Archive for the ‘Science’ Category

Sure, we use the word all the time:

My all-time favorite psycho, Patrick Bateman in American Psycho.

“Joe went nuts at the game last night. Dude’s a psycho, man.”

Or maybe . . .

“That chick won’t quite texting me. What a psycho.”

You get the picture. Still, there’s actually a difference between a psychopath and your regular everyday asshole like me.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has various characteristics of sociopaths, but one of the most crucial things you see is the “superego lacuna,” which is a term for a gap in the superego. This basically means that sociopathic people have no conscience. The moral codes that guide the rest of us don’t apply to them.

To put it simply, psychopaths legitimately give zero damns. But not just about stuff like stealing that awesome parking spot that you clearly had seen first. Cheating? Stealing? Murder? A legit psychopath is capable of committing any of these things and legit move right on with their life without blinking an eye.

Psychopaths wreck their own lives as well. They take drugs, contract diseases, and just generally do not take care of their lives. They’re also usually burned out by 60 or in jail. There’s just a general disregard for their own health as well as that of other people.

And not all psychopaths are killers. Some are just con men of the highest order. They’ve learned how to mimic proper behavior even though they’re basically pretending. They feel no guilt. You know the type, they say the right things but you just know there’s nothing behind those soulless eyes. Am I thinking of a former colleague of mine? I am.

And you’re picturing someone you know in your head right now too, aren’t you? Hell yes you are.

Note: It’s also important to know that psychopaths or sociopaths are very different from being psychotic. Psychotic means you’ve lost touch with reality. You’re hearing voices, you have bizarre beliefs, delusions and paranoia. You’re thoughts are disjointed and unorganized. On the other hand, psychopaths know exactly what they’re doing, they just feel no guilt. Like I said, zero damns.

Some cat named Dr. Robert Hare, who is Emeritus Professor of Psychology at the University of British Columbia, put together a checklist to see if someone is a psychopath. You rank the person 1-3 on each trait, with 3 being the highest. There are 20 traits, so a score of 60 means that particular person may be ready to go on a killing spree or something. Hey, I’m here for ya. Here’s Dr. Hare’s list:

Glib and superficial charm: The tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Psychopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A psychopath never gets tongue-tied. They have freed themselves from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.

Grandiose self-worth: A grossly inflated view of one’s abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Psychopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.

Need for stimulation or proneness to boredom: An excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Psychopaths often have low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.

Pathological lying: Can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.

Conning and manipulativeness: The use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item four in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one’s victims.

Lack of remorse or guilt: A lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, cold-hearted, and non-empathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one’s victims.

Shallow affect: Emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.

Callousness and lack of empathy: A lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.

Parasitic lifestyle: An intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.

Poor behavioral controls: Expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily

Early behavior problems: A variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.

H-e-e-e-e-r-e’-s JOHNNY!!!

Lack of realistic, long-term goals: An inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

Promiscuous sexual behavior: A variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquest

Impulsivity: The occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.

Irresponsibility: Repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.

Failure to accept responsibility for own actions: A failure to accept responsibility for one’s actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.

Many short-term marital relationships: A lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.

Juvenile delinquency: Behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.

Revocation of conditional release: A revocation of probation or other conditional releases due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation, or failing to appear.

Criminal versatility: A diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes.

So there ya go. Rate each trait, add ’em up, and the higher the score the more likely you have a real, bona fide psychopath on your hands. On a related note, I graded myself and you do not want to know how it turned out.

Kidding. But am I?

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New research shows pressure beneath Yellowstone could build much quicker than previously thought, and such an eruption could make Earth uninhabitable. Research presented by the Arizona State University at a recent meeting in Oregon goes against previous findings which that it could take thousands of years to build up. Scientists say it could happen within tens of years after a study analyzing crystals in volcanic rocks found in the area.
As the crystals grew, they were increasingly prone to being influenced by their surroundings, such as pressure, heat and water content.

Lead researcher Hannah Shamloo of Arizona State University told the New York Times: “It’s shocking how little time is required to take a volcanic system from being quiet and sitting there to the edge of an eruption.

The usually peaceful volcano has now experienced some 2,750 tremors since June 12th which could indicate that it is ready to burst back into life.

This is the second most active swarm of quakes since records began.

