Archive for May, 2016

MILTON, W. Va. – Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned, or one who beefbobdidn’t get the burrito she ordered. A West Virginia woman was arrested on felony child abuse charges after being accused of hitting her son in the face because he didn’t bring her the exact burrito she ordered at Taco Bell.

WCHS reports that Loretta Armstrong, 48, began hitting her child after realizing the incorrect toppings were on the burrito.

Officers claim it took three hours to arrest Armstrong after the incident which occurred in the family’s driveway. “She screamed and cussed and yelled and claimed she was having a heart attack,” Cpl. Dean Bishop told WCHS.

When it was apparently Armstrong was faking a heart attack, she was brought to the jail and booked.

Listen, if there was ever a reason to beat your son it would be over screwing up your burrito order, amirite? C’mon, man. Nothing worse than leaving out the sliced bell peppers, huh? I mean, how hard is it to bring back the correct burrito? Hey, I ain’t mad at ya Loretta Armstrong. Your dumbass son deserved every blow to the face you administered. And nice try on the fake heart attack too. When all else fails always go to the old cardiac arrest routine.

Note: Might wanna cut back on the cussing and yelling though.

Note II: So it took the Milton, WV, Po-Po 3-hours to arrest 48-year old Loretta Armstrong? What the hell? You’re better ‘n ‘at, man. 

 

So I’ve been hearing the talking heads of the sports world, most of whom haveloss no idea what it’s like to ever play a sport, discussing the collapse of the Oklahoma City Thunder the other night. Make no mistake, it was a collapse by OKC and not an amazing comeback by Golden State, despite what most of the clueless analysts are saying.

Anyway, the discussion always seems to come down to this – will the Thunder recover? How long will it take for them to overcome and get past this? It seems that most folks are saying things like, “Oh, it will sting for awhile but they’re professionals. They’ll eventually get over it.”

Let me say this. I’ve coached for over 30-years and have suffered some tough losses.

I had a team that was ranked #2 in Ohio and was undefeated through our first 15-games. We lost one of our best players to ineligibility and ended up losing our opening tournament game.

Another game we were undefeated and lost in triple overtime to a team we should have beaten. The team took several three 3-pointers in the last few seconds of the 4th quarter, getting their own rebound and kicking it back out for another chance 2-3 times. Problem is we were up 3 at the time and we should’ve fouled. For whatever reason I didn’t tell my team to do that. I think I was probably trusting my defense to make a stop, but in retrospect it was a bad decision. We ended up losing our first game of the year that night.

In addition, I’ve had players miss free throws that would’ve won huge games for us, and I’ve had players turn the ball over in crucial situations that led directly to losses.

So, back to the original question. When do you get over tough losses and failures in really, really big games?

You don’t.

Ever.

Sure, you learn to deal with it and you don’t dwell on it every day, but it never really leaves you. Not if you’re a real competitor.

For instance, that tournament game we lost back in 1993, over 23-years ago? How often do I think about it? Oh, not as much as I used to. Maybe once or twice a week now.

Because like I said, you never really get over it.

Ever.

Note: Make no mistake, there are athletes who get over losses quickly, but not the great ones. Everyone likes to win, but the greatest athletes hate to lose. Big, big difference. Back when I coached Junior High kids I could always tell which players would turn out to be great. They were the players who, after losses, sat in the locker room or on the bus with their heads down, fighting tears. The losses hurt.

Holy Mother of God, that’s a big gator. Word is that this beast is actually a tourist attraction at this golf course. Here’s the thing though – I don’t think a lot of people realize that alligators can run, and I mean fast enough to catch a dog. If this big boy suddenly decided to turn and make a run at these idiot golfers we have a gator bait situation right there on the fairway. Anywho, if you happen to be in Florida HOLY HELL THAT’S A BIG ALLIGATOR!

PS – Yeah, “Get next to it for perspective.” Now there’s some good advice.

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I’ve said this before and people don’t seem to want to face reality. Yes, Russ Westbrook is an ungodly athletic freak and probably the quickest man in The Association. That said, he absolutely kills the Thunder defensively at times. Finally, here’s a video to prove my point. Young players, watch this video and take notes.

