Archive for the ‘Science’ Category

The Independent- Women are less likely to swipe right on male dating app users if they are pictured holding a cat, new research has found.

According to a study carried out by scientists at Colorado State University, men who are pictured holding cats in their dating app profile photos are perceived as being “less masculine”, “higher in neuroticism” and “less dateable”.

Wait. They needed a scientific study to find this out? Please. Everybody knows men with dogs are way cooler than men with cats. Of course cat guys are less masculine, higher in neuroticism and less dateable. That’s science, man. Still, thank you Colorado State University for proving the obvious.

PS- Seriously, this is what they’re passing for scientific studies at CSU? Good God.

PPS- Countdown to someone who doesn’t understand satire posting a photo of Brad Pitt or somebody with a cat. 3, 2, 1 . . . 

Der.

We all heard ’em while growing up. Old Wives’ Tales. Some are so embedded in the fabric of our lives they’re nearly impossible to remove.  Without further ado, let’s take a look at 15 of the most popular ones and I’ll promptly debunk them. I’ll start with an Old Wives’ Tale (OWT), followed by the truth. Sorry in advance old wives, but you are about to be debunked.

OWT

You can catch a cold by going outside in cold weather without a coat or with wet hair.

TRUTH

You catch a cold through exposure to bacteria or viruses, not by actually getting cold. It’s just that viruses survive better in colder temperatures.

OWT

Reading in dim light hurts your eyes.

TRUTH

Reading in a darkly lit room might give your eyes some dryness or fatigue, but it won’t cause any serious or long-term damage. Chillax.

OWT

Humans only use 10% of their brains.

TRUTH

In reality, the entire human brain is constantly active—even when we are sleeping. That said, I had a kid in class we called Cheese Cracker who I’m pretty sure only used about  7% of his brain.

OWT

Humans eat an average of 8 spiders a year while sleeping.

TRUTH

Scientists say it highly unlikely that a spider would ever end up in your mouth. Spiders tend to be found either tending their webs or hunting in nonhuman-infested areas. They usually don’t intentionally crawl into a bed because it offers no prey. Why in the world would they enter your mouth? Spiders ain’t dumb. Everybody settle down.

OWT

You should pee on a jellyfish sting.

TRUTH

Uh, that doesn’t work, but this does – first, remove the tentacles (that’s what’s hurting you so much) with something other than your fingers unless you want get stung again. Next, pour something acidic, like vinegar, lemon juice, or battery acid, on the sting. Finally, use a flat object like a butter knife to scrape off the stinging cells. Do that and you have treated your jellyfish sting, all without having Uncle Roger pee on you.

PS- I was joking about the battery acid. Don’t do that.

OWT

Cracking your knuckles will give you arthritus.

TRUTH

Scientists have never actually found a link between knuckle cracking and arthritis. Still, it’s annoying as hell so stop. Also stop popping your gum. And chewing with your mouth open. I’ll stop now.

OWT

Eating too much turkey makes you sleepy.

TRUTH

While meat does contain an amino acid that helps to create melatonin, a brain chemical known for making people tired, turkey does not actually cause more fatigue than other foods. We’re actually tired because of the large quantities of carbohydrates and alcohol that a lot of us consume on Thanksgiving. What I’m saying is that daddy is in the recliner sleeping because he’s drunk.

OWT

Sitting too close to the television will harm your eyes.

TRUTH

This one stems from the fact that General Electric produced color TVs back in the 1960s that emitted up to 100,000 times more radiation than federal health officials considered to be safe—and while the  television sets were recalled almost immediately, the Old Wives’ Tale hangs around (even with our new TV technology and whatnot).

PS- I’m not expert but 100,000 times more radiation does seem a tad high.

OWT

You shouldn’t swim for 30-minutes after eating.

TRUTH

This Old Wives’ Tale assumes that after eating the body diverts blood from your limbs to the digestive tract, thus depleting your arms and legs of enough blood to swim. While it is true that digestion requires extra blood, the body does not drain the limbs of enough blood to work properly. Bottom line, you might get a small cramp. Deal with it.

PS- I fondly remember swimming at the Mead Pool. It was amazing. I also fondly remember a girl about my age named Tammy that swam there. I had a remendous crush on her and would immediately look for her upon our arrival. I long for a simpler time.

OWT

Bulls hate the color red.

TRUTH

Yes!

People believe this because the bull charges at that thing the matador waves around, called a muleta. Actually, bulls are color blind. They’re agitated by the motion of the muleta, not its color. On a related note, I hate bullfighting. I always root for a good old fashioned goring. Leave the damn bull alone.

