Posts Tagged ‘Another dumb list’

So Glamour Magazine ran an article the other day titled “10 Little Things That Man-in-loveCan Make a Man Fall Hard For You” and it caused outrage among America’s women. Well, some of them. Something about being sexist and whatnot. I suppose it’s because feminists think women shouldn’t lower themselves to attempting to “make a man fall for them.”

Whatever.

Anyway, the backlash was so fierce that the article was immediately taken down. However, through our vast network of connections, my crack staff here at Shoe: Untied has obtained a copy, and it will hereby be perused by yours truly.

I shall list the “10 Little Things That Can Make a Man Fall Hard For You,” followed by my insights and observations. I’ll even give a thumbs up or thumbs down accordingly. Enjoy . . .

Stocking the fridge with his favorite drinks. Bonus points: Bring him back to his fraternity days by handing him a cold one as he steps out of the shower.

Great idea, but I have one question here – in what kind of a fraternity does somebody hand you a drink as you step out of the shower? That’s just weird, man. Seriously though ladies, getting an adult beverage handed to me as I step out of the shower would be stellar. You know, unless it’s 7:00am or something. Then it would just be sort of cool. Verdict? Thumbs up.

Making him a snack after sex. It doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal — a simple grilled cheese or milk and cookies will do.

Score! Ladies, you want to make a man fall hard for you? Grilled Cheese will do the trick. Cookies? Hells to the yah. Milk? Eh, not so much. Still, thumbs up.

Emailing him the latest online gossip about his favorite tv show. You don’t have to have a BFF at HBO. Just share applicable links from your Twitter feed and pat yourself on the back.

Wait. What? And they were doing so well. Email me gossip about a TV show? Downer, man. No thanks Glamour. Thumbs down.

Bragging about him to your friends, family, the stranger on the street corner — whomever. Proclamations of pride will make his chest puff out and his heart swell.

Sure, every guy likes a little show of appreciation now and then. But “bragging about your man to a stranger on a street corner” to prove your love to him? That might be a little odd. Thumbs down.

Answering the door in a negligee — or, better yet, naked.

Not gonna elaborate here. Let’s just say thumbs way, way, WAY up.

Being open to what he wants to try in the bedroom and out. An open mind is attractive no matter your playground.

I can’t argue with this one at all. Open minds are always sexy, amirite?  I have zero problems with open minds, as long as bodily injury isn’t involved. Well, to an extent. I’ll shut up now. Anywho, thumbs up?

Spitting out sports stats for his favorite team. Showing an interest in his favorite players will earn you points on and off the field.

I have to admit that a woman who knows her sports is pretty big turn-on. Seriously, tell me why the Bengals are going to make the Super Bowl this year and you’ve piqued my interest. On a related note, if you look like a female Mike Ditka it probably won’t help. Still, thumbs up.

Treating his friends as well as you treat your own.

Huh? This isn’t really feasible is it? I mean, some of my friends are idiots. Hey, they’re loyal as hell, but they’re still idiots. No way would I expect my girlfriend to treat them as she treats her own friends. Besides, if you treat my friends too well they’ll probably get the wrong idea. You know, because they’re idiots. Ultimately? Thumbs down.

Sitting side-by-side while he vegs out to the TV. It may not feel like quality time to you, but it’s the best time to him.

Now this I can get down with. Nothing better than a lady sitting with me watching something I love on TV as she pretends to like it too. On the other hand, it should go both ways, right? That’s only fair. Hey, I’ll watch The Notebook if it involves a little cuddling. Thumbs up.

Giving him a massage — happy ending completely optional. In fact, a foot rub works just fine.

Wow. I was totally on board with this one until they threw in that foot rub nonsense. Honestly, I know of no man who would prefer a foot rub over a massage. Good God. On the other hand, I’ve never known a woman who didn’t love a foot rub. So thumbs up, but with reservations. And I’m not touching that happy ending thing so shut it.

So I think that’s 6 out of 10? Not a bad percentage as far as these dumb lists go.

Like I said, some women are upset about this list because they view it as being demeaning somehow. But hey, I have a radical idea. How about we all just be ourselves and see how that goes? I mean, you don’t want to present yourself as somebody you’re not, right? Sure, there’s always compromise involved but the way I see it the more partners try and change for each other the less chance they have of having a lasting relationship. Why? Because you always sort of drift back to the real you anyway. Make sense? No? Damn it.

Now that I really think about it, given my track record I’m probably not the best guy to ask about stuff like this. Then again, if you really do learn from your mistakes maybe I am the best guy to ask.

Your call, man.

So Newsday compiled this list of the most famous alumni from each team in the NCAA Tournament. Read on and tell me how legit you think it is, because I for one have a couple questions. Let us proceed . . .