If the volcano were to erupt it would kill an estimated 87,000 people immediately and make two-thirds of the USA immediately uninhabitable.
The large spew of ash into the atmosphere would block out sunlight and directly affect life beneath it creating a “nuclear winter.”

Hey-O!  Saving up for little Hunter’s college fund? Screw that. Spend that dough while you can, folks, because well, this winter could be a bad one. A Nuclear Winter you might call it. Seriously man, a large spew of ash blocking out the sun just sucks. Pretty much what happened to the dinosaurs with that little meteor incident thingy. Turned out bad for them. And isn’t it wild that the Supervolcano is in Yellowstone National Park? Hell, that’s where Yogi Bear and Boo Boo live. Supervolcanos are supposed to be in Siberia or somewhere.

Fun Fact: The volcano system under Yellowstone has enough lava to fill 11 Grand Canyons. Sweet Mother of God. 

This video begins with some interesting stuff, then takes a dark turn towards the end.

Incredible.

I’ve been interested in this stuff for years but have only recently started to actually read seriously about it. I’m sure you’re all somewhat familiar with it, because it’s been a popular subject in comics, TV shows and movies. We’ve all seen or read about people who stumbled upon a “portal” that they walk through and enter another space and time, right? Or “Chronicles of Narnia” anyone? My personal favorite is the book by H.G. Wells called “Men Like Gods”, complete with a multiverse theory and a paratime machine. Cool, especially for 1923. Anyway, the examples are endless.

But first, let’s get to an official definition of the Many Worlds Theory:

The many-worlds interpretation is an interpretation of quantum mechanics that asserts the objective reality of the universal wavefunction and denies the actuality of wavefunction collapse. Many-worlds implies that all possible alternate histories and futures are real, each representing an actual “world” or “universe”. 

Basically, this is saying that there is a very large, perhaps even infinite, number of universes, not just ours, and we could be in those other universes as well. It also says that everything that could possibly have happened in our past, but did not, has occurred in the past of some other universe or universes we lived in.

Man, that’s just crazy to think about. Parallel universes.

Think about it. Before this theory, reality had always been viewed as a single unfolding history. The Many Worlds Theory, however, views reality as a many-branched tree, where every possible outcome is realized.

For example, say an object’s wave function is both a particle and a wave. When a physicist measures the particle, there are two possible outcomes: It will either be measured as a particle or a wave. When a physicist measures the object, the universe splits into two distinct universes to accommodate each of the possible outcomes.

OK, I’m getting a headache. Forget all the wave and particle stuff, just understand that for everything that happens there are different outcomes, shooting out in different directions, to several universes. Or you could put it this way – we live in an infinite web of alternate timelines, but we can only see the one we exist in. Or maybe we can, but I’ll get to that shortly. So actually, if this is true, we live in a multiverse — where timelines are constantly branching off and creating distinct and coherent worlds, each experienced by a different version of you.

Stick with me while I give you one simple example. Let’s say that yesterday you left your house to go to work. A dog cuts in front of you but you swerve, miss him, and continue on your way. In another universe though, you hit him and kill him but go on your way. However, the dog’s owner is devastated, his life is changed forever and so on. In yet another timeline you miss the dog but hit an oncoming car head on and die. Not sure why I’m sing such morbid examples because they don’t have to be. Wait, I can’t stop there. In another universe you pull over, save the dog because it was a stray and he lives with you happily ever after. Whew. That’s better.

Now, imagine every example I just gave, every single act branching out in different directions like that. There could be countless versions of you out there. If the theory is true, then there must be an infinite number of versions of you out there, each of them experiencing the world as individuals separate from and oblivious to each other.  One may have died at birth, one may be living as a billionaire in New York. Maybe you turned into a mass murderer in another universe. Don’t laugh, remember that kid you hated in high school and wanted to murder? In one world, maybe you did. The possibilities are literally endless, because if this is true you have literally done and/or will do everything you could ever have conceive of doing. Mind boggled.

And think about what other kinds of worlds might exist in another universe. Maybe somebody invented time travel or cured cancer years ago. Maybe a war destroyed the planet and it had to start over. Again, endless possibilities.