OWT

The 5-second rule.

TRUTH

This Old Wives’ Tale infers that if you drop food on the floor and snatch it up within 5-seconds it wasn’t on the floor/ground long enough to gather germs. Nobody really believes athat anymore, right? We say that jokingly, right? Right?

PS- This Old Wives’ Tale is sometimes known as the 3-second rule. Or in my case the 3-minute rule.

OWT

It takes 7-years to digest a piece of gum.

TRUTH

Negatory. The truth is gum doesn’t digest at all. It travels through your digestive tract and then, you know. On a related note, who swallows their gum?

OWT

To cure a hangover, just have a little “hair of the dog.” In other words have a drink.

TRUTH

Seems sort of obvious but you can’t drink your way out of a hangover, although many have tried. Der.

OWT

Eating chocolate will give you acne.

TRUTH

I heard this one a lot whilst growing up. It is true that a high fat or high sugar diet can exacerbate acne and sugary stuff can often cause hormone fluctuations, which can increase acne. However, there is no evidence that eating normal amounts of chocolate directly triggers acne. In reality dark chocolate actually promotes numerous health benefits. Snack away kids!

OWT

Rubbing whiskey on you baby’s gums will ease teething pain.

TRUTH

Actually, experts recommend using natural remedies, such as massaging a warm washcloth on your baby’s gums.

Pretty interesting and informative. From Joe Rogan’s podcast.

NASA’s InSight Lander has recorded the first ever ‘Mars Quake’ back in April. Roughly six months later, NASA recorded more ‘peculiar sounds’ on the distant planet.

In an Oct. 1 blog post, NASA said that the lander’s seismometer, known as the Seismic Experiment for Interior Structure (SEIS), is able to pick up subtle noises, including a breeze, as well as more Mars quakes.

It [Mars quake] had a surprisingly high-frequency seismic signal compared to what the science team has heard since then,” NASA wrote in the post. “Out of more than 100 events detected to date, about 21 are strongly considered to be quakes. The remainder could be quakes as well, but the science team hasn’t ruled out other causes.”

First, listen to the audio/video. My comments are below.

So the science team hasn’t ruled out “other causes?” First off, let me begin by saying this:  BAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Are you serious NASA? Those sounds are dinks caused by friction? Wind gusts? Suuuuure they are. I’m telling you right now, if those sounds aren’t aliens screwing around with the Mars InSight Lander I’m Marvin the Martian from Bugs Bunny. Hell, I’m pretty sure they were sending us a message in Morse Code at one point, then followed it up with an alien groaning into the mic just to shove it in our faces. Bottom line we’re going to be invaded and ultimately eaten by aliens. End of story. Thank you and goodnight.

Marvin.

Listen, if these damn nerds don’t stop creating more intelligent and athletic robots we’re all in trouble. You know how this turns out, right? Good God. Didn’t anybody see The Terminator? Westworld? The Stepford Wives? Demon Seed? Those fembots in Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery? Come on man! These cyborgs are going to murder us all. WAKE UP NERDS!

Whew. Finally! I was wondering when someone was going to open the Flower of Life and find the Real Wave Conjugations. Thank God Terrance figured this all out because I was just talking to Sparky the other day about these very subjects. Terrance has really eased my mind. Can’t wait for his YouTube video.

PS- And everyone knows gravity isn’t real. Jordan proved that 30-years ago.

PPS- What the hell?

Preach it Bill Nye the Science Guy.

A new species of crab that’s the size of a quarter with big, bug eyes has been discovered and it is freaky as all holy hell. Scientists are calling the crab “the strangest crab that’s ever lived” and that would be 100% accurate. This dude had a mismatch of body parts, like a Frakencrab or something. Scientists say it was no bigger than a quarter with bent claws, big eyes, an exposed tail and leg-like mouth parts. Wait. What? Anywho, Callichimaera Perplexa.

Man, I just read the Mars Rover Opportunity’s last message to home and I have to admit I’m a little choked up right now. I mean, we send him 33.9-million miles from home for a 90-day mission in July of 2003, he arrives on Mars in January 2004, and he outlives his expected lifespan by a freakin’ decade and a half. Then, alone on a faraway planet, a giant goddamn dust storm swoops in last June and we haven’t heard from him since.

That alone is sad enough, but then we hear what our hero’s last message was and it’s almost too much to take, man. I’ll tell you what he said, but I need a second to gather myself.

OK, I think I’m ready. Here are little Opp’s last words, sent home as the storm approached:

“My battery is low and it’s getting very, very dark . . .”

 

Well, hell. Hold on, I have something in my eye again.

