Archive for the ‘News’ Category

Try and find a better headline writer. You can’t. Anyway . . .

Source – A 19-year-old man who shot himself in the penis after allegedly holding up a South Side hotdog stand Tuesday won’t be going home when he’s released from the hospital. Terrion Pouncy was arrested at the Oak Lawn hospital not long after he was found slumped on the steps of a home across the street from a West Pullman restaurant that Chicago Police say he robbed at gunpoint about 6 a.m. on Halloween. The hotdog stand employee had been passing a bucket filled with grease over the counter as he called for his co-worker to hand over the cash from the register. As they passed their wallets and a stack of singles to Pouncy, the bucket tipped and bills went flying, police said. Shifting the gun in his waistband as he ran out he apparently pulled the trigger, firing a bullet that struck him in the penis.

Hotdog stand robbery. Man shoots self in penis. Some stories just write themselves, ya know? Seriously though, unless you shoot yourself in the groin I don’t want to hear about your bad day. Why? Because Terrion Pouncy’s bad day will top your bad day 100 times out of 100.

PS- Who grabs a gun by the trigger as they pull it out of their pants? That’s Burglar 101, man.

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Daily Mail: This is the horrifying moment a Siberian tiger attacked a young female zookeeper in full view of visitors. The big cat,called Typhoon sprang on the keeper at Kaliningrad Zoo, in Russia, after its cage was accidentally left open while she brought food to the animal. But her life was saved as shocked onlookers shouted and threw stones at tiger until it backed away. Some men even lifted a table and chairs from a nearby cafe, hurling them over the fence to distract the predator so the keeper could escape.

Boy, those guys are real heroes, huh? Throwing a table and chairs down on Typhoon from behind the fence. Tough guys. Still, this is an old story. Humans keeping a wild animal caged, somebody leaves a gate open, and next thing you know a zookeeper is facing the cold hard truth that tigers are born meateaters and one of them is looking at you as its next meal. Nature, man. There’s no reality check like a good old-fashioned mauling.

PS- There is zero chance I’d go to a zoo in Russia. Those people don’t give a damn about nuthin’.

wasn’t

The Hill — Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) is reportedly recovering from five broken ribs after he was attacked while doing yard work on Friday. Doug Stafford, a top aide to Paul, told The Associated Press on Sunday that it is unclear when Paul plans to return to work as he deals with searing pain that prevents him from traveling and flying. Three of the five broken ribs are displaced fractures, which pose a risk for life-threatening problems, the aide told the news wire. His injuries could cause the senator lasting pain for months, according to the report. Rene’ Boucher, Paul’s 59-year old next-door neighbor, has been charged with misdemeanor fourth-degree assault.

First off, nothing screams “I’m a nerd” better than getting the shit kicked out of you by a guy named Rene’. Secondly, how the hell do you get beat up doing yard work? Wouldn’t you have a weapon with you? Maybe a rake? A sickle? Hell, a lawnmower? Make a charge at that bro with your 18 HP Cub Cadet XT1 Enduro Series LT 42″ Kohler Hydrostatic Gas Front-Engine Riding Mower  and watch that sucker go running back to his own freakin’ yard. Just a bad look all-around for Senator Rand Paul. Bad look indeed.

PS- You just know Trump is behind this. As if this public humiliation and evisceration wasn’t enough.

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Listen, I don’t like the way Bill Belichick treats reporters any more than the next guy, but this casually dumb dipstick brought the Belichickian Hell down on himself. First of all, he was sitting there all chillaxed-like and trying WAY to hard to be cool. Secondly, the question was just dumb. Check out the video, with another observation below it.

Some people online were saying this reporter reminded them of Ellis from “Die Hard.” I tend to agree.

Source – A Montreal man who got a $149 ticket for belting out a song in his car says he’s shocked and upset. Taoufik Moalla, 38, says Montreal police have no business punishing him for doing nothing more than singing along to one of his favorite songs in his own car.

