Did you know that people live in abandoned water towers? Because hell yes they do. How cool would that be? I mean seriously? Imagine the views. Take a look at these photos of renovated water towers turned into houses and tell me what you think. I don’t want a water tower house, I need a water tower house.

PS- Lotta stairs, who cares?

PPS- Zombie proof like you read about.

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Check out the Wrap-Around Spider, man. Just wrapping around like you read about. Thanks to its hollow underbelly and flexible body, the Wrap-Around Spider can flatten itself against a tree branch and literally wrap around it, letting it hide right out in the open—much to the chagrin of certain predators and every human being on earth. But here’s the good news – this dude’s venom is harmless to humans! So, unless you die of cardiac arrest after touching a furry tree branch you’re good to go. Woot! These bad boys are found in the Australian Outback, because of course they are. Anywho, Wrap-Around Spider.

No captions necessary really, but I added them anyway. Just sit back, take a gander and feel your blood begin its slow but steady boil.

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Bet you thought the thong was a relatively modern invention, amirite? Negatory, my friends. In fact, the modern thong is a surprisingly old innovation that Greenlandic Inuits have been rocking for several hundred years.
Called a Naatsit, it’s made of seal fur, chosen for its durability and insulation. And get this kids – it’s stitched together with reindeer or whale sinews and was made fashionable with decorative beads or the head of the seal. You heard me, right? The head of a freakin’ seal. Fun Fact: When the Danish missionaries showed up they tried to get the Inuits to wear something less revealing. Didn’t work.

Dogs, man.

[for the love of God click and scroll]

We’ve all wondered the same thing. How in the hell can an athlete making gazillions of dollars go bankrupt so quickly?

Because, hell yes, it happens. Often.

Consider these staggering facts:

The National Basketball Association leads all U.S. team sports in salaries, paying $6.39 million per year on average. Major League Baseball players earn $4.39 million on average, NHL hockey pays an average income of $2.9 mil to their athletes, and the average salary for NFL players who were drafted and make the team out of training camp is $2.43 million.

To the average hard-working everyman, that’s a shit-ton of cash, amirite?

Still, consider these facts:

After only 2-years of retirement, 78% of NFL players were either broke or struggling financially.

Within 5-years of retirement, 60% of NBA players are broke.

Major League Baseball players file for bankruptcy at a rate 4-times the national average.

Kids, professional athletes file bankruptcy at a rate of 7.8 times more than the average American, who earns an average of $51,000 per household. That said, let’s take a gander at some pro athletes who have pissed away more money than most of us could ever have dreamed of seeing in our lifetimes . . .

Ever heard of boxer Mike Tyson? Dude was a machine early in his career, just demolishing everyone in his path. He was worth $400-million in his prime, yet he went bankrupt.  Tyson’s main competitor, Evander Holyfield, was worth an astounding $560-million at one time, but had to file bankruptcy as well.

Anyone recall NBA point guard Allen Iverson? AI was worth $156-million at one point, but was declared insolvent due to historically hilarious spending.

Former Kentucky Wildcat/Boston Celtic Walker blew through $110-million and filed for bankruptcy as well. How is this possible, you ask? Well, here’s how:

  • He owned two Bentleys, two Mercedes, a Range Rover, a Cadillac Escalade, and a Hummer, all outfitted with the latest gizmos of course.
  • He’d authorized 5-people to use his American Express card.
  • He wouldn’t wear the same suit twice.
  • He had an expensive watch collection.
  • He had a 70-person entourage and paid for their cell phone, rent and car payments (which of course be bought for them too).
  • Add to all that a series of bad investments and a gambling addiction and you have, shall we say, problems.

Yowza. But let us continue.

Remember NFL QB Vince Young? He signed a $26-million contract in 2006 and was broke by 2011. How in the hell? Well, here’s how. Let’s see, one of the reasons is that he did things like buying all the seats on a Southwest Airlines flight, simply because he wanted to fly alone. He also reportedly averaged spending $5,000 a week at The Cheesecake Factory. Now, I like The Cheesecake Factory as much as the next guy, but really? Couldn’t you spend that kind of cash on a personal chef and get a little variety? Jeebus.

There are many levels of stupid, and NBA player Chris Bosh is apparently both stupid and heartless. It’s a long story that you can search up on the Goggle, but his wife Allison of his 3-year old daughter Trinity had to apply for food stamps a few years ago. Chris Bosh at the time, my friends, was making $18-million a year.

