Archive for February, 2017

Boo freakin' hoo.

Boo freakin’ hoo.

Douglasville, GA: Two white supremacists will spend the next several decades behind bars after being found guilty of hate crime charges stemming from their bizarre decision to parade a Confederate flag and hurl racially motivated death threats near a black family celebrating an eight-year-old’s birthday.

Jose Ismael Torres, 26, and Kayla Rae Norton, 25, joined a caravan of trucks laden with confederate flags as they menaced a Douglasville, Georgia, family who were simply trying to have a good time.

Video from the incident, which was played in court, shows multiple pickup trucks slowly cruising by and hurling racial insults and death threats. Police officers can be seen attempting to defuse tensions between the partygoers and the racist entourage.

During their court testimony, Torres and Norton revealed that they were part of a group called “Respect the Flag” and apologized for their actions.

Norton was slapped with 15-years with 6 to serve in prison, while Torrest received 20-years with 13 served in prison.

Listen, was this judge a little tough on these two racist dumbasses? Probably. Do I still like these sentences? Hell yes I do. Hey, they yelled racial slurs and threatened to kill people at an 8-year old’s party. What a bunch of morons. They’re getting what they deserve. And check ’em out, crying their eyes out like 3rd graders. Boo-freaking-hoo. And nothing says “Respect the Flag” like intolerance and ignorance, huh? Hey Jose Ismael and Kayla Rae, I have news for you – you’re idiots.

Man, I hate racists.

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So I tried to watch the Oscars Sunday night and lasted about seven and a half minutes. Why? Because although I love movies I hate pompous, self-important actors who have a complete lack of self-awareness. Good Lord, they pretend to be somebody else and get paid for it. Hey, I’ve pretended to be someone else through several relationships, didn’t get paid for it, and actually lost money. That’s not fair, is it?

Anyway, I’m sick of hearing melodramatic actors talk about how important they are, then shower adulation on each other like they’re all Mother Teresa or something. The video below is a great example of what I’m talking about. It’s somebody named Viola Davis giving her acceptance speech and it’s nauseating. The lowlight was when she actually uttered this line:

“We are the only profession that celebrates what it means to live a life.”

Boom! Guess all you firefighters, pediatric surgeons, pastors, obstetricians and EMTs don’t know anything about celebrating what it means to live a life. What a bunch of underachieving, meaningless life living losers you are. Actors, man.

Anyhoo, check it out. She blathered on longer but you’ll get the gist. Oh, and I love it when she’s going on about Denzel Washington and he looks at her like, “Nah, we don’t really work for a living. Chillax.”

So, in a nutshell that’s why I can’t watch. She’s acting like pretending to be somebody else in a movie is the only important profession on earth. It is not. Good God.

viola

The mask used by Michael Myers in the original “Halloween” movie was actually a Captain Kirk from Star Trek mask painted white, due to low budget.

 

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Check out that Seagoing Iguana, just swimming around underwater like a little boss. They’re sometimes called Marine Iguanas and they’re only found on the Galápagos Islands. This little dude has the ability to dive over 30-ft into the water. The reason they learned to do this is because food is scarce on their island. Hence, the strongest iguanas dive into the sea looking for chow. Cool, man. Check out the video too. Anyhoo, Seagoing Iguana.

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If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

 

sneeze

 

planets(CNN) Astronomers have found at least seven Earth-sized planets orbiting the same star 40 light-years away, according to a study published Wednesday in the journal Nature. The findings were also announced at a news conference at NASA Headquarters in Washington.

This discovery outside of our solar system is rare because the planets have the winning combination of being similar in size to Earth and being all temperate, meaning they could have water on their surfaces and support life.

“This is the first time that so many planets of this kind are found around the same star,” said Michaël Gillon, lead study author and astronomer at the University of Liège in Belgium.

Wow. One month of Trump and NASA is announcing we already have seven potential back-up Earths. Sweet. They might just come in handy soon. Honestly though, shouldn’t this be bigger news? I mean, we just discovered seven planets like ours that could support life. Holy mother that’s terrifying. Then again, they’re 40 light years away so I suppose we’re safe for now. Wait. I just had a thought. What if one of the seven earth-like planets discover us?

Chills, man.

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Looks like a horrible idea.

Looks like a horrible idea.