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Milunka Savic enlisted in the Serbian military pretending to be a man. She fought in WWI and was wounded no less than nine times during her service. She also single-handedly captured 23 Bulgarian soldiers.

 

Badass.

Badass.

Yikes.

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Kids, listen up. People who play games for a living are not heroes. People who pretend to be other people in movies are not heroes. For the love of God, people in reality television are not heroes. However, the men in the photos below are bonafide American badasses and true heroes. These men looked the Nazis in the eye, beat their asses and made them quit. These particular photos are from D-Day, the day the United States launched the largest seaborne invasion in history and faced Hitler’s minions head-on. The Nazis thought they were ready for anything. They weren’t.  The men you see in these photos, my friends, were the real deal.

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Live at The Last Waltz, The Band’s legendary farewell concert.

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R.I.P. Alex.

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Pulpit Rock is one of the most visited natural tourist attractions in Norway. It is a steep and massive cliff nearly 2000-feet above Lysefjorden. That’s opposite the Kjerag plateau, in Forsand, Ryfylke, Norway but of course you knew that. The top of the cliff is approximately 82 by 82 feet and almost flat. It was visited by 150,000 – 200,000 people every year. The visitors take a 2.4 mile hike to Preikestolen.

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Where’s the railing? I don’t see any railing. And look at that guy on the edge! Sweet mother.

Scientists have recently discovered repeating radio signals coming from a mysterious source well beyond the Milky Way. While one-off fast radio bursts (FRBs) have been detected in the past, this is the first time multiple signals have been detected coming from the same place in space.

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Why do we think they’re going to look like this? Serious question.

There’s a new day breakin’ . . .

SACRAMENTO (CBS SF) — An 11-year-old boy receiving three 1degrees became the youngest graduate at American River College this year, by far.

Tanishq Abraham graduated from high school at age 10, and now has his sights set on a medical degree.  He told KCRA he wasn’t intimidated by taking classes with students twice his age.

“Even the first time I came to a college class, I wasn’t really nervous, so, this isn’t much of a big thing to me,” Abraham said.

Abraham graduated with a perfect 4.0 GPA, which didn’t come as a surprise to his mother.

“Even in kindergarten he was pretty ahead, two years ahead, and just went from there,” she said.

Look at Tanishq Abraham up there, just holding his degree like he owns the place, looking all smug and whatnot. Dude has prick written all over him. “Oh, it wasn’t a big thing to me“, bah-blah-blah. Oooh, he was 2-years ahead of everyone in kindergarten. Big deal.

And hey, the fact that I graduated high school at 18 and college at 28 has nothing to do with my resentment either. Nothing at all.

PS: Where the hell is American River College? Sounds shady as hell, man.

Note: Seriously, I’ve never understood parents who move their kids up even one grade in school. Do they do it so they can brag to their friends? Honestly, what’s the rush? What’s the advantage of graduating college at 20 or 21 rather than 23? Who wants to enter the workforce earlier than everyone else? Enjoy your childhood, man.

One of my JH students (and noted classic rock fan) Madelyn sent me this list, which was posted over on UltimateGuitar.com. Maddy and I have a shared interest in music, and she knew I’d be interested. I knew that she and I were on the same page musically when she sent me a message after viewing Miley Cyrus’s cover of Strawberry Fields Forever on TV awhile back. Maddy was outraged and wanted heads to roll. My kinda kid. Anyhoo, prepare to become nauseous. I’ll give you the 10-facts, followed by my scintillating commentary.

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The Washington Post: Three years ago, a group of researchers at Cornell apple-w_bite-copyUniversity’s Food and Brand Lab had a hunch. They knew that many of apples being served to kids as part of the National School Lunch Program were ending up in the trash, virtually untouched. But unlike others, they wondered if the reason was more complicated than simply that the kids didn’t want the fruit.

Specifically, they thought the fact that the apples were being served whole, rather than sliced, was doing the fruits no favor. And they were on to something.

