Archive for February, 2014

bcgeYahoo – Call it the biggest Facebook mistake ever. A daughter’s snarky status update has cost her father the $80,000 settlement he won during an age discrimination lawsuit. According to the Miami Herald, Patrick Snay, 69, was the headmaster at Gulliver Preparatory School in Miami for several years, but in 2010, the school didn’t renew his contract. Snay sued his former employer for age discrimination and won a settlement of $80,000 in November 2011. The agreement contained a standard confidentiality clause, prohibiting Snay or the school from talking about the case. However, Snay’s daughter, Dana, now at Boston College and a part-time Starbucks barista, couldn’t resist bragging about the case on Facebook. “Mama and Papa Snay won the case against Gulliver,” she wrote. “Gulliver is now officially paying for my vacation to Europe this summer. SUCK IT.”

Dana has 1,200 Facebook friends, many of whom are current and former Gulliver students and news of the post made its way back to the school’s lawyers, who appealed the verdict. The Third District Court of Appeal tossed out the $80,000 discrimination suit earlier this week. “Snay violated the agreement by doing exactly what he had promised not to do,” Judge Linda Ann Wells wrote. “His daughter then did precisely what the confidentiality agreement was designed to prevent.”

Nice job, Dana. You’re social media addiction just cost your family 80 grand. On a related note, your Facebook picture is disgusting. Thank you and goodnight.

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Seriously, I’m saying nothing.

Nostalgic stuff.

Storming the court was overdone anyway.

Why, you ask? Imagine this . . .

I’m asleep in my bed at 3:30 in the morning, or maybe I’m in the shower, possibly walking down a dark street at night, somebody shoots me a text and I hear this:

Yep, terrifying. I always expect a zombie to be looming over me or ripping the shower curtain open or leaping around the corner to kill me.

I really need to back off on the whole Walking Dead obsession.

Anyway, Walking Dead ringtone? Bad idea.

 

TULSA, Okla. — A runaway pickup, with two dogs at the wheel? It happened Tuesday in1 Tulsa near 25th and Riverside Drive. No one was injured, but thanks to the two canines traffic was backed up and their owner’s truck is badly damaged.

The dogs, Roscoe and Luna, were inside their owner’s truck at the top of the hill on 25th Street. In a matter of minutes, they were barreling
across Riverside Drive and into the Arkansas River bed.

“It’s was an expensive joy ride,” the dogs’ owner Nicholas Scott said. He told Fox 23 he left his dogs inside his truck for about 15 minutes while he went inside a home.

“I got around to the front of the house where the truck was, and it’s like not there,” he said. “And I was like ‘did I get towed?'”

One of the dogs had put the car into gear and they took off.

“Approximately three blocks down a hill,” Tulsa firefighter Clay Ayers said. The dogs missed drivers on Riverside Drive, runners on the trail and narrowly missed landing in the Arkansas River.

Roscoe and Luna were not charged in the incident.

Gotta love Roscoe and Luna, huh? There owner leaves the truck for 15-minutes and they make a break for it. I bet they’d been planning this getaway for weeks, just waiting for the right moment. Word on the street is they were headed for the Tulsa Dog Pound to bust out their friends before they crashed into that damn river bed.

I bet they would have made it too if they had, you know, opposable thumbs and legs that could reach the brakes.

Nice try, Roscoe and Luna. Nice try indeed.

A Boy and His Dog

Posted: February 27, 2014 in Animals, Inspiration, Pets, Things I Love
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If you’re not touched you have no soul.

So I’m at school today, subbing in the high school. I have to go over to the elementary to talk 1to somebody when I walk by the gym where I used to teach PE. As I’m walking by, a little 3rd grader is walking out to get a drink. She looks up, freezes, then runs up to me and gives me a mega-hug. As she does, she whispers to me:

“Please come back.”

That put a mile wide smile on my face.

Life’s little moments are always the best, aren’t they?

When the teller laughs in your face you know things aren’t going well. In addition, the professional gangsters usually get off their cell phones while committing a felony.

Well played, sir. Well played.

