Posts Tagged ‘Sports announcers are dumb.’

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Yeah, I know. I’ve been killing it with the headlines recently. You’re welcome. Anyway . . .

Sports announcers and analysts are, in general, dumb. I think most intelligent folks can agree on this. A lot of them never played, so they get all caught up in the emotion of the moment and they imprint the way they think they would feel onto what they think the athletes are feeling. What results is stupidity.

Let me explain.

For instance, athletes don’t care about what happened 3-years ago or 5-years ago. When analysts say, “Oh boy, the Spartans are eager to get revenge for that ’09 loss to the Bruins” they’re just being ignorant.

The single dumbest statistic repeated the day of a game? The “all-time” record of one team versus another, as in, “Bob, the Chargers are 7-2 all-time against the Texans in December.” Can somebody please explain what a December game in 2006 between the Chargers and Texans has to do with a December game between them in 2015?

The truth is, the players just play. They aren’t thinking about what some schmuck on the other team said about them, they aren’t thinking about redemption, they aren’t seeking revenge. If they are, they’re probably going to lose. Bottom line? All that emotional stuff lasts until you start playing. Then you have to play. You have to be prepared. You have to execute. Being “inspired” won’t help you once the game starts. As the honorable Michael Tyson once said, “Yeah, everybody has a plan until they get hit.”

And he was right.

Sports announcers are idiots.

As further evidence, let’s discuss how announcers often say one thing but mean another. Here are a few examples:

What they say:

“Wow, that quarterback is sneaky fast.”

What they mean:

“Wow, that quarterback is fast for a white guy.”

What they say:

“Vern, Southwest Missouri State is really athletic.”

What they mean:

Vern, Southwest Missouri State sure has a lot of black guys on their roster.”

What they say:

“Max, nice job out there. Talk about that last touchdown drive.”

What they mean:

“Max, I’m too tired and/or stupid to come up with an intelligent question. If you don’t mind, just ramble on for awhile.”

What they say:

Al, look at Bobby Slorkendorp. He’s just having fun out there!”

What they mean:  

“Bobby Slorkendorp’s team is ahead and now he’s making an ass of himself.”

When an announcer begins talking about a player being a “gym rat” or having a “working class background” they’re inevitably talking about a white guy. Makes no sense. I’m pretty sure Kobe Bryant was a gym rat if there ever was one.

And think about fighting in sports. In baseball the announcers love it. Same with hockey. The passion! These teams “plain don’t like each other!” When it happens in basketball and football, however, the players are thugs. What the hell?

And some of the new words and phrases they use are ridiculous. These guys must sit around and make this stuff up, right? You know, to sound different? Try and make themselves unique? I’m talking about phrases that weren’t used 20-years ago but are used now. Here are the latest to annoy me:

“Bob, Mike Trout did a great job of plating the runner.”

Huh? Plating the runner? You mean he knocked him in? Plating the runner. Good God.

In basketball I’ve been hearing a lot about “Pack Line Defense” as if it’s some amazing new defense invented recently. Here’s an example:

“Norm, the Virginia Pack Line Defense is really giving UCONN fits.” 

For the uninformed, Pack Line Defense is just a fancy new name for a defense that’s been played for years. It’s basically a man-to-man defense that sags back a little more to prevent penetration, and the guys on help side are more aware of helping out if their teammate gets beat. Good coaches have been making similar adjustments like this within their man defense for years. It ain’t rocket science, kids.

And while we’re at it, here’s an old one I’ve been hearing lately that’s never made sense to me:

“John, those Kentucky freshmen have been playing all year. They’re not freshmen anymore.”

Uh, yes they are. Trust me, they’re still freshmen. Maybe a little more experienced freshmen, but freshmen they still are.

Oh, and teams aren’t tall anymore, they have “length“. Fast Breaks are now “runouts” and post players are called “bigs.” Not sure why guards aren’t called “smalls” but whatever.

Please, somebody make it stop.

Listen, I know these guys aren’t Rhodes Scholars or anything, but I do expect more, for God’s sake. Hell, sometimes I even mute the TV and put on some music because they’re so bad.

Clean it up, sports announcers. Yer better’n at.

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MjAxMy0wZDNlZDAwNTNkYTkzMjE5I’ve heard the following under several different circumstances over the past few weeks, usually regarding the Jets and their quarterback situation:

“Well, if the Jets are playing for the future they’ll stick with Geno Smith. If they want to win now they’ll start Michael Vick.” – Random former player/sports announcer/talking head/asshat analyst

After much thought and retrospection, I have the following question for the morons who utter this statement:

WHO THE HELL DOESN’T WANT TO WIN NOW?

I’ll answer that for you. Nobody. Everyone wants to win now.

Humor me and try this little experiment, just for kicks. Walk up to any player, coach, fan or random 5-year old and ask them the following – Hey, do you want to win now? Or would you rather wait a couple of years?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Good grief.