A pilot study conducted at eight schools found that fruit consumption jumped by more than 60 percent when apples were served sliced. And a follow-up study, conducted at six other schools, not only confirmed the finding, but further strengthened it: Both overall apple consumption and the percentage of students who ate more than half of the apple that was served to them were more than 70 percent higher at schools that served sliced apples.

Oh, for the love of God. So kids prefer sliced apples because eating an unsliced apple is too much work? Kids eat 60%-70% more apples if they’re sliced for them? Man, if this isn’t further proof of the Wussification of America I don’t know what it is. What a bunch of pansies. America, we’ve failed our youth.

Note: Seriously, who likes sliced apples? Man up, pick that thing up and bite into it. The skin is good for you, right? 

Note II: I swear to God we’re raising a generation of wimps. God help us.

Because of course.

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Let’s take a look at the article. My insightful and humble comments follow:sexy

It seems that men who can spin a yarn are seen by women as more attractive and of higher status.

New research suggests that storytelling prowess is a desirable quality in a guy — possibly because it signals that they’re high-status.

Researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and SUNY Buffalo came to these conclusions after conducting a series of studies with hundreds of male and female undergrads as participants.

In one study, undergrads read descriptions of men and women, some of which specified that the man or woman tells great stories. Results showed that women found men who were good storytellers more attractive as long-term partners than men who were only decent storytellers, or men whose bios didn’t mention storytelling ability at all.

The researchers also asked the participants to indicate whether they thought the man or woman would be popular, admired, and a good leader. Answers to these questions indicated how high-status the person seemed.

Sure enough, men who were supposedly good storytellers were perceived by women as higher status.

Well, well, well. Lookee here. This sure explains a lot, huh? Turns out women find storytellers like me sexy. And all this time I thought it was my sparkling personality, youthful enthusiasm and girlish figure. Instead it’s my ability to spin a fascinating yarn. Who knew? Now excuse me whilst I go sharpen up my wordsmith skillz.

So here’s the latest, a Rockette kick to the face of Andre Roberson. Uh, people realize that this is not a normal action for a basketball player to make, right? Just crane-kicking a guy in the head? Maybe the NBA has already sent a message that he can do whatever he wants? Good God, man.

OAKLAND, CA - APRIL 27:  Draymond Green #23 of the Golden State Warriors reacts after making a three-point basket against the Houston Rockets in Game Five of the Western Conference Quarterfinals during the 2016 NBA Playoffs at ORACLE Arena on April 27, 2016 in Oakland, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of Getty Images License Agreement.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

OAKLAND, CA – APRIL 27: Draymond Green #23 of the Golden State Warriors reacts after making a three-point basket against the Houston Rockets in Game Five of the Western Conference Quarterfinals during the 2016 NBA Playoffs at ORACLE Arena on April 27, 2016 in Oakland, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

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Money, man.

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Look at him. The Octopi are coming.

Look at him. The Octopi are coming.

Just so you know, you can use octopuses, octopi or even octopodes, the latter of which is rather awesome.

But seriously, do you have any idea what these creatures are capable of? I’ve been doing some octopus research recently and have been somewhat flabbergasted by these amazing animals. Why have I been doing octopus research, you ask? Why do I do anything? Because I either find it funny, it angers me or it fascinates me. Deal with it.

Anyhoo, there are several things I found out about octopuses that are intriguing as hell, and I also have a pretty cool story and a video to pass on as well. The video is at the bottom, and you simply must watch it. Your mind will be blown.

Let’s get to it. I’ll start with the story we ran across during my crack staff’s extensive research. Read on:

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Lordy.

There are also documented cases of octopuses unscrewing lids of baby-proof bottles, squeezing through tiny holes and entering houses to steal food, and stacking shells to form fortresses in the ocean. Jeepers creepers, man.

