Girl’s List of Rules for Boyfrind is Horrifying Reason to Flee Now

So some girl named Jane left these rules for her boyfriend before he went on vacation with his bros, and he was gracious enough to share them with the world. First read the note, followed by my comments.

Listen, I have no idea what a gaff or a scruffy is, nor have I ever heard of a Hibs song. However, I do know what a crazy-ass, looney tune woman is, and that is Connor’s girlfriend Jane. Avoiding eye contact with girls? Pee samples? Better be careful as “I may turn up?” That’s just horrifying stalker talk right there. That girl’s batshit crazy, man. Hey Conner, c’mere for a sec. No, a little closer please. OK, listen up: Run. Now. Run for your life while you can. Get out, because if you don’t your life is destined to be full of anguish and a living hell. Thank you and goodnight.