And no, the problem isn’t just prominent with kids who grow up poor and in inner cities. To wit . . .

Hall of Fame NFL legend Johnny Unitas went bankrupt. So did quarterback Mark Burnell, who earned $52-million over his long playing career.

Remember Bill Buckner, the Boston Red Sox first baseman who let the ball roll between his legs to let the Mets back in – and win – the World Series in 1986? He had to file for bankruptcy in 2008.

Curt Schilling is a legendary pitcher who had major success in the World Series. He filed for insolvency after he couldn’t pay back a $75-million loan to start a video game company. And Philadelphia Phillies great Lenny Dykstra also had to file for bankruptcy after becoming a “financial guru” in retirement and ending up with $50-million in liabilities and only $50,000 in assets.

There’s more. NFL players Lawrence Taylor, Michael Vick and Travis Henry had highly-publicized legal troubles to make them broke despite earning a combined $200-million buckaroos.

Let’s keep going. The NBA’s Scottie Pippen won 6-world championship rings with the Chicago Bulls, yet still filed for insolvency despite earning $120-million during his playing days.

Hell, maybe San Diego Padres teammates Jack Clark and Tony Gwynn had the same bad financial advisor, because they both ended up filing for bankruptcy after their playing days –and their bank accounts – were numbered.

Terrell Owens, just inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame, ran through most of the $80-million he made during his 15-year career, thanks in part to bad investments and business deals.

And the bad decision-making isn’t limited to he three major American sports.  Olympic sprinter Marion Jones lost all of her wealth and filed for bankruptcy after being disgraced by a doping scandal.

WNBA legend Sheryl Swoopes? She had to do the same in 2004 even though she made more than $50-million in her career.

But let’s go farther back. America’s darling Dorothy Hamill, the 1976 Olympic gold medal winning figure skater, had to file for bankruptcy in 1995.

So I ask you. How does a person make millions of dollars over his/her career, yet go broke within five years of leaving his/her sport? How is this even possible? Well, there are several reasons. Let’s take a look:

  • Most athletes think they’ll compete for at least 15-20 years, but in reality the average NBA career is less than 3-years. NFL players? Under 3.5-years. This is because of injuries or maybe just getting cut. In addition, 65% of NFL players leave the game with permanent injuries before they barely get started.
  • Entourages. They’re not good. The more hangers-on the worse it’ll be. See Antoine Walker, among many others.
  • Dumb overspending. Athletes see the money as infinite. They can’t imagine it ever running out. How could they ever spend it all? Spoiler alert: They can.
  • Athletes are targets for poor investment pitches. They’re naïve and fall for all sorts of outlandish schemes, and the con men know this. The sharks begin circling the minute the contract is signed.
  • To most poor, inner-city athletes the worst thing anyone can say about them is that they turned their back on their old neighborhood. Even athletes with middle or upper class backgrounds feel the responsibility to support their entire family and beyond. Think about it. What if you signed a $10-million contract tomorrow? Imagine the family and friends that would come out of the woodwork, asking for a handout. I’ve seen up close the mentality that the aforementioned Antoine Walker exhibits when he’s literally paying for a 70-person entourage. You see, a lot of these guys have made it out of tough situations, growing up with very little. In the eyes of the family and neighborhood friends they grew up with, the worst thing a guy could do would be to turn his back on them. So, the athletes feel like they have to take care of the people they grew up around. That’s no excuse, but it’s why you see the hangers-on and the leeches being allowed to take advantage and blow money that isn’t theirs. The player doesn’t want to be labeled a sellout, plain and simple. I’ve seen it up close and personal.
  • Divorce. This is often cited as the number one challenge, as divorce drains funds in legal fees and dissipates assets. The athlete ends up with half of what they earned and may have large and burdensome alimony and child support payments as well. Which leads us to . . .
  • We all know the problem many professional athletes have with the apparent unwillingness to use protection during sex. Combine that with some women knowing that having a baby is a free ticket to never working again and well, you get a lot of unwanted pregnancies. Want some proof? Former NBA player Kenny Anderson has some interesting stats: 8-teams, 7-children, 5-women. Pro football player Willis McGahee has 9-kids with 8-different women. Former NBA hoopster Willie Anderson? 9-kids, 7-women. Another NBA guy, Jason Caffey, has 10-kids with 8-different women. That’s almost a double-double. Pro football player Travis Henry ups the ante with 11-kids and 10-baby mamas. Antonio Cromartie has 12-kids with 8-women. There’s a video of him attempting to name all of them and it is sadly and pathetically funny. And finally, I give you NBA legend Calvin Murphy. Calvin has 14-children by 9-different women. I believe we have a winner. Calvin’s nickname when he played? “The Pocket Rocket.” Pocket Rocket indeed. Bottom line, child support for all those kids can certainly drain a banking account and empty your pockets.
  • Lack of competent financial planning advice. The fact is a lot of young professional athletes simply don’t contact the people they should be contacting – honest, up-front financial advisors with their best interest at heart..
  • Lack of preparation for a second career. Pro athletes have long off seasons they can use to lay the foundation for their life after sports. However, some athletes do not give it a second thought and end up missing the structure and direction that sports has given them. Quite simply, they don’t use their free time to plan ahead.
  • Finally, a lot of these pro athletes have been coddled for so long that a lot of them just don’t have anyone to tell them no, that they’re making asinine decisions, or that they’re just being stupid. That’s sad but true, man.