Moalla, a father of two, was a few miles from his St-Laurent home on September 27th when he saw a police car pull up behind him on St. Croix Avenue. He was driving to the grocery story to buy water and had popped a 1990s dance track — C+C Music Factory’s “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)” — into his CD player. “They asked me if I was screaming. I said, ‘No, I was singing,’ ” Moalla said. “I was singing the refrain ‘Everybody Dance Now,’ but it wasn’t loud enough to disturb anyone.”

A few minutes later, Moalla said the police gave him back his driver’s license, car registration, plus a $149 ticket for “screaming in a public place.”

Listen, I’m with 100% behind Taoufik Moallaon on this one. If you can’t sing “Everybody Dance Now” whilst driving your car you’re in a country that’s going straight to hell. Just today I was singing “The Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats loudly and proudly at the intersection of Bridge and Main in southern Ohio with the sunroof open and windows down and I wasn’t stopped by the po-po.

Come on Canada. What kind of totalitarian state are you running up there? Shame on you, America’s hat. Shame on you indeed.

Listen, I’ve always been against the sale of AK-47s and whatnot. Now? I totally get it. Hey, you forget my chicken wings and I’m going to shoot you the hell up, man. Especially at Pirtle’s Chicken. At least we know those assault-style weapons are being sold to upstanding, law-abiding citizens. I get it!

If you live literally anywhere but in a major city the video below will be laugh-out-loud funny. A cow got loose in the Big Apple and the locals acted like an alien dropped down from Uranus. It’s funny because New Yorkers act like midwesterners are gullible, innocent hicks yet there they are, giggling, taking photos and acting like school children at the sight of a regular farm animal. Too funny, man. City people are hilarious.

PS- Uranus jokes simply never get old, amirite?

Everyone can fly, just not very well.

Passengers on a Bali-bound AirAsia flight say they were left terrified after their plane suddenly lost cabin pressure and dropped 20,000 feet shortly after take-off.

The flight from Perth to Bali with 145-people on board was forced to turn back only 25 minutes after take-off on Sunday morning. Flight QZ535 passengers described how they were ordered to adopt the brace position and use their oxygen masks, with some saying they thought they would die during the ordeal.

A technical problem caused the aircraft to plunge from 32,000 feet to 10,000 feet without warning. Passenger Claire skew told 7 News the passengers were terrified.

Wait. Your plane dropped from 32,000-feet to 10,000-feet and you thought you would die? That’s shocking.  I usually don’t start to panic until the plane gets to around 1000-feet. Even then, I wait to around 500-feet before I put down my peanuts and drink to start looking for the exit door. Come on, people of AirAsia Flight QZ535, have some poise. Geez.

PS- If you think I’d ever get on an airline called AirAsia you’re out of your gourd.  They probably inspect the planes once every 10-years.

New research shows pressure beneath Yellowstone could build much quicker than previously thought, and such an eruption could make Earth uninhabitable. Research presented by the Arizona State University at a recent meeting in Oregon goes against previous findings which that it could take thousands of years to build up. Scientists say it could happen within tens of years after a study analyzing crystals in volcanic rocks found in the area.
As the crystals grew, they were increasingly prone to being influenced by their surroundings, such as pressure, heat and water content.

Lead researcher Hannah Shamloo of Arizona State University told the New York Times: “It’s shocking how little time is required to take a volcanic system from being quiet and sitting there to the edge of an eruption.

The usually peaceful volcano has now experienced some 2,750 tremors since June 12th which could indicate that it is ready to burst back into life.

This is the second most active swarm of quakes since records began.

If the volcano were to erupt it would kill an estimated 87,000 people immediately and make two-thirds of the USA immediately uninhabitable.
The large spew of ash into the atmosphere would block out sunlight and directly affect life beneath it creating a “nuclear winter.”

