Yeah, you read that right. Here’s the lowdown . . .

Many of you have heard of Adam Vinatieri, the great NFL kicker who won the Super Bowl for New England back in 2002. Vinatieri has gone on to a Hall of Fame career with not only New England but also the Indianapolis Colts. Anyway, were it not for a fateful decision by General George Custer, Adam would not only have missed making the NFL, he wouldn’t even exist.

You see, Felix Vinatieri was Adam’s great-great grandfather. He was a musician and composer and served as George Armstrong Custer’s bandmaster during the Civil War general’s Indian campaign. Custer loved music and he believed the band boosted his troops’ morale and that they were good entertainment on long trips.

In the spring of 1876, when Custer led the Seventh Cavalry out of Fort Abraham Lincoln into North Dakota and its eventual destruction at the hands of Crazy Horse and his Sioux warriors, Custer decided that his band would stay behind.

Nobody is sure why he made this decision, but one thing is certain – had Felix Vinatieri not remained at Fort Lincoln, there probably wouldn’t be any Vinatieris, no Adam, and perhaps no Patriots 2002 Super Bowl victory.

And that’s how General George Armstrong Custer helped the New England Patriots win a Super Bowl.

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Image  —  Posted: February 22, 2018 in Animals, Great Photographs, Interesting Photos, Nature, Things I Love
Tags:

Kobe Bryant missed more shots than any player in NBA history.

 

Stunning. Click on the pic for a close-up.

Holy cow.

Yep. Close.

[click to enlarge]

If you are 6′-2″ you are taller than 94% of the people in the world.

Nope.

Rueters: No one loves the Home of Unlimited Soup, Salad, and Breadsticks as much as one Arkansas couple who has decided to name their daughter after Olive Garden. When Justin and Jordan Garton found out that they would be having their first child in December 2017, they knew they wanted to give her a name with “Italian origins,” ABC News reports. After considering and then rejecting the name Olive Garton, they landed on the much more subtle Olivia Garton. Soon after marrying in 2015, the Gartons bought Olive Garden’s famous “never-ending pasta pass” for $100, allowing them to eat unlimited amounts of pasta and guzzle countless soft drinks at their local restaurant for a set period of time. For six to seven weeks, the couple ate there every single day. Because of Justin’s Italian roots and their love of the eatery, when the couple found out they were expecting, they knew they wanted to give their first child an Italian name. For a while, they considered naming her Olive but ultimately decided it would be too much — they feared kids would bully their daughter named after the Italian eatery. When they landed on Olivia, though, they both knew “immediately” that it was the one. In their minds, that’s a less mockable pun. The couple also landed on a middle name, Michelle. Her initials will be OMG.

Hey Justin and Jordan Garton, let me give you some advice. If you don’t want your kid bullied, don’t name her after an Italian restaurant chain. And what will you name your next kid? Redd Lawbster? Crakker Barrell? Buffelow Wildwing? PF Chang? Wait. That last one might actually work.

And OMG for her initials? Nah, that will never get here picked on.

On a related note, I shall now give my Top 5 restaurants you could name your kid after and it would be cool:

  1. Bonefish
  2. Carrabba
  3. Longhorn (boys only)
  4. O’ Charley
  5. Benihana

Thank you and goodnight.

[click on photos to see alien stuff]

USA Today – A number of prehistoric drawings have sparked a local government to seek the help of NASA after the images appeared to depict extraterrestrial life. Discovered in Charama, India, the images appear to show aliens and UFOs, similar to scenes of a sci-fi movie. According to local archaeologist JR Bhagat it is unclear as to what the images reveal. He said: “The findings suggest that humans in prehistoric times may have seen or imagined beings from other planets which still create curiosity among people and researchers. “In a few pictures, they beings even shown wearing space suits.”

The archaeologists have contacted NASA to help solve the mystery.

Well, well. Where are all those weather balloon excuses now? Seriously, I’m listening because I need an answer. Why, you ask? Because cave men were drawing pictures of aliens and spaceships 10,000 FREAKING YEARS AGO. Honestly, man, try and convince me that these drawings were a hoax perpetrated by cavemen:

Hey Gernk, let’s draw some pictures of made-up outer space people on the wall over here. It’ll drive people in 2018 insane.

No way man. They were here, are still here, and are living in the bodies of people like Oprah or your Uncle Hank as we speak. Hell, I wrote about this awhile back. Anywho, if this ain’t proof I don’t know what is.

Not the actual lion but a man can dream, right?