Let me throw this out there. What about ghosts? Do we sometimes somehow get a glimpse of an alternate universe? Hey, the chair you’re sitting in right now could be in the middle of an insane asylum or a witches coven, literally anything. That noise you heard last night a couple rooms away? Don’t ask. Anyway, next time you think you saw something out of the corner of your eye only to turn and look but it was gone, don’t be alarmed. Perhaps you did.

But oh, there’s more that has crossed my twisted mind. We’ve all had feelings of deja vu, right? That sense that we’ve done something or been somewhere before, even though we know we haven’t? Maybe we have, it was just one of those many other versions of you. Maybe we sometimes have a sort of connection, or resonance, with the other universes that causes this phenomenon.

Look, I can’t begin to explain the scientific basis for the theory. I’ve read about it and sort of get it, but eventually all the wave function collapse and quantum gravity talk hurts my brain. All I know for sure is that it fascinates the bejesus out of me.

Oh, and one more thing. Do you know who devised the original Many Worlds Theory and Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics? A man named Hugh Everett III, who died in 1982. Like many ahead of  his time, he passed before his theory began to be taken seriously. But here’s my favorite part – Hugh Everett III was the father of Mark Oliver Everett, leader of one of my favorite bands, The Eels. True story.

Now that’s mind-boggling.

Father & Son

Yeah, we’ve known for awhile.

Space.com – Many other planets throughout the universe probably hosted intelligent life long before Earth did, a new study suggests.

The probability of a civilization developing on a potentially habitable alien planet would have to be less than one in 10 billion trillion for humanity to be the first technologically advanced species the cosmos has ever known, according to the study.

“To me, this implies that other intelligent, technology-producing species very likely have evolved before us,” said lead author Adam Frank, a professor of physics and astronomy at the University of Rochester in New York.

Gee, ya think? Listen, I don’t know how much money was wasted on this “study”, but I could have told them this when I was 8-years old. My cousin Mel and I figured that out when we used to camp out on the ground in my back yard, man. You now how we figured it out? We looked up at the stars, and what we surmised was that space is big. Really big. No way we were alone in our own universe, much less whatever the hell else is out there. End of study. We’d lie there and think about it for awhile, then we’d get scared and go back in the house. Anywho, scientists, man. Just wasting money like you read about.

Can’t touch this.

So the folks over at NASA shot out this tweet yesterday and it got my attention:

“We’ve renamed our first mission to touch the sun as the Parker Solar Probe in honor of astrophysicist Eugene Parker.”

Wait? Touch the sun? Hey, I’m no scientist but I’m 77% sure you can’t touch the sun. Pretty sure it’s too hot. After all, it’s like 800° or something, right? Anywho, later on came a slight clarification:

“In 2018, NASA will send a craft called the Parker Solar Probe on a journey which will come within 4-million miles of the searing surface of the sun, facing heat and radiation more intense than any spacecraft has endured before.”

4-million miles? Getting 4-million miles from the sun is touching?

Badasses.

Hell, by that logic I’ve been touching Kate Beckinsale for years now. Honestly, this is another case of NASA blowing things out of proportion in order to justify their existence. Listen, I have nothing against NASA but since the original Mercury 7 astronauts things have been going downhill. Even Neil Armstrong couldn’t match up with those guys. Those cats were the Space Cowboys, man.

Touching the sun. Seriously NASA, let us know when you contact some aliens. Otherwise nobody cares.

PS – I know the sun is hotter than 800°. I was kidding. It’s actually 27,000,000°. Some people can’t seem to get my humor at times. Life’s tough for a world famous blogger, man.

PPS – I had a killer Uranus joke to put in there but I just couldn’t pull the trigger.

Sweet Mother of God.

65-million years ago, an asteroid is believed to have crashed into Earth. The impact wiped out huge numbers of species, including almost all of the dinosaurs. One group of dinosaurs managed to survive the disaster.

Today, we know them as birds.

The idea that birds evolved from dinosaurs has been around since the 19th century, when scientists discovered the fossil of an early bird called Archaeopteryx. It had wings and feathers, but it also looked a lot like a dinosaur. More recent fossils look similar.

But these early birds didn’t look the same as modern ones. In particular, they didn’t have beaks: they had snouts, like those of their dinosaur ancestors.

To understand how one changed into another, a team has been tampering with the molecular processes that make up a beak in chickens.