However, there are exceptions. I give you gentlemen like Mr. Klay Thompson, Mr. Junior Bridgeman, and Mr. Earvin “Magic” Johnson, just to name a few.

First let me tell you about Klay Thompson. We all know Klay, the 26-year old who plays for the Golden State Warriors. He’s one of the top pure shooters in the NBA. Klay’s father is Mychal Thompson, who was a helluva player in his own right back in the day. Long story short, Mychal and Klay’s mother Julie controlled Klay’s bank account, at least in his first few years in the NBA. All checks went directly to them. You know, so he didn’t buy a gold-plated commode or something. Klay’s parents gave him $300.00 a week in an envelope for spending money. Yep, $300.00. Back in 2014 Klay got into a fight in a game and was fined $35,000.00 by the league. Because of this his “allowance” was cut by mom and dad. Seem excessive? Maybe. But as Klay matured and proved he could handle it he gained more control over his dough. To me, that’s just two parents who care about their son.

Junior Bridgeman played at Louisville and had a 12-year career in the NBA. He was a good, not great, player, but he was smart. Junior has no gold plated cars, no $50,000 gold chains, no armored vehicles. Instead, he happens to own 196 Wendy’s franchises and over 100 Chili’s Restaurants. And oh by the way, if you’re interested in buying a Wendy’s you’ll need a minimum net worth of $5 million, including at least $2 million of liquid assets. But most agreements stipulate royalties of 4% of sales, so there’s that.

Earvin “Magic” Johnson? When he was still playing he had the good sense to sit down with Michael Ovitz, CEO of Creative Arts Agency, a cat who understood business to say the least. Ovitz talked, Magic listened. Magic now runs Magic Johnson Enterprises, a company that had a net worth of $700-million as of 2015, and its subsidiaries include Magic Johnson Productions, Magic Johnson Theaters, and Magic Johnson Entertainment, which happens to be a movie studio. In addition to these business ventures, he has created the Magic Card, a pre-paid MasterCard aimed at helping low-income people save money and participate in electronic commerce. And this doesn’t even mention his work on television and his motivational speaking income. And did I mention he’s a co-owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers? Bottom line? Earvin “Magic” Johnson was worth over $500-million dollars by 2015.

And what about LeBron James? He currently has a net worth of roughly $440-million and recently built a school that guarantees students free tuition, free uniforms, free breakfast, free lunch and snacks, free transportation within 2 miles of the school, a free bicycle and helmet, access to a food pantry for their family, and guaranteed tuition for all graduates to the University of Akron

See? It can be done. Just look at guys like Klay Thompson, Junior Bridgeman, Magic Johnson, LeBron James and many others.

Most major professional sports require their rookies to go to a seminar explaining all the perils that lie ahead, but clearly it’s not working. I’m not sure how you can convince a guy who has never had much money that millions can disappear so quickly, that he doesn’t really need that $200,000 pedigreed Belgian racing pigeon or that $1,000,000 Red Tibetan Mastiff to crap in his yard or maybe roll on a dead cat.

Hell, I don’t have any answers.

Maybe all checks should go directly to Klay Thompson’s parents. Then we could let them dole it out.

Check out Migaloo, man. Stunningly beautiful. Migaloo lives near Australia and was thought to be the only all white Humpback Whale in the world until amazing footage emerged of a 100% all white baby humpback calf. Seems Migaloo had been hitting the town, met a honey, and put the hump back in humpback whale. This new white whale is unofficially named Migaloo Jr. because all signs point to who the daddy is. Video of Migaloo Jr. can be seen below the photos of the original Migaloo. Anywho, Migaloo the Albino Humpback Whale.

