Posts Tagged ‘Cliches’

Sorry about that title. I’m a little uptight tonight but it’ll pass. It always does. OK, deep breath . . . let us proceed.

Do you ever get sick of hearing the same worn-out cliches from the sports world and life in general? God knows I do. To begin this blog I started with 20+ phrases that I’m absolutely sick of or simply don’t understand, but with the help of my crack staff here at Shoe: Untied I narrowed it down to 9. I really need to get these off my chest. Those close to me are probably sick and tired of hearing me complain about them, so consider this a bit of a soul cleansing exercise.

Here ye be:

1. “I gave 110% out there.”

No you didn’t. I hate this phrase, and not just because it’s mathematically impossible. And why is it always 110%? Why stop there? Why not 120%? 200%? 587%? Anyway, my point has always been you can’t give 110%. If you don’t believe me, try withdrawing 110% from your savings account or eating 110% of a pie. You can’t do it, damn it. Hell, I’d venture to say you can’t even give 100%. It would more than likely kill you, right? I’d say the most ball-busting, hard working, crazy-ass athlete out there is giving around 85%. Hey, you gotta rest sometime.

By the way, Pete Rose? 97%.

2. “We didn’t have enough energy.”

How many times have you heard a coach say, “They had more energy than we did.” Or, “We didn’t have a lot of energy out there.” Gawd. I hate that kind of talk. Try using that the next time you don’t meet expectations at work. “Sorry, boss, I just didn’t have a lot of energy today.” Isn’t that just another way of saying your team got out-hustled? By saying you didn’t have enough energy it’s almost like it’s out of your team’s control, that some God of Energy touched the other team pre-game but ignored yours. Just have the guts to say your team didn’t work hard.

3. “He’s very good in space.”

You know, as in “Man, #45 is a great football player. He loves the ball in space” or “He tackles well in space.” Huh? Where are we, Uranus? Didn’t we used to just say “open field?” And who isn’t better “in space?” Have you ever known a football player who was better with 5 defenders around him?

Note: Uranus jokes never get old, do they? Pure comedy.

4. “I’m just keepin’ it real.”

And by keeping it real they mean just letting whatever pops into their head come flying straight out of their mouth. Why is keeping it real some sort of badge of honor? Isn’t it easier to “keep it real” than otherwise? Isn’t it more honorable to hold your tongue and not always say what you’re thinking? I mean, I guess I should just go around letting whatever I’m thinking just come flying out of my mouth. “Hey, that’s one butt-ugly wife you have there, Mr. Sparnarkel” or “Hey boss, your daughter looks like a cross between Yoda and E.T. Hey-O!”

5. “Everything happens for a reason.”

Really? Does everything happen for a reason or just certain things? I only hear people say this after some serious event has taken place. For instance, this morning I stubbed my toe getting out of the shower. Did that happen for a reason? If so, what was the reason? Because I really want to know. The other day I dropped my cell phone in the urinal at Rooster’s. Reason being . . . what? I’m waiting, because you DID say everything after all. Hey, I’m as spiritual as the next guy but I’m thinking most things just happen randomly for no reason at all and people say otherwise in order to help them deal with life. If we believe things happen for a reason, that everything is going according to some MASTER PLAN, then it’s out of our control and there’s no reason to worry about it and everything is going to be okie-dokie.

Man, am I a buzzkill or what?

6. “It’s going to come down to who wants it more.”

No, actually it’s going to come down to who scores the most points. Sometimes the team who wants it more actually loses. Sorry. By the way, World War II? We wanted it more.

7. “We need to get our swagger back.”

This is what we used to call confidence, right? Or are we talking about walking with a bounce in our step? Or maybe trash talking and acting like a fool? Ding! Ding! We have a winner. Still, John Wayne had swagger, right? Barney Fife did not? I’m just trying to get a handle on this because I’m confused. Here’s what Webster has to say:

To walk or conduct oneself with an insolent or arrogant air. To strut.”

And this helps you win games how? Maybe it’s just me, but I always thought other things helped you win games. You know, like hard work and practice.

8. “It is what it is.”

Well, yeah. What else would it be? You know, other than what it is? It can’t be what it isn’t, correct? Sweet Jesus.

9. “Moving forward.”

Some examples:

“I have high hopes for my team moving forward.”

“Moving forward, we want to improve our test scores.”

“Moving forward, I’d like to see more intelligent conversations regarding the philosophies of Kant and Nietzsche.”

You know, stuff like that.

But I don’t really get it. Aren’t we all moving forward all the time? We can’t move backwards, though God knows there’ve been times I would have liked to. It seems to me that, in most cases, you could simply leave that phrase out. It’s not needed because it’s nearly always implied.

Those three examples I used up there? Let’s say them without the “moving forward” nonsense:

“I have high hopes for my team moving forward.”

Moving forward, we want to improve our test scores.”

Moving forward I’d like to see more intelligent conversations regarding the philosophies of Kant and Nietzsche.”

See? All three statements totally work without the dumb words “moving forward” inserted. In fact they’re better, more streamlined and economical.

Amazing really.

So those are my top 9. Of course, there are a couple clichés that are actually useful, such as “It’s not you, it’s me.” That usually works by the way. And in my case it actually was usually me. Hey, just keepin’ it real.

Alright, I’m out. I’m sure I’ll think of several more as I go take Sparky for a walk. Perhaps I shall swagger along the way, who knows. Lord knows Sparky will. I don’t know who will get the most out of this little excursion, but it will surely come down to who wants it more. I’m guessing that will be the dog, because I plan to release him from the leash when we get to the open field, where he runs best in space. Hopefully we will suffer no horrific accident along the way, but if we do, feel secure in the knowledge that it happened for reason, because after all, it is what it is moving forward.

Note: I only gave 39% on this blog. Not enough energy.

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