Here are some other cool facts:

  • Octopuses don’t have 8-legs. They have 4-pairs of arms. Somehow that sounds way more scary.
  • Octopuses can walk across land. Again, j-u-s-t a tad horrifying.
  • Octopuses use tools and weapons. There have been cases of octopuses beating a diver over the head with a conch shell. Sweet Mother of God.
  • Octopuses have unique, distinct personalities, just like people. Well, most people.
  • Octopuses have three hearts. Two pump blood through each of the two gills, while the third pumps blood through the body.
  • When discovered, an octopus will release a cloud of black ink to obscure its attacker’s view, giving it time to swim away. The ink even contains a substance that dulls a predator’s sense of smell, making the fleeing octopus harder to track. Diabolical.
  • Fast swimmers, they can jet forward by expelling water through their mantles. And their soft bodies, with no internal or external skeleton, can squeeze into impossibly small cracks and crevices where predators can’t follow. Sneaky and slimy, dangerous combination. Trust me, I used to have a superintendent back in the 00’s that fit that description perfectly.
  • Octopuses have beaklike jaws that can deliver a nasty bite, and
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    Octopus beak. Horrifying.

    venomous saliva, used mainly for subduing prey. Sorta looks like a parrot’s beak. Hey, there’s one right there >>>>>>.

  • If all else fails, an octopus can lose an arm to escape a predator’s grasp and re-grow it later with no permanent damage. The arms can even react after they’ve been completely severed. In one experiment, severed arms jerked away in pain when researchers pinched them.W-h-u-u-u-u-t?
  • Octopuses arms have a mind of their own. Two-thirds of an octopus’ neurons reside in its arms, not its head. As a result, the arms can problem solve how to open a shellfish while their owners are busy doing something else, like checking out a cave for more edible goodies or planning to overthrow the world.

And finally and most remarkably . . .

  • Octopuses are capable of changing their body shape and color to mimic other animals and other ocean life. Check it:

Good God almighty, that was impressive. I agree with the dude in the video. Chameleons got nuthin’ on the octopodes.

So there’s your nature Lesson ‘o’ the Day, kids. I hope you learned something, I know I did. But after reading this, I have a ominous feeling that somewhere, out in the ocean, there’s an island where octopuses are fine-tuning their walking abilities. And then someday in the future, Hawaii or Bermuda or some other small isolated island will be attacked by marauding, spear-wielding and poison ink squirting octopuses. An Octopi Army if you will. And this future conflict will be called by CNN the Revenge of the Calamari or something along those lines.

Prepare yourselves, people. Prepare yourselves.

But damn. Octopuses, man.

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“Knock on wood” derived from Pagans touching, tapping or knocking on trees believing they were the homes of fairies who would wake and bless them with luck.

 

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Listen, I’m totally going to not going to sit here and make fun of kids at the Scripps Spelling Bee. Hey, they can spell words and stuff! And just because they’re a bunch of home-schooled nerds who lack even the basic social skills is a great reason isn’t reason to poke fun at them. Ah, hell, who am I kidding? This kid from the 2014 Bee is the perfect example of a Scripps Spelling Bee contestant. Deal with it.

Note: Never celebrate too early kid, lest you look like an idiot. That’s science.

Note II: The Bee is being shown on ESPN as we speak. ESPN. You can’t make this stuff up.

Note III: Come on, kid. Kabaragoya. Anybody knows how to spell that. Geesh.

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Listen, I love emotion on the court. Positive emotions like throwing a fist in the air, hugging teammates, all that is great. Hell, if you hit a game-winning shot go nuts, I don’t care. However, if you dunk on somebody in the second quarter and scream like a little girl who just saw a mouse, well, that’s not cool. You may as well be screaming, “Look at me! LOOK AT MEEEE!”

Again, I know I’m old school but I prefer the players who let their game do the talkin’.

Anywho, here’s a little slideshow of some the NBA’s notorious screamers. Enjoy but not really. Oh, and read the captions because I’m awesome.

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Too good not to include.

Asshats are worldwide, folks. Here we have an asshat in China who has double-parked his Jaguar, blocking in a Range Rover. Turns out this was the wrong cat to block in. Interesting note here – it says in the video description that everyone is helping and encouraging the Range Rover driver, and nobody is protesting. The Chinese, man. Gotta love ’em.

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