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I have some questions for sure.

[if you like cool maps, type “map of the Day” into the search box]

You’re never too old to rock out. Two elderly German men proved this to be true when they snuck out of their nursing home to attend the Wacken Open Air music festival, which is considered the biggest heavy metal festival in the world. The men didn’t go unnoticed, however, as the nursing home called the police to report them missing. Police finally found the two headbangers 25-miles from their nursing home at the music festival at about 3 a.m. where Merle Neufeld, a police spokesperson, told the press they were “disoriented and dazed.” 

First of all, Merle Neufeld, the phrase is “dazed and confused.” Get it right, dumbass. Secondly, what the hell, man? These heavy metal bros weren’t in jail, they were in a damn nursing home. If they want to go rock out to Warpig or Rammstein I say let ’em rock, man. No need to get the po-po involved. Just be careful to not, you know, snap a fibula or slip a disc or something.

Metro News: A student went viral after posing for graduation photos with her ‘best friend’ – an enormous alligator. Makenzie Alexis Noland celebrated finishing Texas A&M by giving the 13-foot, 8-inch reptile an affectionate bump on the nose – and shared the moment on Facebook afterwards. The aspiring zookeeper visited her 1,000-pound pal, called Big Tex, last week after spending three months interning at Gator Rescue in Beaumont, Texas, where the creature lives. She said she quickly struck up a friendship with Big Tex, and that he now lets her tickle his nose, feed him – and even balance her class ring on his snout.

Listen, you all know I’m a big animal guy. Love me some animals, man. That said, I also know when to make friends with animals and when not to make friends with animals. You when not to make friends with an animal? When said creature is a 1,000-pound reptilian murder log with the greatest bite force ever directly measured for animals. One day Makenzie Alexis Noland is going to reach down to tickle ol’ Tex’s nose and find herself halfway down his gullet and snapped in half at the waist by razor-sharp gator chompers in a heartbeat. Tex is setting you up, young lady.

PS- This girl is an aspiring zookeeper. Doesn’t she know those beasts can run? Hell, they lift their belly up, straighten their legs and go to town, man. They can catch dogs for God’s sake.

PPS- As I look at these photos I must admit I admire Makenzie Alexis Noland in one respect though. Hell, one of my exes ran screaming from the room every time she saw a mosquito. 

 

We’ve all walked out of movies asking questions like, “Why in the hell did Mary open that damn basement door?” Movies can be confusing, man. I remember walking out of the critically acclaimed Momento wanting to pound a roofing nail into my ear with a ballpeen hammer. I hate those reverse chronology movies or movies where they jump around different time frames. It warps my delicate brain, dude. Anyway, my crack staff here at Shoe: Untied, after some extensive research, has come up with 23 of the most mind-boggling plot holes in movie history. Take a gander . . .

In Armageddon, wouldn’t it have been easier to train astronauts how to drill than train drillers to become astronauts? See? Gourd blown already. Told ya.

In Gremlins, the one thing everyone knows is that you should never, ever feed them after midnight. But isn’t it always after midnight? At what point in the day does it become before midnight? I’m getting a headache.

In Gravity, when Kowalski asks Stone to let go of him because the rope will not hold them both, that’s scientifically incorrect. It could never happen because they are both in the same orbit around the earth. A short, simple tug would have brought him right back to her. Der.

In The Shawshank Redemption, Andy escapes and his empty cell isn’t discovered until the next morning by the Warden, who yanks away the Raquel Welch poster on the wall to discover a hole. How was Andy able to reattach the poster from inside the tunnel?

Note: I may have figured this one out. If he left the top attached he could have simply let if fall back down into place. Maybe?

In Transformers, Sam has put a pair of glasses on eBay. By unfortunate coincidence, these are exactly the same glasses that the Decepticons are looking for because they contain the roadmap to where the All Spark is. However, we later learn that the Decepticons can hack into the United States military network with ease, so surely they could place a bid on eBay. Maybe they didn’t have a PayPal account?

In The Karate Kid the referee repeatedly outlines that there will be no kicks to the head allowed. This is all before Daniel wins the final fight. With a kick. To the freakin’ head. Illegal move. Johnny wins.

Come on, man.

In Edward Scissorhands, Edward carves giant sculptures. Where did the ice come from? The film is set in a warm climate. And how would he have carried them?

 

In Toy Story, if Buzz truly does not believe himself to be a toy and in fact a real space ranger, why would he freeze around humans like the other toys do?