Posted: February 24, 2014 in Humor
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1Harold Ramis, who wrote, starred in and/or directed some of the most influential comedies of all-time, has died at the age of 69 from complications from an autoimmune disease. The Chicago native either wrote or had a hand in writing such timeless classics such as “Animal House”, “Caddyshack”, “Ghostbusters”, “Stripes”, “Meatballs”, “Back to School”, “Analyze This”, and “Groundhog Day”. It’s not a stretch to say his writing helped forever alter the movie comedy landscape.

He also played iconic characters such as Egon the Ghostbuster and Private Russel Ziskey, Bill Murray’s pal in “Stripes” and directed the iconic comedies “Caddyshack” and “National Lampoon’s Vacation”. But he left his largest mark with the written word.

After doing great work at Chicago’s Second City theater and “SCTV”, he left his hometown for further success and would soon team up with the brilliant Doug Kenney and Chris Miller to write perhaps the greatest comedy of all time, “Animal House”. He then helped shape ’80s comedy with the some of the aforementioned classics. Though he slowed down a bit in the ’90s, he was still making quality work and even directed a few episodes of “The Office”.

But to anyone who grew up in the ’70s and ’80s, Harold Ramis helped provide the laughs of our lifetime. He also helped redefine what it meant to be funny on the big-screen. Though he didn’t have the star power of Bill Murray or Chevy Chase, he was every bit as important in shaping the way the world laughed for five decades.

Vintage Hook, before they went all sappy and whatnot.

You know, I understand that Duck Dynasty is scripted and the boys are basically playing roles. I get that. I still enjoy the show occasionally even though I know it’s fake. Still, after looking at these photos of the boys from a few years ago, there’s one thing I can’t overlook.

Willie’s frosted tips.

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Willie’s family.

1a

Jase’s family.

1c

Jep’s family.

Bad dreams are made of this.

Vintage Paul.

Fails of the Week!

Posted: February 22, 2014 in Fails, Humor
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A weekly tradition.

Now I’ve gone and done it. I’ve pissed off a clown. Yesterday I wrote about my hatred of 1clowns and late last night I got a response. Apparently the writer of the email is a lifelong clown who took offense to my opinion and felt the need shoot me an angry missive.

In the spirit of fairness I shall now print, word for word, the angry clown’s email. My response follows. Enjoy:

Dear Shoe: Untied,

I read with much consternation your blog and your opinion of clowns. I have been a clown for 37 years, and I can assure you I have never been drunk on the job, dropped my pants inappropriately, insulted a woman, complained to a hotel receptionist, nor been in a fight.

I come from a long line of clowns. My grandfather was a clown, my father was a clown, and my mother was a clown. I hope my son becomes a clown. 

Our purpose as clowns is simple – to make people laugh. Obviously you don’t find clowns funny but I can assure you that many people do.

Finally, your comparison of clowns to serial killers is ignorant and mean spirited. And you should know that there are some clowns you don’t want to anger. Remember that.

Whoa, back up there a second, Mr. Clown.

That sure took a dark turn. The angry clown was objecting to my blog in such a polite and respectful way, and then I’m pretty sure I was threatened there at the end.

But I gotta tell you, as I was reading this I couldn’t stop laughing.

I mean, has there ever been anything written that is funnier than “I come from a long line of clowns. My grandfather was a clown, my father was a clown, and my mother was a clown. I hope my son becomes a clown“? That cracks me up because it’s hilarious and sort of sad at the same time.

And is there an appropriate way to drop your pants? I’m dyin’ over here.

And isn’t it kind of fitting that I got the email at 2:30 in the morning? Can’t you just picture some poor 51-year old clown, still in make-up, sitting at a computer in his mom’s basement having just returned from a 189-mile trip (one way) to entertain a group of 7-year olds at a birthday party in upstate New Jersey? Can’t you just see the sad clown reading my blog, shaking his head, pounding his keyboard and firing off a response? I bet he even ripped his nose off and threw it in the corner in a fit of clown rage.

Comedy gold.

I swear, the only thing that would have made the email better is if he’d signed it with his clown name. How awesome would it have been if he had concluded with, “Sincerely, Bonkers the Clown”?

God, that would have been epic.