Hey-O!  Saving up for little Hunter’s college fund? Screw that. Spend that dough while you can, folks, because well, this winter could be a bad one. A Nuclear Winter you might call it. Seriously man, a large spew of ash blocking out the sun just sucks. Pretty much what happened to the dinosaurs with that little meteor incident thingy. Turned out bad for them. And isn’t it wild that the Supervolcano is in Yellowstone National Park? Hell, that’s where Yogi Bear and Boo Boo live. Supervolcanos are supposed to be in Siberia or somewhere.

Fun Fact: The volcano system under Yellowstone has enough lava to fill 11 Grand Canyons. Sweet Mother of God. 

How may of you knew the United States had a Flag Code? We do. I kid you not. Read on readers . . .

On June 14th, 1923, the National Flag Code was constructed by representatives of over 68 organizations, under the auspices of the National Americanism Commission of the American Legion. The code drafted by that conference was printed by the American Legion and given nationwide distribution. The United States Flag Code establishes advisory rules for display and care of the national flag of the United States of America, because damn straight it does.

We have a flag code that we all should follow and obey, being the good Americans that we surely all are. That said, we don’t always follow. I shall now give you some highlights of the code, along with some examples of how we blatantly disregard them. Let us begin . . .

All present except those in uniform should stand at attention facing the flag with the right hand over the heart.

Take a look around you the next time you’re at a professional sporting event and the National Anthem is playing. What do you see? People going to the restrooms, guys and girls with hats on, concession workers doing a brisk business, people talking, couples with arms around each other, not to mention people yelling at the quietly kneeling players. And what about you folks at home? During the Super Bowl anthem, does your party stop as everyone stands respectfully with their hands over their heart? Just asking.

Factoid #1: In 1990, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in United States v. Eichman that prohibiting burning of the U.S. flag conflicts with the First Amendment right to freedom of speech and is therefore unconstitutional.

Let’s move on . . .

No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform. However, a flag patch may be affixed to the uniform of military personnel, firemen, policemen, and members of patriotic organizations.

Did you read that? NO PART of the flag. Nobody EVER does that, right? And I’m pretty sure a football team doesn’t qualify as a “patriotic organization.” Still, check ’em out:

That’s just awful. Throw them out of America, man!

Factoid #2: Contrary to urban legend, the flag code does not state that a flag that touches the ground should be burned. Instead, it is considered disrespectful and the flag in question should be moved in such a manner that it is no longer touching the ground.

Huh. I did not know that. Anywho . . .

The flag should never be carried flat or horizontally, but always aloft and free.

Nobody would ever hold our flag horizontally, right? None of us have ever seen a giant American flag covering the entire football field held horizontally, have we? Sweet other of God! Sacrilege!

That’s a blatant disregard of the United States Flag Code, man. Just spitting in the face of America. Pa-thetic.

All men not in uniform should remove their headdress with their right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the hand being over the heart.

Well, well. NO HEADGEAR, MAN. Somebody needs to tell this to Hank Williams, Jr. among others, amirite? Dude sang the anthem with a cowboy hat perched upon his noggin. And have you ever been to an NFL game and seen the unpatriotic shenanigans that take place? Hey! That Packer fan left the cheese on his head during the anthem! Un-American! Go back to Europe ya foreigner!

I sincerely hope they removed their headgear during the anthem.

The flag should remain in its original state and should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature. 

No way any good American would disfigure the flag, right? It has to stay in its original state! Wait . . .

Oh, and here’s a bonus photo of a red-blooded American patriot showing respect for our flag as some of his home team knelt during the anthem. That’s a real American right there, man. Respect like ya read about.

Dude, put your hand over your heart. Follow the protocol.

So, have you ever disrespected our flag? Unless you stand at attention with your hand over your heart every single time the anthem is played, whether you’re at the game or watching on TV, I don’t want to hear it.

During the anthem we have people wearing the flag as a shirt, pants and God knows what else. We have people downing beers, buying nachos, wearing weird hats and everything else during the anthem. Still, you’d better not kneel quietly and respectfully or you’ll be branded a communist and a outright traitor.

