Archive for December, 2015

A man was sitting in a diner and overheard his waitress talking about how badly she missed her son, that he lived in another state and she couldn’t afford to go see him. What happened next is amazing.

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This couple has been married 68-years. When both had to be hospitalized, the hospital broke the rules and let them room together.

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This kid couldn’t wait to show the garbagemen his new garbage truck. However, when in the presence of his heroes, he became overwhelmed.

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During a couple’s wedding, the bride’s father stopped the ceremony and invited her stepfather to walk down the aisle with them. The resulting photo is below. Very touching.

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I could watch this all day. Perfect on so many levels.

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Whaddup?

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2015

Just thought you might want to know some important stuff that happened over the last 12-months. You know, because I’m here for ya. Educate yourself, people.

Astronomers discovered a Supermassive Black Hole that’s 12-billion times larger than the sun. That’s big.

China finally reversed its one child per family policy. 

The United States legalized nationwide gay marriage.

Water was discovered on Mars. Where there’s water there’s . . .

2015 was the most accident-free year in air travel since 1942. Pretty amazing really.

2015 was the first year mobile traffic exceeded desktop traffic. Not shocked.

Mark Zuckerberg gave away 99% of his shares of Facebook, or about $45-billion. Newsflash: Still rich.

A battery was invented that can recharge in a few seconds. That’s gonna be huge.

You’re very welcome. You have my permission to print and save.

 

Boban Marjanovic plays for the San Antonio Spurs. He is 7′-3″ tall. Here’s a photo of him and his wife at their wedding. Not sure how tall his wife is, but I’m guessing it’s not 7′-3″. Anyway, I just thought the photo was interesting. Love sure is grand, ain’t it?

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Da hell?

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Russia. Wow.

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Human! RUN!

PS: Nobody writes headlines better than me, amirite?

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Not a good sign.

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Yikes.

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The world’s oldest tree, a 9,500-year-old Norwegian Spruce named “Old Tjikko,” continues to grow in Sweden. Discovered in 2004 by Kullman, professor of Physical Geography at Umeå University, the age of the tree was determined using carbon-14 dating. During the ice age sea level was 120 meters lower than today and much of what is now the North Sea in the waters between England and Norway was forest.

Wow, 9,500 years old. That’s 7,484 BC, back when humans were just starting to domesticate dogs and whatnot. Seriously though, how do they know this is the oldest tree? They don’t. It reminds me of other things, like calling Usain Bolt “The World’s Fastest Human.” How do we know there’s not some guy in South Dakota or Zimbabwe who’s faster? We don’t. Cool tree though. Doesn’t look a day over 9,000 to me.

 

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The Sea Sapphire is a cute little creature that has an amazing ability – it can make itself invisible. W-h-u-u-u-u-t? Seriously, check out the video below the photo. Nature, man. Just doin’ things up big per usual. Sea Sapphires have been seen from off the coast of Africa to off the coast of Rhode Island. Anywho, Sea Sapphire.

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Good Lord. That’s embarrassing.

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Stunning.

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Lecanto, Florida: The Citrus County Sheriff’s Office arrested a woman in a Pigglywigglylocal Piggly Wiggly on shoplifting and drug paraphernalia charges. She was apprehended amidst a drug fueled joyride out of hell.

The woman’s been identified as Josseleen Elida Lopez, 25. Lopez was held after scarfing down $32.36 worth of chicken and wine. She told the authorities she’s homeless.

Deputies disclosed to the press that they found two empty syringes after arresting Lopez, which she claims she used to inject crystal meth.

Boy, tough break for Josseleen Elida Lopez, huh? What’s the world coming to when you can’t cruise your local Piggly Wiggly while eating a tub of chicken and jugging a bottle of Yellowtail? What the hell, man? And who says Josseleen wasn’t going to pay up anyway? Outrageous!

PS – I once ate an entire box of Cheez-Its while grocery shopping and proudly paid for the empty box when I checked out. That’s how I roll.

PSS – You can get arrested for carrying syringes? Maybe she was a diabetic.

PSSS – If you don’t think I’m going to use the phrase “drug fueled joyride out of hell” in an upcoming blog you’re out of your skull. 