PS- NASA sent their last message to Opportunity today. Nuthin’. 

PPS- There was another Rover named Spirit that went up the same time as Opportunity, and he kicked the bucket back in 2011. Just didn’t have the heart of my boy Opp.

PPPS- It would have been really cool if the last message was something like, “Wooohooo! Go straight to hell Martian dust storm! I’m gone suckers! Peace out!”

PPPPS- How great would it be if we suddenly got another message after 7-months of silence? Those nerd scientists would wet themselves.*

*Me too.

Meet Ace Davis, a 10-year-old kid from Lexington, Kentucky who created a science fair project about Tom Brady. While kids in New England might be trying to figure out how to scientifically prove that Brady is the greatest quarterback who ever lived, Ace decided to go in a different direction. He created a science fair project that proves that Brady is a cheater.

Ace sought to prove that Brady was a cheater through science. He wanted to show that deflated footballs gave Brady a competitive advantage. On his poster, he included the results of experiments he did with his mom and sister. Each of them threw footballs of varying inflation, and he measured the distance of each one and calculated the average. He found that the least inflated football traveled the farthest, therefore giving Brady a competitive advantage.

Of course, he included more than that on his poster. He used a Brady Deflategate meme, a picture of Brady crying, and a picture of Brady making a very weird face.

Ace won his Science Fair and is advancing to the Districts. When asked how he thinks he’ll do there he replied, “I’m gonna win that too.” He was then asked what he’d like to say to Brady. Ace’s response?

“Give me some of your money. You don’t deserve it.”

Damn Ace. Hate Brady much?

Anyway, hell yes Ace Davis proved Tom Brady’s a cheater. Ace is out there fighting for truth, justice and the American way. Dude’s the damn superhero we all need right now, and if winning a Science Fair in Lexington, Kentucky isn’t proof that Touchdown Tawmy’s a cheater I don’t know what is. That’s just Science. Literally. The referees and the NFL won’t stand up to Brady, but you know who will? Ace Davis, that’s who, the kid who’s advancing to the Districts with intentions of winning the whole damn thing.

PS- Those quotes from Ace is pure gold. GOLD.

 

When you wish upon a star you’re actually a few million years late because that star is dead. In reality, you’re actually looking into the past because many of the stars we see have already died.

Well, it can count for one damn thing. Venus Flytraps are carnivorous, so they wait for some poor unsuspecting schmuck to trigger the little hairs on its leaves and boom, you’re a goner. See, when the prey hits a hair an electric signal tells the plant something is there. If two hairs are disturbed within 20-seconds the trap snaps shut. After a third hair is touched the plant’s digestive juices start flowing an it’s a slow and agonizing death for whatever happened to mosey into its jaws of death. Diabolical.

PS- In the second video you’ll see the Venus Flytrap eat a snake, bloodworms, honeybee, spider, housefly, frog, a big bug, a finger and a goddamn cactus. Dude does not discriminate. Good God almighty.

In Denmark studies have found that it’s okay to drink a standard serving of alcohol per day when you are pregnant. According to social norms, not only is it okay, it is expected.

The Aliens Are Warning Us

Posted: September 12, 2018 in Humor, Mystery, Science, Space, The Unknown

The Sun: Artificial intelligence searching for alien life in the universe has discovered dozens of previously unknown radio bursts. The Breakthrough Listen program found 72 new fast radio bursts – mysterious space signals – coming from a galaxy 3-billion light years away. 

Scientists have named the source of these newly discovered signals, way outside the Milky Way galaxy, as “repeater” FRB 121102. FRBs are single, bright pulses of radio emission from extremely distant galaxies which last just milliseconds.

But FRB 121102 is the only one ever recorded to emit repeated bursts.

The source of FRBs are still a mystery and the nature of the object emitting them is still unknown. The theories range from highly magnetized neutron stars and super-massive black holes to signs of an advanced civilization.

Son of a bitch. Here we go again. More proof that aliens are out there, just shooting FRBs at us like you read about in all those Science Fiction books as a kid. And don’t tell me 3-billion light years is too far away to be a threat to Earth. Who knows what kind of spaceships those aliens possess? Hell, they may be so advanced they just snap their fingers (if they have any) and transport themselves wherever the hell they want like Captain Kirk and Spock. And these FRBs may be a warning, telling us the army of planet Nugoohoo will be arriving shortly to enslave us all and send Trump to Uranus. Terrifying really.

PS- Scientists continue to be the worst at naming stuff. FRB 121102? Really? Why not Hank or Sally or something? Scientists are not creative, man.

