Archive for the ‘Funny Photos’ Category

I took a screenshot of this a couple weeks ago and forgot to post it. That fellow in the photo is Dejounte Murray of the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs. Anyway, that’s a really bad tattoo. Is it a maskless Ninja Turtle? A pissed off alien? Sam Cassell? The mind reels, man. Hell, it looks like a 3rd grader drew that abomination. Bottom line, I demand an explanation. Yikes.

Ever see something that makes you laugh and you don’t really know why? I swear I took one look at this photo and laughed out loud. There’s something about it that just cracks me up. The Pope is sort of turned away, looking miserable or maybe a little perplexed, and The Donald just grinning like a kid who just told on his little brother or conned the American people or something. It’s wild, man. Anywho, maybe it’s just me but I thought I’d share.

PS- Looks like the making of a great reality show, amirite? Watch The Pope & The Donald, just a wacky show about a couple bros and their crazy shenanigans. Wednesdays at 9:00 pm on A&E.

Yep. Dumber.

Helping a buddy.

So I posted that photo of Pharrell William’s wife and the weird-ass outfit she wore to the Met Gala this past weekend, and it turns out that was just the beginning. Here’s my girl Katy Perry, who showed up in something people might wear on Uranus. What the hell is on her head, gadgets to help her contact aliens or something? Honestly, these designers are just messing with us now, right? Just throwing crap together to see if these celebs will wear it. Crazy Town, man.

A-a-a-a-n-d . . . she wore this. Sweet Mother of God that’s awful. I mean, here’s Pharrell wearing ripped jeans and a leather jacket, something you’d see folks wearing into your local bar, and his wife is sporting something that looks like one of those squirrel wingsuits people wear to fly off of mountains and whatnot. Modern fashion is weird, man.

Yes, they call them that. Seriously. Promposals. I have no idea when they started but they’re a fairly recent phenomenon, kids asking each other to the prom in various outlandish ways. It just has to be an elaborate spectacle, because doesn’t everything these days? They do it for homecoming too, or as they call it, “HoCo.” Anywho, here are a few examples, along with my grades:

Grade: F. Yes, that’s a tattoo. And yes honey, your moron boyfriend in fact DID take it too far. Good God.

Grade: D+. The only one saving this one is the donuts. Donuts is good.

Grade: D-. Is that a cheese pizza? Just a poor effort all-around.

Grade: D-. Seriously? Votive candles in the driveway? Too easy.

Grade: D-. What is this obsession with food?

Grade: C-. Wait. Are the shoes a gift? I’m confused.

Grade: F–. I’m sure the girl’s parents were thrilled with this stunt. Dude has creepy perv written all over him.

Honestly, I suppose it’s a relatively harmless thing really, provides some fun for the kids and whatnot. Still, why does everything have to be such a production these days? Is it because there’s pressure to top your friends on social media? All flash and glitz, but where’s the substance, man? Sure, you can set off fireworks or have a write your prom invitation in the sky with one of those skywriters, but what happens after all the excitement? At some point you’re going to have to, you know, hold a conversation or something.

Let’s go back to my high school days. My girlfriend Tonya and I are sitting at the Fiesta Drive-In, watching Shriek of the Mutilated (actual movie- look it up) or something. We’re enjoying a tasty pizza and a couple Stroh’s Yoo-hoos when the following conversation ensues:

“Hey, the prom is next Saturday. Wanna go?”

“Sure. Hey, can you run to the concession stand and get me some Hot Tamales?”

Sorta like that.

What can I say? ‘Twas a simpler time.

First, the tattoo:

OK, first I thought that was a conch shell, but after reading his comment I realized Anthony Brown had a damn potato chip tattooed on his shoulder. Listen, I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure the century old expression “chip on his shoulder” wasn’t referring to a tasty snack treat.

PS- I actually looked up the expression and although it’s too boring to get into, it does not refer to a potato chip. Oh, and the 189 refers to the # at which he was picked in the draft.

PPS- Is that a Pringle or a Ruffle? Maybe a Lay’s Wavy? I’m so confused.

Yep. hat’s a happy dog, man.

Whoa!

[click to enlarge the hilarity]

Classy on the left, dumbassy on the right. Seriously, any woman that would allow this must be madly in love, man. Either that or the toolbag is controlling the relationship. The backward hats just top off the dopey ensemble, don’t they? On a related jerk note, that third guy from the right seems to be texting. How fitting. Have mercy.

Regular readers know just how much myself and my crack staff here at Shoe: Untied hate bad parking, especially asshats who think they have special privileges because they drive an expensive car. And parking in handicapped spots is a particularly unforgivable sin. You can find proof of our mean-spiritedness at our Asshat Parkers of the Day site. Our basic philosophy is this – if your asshattery is so strong that you need to perform the asshatish act of taking up two spots, go to the far corner of the damn lot. It’s not a complex concept, asshat. Anyhoo, what follows is my Top 10 Acts of Asshat Parking Revenge. Kudos to these fine Americans who are fighting this righteous, noble fight. Let us begin . . .

This first one is a rather harmless, though annoying act of revenge. I suppose it could be quickly rectified with a pocket knife, but it is irritating and point proving nonetheless. Other acts of revenge can much more malicious, as you shall soon see.

Next we have an asshat who made the mistake of parking in someone’s business lot illegally. Rather than calling a tow truck, this awe-inspiring do-gooder pulled out his handy-dandy forklift. Well done, sir.