Daily Mail: A big cat poacher has been killed and eaten by the pride of lion he was hunting at a private game reserve in South Africa. The hunter was heard screaming for help as he was attacked at the Ingwelala Private Nature Reserve in Hoedspruit outside Phalaborwa. But the lions quickly killed their victim and devoured most of his body before being chased off, leaving his head untouched. A hunting rifle was found close to what was left of the blood drenched body. 

Man, what a great way to start the day, huh? It’s like Christmas morning up in here. Nothing is better than an animal turning the tables on bad humans. Nothing. Hey, Mr. Poacher, how do like me now? Oh, that’s right, you can’t like anything because all that’s left of you is your head! Hahahahaha! Karma baby!

PS- You know those lions left that head on purpose. Talk about sending a message to the poaching community. Boom. Bring it on, poachers.

 

So Tom Brady sent this gem out yesterday, just to remind us that he’s Tom Brady and we’re not, that he’s married to a super model, and they’re about to get cozy on some island in the Caribbean. Just cocky as all hell. But hey, Tommy? You can’t deflect attention from the fact you lost that Super Bowl, big guy. Plus your shoes and shorts combo sucks.

The best state for single people is California, and the worst is Arkansas.

So these dudes showed up at the Winter Olympics opening ceremonies and caused a little ruckus before they were hustled off by authorities. They actually look pretty authentic to me, other than the fact that the fake Trump has better hair than the real Trump. Nice job boys. Nice job indeed.

Listen, I’m the last guy who should be poking fun at somebody’s head lettuce. But man, politics aside, WHAT THE HELL US HAPPENING WITH TRUMP’S HAIR? I mean, seriously? Is he bald save for a small patch that he just grows out to comb over everything else? I honestly can’t figure it out. It’s a mystery inside a paradox under a puzzle. Trump, man. He’s never boring.

Somebody’s going to get shot pulling this stuff one day.

I’m heading to see the two Johns again this Thursday for the umpteenth time but for the first time in awhile, so this is a timely blog. Well, at least for me. It may not be timely at all for you. Anywho, I have loved They Might Be Giants and their quirky tunes since 1985, and every show is a joy, a delight and an outright lovefest. Without further ado, my favorite songs of They Might Be Giants:

Everything Right is Wrong Again

As only the boys could do, they incorporated a 1950’s Lucille Ball movie into the lyrics. “The long, long trailer” is a reference to the 1954 movie The Long, Long Trailer. Taking a honeymoon road trip, a trailer creates plenty of hijinks and slapstick problems for Lucy and Ricki, including one scene where the motor trailer, Lucy inside, becomes unhinged from the car, their dishes falling from the shelves, and the car continues away, hence these lines:
Just like in the long, long trailer,
All the dishes got broken and the car kept driving
And nobody would stop to save her .”

Admit it, TMBG fans. You did not know that.

I Palindrome I

Ah, what an amazing tune. It’s about, well, palindromes, which are words or sentences that can be read the same forwards or backwards. LOVE this song and its great opening line . . .

“Someday mother will die and I’ll get the money . . .”

Note – My 5 favorite palindromes:

A man, a plan, a canal – Panama.

Sit on a potato pan, Otis.

Eva, can I stab bats in a cave?

Mr. Owl ate my metal worm.

Dammit, I’m mad.

Classics.

Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head

An amazing song about so many subjects, including OCD. However, I love the homage to the line from ‘Guitar Man’ by Elvis that they snuck into the song – “Well, I quit my job down at the car wash, left my mama a goodbye note.

Enjoy.

Don’t Let Start

Includes these immortal lyrics:

“No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful,

Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful,

They want what they’re not and I wish they would stop, 

Saying Deputy Dawg dog a ding dang depadepa,

Deputy Dawg dog a ding dang depadepa

D, world destruction,

O-ver an overture

N, do I need

Apostrophe T, need this torture?”

Only TMBG, kids. Only TMBG.

Mammal 

Animal song about, well, the beauty of mammals. So TMBGish.

Standing in between extinction in the cold
And explosive radiating growth
So the warm blood flows
Through the large four-chambered heart
Maintaining the very high metabolism rate they have.

Mammal, mammal
Their names are called
They raise a paw
The bat, the cat
Dolphin and dog
Koala bear and hog . . .

Dinner Bell 

About Pavlov’s dog, among other things.

Birdhouse In Your Soul

The absolute classic, and the song that put the boys on the map. Enjoy, kids.

Istanbul (Not Constantinople) 

This is actually a cover of a song written in the 1950s, and it’s basically a little history lesson. Catchy as hell.