In Taken, Liam Neeson’s daughter goes on holiday with a friend to France before getting abducted and being sold into the sex trade. Neeson then travels to Paris and kills about 50-people to get her back. But why isn’t the friend ever mentioned again? Does she not have any family that care about her? Sorry, Liam Neeson’s daughter’s friend.

In Planet of the Apes, the video history of the crashed Air Force ship makes it very clear that the planet is uninhabited when they landed. A race of apes develops because they had a bunch of them on board. The humans on the planet are descendants of the original crew. One question – where the hell did all the horses come from?

In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Hitler would have died if Indiana Jones wouldn’t have gotten involved. Think about it. Had the Nazis discovered the Ark it would have presumably been opened in Berlin and melted Hitler’s face off rather than some random Nazi soldier’s.

In Batman Begins water pipes burst, and sewer covers explode, all because of the Ra’s microwave emitter. But since the human body is composed of 75% water, shouldn’t everybody in the city have died when the device was triggered?

In The Hangover, Doug was on the roof for 2-days without anyone knowing. The fact is that in Vegas every square inch (with the exception of restrooms, guest rooms and employee locker rooms) in a casino is covered by surveillance cameras. There’s simply no way that Doug could have been on the roof for two days without someone seeing him and sending security to investigate.

In Ocean’s 11, where do the flyers come from that are in the bags that are carried out of the vault and into the van? Danny and Linus couldn’t have taken them down there and there is no room with the Chinese dude. They are carried out to the van before the SWAT team appears, which means they’d have to have been in the vault to start with. Huh?

In Back to the Future, things work out and Marty manages to ensure his mother ends up with his father and not him. So how come his parents, George and Lorraine, don’t remember Calvin Klein? The kid who brought them together and inspired George’s career as a sci-fi novelist, and who looks exactly like their son?

Also in Back to the Future, Biff had tried to sexually assault Lorraine in the past. However, in the future George hires him to work on his cars, forcing his wife to see him often. What the hell man?

In The Dark Knight Rises, Bruce Wayne is a world famous billionaire playboy bachelor. At the end we think he’s dead and gone but then Alfred sees him at a café in Paris. So what made him think that in today’s world where picture-sharing technology is rampant, he could disappear in plain sight without anyone recognizing him?

In Lord of the Rings, why didn’t Gandalf just ask his Eagle friends to fly Frodo to Mount Doom?

In Terminator 2: Judgement Day Arnold Schwarzenegger arrives on earth naked because “only living organisms can travel through the time machine or machines covered with living tissue.” But where does this leave the T-1000, who is made entirely from liquid metal and therefore has no tissue matter at all?

In Signs, at the end of the movie it’s revealed that the aliens are damaged by water, yet in the beginning of the movie they are running through a dew-covered cornfield at night. In addition, 71% of the Earth’s surface is water, the human body is up to 60% water and water regularly falls from the sky. This is the planet that an alien race capable of interstellar travel chose to invade?

In Independence Day, David has an idea on how to disarm the mothership. All he needs to do is boot up his Mac, write a wicked piece of code and infect the aliens’ computer network with it. But how is this virus going to be downloaded? How can a Mac be compatible with extra-terrestrial systems?

In The Martian, Watney claims that nothing sent on the mission will burn, which is why he has to destroy the crucifix which Martinez had in his personal items. Yet, Watney is often shown writing on paper in the Hab.

In ET one of the most iconic moments in the movie happens when ET and Elliott fly across the sky on a bicycle to evade capture. So at the beginning of the movie, with government agents in hot pursuit, why didn’t ET just fly away?

So, do you have explanations for these plot holes or has your gourd indeed been blown?

Let me know, man.

 

 

Listen, everyone knows I’m a bit of a fashion maven. After all, I’m the guy who gave the world acclaimed blogs like Time for the Latest Shoe: Untied Fashion Review, and The Thom Browne Fashion Show: A Shoe: Untied Review, both of which were critical and commercial successes in the fashion world. Hell, just type “fashion’ into the search box over there and you’ll find fashion blogs on Russell Westbrook, Kanye West, the NBA, the 70s, the Grammy Awards, the NRA, hell, even Michael Jordan. Bottom line you’re talking to an expert here. Anyway, this all brings us to something J-Lo sported at the MTV offices the other day, which are basically jeans in the form of boots. Yep, I’m talking belts and pockets and everything, the whole package. I don’t see zippers but you never know, they might be on there somewhere. Bottom line, this opens up a whole new arena in the boot game. Dress pants boots, cargo shorts boots, pajama pants boots, parachute pants boots, the list is endless really. Check ’em out because they’re sure to be all the rage on the streets of your town soon.