PPS- Seriously, if an alien civilization were that advanced don’t you think they’d just decipher our language and shoot us a text? Maybe create a Facebook account or something? Up your game, aliens.

Newsweek Online: According to scientists, the end of the world may come sooner than we thought due to colliding gravitational waves that would cause the Earth to be sucked into a black hole. 

Gravitational waves are invisible ripples in space which travel at the speed of light. The most powerful of these waves occur when objects move very quickly, for instance when two big stars orbit each other or two black holes orbit one another and merge. Such waves are often compared to the circular ripples which emerge when a stone is dropped in water. However, if a particle or object travels at the speed of light, flat gravitational waves can result. If such an event were to occur, and if the waves were big enough, the subsequent collision would create a black hole with a gravitational field that not even light would be able to escape from it. Literally everything would be sucked into it, including earth.

Well, hell. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Asteroids heading our way, Nazis everywhere, racism running rampant, conspiracy theorists running amok, an orange, nutcase tweeting president who’s inciting civil war if the upcoming elections don’t result in his favor, man it’s getting crazy all up in here. Now we have the possibility of a damn black hole sucking in everything from the Sun to the round (or flat, that’s another issue we’re dealing with) home we call Earth. And hey, we all know if the Earth goes you can kiss Uranus goodbye. That’s just science.

PS- The earth is going to be swallowed up and incinerated when the sun inevitably becomes a giant red star in 5-billion years anyway, so whatevs.

PPS- I’ve said this before but I have no idea how I’d act if they told us we had a week left. I’d like to think I’d go out with class and dignity, but there are a couple folks to whom I might pay a visit. Just sayin’.

PPPS- Uranus jokes never get old.

Once again the Simpson’s have predicted the future.

 

 

 

PARTY!!!

Astronomers estimate a mountain-sized 1,300-foot wide asteroid could hit our planet in 2032.

It was discovered moving through a nearby constellation and stargazing chiefs in Britain, Italy, Spain and Russia have added it to list of potentially dangerous asteroids. If it did hit, an impact could flatten a massive area of land and trigger earthquakes and tsunamis. It was spotted by Gennady Borisov from the Crimean Astrophysical Observatory in the Ukraine.

He warned: “The first observations show that it moves quickly and is relatively close.”

The asteroid has been named 2013 TV135, and if there is an impact, it could cause an explosion equivalent to 2,500 megatons of TNT – more than 50 times greater the biggest nuclear bomb ever detonated. Scientists say we really shouldn’t worry too much though. The chances of the asteroid actually striking the planet are 1 in 63,000, although scientists will reevaluate the chances of an impact in 2024.

Do these people think we’re idiots? Hey, we’ve all seen Armageddon. Nothing to worry about my ass. Nothing except a rock the size of a freakin’ mountain hitting the earth at 30,000 miles per hour with the energy of a 1-million megaton bomb that will flatten a massive area of land and trigger earthquakes and tsunamis. Happens all the time.

Fun Fact: If an asteroid the size of a house crashed on Earth at 30,000 mph. It would have an amount of energy roughly equal to the bomb that fell on Hiroshima. Woohoo!

And I can hear the news in 2024. “W-e-e-e-l-l-l-l, the odds are now down to 1 in 6,000. We’ll reevaluate in 2028.” Chills, man.

So yeah, everyone can relax here on the Big Blue Marble. We have 14-years left before we’re all obliterated by ol’ 2013 TV135.

PS- Thanks Gennady Borisov of the Crimean Astrophysical Observatory. I had no idea that asteroids “moved quickly.” That’s some deep science stuff right there.

PPS- Stargazing Chief is an awesome job title. Sounds way better than Nerd Scientist.

PPPS- Lame name, man. 2013 TV135? Really? I’d have named it something like Death Star 3000 or Butch or something. Maybe Maximus.

PPPPS- Imagine you knew the planet was going to be wiped out next Friday. Can you think of anyone you’d exact revenge upon before the end? Yeah, me too.

 

Oh Lord Jesus. From the website Quartzy:

If being well is simply about feeling good in our bodies and using them as they are designed to be used, then there’s an emerging wellness trend that’s worth checking out, a practice that requires neither aspiration nor great motivation: lying on the ground outside. There’s even a name for it. The “earthing” movement believes that “direct physical contact with the vast supply of electrons on the surface of the Earth” results in positive health outcomes, including reducing inflammation, cortisol levels, and improving sleep patterns. 