To conclude, let it be known to all that I may soon be attacked by an angry clown.  Yes, a clown attack may be imminent. So, attention all residents of western Ross County! Be on the lookout for a man with orange hair, size 27 shoes and a bright red bulbous nose. He has also been seen traveling with a dog made from balloons. If you see this man do not approach him, as he may be armed with seltzer water, a squirting flower or a large rubber hammer.

I swear I’m in tears right now.

And the best part of all this? It’s the first time a clown has ever made me laugh.

Note: Does anyone else see the irony in the clown being upset about my serial killer line, then basically threatening me? Hilarity.

So subtle. So real. Outstanding performance Stella!

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Chilling.

So I heard on TV recently that there is soon to be a clown shortage in our country. To the Ronald McDonald’s of the world, this may constitute a national emergency.

To me? A reason to rejoice.

Anyway, my crack staff here at Shoe: Untied researched it, and it’s sho’nuff true. Here’s the story:

The U.S.’s clown shortage is no laughing matter.

Love the last paragraph:

International competition may also be a factor. “There’s a lot of clowns coming out of China who will work for really cheap,” Seal added. 

Nothing worse than a cheap Chinese clown.

So here’s my thing with clowns – I hate ’em. Something about the way they look and the way they hide behind their creepy clown face-paint. Did you know infamous serial killer John Wayne Gacy was a part-time clown?

And I read that article, and the fact that there’s a World Clown Association is absolutely horrifying. The thought of hundreds of these bozos meeting on a regular basis gives me chills.

But am I biased, you ask? Has my clown attitude somehow been tainted? It has.

Let me tell you a quick story . . .

Years ago I went to a coaches clinic at a big hotel in Columbus. It just so happens that there were two other groups having conventions at the same hotel that weekend – Mary Kay Cosmetics reps and clowns.

Think about it. Three large groups at the same hotel, hanging in the lobby, going to the bar, wandering the hallways. These groups were coaches, clowns and Mary Kay reps. And yes, it was as freaky as it sounds.

And do you know who was the nastiest, drunkest, meanest group of the three?

Clowns, and it wasn’t even close.

They’d pull up to the lobby in a little car, sixteen of them would roll out stinking drunk, staggering around, dropping their pants and squirting God knows what into people’s faces. It was just awful. There were several fights, almost always started by the clowns. They harassed the Mary Kay women, got thrown out of the bar, mooned people in elevators, and bitched and moaned at the reception desk about prices and room service.

Clowns are nasty.

Believe me, when coaches are the voice of virtue and reason at an out-of-town conference, you are officially in Bizarro World.

Note: The clowns had one of those big conference rooms where they sold clown stuff, and it was incredible. You had to have some sort of official clown card so I couldn’t get in, but what I caught glimpses of was awesome. You could buy giant clown shoes, flowers that squirted water, red noses, fright wigs, those joy buzzers you shock people with, everything a clown could ever want. I know, weird. I hate clowns but I’d love to have the clown paraphernalia.

But bottom line? My experiences with clowns have not been good.

Oh, there are a few clowns I’ve liked, but not many. A clown sampling of my faves:

Flunky the Clown

I loved Flunky. He was sort of an anti-clown, hence the appeal.

Homey the Clown

Homey was also an anti-clown. I’m sensing a trend here.

Krusty the Clown

Yep, it’s official. I like anti-clowns.

Thus ends my thoughts on the coming national clown shortage. In my opinion, the less clowns lurking about the better. I think people who become clowns do so because they can hide behind that clown make-up. They’re cowardly clowns if you will. Yes, it is my opinion that clowns have secrets. Dark, evil secrets.

So stay away from me Bozo, Chuckles, Flippy or whatever you call yourself. I know your real name is something like Vincent Schuster and you’re a 43-year old unmarried accountant who lives with his mother.

And I guess the worst title I can bestow upon you, clown boy?

You’re not funny. Now kindly go honk your nose at someone else.

I read the book, and this man is one of the most amazing, inspiring human beings who has ever lived.

3026388-poster-p-1-us-labeled-map-music-artist

One of my favorite bands, period.

Never underestimate experience, young bucks.

Truer words were never spoken.