Posts Tagged ‘Keepin’ it Real’

No, no. You didn’t really think I’d write about that, did you? What I’d like to talk about is a subject that has been gnawing at me for quite some time.  I’ve touched on it in a previous blog, but since it’s still rearing its ugly head I’d like to revisit the subject in the form of an open letter.  Let us proceed:

Dear Asshat,

I know you are very proud of yourself because you “keep it real.” I’ve heard you mouth off several times only to follow up with the statement, “Hey, you know me man. I’m keepin’ it real. Just sayin’ what I feel.” You actually feel as if this is some badge of honor, something to be admired for, indeed, something that sets you apart from the rest of us “phonies.” So, let me get this straight so I understand what “keeping it real” means. It means that when a thought works its way into your wee mind, it just comes flying straight out of your mouth? And this makes you special why? Isn’t that the easy way out? Isn’t it more honorable to actually withhold those asinine thoughts inside your teeny tiny brain? You know, censor yourself a little? Show some restraint?

You know what I think? I think your brain is so miniscule you could put it in a flea’s ass and it would bounce around like a BB in a boxcar. Just keepin’ it real.

So, to reiterate (look it up), it’s doesn’t make you special to just blurt out whatever you’re thinking. That’s what 2-year olds do. It’s OK to fake it from time-to-time or you know, just hold it in. Guess what? It’s actually cooler, and in fact makes you a better person, to just stop, take a breath, and shut your piehole.

Sincerely,

Shoe

God, I feel much better now. Thank you and goodnight.

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