NORTHAMPTON, Mass. (AP) – A Massachusetts police department’s program that sent officers into elementary schools one day a week to high five and fist bump students has been ended because some people complained.

Northampton Chief Jody Kasper says “High Five Friday” was started in December as a way to foster better relationships between police and children.

But some people questioned the program’s effectiveness and worried that it might upset some children, for example those in the U.S. illegally or those who have previously had negative experiences with law enforcement.

The chief tells The Daily Hampshire Gazette that parents were informed about the events beforehand and children were never forced to participate. She called the program’s demise “frustrating.”

Frustrating? FRUSTRATING? How about idiotic? We’ve become so thin-skinned as a nation that we’re worried about making little kids nervous who’ve had bad experiences with the po-po? And we don’t wanna upset the little illegal immigrants or kids who’ve run afoul with the law, now do we? Damn it, Trump! I thought you were gonna fix this crap.

EurasiaAzerbaijani President Ilham Aliyev has appointed his wife, 7183d0aa-8254-45a6-ab51-82c75ba962d9Mehriban Aliyeva, as the country’s first vice president. Aliyeva professed to be humbled by the appointment. “Mr. President, I express my deep gratitude to you for this high confidence in me,” she said at a meeting of the Security Council. “Over the past years, your ideas of statehood, patriotism, your courageous protection of Azerbaijan’s national interests, and your unity with the people of Azerbaijan were an example for me.”

Wow. What a move by President Ilham Aliyev, huh? Bro just naming his wife Vice President like it ain’t no thang, even if the country of Azerbaijani has never had a vice president before. That’s part ballsy and part diabolical right there. And I love how she addresses him as “Mr. President” like people don’t know they’re married. But seriously, what could possibly inspire a guy to make a power move like this? Well, I looked this chick up and it certainly cleared up a lot of confusion for me.

H-e-l-l-o-o-o-o, Mrs. Vice President.

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The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

 

butterfly

olymons

Olympus Mons is a giant mountain on Mars. How giant, you ask? Well, is 13.6 miles high big enough for ya?

Olympus Mons is so large at its base that an observer at its peak wouldn’t know he was standing on a mountain because its slope would be obscured by the curvature of the planet itself. Read that again slowly. Yeah, I know. I had to read it 3-times to understand it too.

Try this fact then. Olympus Mons has sheer 5-mile high cliffs at its base. Imagine standing at this mountain’s base and staring up at cliffs the size of Mount Everest. Yowza.

Here’s Olympus Mons compared to Mt. Everest and Mauna Kea, two of Earth’s largest mountains:

olympus-mons

So anyway, yeah. Large. Massive. Enormous. Sizable. It’s big.

So you may be asking yourself (I know I was), how could a mountain become more badass? Well kids, Olympus Mons is also a volcano. Awesome.

So to summarize, baddest mountain in the solar system? Olympus Mons. End of discussion.

PS- You say you want video? OK.

 

 

Another reason Bruce is the best.

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This makes me very happy.

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Nobody tries, nobody competes, and now nobody cares. This video encapsulates why I hate the NBA All-Star game. It’s a joke. I need a beer, man.

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Authorities at a Virginia airport encountered some unusual baggage when they confiscated 13-pounds of horse genitals and a total of 42-pounds of horsemeat from two women arriving from Mongolia on Jan. 29.

The two women landed at the Washington Dulles International Airport last month when authorities discovered the meat concealed inside juice boxes, a release from US Customs and Border Protection said.

The women told authorities the horse genitals were for “medicinal purposes.”

The discovery rivaled other finds — “from fully-charred monkeys, to voodoo ceremony tools, to cocaine concealed inside the cavity of fully cooked chickens, to live sea horses and giant African land snails,” the release described.

Authorities said horsemeat is prohibited from entering the US “if it is not accompanied by an official government horsemeat certification from the country or government it originates.”

CBP incinerated the food products and declined to bring criminal charges against the women.

Whew. Where to begin? First off, they let these women off? What the hell? If illegal horsemeat smuggling doesn’t get you arrested I don’t know what will. But my favorite part of the article is when the release described prior finds – “fully-charred monkeys, voodoo ceremony tools, cocaine concealed inside the cavity of fully cooked chickens, live seahorses and giant African land snails.

