Animal Group Names Are Interestingly Humorous

As I was researching my last post, the stimulating and thought provoking story about The Scout Duck, I came across an interesting bit of information. Well, to me at least. Perhaps you will find it boring and uninteresting. If this is true you may need to broaden your horizons and open your mind to new things, ya close-minded nitwit.

Sorry. I accidentally typed what I was really thinking there for a second.

But on to the interesting stuff.

For some reason I wasn’t sure what you call a bunch of flying ducks, although I was 97% sure it wasn’t a Bunch of Flying Ducks. Therefore, I searched it up on The Goggle and found that it was indeed called a flock. I also found that you call them a Raft of Ducks if they’re paddling about on the water, which is several kinds of awesome. I also discovered a bunch of other cool words to be used when describing large groups of animals, which I found to be fascinating as all get out.

Anywho, for those still with me, back to groups of animals and whatnot. I actually found a page with a list of what we call various groups of animals. What can I say? I love nature and stuff, and I may or may not have cried when I watched March of the Penguins and My Octopus Teacher.

I shall now list my personal faves, partially for your enjoyment, but mostly for mine. Let us proceed . . .

A Shrewdness of Apes. What? Are apes shrewd? Is there something I’m not being told? Weird.

A Pace of Asses. So that’s what I should have been calling my co-workers all these years. I kid. Sort of.

A Colony of Bats. Doesn’t a colony sort of imply organization and structure? Because that’s just horrifying.

A Gaggle of Geese. Apparently you only call them this when they’re on the ground. I would refer to them as a Shitload of Geese, because that’s what they leave behind wherever they go. Disgusting.

A Gang of Buffalo. Not a herd? Awesome. A gang is way cooler.

A Knot of Toads. Another one I like. “Watch your step, man! That’s a Knot of Toads!”

A Business of Ferrets. Perfect, because the ferrets I know are all business, all the time. Unless they get into the booze, and then it’s an orgy of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. Ferrets can’t hold their alcohol.

A Tower of Giraffes. There is absolutely nothing funny to add here, because that’s just perfect, isn’t it?

Random thought. Why do only large animals stampede? Why can’t we have squirrel stampedes, which incidentally would be awesome? Rabbit stampedes? Chipmunk stampedes? The mind reels.

A Convocation of Eagles. This is awesome because it’s so majestic. Perfect for eagles, except I didn’t think eagles hung out in large groups. If they did, though, it would be a great thing to stumble across in the forest somewhere, no?

A Descent of Woodpeckers.  That sounds like the title of a really bad horror movie.

A Bloat of Hippopotamuses. This seems plausible because a single hippo does indeed look bloated, and a group of them would seem to be bloated times whatever. On a related note, if a lady hippo asks you if she looks bloated to you, tell her no.

A Cackle of Hyenas. Once again, this is perfect, amirite? Thought: I need to know what you call a bunch of sloths, because if they don’t have a name I have one for them – A Trudge of Sloths. You’re welcome, sloths.

A Leap of Leopards. Isn’t that in a Christmas song or something? 9 leopards leaping? Wait. I think that’s lords that are leaping. Never mind.

A Blessing of Narwhals. It would indeed be a blessing to see a bunch of Narwhals. Narwhals are cool.

A Conspiracy of Lemurs. Aha! I’ve heard you can never trust a lemur. Always conniving and conspiring.

A Labor of Moles. My third grade teacher had a labor of moles, but that’s neither here nor there. Bottom line, it was disgusting. Oh, we’re talking about the little dudes who dig tunnels in the ground? Disregard.

A Romp of Otters. If Otters romping doesn’t make you smile you have a cold, black heart.

A Prickle of Porcupines. Another one that makes perfect sense to me. Plus, porcupines can be little pricks at times. That’s what a lemur told me anyway.

A Harem of Seals. Aren’t harems in the desert? This makes no sense on any level.

A Wisdom of Wombats. Another poorly chosen name, because every wombat I’ve ever hung out with is dumb as a doorknob.

A Charm of Hummingbirds. My late mother loved hummingbirds and passed that love on to me, her favorite child. And yes, it’s a perfect name because if any animal is charming it’s a hummingbird.

An Implausibility of Gnus. Wait. Say what? Why would a bunch of Gnus be implausible? The Gnus I see are always hanging around in bunches for protection from lions and other predators. Mostly lions though. And it’s hard for me to watch when one gets taken down. That makes me sad.

A Caravan of Camels. Because hey, nothing says a caravan like camels! Can you even have a caravan without camels? I think not. It would just be a Desert Hike or something.

A Crash of Rhinoceroses. Genius. Pure genius. Nothing says “crash” like a group of rhinos, really.

A Murder of Crows.  I love this one. A Murder of Crows. Sounds so ominous and dark. Very Poe-esque. Perfecto.

A Fall of Woodcocks. I got nuthin’ here. Nothing appropriate anyway. UPDATE: I now have something but I don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.

An Embarrassment of Pandas. Well, that’s just rude. I’m pretty sure a bunch of Pandas would be absolutely delightful.

A Troop of Baboons. And what a troop they would be!

An Exaltation of Larks. Yes, I saved the best for last. Say it. An Exaltation of Larks. Oh how I want to see a bunch of larks so I can look up and say, “Behold! An Exaltation of Larks!” Hey, a guy can dream, can’t he?

In conclusion, admit it. You knew some of these but not all, right? It’s OK to admit that you learned something today. I know I did.

Now I must be off. All this writing has made me hungry for a Bed of Oysters.

PS/Fun Fact- Some of these animals are solitary, so it is ironic that they have group names dedicated to their kind when they are rarely found in groups.