Brains missing from the University of Texas, experts think they “may have been stolen.”

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — The University of Texas at Austin is missing about 100 brains — about half of the specimens the university had in a collection of brains preserved in jars of formaldehyde.

“We think somebody may have taken the brains, but we don’t know at all for sure,” psychology Professor Tim Schallert, co-curator of the collection, told the Austin American-Statesman.

The Austin State Hospital had transferred the brains to the university about 28 years ago under a “temporary possession” agreement. Schallert said his psychology lab had room for only 100 brains, so the rest were moved to the basement of the university’s Animal Resources Center.

“They are no longer in the basement,” Cormack said.

The university said in a statement that it will investigate “the circumstances surrounding this collection since it came here nearly 30 years ago” and that it’s “committed to treating the brain specimens with respect.”

So Professor Tim Schallert thinks ““Somebody may have taken the brains, but we don’t know at all for sure.”? What the hell? What exactly does he think happened? The brains walked out on their own? A pack of zombies had them for a Thanksgiving Buffet? They vanished into thin air?

Listen, I’m no Sherlock Holmes but here’s what happened. Students stole the brains. They’re sitting on frat house mantels and dorm room coffee tables across Longhorn campus. End of investigation.

Glad to know, though, that if my brain ever ends up at the University of Texas it will be “treated with respect.” You know, other than the fact that some kids may steal it and play soccer with it down on the quad.

Good God, Texas. Get it together.