 

Always read the instructions first, kids.

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The call it the swag. The cool stuff that everyone attending The Oscars receives in a gift bag. 1This year’s bag was worth over $86,000.000, I kid you not. I found the list and I thought I’d show it to you, along with my fascinating insight. Oh, and every item gets a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down.

Let’s get to it . . .

1. DrainWig plug that prevents hair clogging the drain – $6.49

Clearly not the best gift for yours truly. Seriously, the DrainWig? Thumbs down.

2. Fabric wrap from European company Wrag Wrap – $15

What the hell is fabric wrap? Seriously, I’ve never heard of this and I own no fabric that needs wrapping. Thumbs-down.

3. Organic pet shampoo from Simon’s Happy Pet – $15

Bingo! Now we’re talking. Something I can actually use. Then again, Sparky’s has no problem with his Hart’s Lemon Scented Ultra-Guard Shampoo, so I see no need to change. Still, thumbs-up.

4. Six-pack of Naked Luxury condoms – $20

Moving right along . . .*

5. Three-in-one dry-cleaning bags from Green Garmento – $23

Huh? Three-in-one?  What does that mean? Three articles of clothing in one bag? I haven’t dry-cleaned anything since 1983 so I have no use for this. Thumbs-down.

6. Bluetooth camera shutter remote for Apple products from HISY – $24.99

Very useful, and I’d accept it gratefully. Very cool. Thumbs-up.

7. AVIV 613 Vodka – $30

Never heard of this particular brand, but I’d be willing to give it a try. Thumbs-up.

8. Herbal tea-based lollipops from Dosha Pops – $35

Herbal tea-based lollipops? Really? Who wants that? That’s such a Hollywood idea I can’t stand it. In addition, it sounds awful. Thumbs-down.

9. Hydroxycut weight loss gummies, protein bars, and shakes – $38.96

Meh, not horrible I guess. I’ve been known to eat a protein bar or two. A noncommittal thumbs-up.

10. ‘Honey’ made from organic apples from Bee Free Honee – $39

I love honey. Big honey guy here. Love me some honey in my coffee. Thumbs-up.

11. Tea from Blossom Blends – $49.95

What’s with all the tea? Is tea really popular with actors or something? Thumbs-down.

12. ‘Loaded: The Story of a Ghost’ graphic novel – $49.95

That’s the weirdest title ever, and gives me no clue as to what the book’s about. Still, I love books so I’d read it. Thumbs-up.

13. A DVD advertising cash off the services of aspiring film maker Charles Van Loucks – $50

What? This qualifies as a gift? I call bogus. Thumbs-down.

14. Dinnerware from Slimware – $59

I actually need forks and knives, so this would work out for me. Thumbs-up.

15. Cannonball Wines – $60

Not a huge wine guy, but sure. Thumbs-up.

16. Caramels and sweets from Betty Jane Candies – $69.75

I love caramel. I love caramel on vanilla ice cream, I love caramel in chocolate candy bars. I love caramel on anything. Thumbs-up.

17. Candles that double as perfume and warm massage oil from Objects with Purpose – $70

I believe I could find a use for this. Thumbs-up.

18. Horse shampoo and conditioner made for human hair from Mane ‘N Tail – $95.35

Hold on a second. Horse shampoo made for humans that costs $95? Say what? This makes sense on no level. Somebody needs to explain this to me. Thumbs-down.

19. Beauty products from M3K Beauty – $100

I could re-gift this, no sweat. Thumbs-up.

20. Organic makeup products by Diane Capt – $105

It seems as if everything on this list is organic. Organic this, organic that. Thumbs-down.

21. Activity tracker from Polar Loop – $109.95

I have zero idea what this is, but I don’t want my activities tracked, that’s for sure. Thumbs-down.

22. Go Pro hair dryer from Coolway – $120

Isn’t Go Pro one of those cameras you stick on your head or something? They make hair dryers? Thumbs-down.

23. Two Mace pepper guns – $120

ABSOLUTELY. I’ll use them on the angry clown that’s looking for me. Big thumbs-up.

24. Accessories from CherryT Knit & Co. $158

Knitting accessories? Who am I, your Aunt Heloise? No thank you. Thumbs-down.