Let’s be honest. This isn’t about disrespecting the flag and never has been. It’s about racism and resentment towards millionaire athletes being uppity enough to use their position to take a stand.

God bless America. We need it.

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette — A text message sent in January to U.S. Rep. Tim Murphy by a woman with whom he had an extra-marital relationship took him to task for an anti-abortion statement posted on Facebook from his office’s public account.

“And you have zero issue posting your pro-life stance all over the place when you had no issue asking me to abort our unborn child just last week when we thought that was one of the options,” Shannon Edwards, a forensic psychologist in Pittsburgh with whom the congressman admitted last month to having a relationship, wrote to Mr. Murphy on Jan. 25, in the midst of an unfounded pregnancy scare.

On Wednesday, Murphy released a statement in which he says he will not seek re-election.

A text from Mr. Murphy’s cell phone number that same day in response says, “I get what you say about my March for Life messages. I’ve never written them. Staff does them. I read them and winced. I told staff don’t write any more. I will.”

Man, bad look for Rep. Tim Murphy of Pennsylvania, amirite? You base a lot of your campaign on being anti-abortion only to have your mistress show the world you asked her to get an abortion. That’s a slap in the face of your voters if there ever was one. And I love how he threw his staff under the bus in a heartbeat. Politicians, man.

PS –  A politician being a hypocrite? Whodathunkit? Nothing like telling people how to live and what to do with their lives but refusing to hold yourself to that same standard. Crazy times, man. Next thing you know a billionaire real estate magnate game show host will convince the common folk he cares about them and they’ll elect him president. 

Her kids saw it first: A woman, pants around ankles, defecating before the Budde family’s Colorado Springs home.

Then it happened again. And again. And again. And again. And again. Each week brings a fresh pile of excrement to the sidewalk in front of Cathy Budde’s home, she told local station KKTV — at least seven so far. Budde calls her “The Mad Pooper.” Police remain baffled. The family feels helpless to stop her.
“I came outside, and I was like, ‘Are you serious?'” Budde said of the time she caught the woman, a jogger, in the act. “‘Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids?’ She’s like, ‘Yeah, sorry!'”

Then the woman jogged away. She leaves only confusion, and also the paper towels that she wipes with.

Even in a world wrought with senseless violence, the Mad Pooper’s antics astonish. There’s a portable toilet at nearby John Venezia Community Park.  A gas station not far from that. So then why? Why the Budde family? And why now?

These questions haunt Colorado Springs residents, and the officers sworn to protect them. “For someone to repeatedly do such a thing, it’s uncharted territory for me,” Sgt. Johnathan Sharketti of the Colorado Springs Police Department told KKTV.

Listen, for me there’s almost nothing more disgusting than someone doing #2. Can’t deal with it, won’t deal with it. At basketball camps I’d walk up three floors of the dorm just find a private bathroom. And I’m still scarred from that time I was a freshman in high school and walked into the boys locker room to find Sammy Dickey sitting on the toileteating a peanut butter sandwich. That’s a sight that will be burned into my memory forever. Hell, I couldn’t eat peanut butter for 2-years. On a related note, I may or may not have broken up with a girl because she kept leaving the damn bathroom door open. Nothing, and I mean nothing, kills sexiness like seeing a woman taking a dump. So, if anyone deserves the death penalty it’s the Mad Pooper. Dead serious. Lethal inject that serial defecator, and do it immediately upon her capture.

PS- Ewwww.

First, the video:

The Guardian: A Russian attack helicopter accidentally fired at least one rocket into a crowd of Russian soldiers during large scale military exercises close to Nato’s borders, Russian media has reported. Three people were injured in the incident at the Zapad 2017 drills, a source close to the Russian Ministry of Defense said.