PS- Seriously, it looks as if her pants are falling off, right? Good Lord man. I guess it’s easier taking a dump when your pants are your boots?

PPS- Maybe we know what J-Lo stands for now?

PPPS- The Joots are a Donatella Versace creation. Brother Gianni would be so proud.

Lord Jesus, Hooper, keep your head on a swivel. This is the latest reminder that without guns and stuff we’re definitely not at the top of the food chain.

Holy SHARK! Unreal video from @a_whiteshark !!!

A post shared by Barstool Outdoors (@barstooloutdoors) on

On a related note . . .


There are so many things about this video to like I don’t know where to start. It’s too perfect. The guy’s wife pays a man to kill him for two grand, he thinks that price is way too low, he’s a used car salesman because of course he is, that hair, that beard, he’s sweating like hell, the video is just perfect. Seriously, this guy is not upset his wife tried to have him murdered, he’s upset she didn’t take it seriously enough. “You get what you pay for.” That’s comedy gold.

Otters are badass, man. They will team up and take your ass down, whether you’re a freakin’ monkey, crocodile, jaguar, otters don’t care, man. In our first video we have some monkeys who are harassing the otters at a zoo, until the otters had enough and went gangsta all up on one of the monkeys. Seriously, they drown that dude.

Next we have a Caiman who tangles with a family of otters. Big mistake.

Finally we have a family of otters giving zero damns about a jaguar in their midst. Get the hell outta here, jaguar.

I’ve posted ads from the past in the past, and they are sometimes usually always well received. If you like this blog and want to check the others out, click here:

These Old Timey Ads Are Well Intentioned, Hilariously Inappropriate

Old Timey Ads Part 2: When Sexism Was Rampant

Good stuff, and you shall laugh uproariously upon reading them. Anywho, that brings us to my latest installment, which brings us ads just as inappropriate and cringe-worthy as the others. Let us begin . . .

[click on the first photo and scroll for the captions]

 

Listen, I don’t want to sound all cold-hearted and whatnot, but there are several things in life I will not do, among them:

Ride a bus in India.

Go to the beach in Somalia.

Go hiking in Syria.

Get on a carnival ride in Pakistan.

Seriously, I’m always reading about these so-called innocent hikers who accidentally cross the border into Iraq or something and then end up whining to our government to save their ass. Listen, if you venture into a 3rd World country  you’re on your own, kids. And for God’s sake don’t get on a Pakistani carnival ride. Pretty sure OHSA isn’t on duty over there.

According to the American Temperament Test Society, 804 American Pit Bull Terriers were tested and 695 passed. This means that 86.4% of Pit Bulls tested by the ATTS had a good temperament. The Pit Bull’s pass rating was above 121 other breeds of dogs, including Golden Retrievers. Pit Bulls have an inclination towards being protective of their owners and property but not to the extent some may think. They are unequivocally not naturally aggressive.

Dude looks nothing like those ants in the Pixar movies.

Check it out, man. That toy gun would put your eye out in a millisecond. Think anybody complained? Hells to the nah. If I would’ve gotten blasted in the eyehole by that thing Dad would’ve yelled at me for not ducking sooner, then punched me in the shoulder so hard my ankles would’ve gone numb. Back in my day men were men and toys could literally kill you.

PS- How did I miss this thing as a kid? I would have struck terror in the hearts of my sisters, man.

A rampaging herd of mysterious goats has appeared out of nowhere to run roughshod over a Boise, Idaho neighborhood, eating everything in sight like a mass adorable swarm of locusts. Nobody knows from whence they came, but they apparently made a break for it from somewhere and are on the lam. Eventually the kids were hauled off in a truck from We Rent Goats because apparently people rent goats in Idaho. Goatapalooza, man.

Wait for it. It’s worth it.

Narrowed down from about 50. Did you own any of these? Chances are you did not.  Anywho, feel free to bask in other people’s catastrophic failures . . .

[run your mouse over the photo to read the witty captions]

Seriously, what’s the deal here, man? Does he watch to see what his girlfriend is wearing and dress accordingly? Or is this a coordinated plan? I’m so confused. I mean, who does this? Brad Pitt I guess?

PS- One commenter said that theater people tend to morph and absorb their prey. Seems feasible.

Touché.