Yep, you read that right, kids, the newest emerging wellness trend is going outside and lying on the ground. The New Age folks have made a startling discovery this time, lemme tell ya. Who knew that lying on the ground was so good for you? I’ll tell you who knew. Every freaking kid on earth who grew up in the country. We’ve all lounged on the ground, stared at the skies or stars, and felt engulfed by that warm peacefulness. We just didn’t know it was coming from a vast supply of electrons, man.

PS- Sorry, people who grew up in the city. Pretty sure concrete, litter and human urine blocks the electrons. That’s just science.

Yes kids, there are folks in 2018 who believe the world is flat, including NBA player Kyrie Irving, noted nutjob Tila Tequila, and some rapper named B.o.B. Anyhoo, the worldwide web has responded accordingly. Enjoy.

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[click on photos to see alien stuff]

USA Today – A number of prehistoric drawings have sparked a local government to seek the help of NASA after the images appeared to depict extraterrestrial life. Discovered in Charama, India, the images appear to show aliens and UFOs, similar to scenes of a sci-fi movie. According to local archaeologist JR Bhagat it is unclear as to what the images reveal. He said: “The findings suggest that humans in prehistoric times may have seen or imagined beings from other planets which still create curiosity among people and researchers. “In a few pictures, they beings even shown wearing space suits.”

The archaeologists have contacted NASA to help solve the mystery.

Well, well. Where are all those weather balloon excuses now? Seriously, I’m listening because I need an answer. Why, you ask? Because cave men were drawing pictures of aliens and spaceships 10,000 FREAKING YEARS AGO. Honestly, man, try and convince me that these drawings were a hoax perpetrated by cavemen:

Hey Gernk, let’s draw some pictures of made-up outer space people on the wall over here. It’ll drive people in 2018 insane.

No way man. They were here, are still here, and are living in the bodies of people like Oprah or your Uncle Hank as we speak. Hell, I wrote about this awhile back. Anywho, if this ain’t proof I don’t know what is.

The NFL probably doesn’t like this very much. Just a guess.

The skeleton isn’t inside you, you’re the brain so you’re inside the skeleton.

Kewl.

Science Now: The origins of the Himalayan yeti myth have been revealed at last — thanks to science. Big furry animals, larger than humans and capable of walking on two legs do indeed roam the highest mountains on Earth, according to a study published Tuesday in Proceedings of the Royal Society B, a biological sciences journal.

But they’re not yetis. They’re bears.

After analyzing the DNA of nine purported yeti specimens, scientists found that five of the preserved “yetis” were in fact Tibetan brown bears, two were Himalayan brown bears, and one — a relic which looked like a fossilized hand — originally belonged to an Asian black bear.

The ninth specimen — part of a tooth belonging to a stuffed yeti in the collection at the Reinhold Messner Mountain Museum, turned out to be from a dog.

Man, this has got to be a historic letdown of epic proportions for the mythical folklore crowd, amirite? All those stories we’ve heard for years about hairy man-beasts roaming the Himalayas and terrorizing the countryside, only to find out they’re damn bears. And a dog. Bad day for ape-like entities I guess?

What’s next, we find out the Sasquatch is really a damn Irish Wolfhound? Good God.

PS- I’m not sure I’m buying it. This Proceedings of the Royal Society B sounds shady as hell.

 

 

 

A Cama is a hybrid between a male camel and a female llama and has been produced by artificial insemination at the Camel Reproduction Centre in Dubai. Yes kids, Dubai has a Camel Reproduction Centre. Why does a Cama have to be reproduced through artificial insemination, you ask? Because an adult camel can weigh up to 6-times as much as a llama and that could make things a little awkward for the llama if you get my drift. Anywho, Cama.

Remember that big story yesterday where we found out the US government has been investigating UFOs for years? Well, now we have some actual, real video of a goddamn UFO. Did you read what I just wrote? We have video of an alien spacecraft. Watch the video for yourself, man. That spaceship flies off like a damn bumblebee at the end. What the hell moves like that? An alien craft, that’s what. Seriously, the pilots witnessing this are just dumbstruck. I’ll tell you something else, folks – being able to fly like that means they have the technology to travel at the speed of light. Which means they can bend time. Which means they are probably bending time in space so they can’t be seen. Which means we are beyond screwed and we’re all gonna die soon because we would totally lose an intergalactic war. Hey, I’ve seen movies. Those alien transformer freaks don’t mess around. Meanwhile we’re still trying to put a person on Mars while these ETs are cruising from universe to universe like it ain’t no thang. It’s all over but the dying.

PS- The chances of us being alone are as infinitesimally small as the universe in exponentially big. That’s just science.

PPS- No way I’m getting captured either. Nobody’s probing me, man.