A Man and a Horse: A Love Story

WAUSAU – A Wausau, Wisconsin man accused of performing a sex act with a horse has been charged in Marathon County with bestiality. Jared Kreft, 30, was charged with sexual gratification with an animal sex organ, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana as a repeat offender and bail jumping, according to court records. On Wednesday, Marathon County sheriff’s deputies were sent to a barn in the town of Wausau, where they found Kreft near a horse, according to court documents. Kreft was wearing a face mask, black jacket and blue wind pants with holes cut in the groin and buttocks areas, according to court documents. He told deputies after he was arrested that he went to the barn and performed oral sex on the horse and tried to arouse the horse with his hand, according to court documents. He said he had viewed “horse pornography” before the incident.

Wow. Where to begin. First off, Mr. Jared Kreft was wearing “a face mask, black jacket and blue wind pants with holes cut in the groin and buttocks areas.” I had no idea that’s the proper attire when dating a horse. A llama perhaps, maybe a donkey. But a horse? Who knew? Secondly, there’s such a thing as “horse pornography”? Man, the world is a vast and complex place, huh? Sorta makes you want to stay off the internet for awhile. Jeebus. I may just have to go back to a simpler time and watch a few episodes of Mr. Ed to feel clean again. Then again, it makes me wonder what Wilber was up to all those years.

PS – I did my best to come up with a “horse’s ass” joke to insert here, to no avail.

PSS – I hate myself right now.

PSSS – I’m so sorry.