By doing so, they have managed to create a chicken embryo with a dinosaur-like snout and palate, similar to that of small feathered dinosaurs like Velociraptor. 

There are no plans to hatch any more eggs.

Well, here we go. We all saw this coming, amirite? Damn scientists start sticking their noses where they don’t belong and we end up with that monster in the photo up there. Thing looks like it’s gonna leap out of the photo, pull a vein out of my neck and kill me, which is what those DinoChickens are all going to do once these scientists start hatching those eggs, which we all know they’re going to do. Sorry for the long sentence but I’m a little upset. Didn’t they watch Jurassic Park? Good God man, kill the eggs! Kill them with fire!

And here’s how we’re all going to die. Remember that Monster Chicken video I showed you a couple weeks ago? How long before somebody turns one of those beasts into a Monster DinoChicken? We’re doomed, I tell you. Doomed.

PS- Sparky just growled at my computer screen. He’s ready for the inevitable War with the Chickens.

PPS- Now that I think about it, he may have started it.

It’s nuts how much the focusing muscle of the eye gets done. On an average, this spectacular muscle of the human eye moves about 1-million times every single day. If that doesn’t blow your mind, let’s put it in perspective –  for your leg muscles to get the same kind of workout, you would have to walk 50-miles every day. That’s cray-cray man.

Hump Party.

Humpbacks have been gathering in large groups in a bizarre never-before-seen behaviour that is baffling scientists.

The gatherings can reach 200 whales and have been spotted in the midst of mass feeding frenzies off the coast of South Africa – thousands of miles further north than their normal feeding grounds around the Antarctic.

The whales are not normally social creatures, preferring to travel and hunt alone, in pairs, or as small groups that quickly disband. 

No big deal. Just humpback whales gathering in feeding frenzies as never before, probably plotting to take over humanity. Soon we’ll see the Allure of the Seas cruise ship go down in a bubbly death spiral, swimmers off the coasts of the world being snacked upon, and scuba divers being massacred like Custer at Little Bighorn.

Have a great day.

We’re coming for you.

Human’s eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing.

 

planets(CNN) Astronomers have found at least seven Earth-sized planets orbiting the same star 40 light-years away, according to a study published Wednesday in the journal Nature. The findings were also announced at a news conference at NASA Headquarters in Washington.

This discovery outside of our solar system is rare because the planets have the winning combination of being similar in size to Earth and being all temperate, meaning they could have water on their surfaces and support life.

“This is the first time that so many planets of this kind are found around the same star,” said Michaël Gillon, lead study author and astronomer at the University of Liège in Belgium.

Wow. One month of Trump and NASA is announcing we already have seven potential back-up Earths. Sweet. They might just come in handy soon. Honestly though, shouldn’t this be bigger news? I mean, we just discovered seven planets like ours that could support life. Holy mother that’s terrifying. Then again, they’re 40 light years away so I suppose we’re safe for now. Wait. I just had a thought. What if one of the seven earth-like planets discover us?

Chills, man.

dayumgif

olymons

Olympus Mons is a giant mountain on Mars. How giant, you ask? Well, is 13.6 miles high big enough for ya?

Olympus Mons is so large at its base that an observer at its peak wouldn’t know he was standing on a mountain because its slope would be obscured by the curvature of the planet itself. Read that again slowly. Yeah, I know. I had to read it 3-times to understand it too.

Try this fact then. Olympus Mons has sheer 5-mile high cliffs at its base. Imagine standing at this mountain’s base and staring up at cliffs the size of Mount Everest. Yowza.

Here’s Olympus Mons compared to Mt. Everest and Mauna Kea, two of Earth’s largest mountains:

olympus-mons

So anyway, yeah. Large. Massive. Enormous. Sizable. It’s big.

So you may be asking yourself (I know I was), how could a mountain become more badass? Well kids, Olympus Mons is also a volcano. Awesome.

So to summarize, baddest mountain in the solar system? Olympus Mons. End of discussion.

PS- You say you want video? OK.

 

 

You know the world’s going to end, right? It has a lifespan just like you and I do. It simply can’t spin on forever. No way, no how. Oh, it’ll probably happen long after we’re all dead and gone, so look at the bright side, it won’t be you but your great-great-great-great-great grandkids that witness the end of all things.

