Posts Tagged ‘Terrible Album Covers’

Every couple of years I take an evening to peruse my music collection, basically to just look at and read old album covers. All of you youngbloods out there have no idea what a joy it was to take the plastic wrap off of an old record album, especially if it was one that you could open like a book. The information contained within was so interesting, from the liner notes to the dedications to the guest artists, I could go on and on. Anyway, while many album covers were absolute works of art, you can’t escape the fact that some were absolute abominations. That said, I’ve come up with a list of some of the weirdest album covers of all-time. I’ll simply post the album cover, then follow-up with some biting commentary and razor-sharp barbs, courtesy of my rapier-like wit. Incidentally, that last sentence is what seperates this site from all others. You’re welcome.

Without further ado, here are the worst freaking album covers I found, and they are truly destined to haunt your dreams:


HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! Is that a man or a woman? Backing . . . away . . . slowly.


Wow. Svetlana Gruebbersolvik just straight-up layin’ it out there. Gotta respect that.


Two thoughts. #1. I agree that D is indeed furious. #2. That’s a lotta blue.


Damn it, I knew I shouldn’t have given up those piano lessons when I was 9-years old. And note to Eddie Mack: Why the hell are you looking at me?


Tiny construction workers grilling giant hotdogs on the moon? OK.


Holy shit, the guy pretending to be Elvis stole his outfit from Furious D! Furious will be . . . really mad. Note: Now that I look at it, that’s the exact same suit and body and Furious D’s head was photoshopped on up top. Something is amiss here.


This is the former lead singer of Dexys Midnight Runners, who sang the hit song “Come On Eileen”.  He’s suffered from several addictions and depression over the years, which judging from this photo should come as a shock to nobody. I think the choker necklace sort of rounds out this ensemble. Well done sir.


I have just one question for Millie Jackson. WHY? Great that she could get Oprah to “sit in” for the shoot, though.


I love the Bloodhound Gang, I really do. They’re quirky and irreverent and funny. But a naked fat guy in a box I do not understand.


With a name like MC Pooh, I’m thinking this picture might not mean what you think it means. Ew.


Quick. Somebody call Chris Hansen!*

*The guy on To Catch a Predator.**

**Man, when you have to explain a joke it really ruins it.


Three thoughts. #1. That dude is rarin’ to plug that thing in. #2. “Boned” is an unfortunate name for a male band. #3. Somebody’s in for some very painful sex.


If this is getting to second base I’d hate to see what getting to third’s like.


I am SO sorry you had to see this. And I have no doubt that cream is sour. As for the other delights, the mind reels.


Careful Quim. Something could get pinched there.


Freddie Gage is a christian artist. I looked it up. I’ve no idea if that explains this cover, but it seemed relevant somehow. On an unrelated note, those shoes are straight fire.


I’m not touching this one, and I mean that in every possible way imaginable. But seriously, a “taste”? They had to know what they were doing.


Jesus actually responded with a Press Release stating, “No thank thee.”

So there ya go. Eighteen of the most god-awful, creepy, and baffling album covers I could find. Some are undoubtedly burned into your skull forever, and for that I’m sorry but not really.

Sweet dreams.