25. Hookahzz E-Cigarettes and E-Liquids – $162

I know what a Hookah is and I know what E-Cigarettes are, but what the hell are E-Liquids? This list is so LA it hurts. Thumbs-down.

26. Shellfish knife set – $185

$185.00 worth of Shellfish knives? Good God. Pretty sure you can get them for $17.99 at any 7-11 near the beach. Thumbs-down.

27. Leather iPhone 5 case from Vetvik – $230

A $230.00 iPhone case? Seriously? And I looked it up. Not that cool. Thumbs-down.

28. Leather purse from Jitseu. A $279

Is this Jitseu any relation to Joe Jitseu? Because that would be super. I’ll take the chance. Thumbs-up.

29. Portable camera and app from Narrative Clip – $279

Sounds alright. Thumbs-up.

30. Organic maple syrup from Rouge Maple – $280

Maple Syrup! And surprise, surprise! It’s organic! Thumbs-down.

31. Swiss-made Slow Watch – $290

Who wants a slow watch? Sort of defeats the purpose, right? I’ll take a Swiss Army Knife and I’ll take Swiss Cheese, but I will not take a Slow Swiss Watch. Thumbs-down.

32. Organic skin, body, and hair products from Acure – $300

I’m not usually into these types of products, but shockingly these are organic. On a related note, thumbs-down.

33. Jan Lewis bangle bracelet made from wood shapes – $400

A $400.00 wooden bracelet? OK. Sounds like another re-gift situation. Thumbs-up.

34. House call with acupuncturist and nutritionist Heather Lounsbury – $500

Now we’re talkin’. The only thing I’ve never tried for my migraines is acupuncture and I’ve always wanted to. Big thumbs-up!

35. Lifetime membership to a meditation gym from Headspace.com – $500

How California is a “Meditation Gym”? Seriously? Jeebus. Thumbs-down.

36. Tickets to all-kid pro Cirque troupe, Le Petit Cirque – $575

Does this include kid clowns? Because that would be terrifying. Thumbs-down.

37. Max Martin luxury shoes – $750

If you added up all the shoes I’ve bought in my lifetime I’m not sure it would add up to $750.00. Thumbs-down.

38. 10 personal training sessions with Huntley Drive Fitness – $850

Wait. There’s no meditation involved? Bush League. Thumbs-down.

39. Supplies from Epic Pet Health – $1,571.98

SC-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-RE!!!!!! I have an epic pet, so this is a win all-around! Hold on . . . Sparky wants to know if cheeseballs are included. Thumbs-up!

40. Five-night stay at the Koloa Landing Resort in Hawaii – $2,000

Wh-o-o-o-o-o-p! Two in a row! Hells to the Yah! THUMBS-UP!

41. Home spa system from Steamist – $2560

Wow, a home spa system. Sounds as if a steambath is involved and I’m all about a good steambath. This is several types of goodness and the possibilities are endless. Massive thumbs-up.

42. ‘O-Shot’ procedure to help a woman’s sex drive – $2,700

I have no idea what an “O-Shot” is but this sounds like a win-win situation for everybody. Thumbs-up!

43. Resort stay at the Imanta’s Ocean Casa suite in Mexico – $3,300

Listen, I’m more of the real, old Caribbean type of guy (see Montserrat) and not a big fan of resorts like Atlantis and Sandals, mainly because of the rich, pretentious tourists who go there and pretend they’re in the Caribbean. In reality all those resorts are the same whether they’re in the Dominican, Aruba, or Viet Nam. That said, if it’s free I’m there. Thumbs-up!

44. Water filtration system from Krystal Klear Water – $4895

I couldn’t care less about filtering my water. I drank out of the garden hose for the first 15-years of my life and I’m just fine, thank you. These businesses who sell or purify water are scams. Thumbs-down.

45. Artworks from Gizara – $5,000

Hey, I’m a cultured dude. Big art guy here. Art me baby! Thumbs-up.

46. 10,000 meal donations from Ellen DeGeneres’ Halo Spot’s Stew pet food to a shelter of the nominee’s choice – $6,100

Yep, and I’d let Sparky pick. Big thumbs-up!