Texas Southern: Michael Strahan

OK kids, listen up. Texas Southern grad Barbara Jordan was an American politician and a leader of the Civil Rights movement. She was the first African American elected to the Texas Senate after Reconstruction, the first southern black female elected to the United States House of Representatives, and the first African-American woman to deliver the keynote address at a Democratic National Convention. She received the Presidential Medal of Freedom, among numerous other honors. But nah, let’s go with Michael Strahan, former NFL player and host of Live with Kelly and Michael. Seems about right. Good grief.

Congrats, Texas Southern!

Congrats, Texas Southern!

North Carolina: James K. Polk

Seriously? James K. Polk? Uh, hey Newsday, I have news for you. I know Mr. Polk was President of the United States and all, but there’s another, more famous gentleman that attended your school – Mr. Michael Jordan.

Dapper, but no MJ.

Dapper, but no MJ.

Gonzaga: Bing Crosby

For you youngsters out there, Bing Crosby was  famous singer back in the day. He also by all accounts a terrible father who treated his children like dirt, but whatever. He also sang White Christmas and smoked an awesome pipe. Personally I’d go with John Stockton though.

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Damn, he looks mean.

Davidson: Woodrow Wilson

Another president, and I guess I’ll agree with old Woodrow here. After all, he did guide us through World War I and all. I’m still leaning towards Steph Curry though. I mean, really.

Stellar specs, though.

Stellar specs, though.

UCLA: Johnnie Cochran

JOHNNIE COCHRAN? Like the same Johnnie Cochran who got OJ Simpson off after he murdered 2-people? Just a horrible choice. How about Jaleel White, also known as Erkel? Good God, man! Note: Also Nicholas Cage and Jack Black. So there.

Playa.

Playa.

Georgetown: Bill Clinton

I love Bill Clinton. I’ve met Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton was a great president, in spite of folks trying to impeach him for lying about getting a BJ. Bill Clinton is a great choice.

Yes children, this was your president. Cool, man.

Yes children, this was your president. Cool, man.

Robert Morris: Brianne McLaughlin

Seriously, the goalie on Team USA’s women’s hockey team in the 2010 and 2014 Winter Olympics is the most famous person from Robert Morris. Sad, really. Fun fact: Folks around campus refer to Robert Morris as Bobby Mo. Cool.

[insert puck joke here]

[insert puck joke here]

Duke: Ron Paul

Uh, false. I can name 5 people more famous from Duke than Ron Paul. Don’t believe me? How about Richard Nixon, Charlie Rose, Ken Jeong (The Hangover), Grant Hill and Christian Laettner? Told ya.

Mr. Excitement.

Mr. Excitement.

Virginia: Katie Couric

Oh, for the love of God. Really? Ever hear of Bobby Kennedy? Tina Fey? Edgar Allan Poe? But n-o-o-o, let’s go with Katie Freakin’ Couric. Sigh. People are dumb.

Above Poe and RFK? OK.

Above Poe and RFK? OK.

Ohio State: George Steinbrenner

George Steinbrenner owned the New York Yankees. He also pleaded guilty to making illegal contributions to Richard Nixon’s re-election campaign, and to a felony charge of obstruction of justice. So I ask you, is that the best they can do? How about Jack Nicklaus? James Thurber? Bobby Knight? Any of those names ring a bell? No? How about ARCHIE GRIFFIN?

"They ranked me ahead of Archie Griffin? No freaking way."

“They ranked me ahead of Archie Griffin? No freaking way.”

VCU: GWAR

GWAR is a metal band from Virginia that has released 13 albums since 1988. They also dress up like nuclear waste ravaged demons from hell. I approve.

Hold your head high, VCU.

Hold your head high, VCU.

Kentucky: Ashley Judd

I cannot argue with this choice. Thank you and goodnight.

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Harvard: John F. Kennedy

Since JFK is one of my personal heroes, I agree wholeheartedly with this choice. Oh sure, they could’ve gone with Robert Frost, John Adams, Matt Damon even. Can’t beat Kennedy though.

Cool personified.

Cool personified.

Butler: Jim Jones

Jim Jones was an American religious leader and founder of The People’s Temple out in California, before he moved his operation to Guyana. Oh, and he was directly responsible for the murder-suicides of 909 of his followers, so there’s that. Butler must be so proud. Sadly, I looked at the Butler alumni site and Jim Jones is, in fact, their most famous alumni. Yikes.

Nah, doesn't look paranoid at all.

Nah, doesn’t look paranoid at all.

West Virginia: Don Knotts

Seriously, how great is it that WVU’s most famous alumni is Barney Fife? I find that perfect in so many ways. Barney Fife, man.

"G-o-o-o-o-o Mountaineers!"

“G-o-o-o-o-o Mountaineers!”

Purdue: Neil Armstrong

Hey, if you have to pick a most famous alumni I guess the First Man on the Moon is a decent place to start. Well done.

O-H! I-O!

O-H! I-O!

So there ya go, another list with some damn dubious choices. Still, it was somewhat enlightening. Lowlight? Butler having a mass murderer as its most famous alumni. Highlight? Why, Barney Fife of course.

Enjoy the tournament, and hopefully somebody beats Kentucky. Sorry Ashley.