Man, bad look for Russia, amirite? Dude just launching rockets into his own army like a boss. That one dude walking toward the explosion has to be dead. And what are the odds Putin has executed this guy already? You don’t make Russia look bad, not on Putin’s watch.

AL.Com: Officials in Manatee County, Florida are under fire after an interpreter for the deaf warned about pizza and monsters during an emergency briefing related to Hurricane Irma.

The interpreter, Marshall Greene, a lifeguard for the county, has a brother who is deaf, according to the Daily Moth, a video news site that provides information via American Sign Language. Greene was used as the interpreter for a Sept. 8 press conference regarding the incoming storm and possible evacuations.

Members of the deaf community said Greene mostly signed gibberish, referencing “pizza,” “monsters,” and using the phrase “help you at that time to use bear big,” during the event. Other information signed to viewers was incomplete, experts said. 

Boy, it’s been a tough couple weeks for interpreters for the deaf, huh? First the guy with the funny faces and now this poor guy. Seriously, they pull the guy off lifeguard duty to interpret on TV because he has a deaf brother? Bro went rogue like you read about. Poor dude was way out of his league here. Meanwhile, chaos reigned as deaf people all over Manatee County were worrying about bears and monsters and debating going out for pizza in the middle of a hurricane. Sad really.

Evacuate now bear monsters are coming!

So the Donald was absolutely eviscerated by those damn pansy-ass Hollywood liberals at the Emmy Awards last night, and the Trumpians are up in arms. How dare these people criticize our president publicly! Outrageous! Un-American! You can’t belittle the Leader of the Free World! First, let’s watch the video:

Damn you actors to Hell! The highest ranked official in the land of the free and home of the brave would never stoop to such a level! Our president would never be so petty, mean-spirited and undignified! Wait. Never mind.

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So the prestigious Washington Post just fired off one of the most insightful, in-depth and well-researched tweets of the year with this gem:

NATION’S FOURTH LARGEST CITY STRUGGLES TO GET MOVING AGAIN AFTER HARVEY

 

Gee Washington Post, ya think?

 

BBC – A 14-year-old boy who went viral on Twitter for dancing the Macarena in a busy Saudi Arabian street has been arrested by authorities. The teenager is being questioned after being accused of “improper public behavior” in Jeddah, a statement said. In the 45-second clip the teen can be seen disrupting traffic while dancing to the popular 1990s hit song.

Listen, big freedom guy here. I’m all for the rights of individuals and whatnot. I believe that’s been well-documented. That said, if anyone should ever be arrested for dancing it’s this kid. Hey, I might be outraged if he was busted for doing to the Twist or Electric Slide or something. But the Macarena? The dance craze unleashed upon us 20-years ago by the One-Hit Wonder band Los Del Rio? Improper public behavior indeed.

PS- But then I saw the video and it is spectacular. I can’t hate this kid. Dance on, pudgy Saudi. Dance on.

On a related note . . .

The following is a letter sent in 1869 from Robert E Lee to David McConuaghy, a civic leader in Gettysburg at the time who was working to get statues and monuments built honoring the battles.

Read that last line again:

“I think it wiser moreover not to keep open the sores of war, but to follow the examples of those nations who endeavored to obliterate the marks of civil strife & to commit to oblivion the feelings it engendered.”

In other words, why risk sparking those feelings of hatred again with monuments and statues? And here we are 148-years later, and the statues are doing exactly what Robert E. Lee said they’d do – igniting feelings from a long ago war.

Fascinating stuff.

Namibian media say an elephant trampled and killed an Argentine who was in a group of hunters tracking a herd of elephants. The Namibia Press Agency said the hunter, identified as 46-year-old Jose Monzalvez, was killed on Saturday afternoon in a private wildlife area 43-miles northwest of the small town of Kalkfeld. The agency said Monzalvez, who worked for an oil company, was with another Argentine and three Namibians when he was killed. It says one of the elephants charged before the group was able to find a spot to aim and shoot.

