Posts Tagged ‘Funs Size Candy Bars’


Some things make absolutely no sense to me. Try as I might I just can’t figure them out. Here are a few:

Pre-Season All American Teams.

  • I’m not sure when these started but they have to be the stupidest idea ever. Just dumb. An All-American Team before anyone plays a game? Why? They mean nothing. What if one the “Pre-Season All-Americans” get hurt or simply have a crappy year? Are there athletes out there with Pre-Season All-American plaques on their wall? Makes no sense.

Non-crispy bacon.

  • Pretty self-explanatory, no? I mean, does anyone prefer their bacon not crispy? It’s gotta be crispy, correct? Not all soft and undercooked, but crispy, damn it! Or do some like it soft and spongy? OK, that just came out weird. Anyway, non-crispy bacon? Makes no sense.

Pressing harder on the remote when it doesn’t work.

  • I’m as guilty of this as anybody. It just seems like if I press harder it might work. Besides, it’s easier than getting up and looking for batteries. Still, makes no sense.

A,B,C,D, and F?

  • As a teacher I’ve wondered this for years. Why do we jump the E and go directly to the F? What did the E do to get out of being the worst grade? I’m sure the F is like, “Really? What the hell?” That E must be one helluva suck-up is all I’m thinkin’.

The “Poke” button on Facebook.

  • What is the purpose of the poke button? Does anyone use it? I don’t think I’ve ever been poked, as least on on Facebook. Is it supposed to be like like a nudge to your ribs? A finger to your ear? A goose to the hiney? Is it flirting? Who pokes? And if I’m poked what am I supposed to make of it? I’m so confused.

Prices that end in .99.

  • Are we that dumb to think that $7.99 is a lot cheaper than $8.00? I guarantee I would patronize a store that had all even prices. It wouldn’t be hard to figure in the tax as well so all prices would end on an even dollar. If we did this we could then get rid of all coins. What do you really buy in an average day that costs less than a dollar anyway? Or am I missing something? Everything ends on an even dollar, people! We can do this!

Chicken Fingers.

  • Number one, chickens have no fingers. Number two, chicken fingers do not look like fingers. Number three, who finds something named after a human body part appetizing anyway? Jeffrey Dahmer? The Alferd Packer family? I guess by compressing chicken into shapes like nuggets and “fingers” it makes them seem more edible to us. On a related note, I hear that “chicken rings” are becoming popular is some restaurants. They look exactly like onion rings. Makes no sense. And now that I’m typing this “elbow macaroni” popped into my head. Gawd.

Fun Sizes.

  • In the grocery store you’ll see tiny little candy bars in a bag and it always says “Fun Size!” on the side. Why is a candy bar you can eat in 2-bites fun? That’s NO fun in my opinion. Wouldn’t a “fun size” be a giant candy bar? So, to reiterate. Small candy bar, not fun. Large candy bar, fun!

Gift Cards.

  • OK, I use these. Still, they don’t make sense to me and here’s why. Let’s say I have a Gift Card worth $20.00 and I buy $19.79 worth of stuff. We still have .21 on the card but do we ever use it? I suppose you could and some may but I’m guessing most do not (awesome sentence, amirite?). See, the card companies are banking on us not using the .21 on our next purchase so they can pocket the extra money, and I bet it’s a LOT. We’re being bamboozled, people! Wake up!

Caffeine-Free Coffee.

  • Who likes the taste of coffee? That would be nobody, correct? That’s why you mask the taste with creamers and whatnot. We drink it for the caffeine. So why do we have caffeine-free coffee? I would equate caffiene-free coffee with alcohol-free vodka, of which I want no part. No. Sense.

Check-out Lines.

  • I think this is a common complaint, right? You’re standing in line at Wal-Mart, 4-5 people in front of you, and you look down the 20-rows of cash registers and see that 3 are open. Don’t the stores know when their busy times will be? Can’t they have workers leave what they’re doing and hop on over to help out? Hey, bring that guy stacking the shelves in Aisle 9 or collecting grocery carts in the parking lot get his ass over here for a few minutes. Is this brain surgery kids? Whaddup Wal-Mart?

The Kardashians.

  • Listen, I like a lot of reality TV, I really do. I watch Big Brother for instance. I like it because the way people think and act as they try to screw each other over for $500,000 intrigues me. But the Kardashians? They just sit around or go shopping and stuff, right? Every time I run across the show they’re just on the couch talking or on vacation arguing. I mean, they’re not intelligent, they don’t say anything interesting, right? I don’t get the allure. On a related note, I don’t get the attraction to Kim Kardashian and her massively gross ass either. Nasty. Not to mention she’s had 117 “boyfriends.” Eew.

Triple and quadruple checking things.

  • We’ve all done this. We’re in the living room or somewhere and decide we want a snack so we head for the fridge. Nothing. 10-minutes later we do the same thing. Nope, still nothin’. A little bit later the process is repeated. What, do we think a banana cream pie has magically appeared in our 7-minute absence? Maybe the food fairies had intervened? Not once have I ever gone back and said, “Holy cow! How did I miss that plate of Lemon-Basil Orzotto? Sweet!” So why do we do this? By the way, same for when we lose our keys. How many times do you check your pockets before you’re convinced the damn keys aren’t there?

A “pair” of pants.

  • One more quick one. Why are they a “pair” of pants? Because there are two pant legs? Because if you have a hole in your knee you don’t say, “I have a hole in my pant.” You say “pants.” And you can’t buy one pant, you have to buy the pair. Why don’t we just refer to them as “pants” and get rid of the “pair”? Why why why? Wait. Why don’t we call a shirt a pair of sleeves? I’m getting a headache right now.

Well, it feels good to get all that off my chest. I need a drink nap.