Alabama Assclowns Kill Duck With Bat, Rightfully Sent To Jail

Ass. Holes.

Two former Alabama college athletes have been arrested after they allegedly beat a duck with baseball bat and left it for dead after attending a party. Thomas ‘Landon’ Grant and Jacob Frye, both 19, are accused of taking the white Muscovy duck from a pond at Central Alabama Community College in Alexander City following the gathering of baseball players on campus. The pair beat it with the bat, then took it to a nearby apartment where they decided to ‘put it out of its misery’, according to a police report.

The coach who found the duck contacted officials at the school which led to a criminal police investigation.

It’s not clear if the players remain on the team or if they have faced disciplinary action by the university.

The duo was booked into Tallapoosa County Jail on the same charge Friday, according to Detective Robert Oliver.

You guys know me. No way I’m gonna try and make anything humorous about this. Hell, I stopped my car to help a damn turtle cross the road on 41 south during my drive back from the friendly little town of Peebles, Ohio, today.* But these two freakshows? They can go straight to hell for all I care. I wonder if that made them feel like tough guys, killing a little animal? And show me a kid who kills animals for kicks and I’ll show you a future Jeffrey Dahmer. That’s science. And kudos to the coach who found the duck and turned these assholes in. Give that dude a raise. But Thomas Grant and Jacob Frye? Fry ’em for all I care.

*That was sarcasm. Some of you get it.

PS- I’m not anti-hunting. I don’t hunt but I get it. But this? No punishment is enough in my opinion.

PPS- I’m actually sort of surprised this is against the law in Alabama because you know, Alabama.