Wait. Since when can’t we have a fully-charred monkey as a carry-on? I guess a semi-charred monkey would be OK? That’s bullshit, man.

PS – Eating horse balls is good for your health? Guess we really do learn something every day.

It’s estimated that at any one time around 0.7% of the world’s population is drunk.

 

drunk-guy

Not all heroes look the part.

Not all heroes look the part.

You know, sometimes I’ll come across a certain person in history that I believe people should know about. This story is about one of those people . . .

James Reeb was born in 1927 and grew up in Casper, Wyoming. He was a conservative Christian, and after college he began preparation for the ministry. He soon began to question his faith and eventually became a Unitarian minister. He went on to serve the All Souls Congregation in a racially mixed neighborhood in Washington, DC. There, Rev. Reeb organized programs and projects to help the poor.

In July, 1964, he left All Souls to accept a position with the American Friends Service Committee. He and his family, which now included his wife Marie and their four children, moved to Dorchester, Massachusetts and began working to make living conditions better in largely black, economically depressed neighborhoods of Boston. He came to understand that the suffering he witnessed resulted from fundamental inequalities in society and government’s treatment of people according to the color of their skin— something called systemic racism.

Reeb was a member of the Unitarian Arlington Street Church in Boston, but he frequently preached as a guest minister in nearby suburban congregations. He used these opportunities to urge people in largely white congregations and communities to pay attention to and work to change racial injustice. He spoke against the racial disparities enforced by laws in the South and by economic and social segregation in the North.

In 1965, while Rev. James Reeb worked in Boston, events were unfolding in the civil rights movement in the state of Alabama.

Alabama’s archaic Jim Crow laws used a “separate but equal” system that was anything but equal. The fundamental right to vote was denied African Americans. The system of discrimination and oppression ruled nearly every aspect of life and was reinforced with violence not only by lawless citizens but also by elected officials and police. It was an ugly time. Beatings, vandalism, and even murder awaited anyone who did anything to challenge the system. On February 26th an Alabama state trooper killed Jimmie Lee Jackson, a 26-year-old black Civil Rights worker, setting off the chain of events that would eventually bring thousands of Civil Rights Freedom Fighters to Selma, Alabama.

In response to Jimmie Lee Jackson’s murder, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King and the Southern Christian Leadership Conference called for a march from Selma to Montgomery to demand voting rights for all citizens.

600 Civil Rights activists gathered in Selma to join a planned march to Montgomery, the State capital. The march began on March 7, 1965, a day we now know as Bloody Sunday. On the outskirts of Selma, on the Edmund Pettis Bridge, marchers encountered a line of police carrying billy clubs, guns, and gas masks. Police charged into the marchers, clubs swinging, and followed up the clubbing with tear gas.

National television carried it all, including to Dorchester, Massachusetts, where James and Marie Reeb watched.

Then came what is known as the Call to Selma. Dr. Martin Luther King called on people of all faiths from across the country to come to Selma and march with him to Montgomery. All over the United States, ministers and lay leaders alike wrestled with the call to come to Selma. Should they go? Should they march, putting themselves in the midst of the violence they had all seen on television? Should they urge others in their faith communities to do the same? James Reeb thought hard about whether to leave his wife and four young children. In the end, he decided he had to help. it was crucial for people of faith to bear witness to what was happening in Alabama. He said good-bye to his family and boarded a fateful flight to Selma.

James Reeb was with thousands who gathered on Tuesday to march but were again turned back at the Edmund Pettis Bridge. Afterwards Reeb and others decided to stay in Selma and try again on Thursday. That night, a group of ministers went out to dinner at a place called Walker’s, one of the few racially integrated restaurants in the area. While others departed by car after dinner, Reeb and two other Unitarian Universalist ministers, Orloff Miller and Clark Olsen, left on foot.

The three headed to the chapel where Dr. King was to speak. James Reeb walked on the outside, nearest the street. They had not gone far when five white men came towards them from across the street. Frightened, the three walked faster. They realized one of the men had a large club. When the racist attackers reached the three ministers, one swung his heavy stick and smashed the side of James Reeb’s head. Eventually all three men were beaten badly.