Hopefully.

Hell, it could happen tomorrow.

I know what you’re thinking, pleasant occurrences such as nuclear war, global warming or a large-scale pandemic disease. Nah, I’m talking about other cool stuff. Read on, loyal minions, to see how it could all end in a horrific ball of nastiness . . .

The Expanding Sunexpanding_sun

Scientists know for certain that our sun will end its life in 7.72 billion years, which is of no concern to us. Screw the future, amirite? Anyhoo, as the sun becomes older, it will become cooler and larger. By the time it becomes what they call a “stellar giant” it will be big enough to engulf both Mercury and Venus. Earth might seem safe at this point, but the sun will also create an extremely strong solar wind that will slow down the Earth. As a result, in about 7.59 billion years, our planet will spiral into the outer layers of the hugely expanded dying star, melt away forever, and be a distant memory in nobody’s mind because they’ll all be dead. Sad really.

solar-storm-616938A Solar Flare

That beautiful life-giving sun you see up there is not exactly as friendly as you might think. You see, the sun creates strong magnetic fields that generate impressive sunspots, sometimes many times larger than Earth. It also ejects a stream of particles and radiation called solar wind. If kept in check by Earth’s magnetic field, this wind can cause beautiful northern and southern lights. But when it becomes stronger, it can also influence radio communication or cause power outages. Back in 1859, the most powerful magnetic solar storm ever documented hit Earth. The incident was called the Carrington Event, and it caused huge interference with rather small scale electronic equipment. Such events must have happened several times in the past, too, with humans surviving obviously. However, in recent years have we become entirely dependent on electronic equipment. The truth is we would suffer tremendously if we underestimate the dangers of another Carrington Event or maybe even something more powerful. Even though this would not wipe out humanity instantly, it would represent one helluva challenge. There would be no electricity, heating, air conditioning, GPS or internet, food and medicines would go bad, and humans everywhere would have to, you know, talk to each other face-to-face. The horror!

Moving Starsfast-moving-stars-pose-a-dilemma-2

Sounds like a really bad reality show – “Watch as Tom Hanks moves from his swank digs in Bel Air to an upscale apartment in the Pacific Palisades!” Theoretically though, a wandering star on its path through the Milky Way might come so close to our sun that it would interact with the rocky “Oort cloud” at the edge of the solar system, which is the source of all of our comets. This might lead to an increased chance of a huge comet hurtling to Earth, which would lead to a not-so-fun time and an end to all that we hold dear. Which leads me to . . .

impactAn Asteroid Impact

We’re all aware of the dangers asteroids could pose to humanity – they are, after all, thought to have contributed to the extinction of the dinosaurs. Plus there’s the movie Armageddon, which made it clear we could all die unless Bruce Willis saves us all. And guess what? There are a bunch of big ol’ space rocks in our solar system that could be a serious threat to us.

We are just now starting to develop systems to protect us against some of the smaller asteroids that could strike us. But against the bigger ones we are basically helpless. And while they alone wouldn’t necessarily destroy Earth or even make it unlivable, they could wipe out humanity by causing enormous tsunamis, fires and other natural disasters. Good times!

So there you have my favorite ways humanity could be wiped out. Oh, there are other ways the world could end, stuff like Rogue Black Holes, the reversal of Earth’s magnetic field, a huge volcano, a Global Epidemic, Global Warming, the collapse of our Ecosystem, or some human-caused nuclear disaster. Maybe Trump will cause WWIII by attacking Liechtenstein or something, who knows?

Bottom line, don’t worry about it, kids. Live every single day as if it’s your last. Sounds like a bumper sticker but it’s true, man.

YOLO!

 

What do Jeff Bezos, Kenneth Frazier and Steve Ballmer have in common? baldThey are tremendously successful. And also bald.

Coincidence? Probably not. Men with bald heads are often seen as more dominant and successful by everyone around them, according to a study of the University of Pennsylvania.

The American scientist Albert E. Mannes conducted a study in 2016 with 59 subjects. He wanted to find out how people react to men with shaved heads by showing them a series of pictures.

The subjects got to see each photo twice, once of a man with a full head of hair and once of the same man with his hair shaved off. The subjects reported that they thought the bald men were more dominant, bigger and stronger.