No fair! No fair! The elephant didn’t give Jose Monzalvez time to find a spot to shoot! What kind of hunting rules are these Namibian elephants playing by, anyway? That’s bogus, man. Everyone knows the animal is supposed to just stand there while the hunter takes his time to murder it, man. Play by the rules, animals!

PS- This seems to be happening more and more. Animals, man. They’re fighting back. Next we’ll hear about a squirrel hunter getting a vein ripped out of his neck and bleeding out under a walnut tree.

PPS- Can’t wait.

 

LA Times – Residents of a Costa Mesa duplex were burning candles and sage to ward off evil spirits just before a fire broke out Tuesday night, fire officials said. Costa Mesa firefighters were called to the two-story duplex at 350 Avocado St. at 9:40 p.m., said fire Capt. Chris Coates. Coates suggested that residents monitor candles closely to help prevent a fire. “Anytime you have an open flame burning inside your residence, it can be very dangerous,” he said.

Man, nothing worse than trying to ward off evil spirits and burning your house down, huh? That’s a tough day right there. You’re already being haunted like you read about and then boom, things take a hard left turn and get worse. And Captain Chris Coates gives some sage advice, doesn’t he? Who knew that open flames can be dangerous? That’s stuff you can only learn at the Police Academy. Anyway, score one for the evil spirits I guess?

PS- Why do we only use “ward off” when discussing evil spirits? They’re basically the only thing we ward off.

PPS- Avocado Street is so L.A. it hurts.

ABC Network – A booze-pilfering, drunken, feral pig has caused chaos by running amok at an Australian campsite and starting a fight with a cow.

The belligerent porker went on a drunken bender after stealing and drinking three six-packs of beer that had been left out by campers at the DeGrey River campsite in Port Hedland, Australia.

In the series of events that followed the animal went on to ransack rubbish bin bags to find some late-night snacks before starting a fight with an innocent eyewitness cow.

Following the boarish rampage the pig decided to swim out into the middle of a river before collapsing drunk under a tree and falling asleep.

Ladies and gentlemen, every once in a awhile you come across a story that is so perfect, so splendid, so beyond compare that even a world-class blogger such as I cannot improve upon it. This, my friends, is one of those stories. Thank you and goodnight.

PS- Nothing worse than a pig who can’t handle his booze. Trust me, I’ve seen a few.

PPS- Also, those eyewitness cows aren’t always so innocent. Trust me . . . never mind.

Yep. Sam Kanizay’s legs.

Newsweek – Mysterious sea creatures that began eating a teenager’s legs in Australia were identified as “Sea Fleas” on Monday. The incident occurred near Melbourne on Saturday, when 16-year-old Sam Kanizay emerged from an evening dip in the ocean with his legs and feet covered in blood, the result of the considerable appetite of the flesh-eating tiny creatures. Unable to walk, the teenager was brought to a hospital suffering from “pin-sized holes” that were bleeding profusely.

At first, experts were left scratching their heads as to what the meat-loving animals these were. Then Kanizay’s father went back to the beach with a net full of meaty bait to attract the creatures, then filmed them. Thanks to his video, experts were able to confidently identify the creatures as Lysianassid Amphipods, a type of scavenger shrimp-like crustacean commonly known as “Sea Fleas.”

Hey, I’ve had a tough day today. Sparky hopped into my new car with muddy paws and I had to come back all the way back in the house to get a towel, then go all the way back out and wipe the seat and his paws off. I also have a blister on the little toe on my right foot from when I was working out because I forgot my socks. Anyway, I’m struggling with these burdens today. Somehow, I persevere, and reading this article made me feel a little better because, you know, at least I didn’t get my legs eaten by Sea Fleas.

Note: I guarantee every man who read this was thinking the exact same thing I was – thank God the Sea Fleas didn’t attack higher. Chills, man.