After some desperate searching for help in a city that was hostile to “outside agitators,” the three ministers found a phone at the Boynton’s Insurance office and obtained an ambulance from a Negro funeral home next door. Badly hurt, Reeb needed to get to the hospital in Birmingham where there was a neurosurgeon. Miller and Olsen accompanied James Reeb in the ambulance, which was driven by an African American. A police car escorted them through Selma, but incredibly refused to accompany them once the ambulance reached the city limits. Then, just outside the city, the ambulance got a flat tire. There the vehicle was surrounded by a threatening crowd so no dared get out to change the tire. The ambulance drove back to Selma on the rim. Finding a place to make a phone call and find another ambulance was difficult because few black people in the city had phones. They finally found a phone at a radio station where the driver had once worked and called for another ambulance. The badly injured James Reeb was then transferred to it and set out again for Birmingham, this time reaching the hospital where Reeb immediately underwent surgery.

Reeb was in bad shape. News traveled quickly that he had been beaten and was in critical condition. In sharp contrast to the media silence which had greeted Jimmie Lee Jackson’s death two weeks earlier, the evening news all over the country carried the story of the white minister who had been attacked in Selma. President Lyndon Johnson had been notified in the White House, and he sent a government airplane to take Marie Reeb to her husband’s side.

In James Reeb’s hospital room, there was a bouquet of yellow roses from the President of the United States.

On March 11,  2-days after his arrival in Selma, James Reeb died. His death so shocked the country and the U.S. Congress that President Johnson sent the Voting Rights Act to Congress within days. Dr. King, invited to Washington to support the Voting Rights Act, declined. Instead, he stayed and delivered the eulogy at James Reeb’s funeral, saying this:

“So in his death, James Reeb says something to each of us, black and white alike. He says that we must substitute courage for caution, says to us that we must be concerned not merely about who murdered him, but about the system, the way of life, the philosophy that produced the murder. His death says to us that we must work passionately, unrelentingly, to make the American dream a reality, so he did not die in vain.”

Amen. James Reeb was a bona fide American Hero.

Just the best. I’m mesmerized by this.

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cub_scout_1968

Not me but damn close.

The following story took place a long time ago, during my 2nd grade year. Yep, way back in 1963. Here’s how it all went down . . .

We were sitting in class at Twin Elementary when our teacher told us that somebody wanted to talk to all the boys. In walked a guy, I can’t remember who, who proceeded to tell us all about the Cub Scouts. It sounded great. There would be hiking, camping, building model cars, all kinds of cool stuff to do. My buddies and I were all amped up. Couldn’t wait! All we had to do was go home and get the forms signed by our parents, which we couldn’t wait to do.

Of course, with my father there would be stipulations.

After I excitedly told him of the opportunity, he sat me down and we had a talk. Number 1, he thought the Cub Scouts would be a great idea. Number 2, he said there would be no quitting once I started. One full year would be completed, no excuses, end of discussion. Hell, that wasn’t a problem with me. I was stoked!

I couldn’t wait to get back to school to tell my buddies I was in, and it turns out they were too. It was gonna be fantastic.

We had our first meeting at the local church, the Cub Scout guy explained everything, and it all sounded great. Then he brought out the uniform. Hey, it was a little different with the little hat, scarf and knee socks, but what the hell, we’d all be wearing it so it’d be cool. I was ready to roll.

Not so fast Scout Boy.

Here’s what I heard from my friends when I got to school the next morning:

“No way I’m wearing that uniform, man.”

“That uniform looks stupid. I’m not wearing that thing.”

“Sounded good but I’m out. I quit.”

Wait. What? You’re quitting because of the uniform? After one meeting?

Turns out they were. My closest friends were out. The only other kid in my class who stayed in was a nerdy little kid named Quincy (name changed to project the nerdy).

Did I ask my Dad for a reprieve so I could stick with my buddies? I did not. I was dumb but not that dumb. A deal was a deal, man.

So, as it turned out every Tuesday Quincy and yours truly wore the uniform to school as required by the Scouts, and every Tuesday I was ridiculed, mocked, jeered, belittled and spat upon.*

*OK, nobody spit on me but it seemed like it at the time. It was 2nd grade hell I tell ya. 

On a related note I’m pretty sure that was the year I learned to fight.

Anyway, at the next meeting we learned who our pack leaders would be, and it turned out mine was a new guy who had recently volunteered.

That man was my father.

Did he join because he knew I was going through a tough time? Did he know it would help me get through it if he was around?

Probably, but if it was true he never said a word.