One interesting detail: They had to be completely hairless. Bald patches or pattern baldness was seen as less attractive and weaker.

But bald men are not just more powerful, they are also seen as more intelligent. A global study conducted by the psychologist Ronald Henss of the University of Saarland with over 20,000 subjects suggests that bald men are estimated to be older, but also seem wiser and more intelligent.

Many people also believe that bald men are more potent. This view is only strengthened by the no-hair styles of recognized sex symbols like Jason Statham, Bruce Willis and Michael Jordan, which places you and your masculinity in very good company indeed.

Well, there ya go. Esteemed scientist Albert E. Mannes and respected psychologist Ronald Henss have spoken.* What everybody knew all along has finally been proven by Science. Completely bald men are more dominant, intelligent, successful and potent. End of discussion. Hey, when the University of Pennsylvania and the University of Saarland say it’s true, it’s true. Argument over. You can’t argue with Science, people.

*I have no idea who these people are.

Anyway, boom. Case closed.

Vice News  Let’s face it: most of us swear. Some of us do so more than swear-wordothers. But while it’s generally frowned upon to be a foul-mouthed in public, new science is telling us that people who curse a lot actually might be more honest and trustworthy than those who stick to a conservative vocabulary.

According to a joint study titled “Frankly, We Do Give a Damn”—published by the University of Cambridge, Stanford University, Hong Kong University of Science and Technology, and Maastricht University this month—cursing, both online and in real life, is heavily associated with honesty because honest people get emotional, and emotional people swear.

Well, der. I didn’t need science to tell me this one. Of course people who cuss like sailors are more honest. Show me a person who doesn’t drop f-bombs all over the joint and I’ll show you a dishonest, thieving, no account ne’re-do-well. Way to waste a bunch of money, University of Cambridge, Stanford University, Hong Kong University of Science and Technology, and Maastricht University. You could have saved your cash and called me, you dumb a$+hole s*ns-a-b+tches.

Note: Seriously, who comes up with this garbage anyway? Don’t these people have more important subjects to study? Good Lord.

Note 2: According to this study my former college buddy Frank is the most honest person this earth has ever harbored, and he spent 4 and 1/2 years in the slammer for fraud. Science schmience.

 

A study sent 12-fake patients to psychiatric hospitals and all but 1 were diagnosed with schizophrenia. After the study’s publication, an offended hospital challenged the author to fool them. He agreed. The hospital then diagnosed 21% of incoming patients as fakes. In reality, he sent no patients at all.

 

this_happened_logo_s

Because you know, science.

saturn

Love it.

mapelements

 

Scientists have successfully created cheese using human bacteria collected from toes and belly buttons.

 

navel

Scientists have come out in a new study and said that cheese consumption may actually help you live longer. Hallelujah brothas and sistas! According to research from the science journal “Nature Medicine” eating some aged cheese might actually add years to your life. People, I am not overstating this when I say I am giddy and giggling like an 11-year old schoolgirl over here.

Researchers tested an ingredient in cheese unfortunately called “spermidine” that increased the lifespan of mice and rats.

The paper also took a survey of over 800 Italians and found that the ones who ate more of the spermidine containing cheese had a lower blood pressure and lower risk of heart failure and cardiovascular disease. To be fair some doctors caution that the effects of eating Spermidine may be undermined due to the large fat content of cheese, but they can all go straight to hell.

To summarize, if you’re like me and eat about 4-tons of cheese a week you’ll live to be 127.

Thank you and goodnight.

cheeseeycheese

The loudest known noise was created by a volcano which created sound waves that altered air pressure on earth for 5 days and ruptured the ear drums of sailors 40 miles away from the blast.

 

loud

We spend up to 47 percent of our waking lives letting our minds wander.

 

brain

planet

We see you, 2014 UZ224.

NPR: A new face has been added to the solar system’s family portrait: Scientists have discovered a new dwarf planet looping around the sun in the region beyond Pluto.

The dwarf planet, called 2014 UZ224, measures about 330 miles across and is located about 8.5 billion miles from the sun, NPR reported today. For comparison, Pluto’s largest moon, Charon, is about 750 miles in diameter, and reaches a maximum distance of about 4.5 billion miles from the sun.