Particle Man 

A science teacher’s favorite, and there are many interpretations to this song, way too many to mention here. Lend it an ear and tell me what you think.

Twisting

Such a rocker live. It’s about a couple that constantly breaks-up and makes- up. We all know the type.

They Might Be Giants

A quirky little song about who-the-hell-knows. You tell me. I think it’s about the band, how they got their name from the movie, and how Don Quixote thought that windmills were giants. Then again, perhaps I’m quite insane.

Meet James Ensor

Love this song about the obscure Belgium painter. Good stuff.

Kiss Me, Son of God

Although this song was written 30-years ago, it could have been written about Donald Trump. Eerie really. Listen . . .

Man, It’s So Loud in Here

A newer song about, according to John, “The dawning awareness of old age.” 

Bastard Wants to Hit Me

Great tune about a weird encounter with a crazy dude. So typically weird it hurts. TMBG through and through.

[BONUS SONGS]

Your Racist Friend

“This is where the party ends, I just sit here wondering how you can stand by your racist friend.”

Timely.

Dr. Worm

Just a simple song about a common subject –  a drum-playing worm who’s also a doctor. Enjoy.

 

Check out the Ladybug Mimic Spider, man. Just mimicking a Ladybug like you read about. See, Ladybugs taste nasty because they contain toxic stuff so birds avoid them, hence the benefits of looking like a Ladybug. That’s diabolical, man. On a related note, nature, damn you straight to hell. Anywho, Ladybug Mimic Spider.

Super Bowl 48-hours away? Going after my 6th ring? No biggie. I’ll just go to a Timberwolves game with my girlfriend and her leather pants. Maybe take in a movie later. Belichick, man. You know Philly’s Coach Pederson saw this and immediately ran and watched more film because Bill seems way too relaxed right now. Almost like he knows something.

Listen, everyone knows I think that we as a society go w-a-y overboard on all the politically correct crap that seems to have taken over our lives. Everyone needs to lighten up and chill, as the kids say. That said, man, were we sexist, chauvinist idiots back in the day. What you’ll find below are some amazingly in-your-face sexist ads that would never, ever see the light of today now, and for good reason. Check ’em out:

Because everyone knows the perfect wife keeps a clean house while staying skinny. Ugh.

I can’t believe this stuff actually existed. Thank God nowadays both women AND men can cry to get what they want.

Wait. What? Women used Lysol for feminine hygiene? I am beyond confused right now.

So this ad is saying, “Ladies, don’t use Midol because it makes you feel better. Use it so your man will enjoy being around you.” Sigh.

This is basically an ad promoting rape, is it not? What the hell, man?

Honest to God, I’m getting pissed right now. I can’t believe my mother didn’t read something like this and immediately punch someone in the throat.

This car was advertised as being simple enough for even a lowly woman to drive. Somewhere, Danica Patrick’s head just exploded.

I love how they always had the woman in a dress in these ridiculous ads. And the “we all know a woman’s place is in the kitchen” line is so 50’s it hurts.

Because we all know that every woman’s dream is to have a new kitchen appliance.

Honestly, I can’t argue with the main point of this ad, and that is that the beer is O.K.

What the hell is that dude doing with a shirt and tie on in bed?

Because nothing sells coffee like domestic abuse.

No. No she will not.

“Respond to non-verbal cues, like the snapping of fingers.” No words, man. No words.

The NFL probably doesn’t like this very much. Just a guess.

Sweet Jesus look at that Tree Stump Spider, man. Dude is definitely the spawn of Satan or something. Just horrific like you read about. And not to terrify you more or anything, but this bad boy can jump remarkable distances. Chilling. They also “move in a jerky gait” which somehow makes them even more scary. Anywho, Tree Stump Spider.

The skeleton isn’t inside you, you’re the brain so you’re inside the skeleton.

Nothing to see here, just a Giant Trevally fish eating a freaking bird like some sort of demon sea monster from the depths of hell. I mean, watch that video. Good God. It usually eats other fish but occasionally goes for other goodies like a seagull or other flying prey. Anywho, Giant Trevally.

A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows who you are.

Remember these when you get upset about stubbing your toe today.

Yep. That’s snow.

A porcupine fell from a tree onto this dude’s head. Bad day indeed.

Note to self. Roll up car window when snowstorm is expected.

Croc needed to make a call.

Retreat. RETREAT!

Dumb. That is all.

Actual photo taken just before Ann Coulter was dropped on her head.

Uh-oh. Now what do we do?