47. Two-day Rocky Mountaineer train excursion from Vancouver to Alberta in the Canadian Rockies – $6,850

Sounds fun. Especially if there’s a bar onboard and they’re pet friendly. Thumbs-up!

48. Trip to Las Vegas including tickets to shows, backstage passes to meet Meatloaf and Boyz II Men and two nights at the Riviera Penthouse Suite – $9,000

Pretty good gift but I have to say this – I met Meatloaf once and he was a prick. Nor do I care to meet Boyz II Men, though I’m sure they’re nice enough fellas. Penthouse Suite though? Oh yeah. Thumbs-up.

49. Walking tour around Japan from Walk Japan – $15,000

Ding-ding-ding! We have a winner! This would be very very cool. I’ve never been to Japan but a Walking Tour sounds su-weet. Thumbs-up!

All-in-all a pretty good Bag ‘o’ Swag, don’t you think? I’d take it in a heartbeat. Sure, there were some lame gifts in there but I think the good outweighs the bad.

On a related note, I’ve heretofore added another item to my Bucket List – wrangle an invitation to the Oscars. Don’t count me out.

*thumbs-up.

It’s just an old cement post, and it stands probably 150-feet from my front door.

I FullSizeRender (6)currently live in the house I grew up in, so I’ve driven or walked by the post at least 100,000 times according to my estimations. I have no idea how long it’s stood there, but I’m guessing it could be at least 100-years old.

The Post was built during a time when people went the extra mile to make things the right way, so rather than just put a standard wooden post in the ground they took the time to pour a big, ornate concrete post as a cornerstone to their property.

People don’t do that type of thing anymore, you know? Everything is done quickly and as cheaply as possible nowadays. That’s one of the things that makes The Post cool to me. Somebody cared about its appearance.

The Post has stood there while the world rolled on through two World Wars, the Great Depression, the Kennedy Assassination, the Vietnam War, 9/11, and many other world and local events.

The Post was right beside Twin Elementary School, a building in which I spent at least 7-hours a day from the ages of 6 to 15. I remember kids sitting on The Post before and after school, either waiting to go in for the day or waiting on a ride home. I recall kids sitting on it after basketball practice at the school, waiting on mom or dad to pick them up.

On many a summer day I sat either on top of it or on the ground leaning against it, watching the occasional car go by as I talked with my friends.

And man, if I had a dollar for every bicycle that leaned against The Post I’d be a rich man today.

Hell, The Post was right there that warm summer day back in the late 60’s and served as a starting line for Max when he made his famous ride down the hill and into infamy. It’s also where the Bicycle Wagon Train began its descent into history.

Through it all, The Post has been a constant, standing tall day after day as the years went by.

I really don’t know why The Post fascinates me so much. As I said, it’s just an old cement post after all. But I love old stuff like this, and the fact that the man who poured the concrete and frame for The Post clearly took pride in what he was doing makes it special to me.

As I mentioned before, Twin Elementary School stood right next to The Post, and it was sadly and unceremoniously knocked down back in 2008. Right down the hill there once stood a beautiful old church, and it suffered the same fate.

I suppose one day I’ll come home and see that The Post is gone as well, and if that happens it will make me sad. Again, it’s just a concrete post, but somehow it’s more than that to me. It represents pride in workmanship, childhood memories, longevity, and much more.

Strange how you can become attached to an inanimate, soulless object, isn’t it?

Note: Sparky loves The Post too, but for other reasons.

The Bastei is a rock formation towering 194 metres above the Elbe River in the Elbe Sandstone Mountains of Germany. Reaching a height of 305 metres above sea level, the jagged rocks of the Bastei were formed by water erosion over one million years ago. Cool, man.

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Hilarity.

Listen, the last guy you want to try and bully is a guy in khakis and polo who’s unloading a U-Haul. That’s just Bullying 101 right there. I mean come on, nobody’s ever in a good mood when they’re unloading a truck anyway, amirite? Then some punk comes up and starts asking for trouble. Well, careful what you ask for, shirtless bro.

PS: Khaki Guy clearly told the thug to go, didn’t he? Poor guy shoulda listened, man. Now he’s dealing with severe head trauma. Sucks to be him.

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