Seriously? That’s the name we gave the sneaky little new planet? 2014 UZ224? How the hell do you even say that? “Hey, welcome to the solar system 2014 UZ 224!” That’s just awkward, man. Poor little guy. Especially since all the cool planets have names like Jupiter, Venus and Mars. And of course we can’t forget Uranus.

Anyway, you’re better than that, scientists. Get it together.

PS- Let me be the first to nominate a better name – Little Kevin. I like it.

PPS- Whenever I get a chance to slip a joke about Uranus in there I take it.

leonardo-da-vinci

Stellar beard and luxurious hair, too. Leo had it all, man.

Leonardo da Vinci may well have been the greatest inventor in history, yet he had very little effect on the technology of his time. Da Vinci drew sketches and diagrams of his inventions, but either he lost interest in building them or was never able to convince any of his wealthy patrons to finance construction of his designs. As a result, almost none of da Vinci’s inventions were built during his lifetime. And because he never published his diagrams, nobody else knew about them until his notebooks were discovered long after his death.

Like Edgar Allan Poe, da Vinci wasn’t appreciated until after he was long gone. Sad, really.

And that’s a damn shame, because da Vinci’s designs were spectacularly and amazingly ahead of their time. If they had been built, they might have revolutionized the history of technology. The problem is, many of them may have been impossible to build with the tools available in the 15th and 16th centuries.

How could Leonardo possibly imagine building inventions that would require tools not yet invented? Because he was a freaking genius, man.

In recent years engineers have begun to construct models of da Vinci’s amazing machines, and guess what? Most of them actually work. What follows is just a few of the most imaginative, and coolest, designs that da Vinci sketched out in his notebooks.

As you read about these inventions, remember that Leonardo da Vinci lived from 1452 to 1519. To put this in perspective, he was 40-years old when Columbus discovered America. So, long before Columbus sailed the ocean blue Leonardo was drawing blueprints for flying machines and machine guns.

Incredible.

Read on, and prepare to be amazed. Remember that these are just a few of his ideas.

THE PARACHUTE

Da Vinci, who was fascinated by the idea of human flight, conceived his parachute as a way for people to drift through the air. Its pyramid-shaped framework was draped with cloth. As da Vinci wrote in his notebooks, it would allow a man “to throw himself down from any great height without suffering any injury.” Twenty-first century attempts to build the design show that it would have worked pretty much as da Vinci described.

leonardo-da-vincis-parachute

Kewl, man. Kite-like.

THE ORNITHOPTER

The ornithopter would theoretically have allowed humans to soar through the air like birds. While da Vinci’s parachute would have allowed a human being to jump off a cliff without being hurt, the ornithopter was actually a way for people to soar off the ground and into the air. As you can imagine this was beyond comprehension during da Vinci’s time. On paper, the ornithopter looks much more birdlike than present-day airplanes. Its wings are designed to flap while the pilot turns a crank. This invention demonstrates da Vinci’s strong grasp of aerodynamics and modern attempts to reproduce the ornithopter show that it could indeed have flown. However, it would have already had to be in the air because taking by hand would have been impossible. And get this – the parachute and ornithopter were only two of the flying machines concocted by da Vinci in his notebooks. Others include a glider and something a little farther down on this list.

ornithopter_leonardo_da_vinci

Looks safe enough.

THE MACHINE GUN

Da Vinci’s idea for a machine gun, or “33-barrelled organ,” wasn’t a machine gun like we think of one. That is, it couldn’t fire multiple bullets rapidly out of a single barrel. It could, however, deliver punishing volleys of gunfire at rapid intervals and, if it had been built, would have effectively mowed-down oncoming infantry like a boss. Da Vinci proposed mounting 11-muskets side by side on a rectangular board, then attaching three such boards together in a triangular arrangement. By placing a shaft down the middle, the entire contraption could be rotated, so that one set of 11 guns could be fired while a second set cooled off and a third set was being reloaded. Then the entire mechanism could be rotated to bring the loaded set to the top where it could be fired again. That’s just terrifying, man.

Leonardo da Vinci noted time and again in his notebooks that he hated war and loathed the idea of creating killing machines like this one, he needed the cash and found it easy to convince his wealthy patrons that such machines would help them triumph over their enemies. Perhaps it was for the best that this hellish death machine was never actually built.

machinegun

Diabolical.

