Posts Tagged ‘Testicle-Eating Fish’

Chills.

Chills.

Well, I know people are in Florida. I’m talking about people I know who are in Florida. Am I making sense? Read on . . .

SARASOTA, Fla. — A local angler has quite the fish tale to tell. He says he recently caught a pacu on the Suncoast — a member of the piranha family with a very unsettling reputation.

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Artist rendering, but this is exactly what I imagine the Pacu looks like.

Yep, you read that right.  Here’s the cringe-inducing article:

Telegraph ]  Fishermen recently caught a 21-centimeter long Pacu in Oresund Sound, between Sweden and Denmark. Pacus can grow up to 90 centimeters (almost 36 inches) in length and can weigh as much as 25 kilograms (over 50 pounds), and are usually found in the Amazon.

“The Pacu is not normally dangerous to people but it has quite a serious bite, there have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea where some men have had their testicles bitten off,” Henrik Carl, a fish expert at the Danish museum, said.

“They bite because they’re hungry, and testicles are soft and sit nicely in their mouth,” he told The Local.

“And its mouth is not so big, so of course it normally eats nuts, fruit, and small fish, but human testicles are just a natural target. It’s not normal to get your testicles bitten off, of course, but it can happen, especially now in Sweden.” 

So to reiterate, a 3-foot long, 50-pound fish normally found in the Amazon has somehow migrated to Sweden. Oh, and it eats testicles because “they’re hungry and the testicles are soft and sit nicely in their mouth.” On a related note, every man who just read those words crossed his legs, winced, and whimpered like a 3-year old toddler.

The Pacu is on the loose, Swedes, and it’s coming for your junk.

Happy swimming!

PS – Didn’t fish expert Henrik Carl seem j-u-s-t a little too happy to be imparting his wisdom regarding the Pacu fish to us? Lordy. Oh. almost forgot. Here’s a look at one of the little cuties.

AB7M2D

Actual Pacu, here to haunt your soul.