Bottom line, pretty soon we were doing cool stuff like building and painting little cars to race down a ramp, constructing airplanes to fly, even going on all-night camping trips. It wasn’t long before my non-Scout friends wished their parents hadn’t let them quit, and in fact they joined up the next year. Hey, maybe it was how cool I looked in that uniform. Chicks dig uniforms, ya know.

All-in-all it was fun, and we did it all while learning about being leaders, being responsible and providing service to others.

But what I learned the most was to never, ever quit.

Thanks Dad.

The woolly mammoth vanished from the Earth 4,000 years ago, but now woolymammothscientists say they are on the brink of resurrecting the ancient beast in a revised form, through an ambitious feat of genetic engineering.

Speaking ahead of the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) annual meeting in Boston this week, the scientist leading the “de-extinction” effort said the Harvard team is just two years away from creating a hybrid embryo, in which mammoth traits would be programmed into an Asian elephant.

The creature, sometimes referred to as a “mammophant”, would be partly elephant, but with features such as small ears, subcutaneous fat, long shaggy hair and cold-adapted blood.

This is pretty much the beginning of the end of the world, right? We all know what “resurrecting the ancient beast in a revised form” means, right? It means “revising the beast in a more terrible form.” This is how Jurassic Park went wrong, kids. First a Wooly Mammoth, then a Stegosaurus, then a Giganotosaurus, then we all die. Thanks Science!

Giganotosaurus

Giganotosaurus

Sure, this guy’s sort of a jerk, but asshats get what they deserve, amirite?

eminemhailie

Cool.

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40% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

 

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clown

Not gonna lie. When I opened that photo I shrieked a little. That’s nightmare fuel, man. Apparently back in the 90’s that kid insisted on dressing as a clown  and the parents agreed, probably because they were afraid he’d butcher them all as they slept. I mean, what sort of power must you have over your parents for them to let you dress like that in a family photo? Look at him, just sitting there all smug in his clownness, leaning back and staring a hole into the camera. Chills, man. And what are the odds that little bozo has killed somebody by now? I’m thinking 99%. That clown has serial killer written all over him.

PS- Warning: Do NOT zoom in on that little clown’s face. You’ll be scarred for life. Clowns, man. 

assassin

Kim Jong-nam wrote to Kim Jong-un in 2012 asking his half-brother and the recently anointed dictator of North Korea to spare his life and that of his family, the head of South Korea’s National Intelligence Service revealed on Wednesday.

It comes as new pictures of a woman alleged to have been linked to the assassination team that killed the older brother of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un in Kuala Lumpur have been released by Malaysian media.

Kim Jong-nam, 45, died on Monday after collapsing at Kuala Lumpur International Airport while waiting to board a flight back to Macau, where he was living in exile.

Listen, I’ve never been a big fan or murder and stuff but any assassin who pulls off a stone cold assassination in the middle of an airport while wearing a sweatshirt with “LOL” on the front has my instant respect. It’s like “LOL, I just killed a guy.” That’s just diabolical, man. Plus she looks sort of cute, so she gets extra points there too.

PS- Is it too late for me to start being more empathetic? Probably is, right? Never mind.

PSS- Not many blogs add the tags “Death”, “Humor”, and “Things I Love” onto their stories all at once. That’s what separates me from your average blogger. On a related note, if you’re a regular reader you’re as weird as I am.

CNNThe Islamabad High Court in Pakistan’s capital issued an order banvalMonday that banned the celebration of Valentine’s Day across the country ‘with immediate effect.’

The order prohibits the display of adverts on electronic and print media that reference Valentine’s Day, bans the sale of associated merchandise and states that the day cannot be celebrated in “any public space or government building.”

Listen, I have to be honest. Valentine’s Day is a fake holiday. Total fraud of a holiday. I know, I know, the ladies love getting flowers and candy and whatnot. But wasn’t Valentine’s Day basically invented by the flower and candy companies to make a buck? Wait. Maybe that was that Sweetest Day? Doesn’t matter. Bottom line, Pakistan has it figured out. Just ban the damn holiday. Pakistani men everywhere are rejoicing.

PS- Pakistan took a major credibility hit when we basically waltzed into their country without telling them, killed Bin Laden, and waltzed back out. This is a savvy first move on the road back to respectability. Well played Pakistan.