THE DIVING SUIT

While living in Venice in the late 15th century, da Vinci devised a wild idea (for its time) for repelling invading ships. He suggested sending men to the bottom of the harbor in diving suits so they could cut holes in enemy hulls. That idea is not so outrageous nowadays, amirite? Hell, it’s common now for frogmen with scuba gear to engage in underwater sabotage. In da Vinci’s time? Unheard of, man. Da Vinci’s divers would have carried breathing hoses connected to a floating bell full of air, wearing facemasks with glass goggles that would help them see underwater. In another version of the concept, the divers would have breathed from wine bladders filled with air. In both versions, the men would carry a bottle to urinate in so that they could stay underwater indefinitely. Da Vinci’s design was not only feasible, it was practical. These diving suits were actually going to be constructed, but the invaders they were intended for were driven away by the Venetian Navy. Hence, they were never tried.

scuba-gear

15th Century Aquaman.

THE ARMORED TANK

While working for Ludovico Sforza, Duke of Milan, da Vinci proposed what may have been his ultimate war machine – the armored tank. Driven by the muscle power of eight men, the armored tank was a turtle-like moving shell with no less than 36-guns poking out of its sides. It was operated by a system of gears propelled by cranks that turned a sequence of wheels. Sounds complicated, huh? The eight men would have been protected by the outer shell so that they could have driven the tank at about walking speed right into the heat of battle without being hurt. The guns, firing in all directions, would have been devastating to the bad guys. Dude was pretty good at devising weapons of destruction for somebody that hated war, right? Money is a magnet, folks.

leonardo-da-vincis-tank-invention1

Flying saucer-ish, man.

THE SELF-PROPELLED CART

Da Vinci’s self-propelled cart was pretty much the first car in history. In fact, because it has no driver, it can be looked at as history’s first robot vehicle, too. The drawings that da Vinci made of the car in his notebooks don’t fully reveal the mechanism inside and modern engineers have had to guess at what made it go. The best guess is that it used a spring-driven mechanism similar to that in a clock. The “mainsprings” were contained inside drum-shaped casings and would be wound up by hand. So, the cart would be driven forward like a wind-up toy. Leonardo apparently considered his cart to be sort of a toy, but it’s not hard to imagine that useful applications for it would have followed pretty quickly.

cart

Sort of like a wind-up toy.

THE AERIAL SCREW

No, this is not some weird sexual accomplishment. Da Vinci’s aerial screw is arguably one of the coolest designs that he ever sketched in his notebooks. Working much like a modern helicopter, this flying machine looks a lot like a giant spinning pinwheel. However, the blades of this helicopter were to have been made out of linen. When turned fast enough, they were intended to produce lift, the exact same aeronautical phenomenon that makes airplanes and helicopters fly. Air pressure would have built up under each blade, forcing the flying machine right up into the sky. At least that was the idea, anyway. The aerial screw would probably not have worked, but da Vinci had the basic concepts of flight pretty much down pat.

airscrew1

Because everybody likes an aerial screw, amirite?

THE ROBOTIC KNIGHT

If da Vinci’s self-propelled cart was the first working design for a robotic vehicle, then the robotic knight would have been the first robot, albeit one from the 15th damn century. Da Vinci was fascinated by human anatomy and spent long hours dissecting corpses in order to figure out how the human body worked. Sort of a morbid hobby but hey, geniuses are weird like that. Anyhoo, this gave him an understanding of how muscles propelled bone. Being the brainiac that he was, he reasoned that these same principles could be applied to a machine. Unlike most of da Vinci’s inventions, Leonard apparently actually built the robotic knight. Driven by a system of pulleys and gears, it was used primarily for entertainment at parties thrown by his wealthy budro Lodovico Sforza.  Da Vinci’s robot has not survived and no one knows exactly what it was capable of doing, but apparently it could walk, sit down and even work its jaw. Yowza.

leonardos-robots-book-mario-taddei-_page_189

Unsettling.

So yeah. Leonardo da Vinci? WAY ahead of his time, man.

PS: I haven’t even mentioned Leonardo da Vinci’s paintings, which weren’t half-bad as well. After all he did paint the freaking Mona Lisa. Bro was multi-talented, man.

mona-lisa

“How YOU doin’?”