Note 2: Originally I was going to make fun of this kid for being a wuss, I really was. Come on, he couldn’t walk? Please. And then I saw this:

So some dude in Thailand apparently dangled a bowl of rice over a bear, teasing him by pulling it up and out of reach just as the bear reached for it. At some point Mr. Bear got fed up, grabbed the guy’s wrist, pulled him on down and went to town on him, just nibbling on him like a chew toy. You know, except with blood and stuff. I really hate to see people get hurt except when they’re messing with animals, then I’m highly amused by it. It’s really just a  form of natural selection, amirite? Weeding out the weak and whatnot? Enjoy.

PS- Unfortunately the guy is only in critical condition and not dead.

The internet has gone udderly wild for a Texas calf’s uncanny resemblance to Kiss frontman Gene Simmons. The baby cow, named Genie, was born on Friday at a ranch in Kerrville, Texas, and even likes to stick out its tongue like the rocker. Hill Country Visitor, a tourism agency that promotes the region of Texas Hill, shared the image on Facebook, joking that Simmons could be the father. Simmons himself was delighted, tweeting: “This is real, folks!!!” The bovine doppelgänger’s markings quickly drew comparisons to Simmons, who is famous for his long tongue and black-and-white face paint.

Let’s get this out of the way first – that cow looks nothing like Gene Simmons. Not even close. Face paint is all wrong. “Uncanny resemblance”? Uh, methinks not. And what cow doesn’t like to stick its tongue out? That’s what cows do. It’s pretty clear to me that Hill Country Visitor is working the whole tourism angle a little too hard with this scam, man. And what’s up with these shanksters suggesting Gene Simmons fathered a cow in the first place? That seems sort of rude.

PS- I also have a beef with writers who get cute with puns like “udderly wild.” That’s just cheap blogging technique right there. Not very well done. Of course, writers like myself are rare. Well, gotta get moooving.

PPS – I hate myself right now.

I wrote the blog below a few short days ago. Sadly, Anthony “Mooch” Scaramucci has been canned after 11-days on the job. Damn, this is a bummer for the blogging community. Mooch held so much promise, so many possibilities of blogs to come. Alas, he has been shit-canned. Rest in peace, Mooch. Rest in peace. On a related note, great to see the Trump administration is rolling along smoothly. Good Lord.

Wow. Just when I thought the Trump White House couldn’t get any wilder they get rid of Sean Spicer, who was an endless source of entertainment, and bring in Anthony Scaramucci, who is an absolute maniac. I mean, listening to this cat is like sitting by a longshoreman in Barnacle Billy’s on the Maine shoreline. This dude is outrageous, just speaking for the President of the United State’s like he don’t give a damn ’bout nuthin’. Check this out, from an interview with The New Yorker:

On White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus:

Reince Priebus — if you want to leak something — he’ll be asked to resign very shortly. Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac.”

Then, imitating Priebus:

Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.”

UPDATE: Trump just fired Priebus  The circus continues

On White House chief adviser Steve Bannon:

“I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock. I’m not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the president. I’m here to serve the country.”

On talking about leaks (to a woman he knows is British:

If you’re an American citizen, they are a major catastrophe for the country. So I’m asking you as an American patriot to give me a sense of who leaked it. I’m going to fire every one of them, and then you haven’t protected anybody, so the entire place will be fired over the next two weeks. I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you.”

On killing leakers:

What I want to do is I want to fucking kill all the leakers and I want to get the President’s agenda on track so we can succeed for the American people.”

Man, even for Trump’s administration that’s strong stuff. It’s hard to fathom this guy is the actual White House Spokesman. Of course, you know the Trumpians will gobble it up. “He’s speaking like us! He’s a regular guy!” He doesn’t talk like a politician!” Well, they got that last one right. Yeesh.

I didn’t think I could be surprised anymore, but damn if The Donald didn’t do it.

PS – That guy who lives in the trailer on Upper Twin Road with “TRUMP” up in Christmas lights beside his Confederate Flag is gonna love Anthony Scaramucci , man.