation in the US. Songs like this one were the soundtrack to the movement.

SAM COOKE RECORDS “A CHANGE IS GONNA COME”

After hearing Bob Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the Wind,” Cooke wanted to write a song about race that had the same impact. He’d encountered racial turbulence in the year prior when he and his tourmates tried to book a “whites only” hotel and were arrested for disturbing the peace. That incident was the inspiration for “Change,” and the song became a massive success in the black community after its release in 1963.

JOHN COLTRANE RECORDS “ALABAMA”

In the early morning hours of September 15, 1963, four members of the Ku Klux Klan planted a box of dynamite under the steps of the 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, Alabama. The bomb was detonated a few hours later, murdering Addie Mae Collins, Cynthia Wesley, Carole Robertson and Denise McNair, all under the age of 14. The incident became a lightning rod for the Civil Rights Movement, which was exactly what the KKK didn’t want. Another unintended consequence – it inspired jazz legend John Coltrane to write and record the stunning song “Alabama”. The song, without lyrics, is a mournful tribute and was patterned after Martin Luther King’s “Eulogy for the Martyred Children,” the speech he gave at the funeral for the four girls. That same year, Coltrane performed the song live on television’s Jazz Casual in front of a stunned, spellbound national audience.

PHIL OCHS RECORDS “HERE’S TO THE STATE OF MISSISSIPPI”

Phil Ochs was never one to mince words, and this song was no exception. After visiting Mississippi and being outraged at what he saw, he wrote this blistering tune where he lays it all on the line. Here’s a sample of the lyrics:

Here’s to the State of Mississippi,
For underneath her borders, the devil draws no lines,
If you drag her muddy rivers, nameless bodies you will find.
Oh the fat trees of the forest have hid a thousand crimes,
The calender is lyin’ when it reads the present time.
Whoa here’s to the land you’ve torn out the heart of,
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of!

Yikes.

Like I said up top, I know there are many other songs and incidents that I could have listed, but these are the ones that stand out to me. If you have any suggestions feel free to comment.*

*See what I did there? Feel free? Civil Rights Movement? Never mind. 

 

 

Dolls, death and little kids. Chilling, man.

Kids, this is why the internet is magic. Had the moment you’re about to witness below happened in 1987 it would have been witnessed by perhaps a couple people in the store or the guy checking out the security camera. Today it’s put on the worldwide interweb and bloggers such as myself repost it into infinity. Just a special moment where a guy saves his groceries like a wizard or something.

PS- This guy is exactly like me. Dude won’t use a basket or cart unless it’s absolutely necessary. I feel ya brother.

Otto Warmbier.

NYP – Otto Warmbier, the University of Virginia student who was detained in North Korea for nearly a year and a half for stealing a propaganda poster, died Monday afternoon, days after he returned home in a coma, his parents announced.

Warmbier, 22, had been medically evacuated last week and was being treated at the University of Cincinnati Medical Center. His parents, Fred and Cindy Warmbier, did not specify the cause of death.

But they made clear in a written statement that they blamed North Korea for what happened. Their son was arrested in January 2016 at the end of a brief tourist visit to the isolated country.

Listen, I have to be honest here. First off, I hate to see anybody die so understand that. Still, it’s a little hard for me to agree with all these people calling for us to bomb North Korea for this horrendous act. Here’s my thinking. First off, if you want to visit a country with an unbalanced, clearly insane dictator like Kim Jong-un that’s your right. But you can’t expect to be treated like you’re treated in countries with stable leadership and democratic governments. I sort of relate this to those people who go hiking in India, accidentally wander into Pakistan, get arrested, and then start whining about human rights. What the hell did you expect, man? And when you go to North Korea and are dumb enough to steal a propaganda poster and get caught, well, I have trouble feeling sorry for you. Good God. Again, I feel badly for the guy’s family but he didn’t make the wisest move here. If you want to go overseas on vacation and make it home alive go to Switzerland or the Caribbean. Rant over.

PS- I’m not saying somebody shouldn’t take out Kim-Jong-un either, because that dude’s batshit crazy. 

I looked down into one of these about 36-hours before she blew.

Cool.

You know, sometimes it’s hard for me to hate Donnie, it really is. Just when I start to work up a little healthy rage a photo like this one comes bursting onto the internet to lighten my mood. Here’s Rhode Island Teacher of the Year Nikos Giannopoulos proudly wearing his LGBTQ (Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer) pin and flashing a hand fan whilst The Donald looks on happily. Giannopoulos stated that he actually asked our president if he could hold the fan and was told, “Absolutely! Go for it! You look very stylish.” Damn, that’s several kinds of awesome. Can’t hate you for this one, Donnie.

PS: I bet the guy over on Polk Hollow with “TRUMP” spelled out in Christmas lights on his double wide trailer is as confused as hell right now. 

(Source)El Debate reported that farmer Miguel Anaya Pablo, 60, died from an infection caused by the wounds he suffered during a brawl with his pig Nicolas. Miguel returned home drunk from a party and somehow begun fighting with the pig, which he kept in his home. The animal managed to bite his testicles and severe three fingers of his right hand, and he was rushed to hospital. However, he later died due to an infection in the wounds.

Listen, I don’t know the history here. Perhaps there had been tension brewing between Miguel Anaya Pablo and Nicolas for some time and emotions finally boiled (or fried) over. Maybe Miguel came home that night and finally stepped over the line. All I know is that the minute he decided to throw down with a pig he was doomed. Pigs are diabolical, man. They have a low center of gravity and are hard to knock off their pig feet. And pigs will do whatever it takes to win, including biting off your testicles.

Note: Nothing will stop a fight quicker than the “biting off the testicles” move. Nothing.

The night George Washington crossed the Delaware and defeated the Hessians, Hessian Commander Johann Gottlieb Rall had been warned of the attack through a note sent by a local loyalist. He never read it. It was found in his pocket after his death that night.