What we see below is an asshat who made the egregious error of parking his precious vehicle on one of those grass islands rather than the actual lot so it wouldn’t get dinged. Seems he had a reputation for this asshattishly boorish behavior. Hence the bros lifting some concrete parking dividers to hem the asshat in. Kudo, bros. Kudos.

In the photo below we have an asshat who, although the spot was clearly marked “No Parking,” thought he could squeeze in because he had one of those obnoxious little smart cars. As you can see by the photo below, smart car, dumb owner. Note: I would have probably just picked it up and put it in a tree or something.

Here we have the act of some heroic mall workers, exacting sweet revenge on an asshat who left his car there after business hours, a rule clearly posted for all to see. Except asshats of course. Interlocking shopping carts – genius!

Hey asshat! You parked in a clearly marked spot for motorcycles! Good job, motorcycle dude. Note: I know 2-people could easily move the motorcycle, but still a nice effort.

Oh, how I love this next one. Now this asshat can never say he didn’t see the line. PS- That’s probably tape but oh how I wish it were paint. Wait. It’s clearly tape. Disregard.

Word of warning to all asshats: Never block a fire hydrant when the firefighters care about to roll in. And I love the fact that although the firemen had plenty of hose [insert joke here], they busted the windows out anyway. Firemen, man.

One of my all-time favorites. When an Asshat Vette owner rolled into a prime spot in front of a Red Robin near Boston, heroic Asshat Patrol member Kyle DeMattia took action. He even took video of his courageous act, which you may view below the photo. You are a legend, Kyle DeMattia. A legend I say.

Lastly we have proof that righteous, virtuous and honorable people still exist in this world, in this particular case Maringa, Brazil. This photo shows the breathtaking and honorable public shaming of an asshat who illegally parked in a handicapped spot. Hundreds of people lined up on both sides of the street to jeer and laugh at this asshat who returned to his car and found it covered with thousands of blue stickers and white wheelchair signs. Glorious, I tell you. Glorious. Felicitações, Brasil!

So be forewarned, asshats. The world is watching, and you shall be held accountable for your asshatish actions. Our movement is growing by leaps and bounds, and we are everywhere. Your solution? Park like a human being and not an asshat.

So Reality Game Show Host turned President of the Most Powerful Country in the World Donald Trump got to pretend to drive in a big truck yesterday, and the photos are spectacular. Here they be, with my comments of course.

Oh, how I pray he’s making truck engine noises in this one. That would be super. Oh, and it looks like he just missed the exit to Arby’s. Wait. Would 2 Fat, 2 Furious be too mean-spirited?

In this photo, President Trump makes a loud fart noise to the delight of the assembled reporters. On a related note, he looks like the ride’s over but his mom gave him another token.

Oh, and it should not surprise you to learn that he honked the horn, because of course he did.

Ah, but who the hell am I to judge? I just hope to someday find someone who loves me as much as Trump loves sitting in the truck.

PS- Before you send me photos of Obama or Clinton sitting in a truck I know we can all find funny photos of any president, so stop it.

PPS- I tried my damndest to get a “rigged” joke in there but came up empty. Sorry fans.

So the story goes this guy bought a bunch of used chairs online, and when he went to pick them up this is what he found. Buyer beware I guess? On a related note, always read the item description.

Here’s noted douche-tool Carmelo Anthony last night, fur-laden because he’s apparently doing some post-game trapping in the Yukon and not hopping into his limo before it even exits the bowels of Madison Square Garden. Nice look, Grizzly Adams.

clown

Not gonna lie. When I opened that photo I shrieked a little. That’s nightmare fuel, man. Apparently back in the 90’s that kid insisted on dressing as a clown  and the parents agreed, probably because they were afraid he’d butcher them all as they slept. I mean, what sort of power must you have over your parents for them to let you dress like that in a family photo? Look at him, just sitting there all smug in his clownness, leaning back and staring a hole into the camera. Chills, man. And what are the odds that little bozo has killed somebody by now? I’m thinking 99%. That clown has serial killer written all over him.

PS- Warning: Do NOT zoom in on that little clown’s face. You’ll be scarred for life. Clowns, man. 

Aww . . .

little-kids-big-dogs-friendship-photography-andy-seliverstoff-18 little-kids-big-dogs-friendship-photography-andy-seliverstoff-16 little-kids-big-dogs-friendship-photography-andy-seliverstoff-13-5866182d83a5b__880 little-kids-big-dogs-friendship-photography-andy-seliverstoff-4-5866181ecf09d__880 little-kids-big-dogs-friendship-photography-andy-seliverstoff-6-5866182244c44__880 little-kids-big-dogs-friendship-photography-andy-seliverstoff-7-586618239fd3d__880 little-kids-big-dogs-friendship-photography-andy-seliverstoff-11-5866182aaa1ae__880 little-kids-big-dogs-friendship-photography-andy-seliverstoff-5-586618202f1d5__880 little-kids-big-dogs-friendship-photography-andy-seliverstoff-3-5866181d2258c__880 little-kids-big-dogs-friendship-photography-andy-seliverstoff-14-5866183005a9a__880

Honestly, Santa is terrifying, amirite?

christmas3

christmas2

christmasphoto

Well, hell.

funny-christmas-posts-130-58593d36c3149__700

Sure.

andre-the-giant-holding-roasted-turkey

Love it.

funny-dog-snapchats-48-581af1e2cb3b0__700

Damn straight.

funny-protest-sign-582ec35f8a8db__605

Guaranteed to bring a smile.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Hey, anybody in there?

funny-dog-snapchats-3-581ae56acbd02__700

Ooh boy. He went there.

indians-tattoo