Archive for the ‘Assclowns’ Category

Hollywood- Rapper Rich the Kid is OK after being attacked in an armed robbery in West Hollywood.

A representative for the 26-year-old rapper, born Dimitri Roger, told USA TODAY that “Rich is OK” following the attack outside of the esteemed Westlake Recording Studios. 

In a statement, Deputy Trina Schrader said three suspects, who she described as black males, assaulted and robbed three victims of their jewelry and money in an alley. TMZ reports that the victims included Roger and two members from his entourage.

Wow, tough day for Rich the Kid, huh? Of course when you name yourself “Rich” you’re sort of putting a target on your back I guess. Oh, and I guess it could’ve been the photo he posted outside the studio a couple hours before the robbery:

Yeah, it was definitely the photo he posted outside the studio a couple hours before the robbery.

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So Coach Bill Bilicheat Belichick once again went through the incredibly obnoxious tradition of renaming his boat a couple days ago, updating the name from VII Rings to VIII Rings after his sixth Super Bowl win (he won two as a defensive coordinator). Deservedly Bill is catching hell for his pretentiousness, but in my opinion the lead is being buried here, and that lead is DAMN THAT’S A TINY BOAT. Holy shit Bill, I have friends that fish in bigger boats on Paint Creek, let alone Boston Damn Harbor. What is that, a 2-seater? Your net worth is $35-million, dude. You’re embarrassing yourself.

PS- Wanna see a real boat? Check out what Tiger Woods tools around in:

PPS- Tiger after seeing Bill’s dinghy:

Check out Alexander Goldinsky, man. Just screwing up Insurance Fraud like you read about. Listen, if you’re going to commit to a crime you have to be all in. You can’t half-ass it like Alexander Goldinsky. That’s Insurance Fraud 101 really. Simply lying down like you’re taking a nap won’t cut it in the Insurance Fraud game, and it’s embarrassing to any self-respecting Insurance Frauders out there.

PS- From this day hence it will be said of anyone who screws up an Insurance Fraud scam that they “pulled a Goldinsky.”

A Taiwanese woman known as the “Bikini Climber,” has tragically died after freezing to death following a fall. GiGi Wu, 36, was embarking on a 25-day hike when she stumbled 65-feet down a ravine in Central Taiwan’s Yushan Mountain, Taiwan News reported. Due to the impact of the fall, Wu sustained injuries to her leg and was unable to move, the outlet reported. Despite her many calls for help, emergency responders were not able to immediately reach her as weather conditions were extremely dangerous. Nearly 28-hours later, Wu was airlifted out but was pronounced dead, officials said, according to local site Liberty News.

Listen, I don’t want anyone to die. That said, some people are begging for it, you know? I mean, climbing mountains while wearing a bikini and then freezing to death has to be the most predictable thing ever, right? Sort of like taking selfies on building ledges and then dying by falling from a great height, that sort of thing. Reminds me of the guy who tried to take a selfie with a crocodile and got eaten. People, man. They’ll apparently do anything for attention, including killing themselves.

 

 

Well played, Kilroy’s. Well played indeed.

Good. God.

I actually attempted two websites before this one and neither really caught on. The first was called Rock Hard Times and was all about music. The second was called The Inside Handshake and stuck exclusively to sports. Then one day it hit me – why limit myself to one subject? Hell, I have opinions and observations on other stuff as well. Why not open it up to everything? Music, sports, politics, science, entertainment, nature, the list was endless. Thus was born Shoe: Untied, a play on my name along with the idea of sort of letting loose (actually a friend of mine came up with the title and I liked it). Anyway, as you know the site turned out to be a pretty eclectic one, and that’s the way my crack staff and I like it.

One thing I discovered early is that you can never, ever predict what people will like. Sometimes I write something I think is great and get very little response. Other times I write something that I feel is sort of trivial and it just blows up (see drunk pig blog below). Like the title says, it defies explanation.

With that said, here is our annual year-end report and Top 25 Most Popular Blogs for 2018. We’ll start with #1 and work our way down. Just click on the title if you want to take a gander.

Australian Pig Steals 18-Beers From Campers, Gets Drunk, Fights Cow

Yes ladies and gentlemen, a short little article I posted along with my observations back in 2014 got over 500,000 views this past year. For you non-mathematicians, that’s over half a million people. Seriously man, it was about a drunk pig. See, a radio station out in Seattle happened upon my site, liked the post, and put a link to that story on its website. Then the Aussies got hold of it and the rest is history.

UPDATE: Drunk Australian Pig That Started Fight With Cow Killed In Car Accident

Aaaand of course the throngs of people who loved the drunken swine story were interested in the tragic update. On a related note, Australians and I have the same exact sense of humor.

My Side of the Story

Nearly 400,000 people from all over the world heard my side of the story, and I’m glad they did.

Sis

I thought losing a basketball job was a tragic experience. I soon learned that, on life’s grand scale, it wasn’t.

My Dad and I

My memories of my father, who we lost just 53-days after my sister.

“Things Most White People Say” List Is Hilarious, Also 100% Correct

Basically just a repost of some funny tweets I’d run across. Good stuff and people liked it.

Incredible Photo of the Day: Gator Catch!

This was another post that the Australians inexplicably enjoyed. A large percentage of its views came from the Land Down Under.

So How Many People Did The Rifleman Actually Kill?

I love the old TV show The Rifleman, so one day I decided to research just how many people Lucas McCain actually killed. The answer? 120. Ol’ Luke murdered 120 people. But hey, they all deserved it so it’s cool.

Scioto Valley Conference Boys Basketball Preview & Predictions

A preview I wrote regarding our local basketball conference. I must say it’s turning out the way I predicted. So far.

The 2017 Ugly Dog Contest Was An Absolute Joke

My critique of the Ugly Dog Contest and its beautiful winner, Martha.

Cool Beans! Words and Phrases That Need To Make A Comeback

Another story I published a couple years that seems to never go away. Just a simple blog about words.

An American Hero: Ruby Bridges

My story about Ruby Bridges, the little 6-year old African-American who integrated an all-white elementary school in New Orleans on November 14, 1960.

Map of the Day: World Rat Distribution

The most fascinating aspect of this map is that Alberta, Canada is rat free, and it’s not by accident.

Regarding Beach Midgets

Just an offbeat, original little story that people seemed to find hilarious.

15 Reasons I Hate LeBron James (Or Used To)

I wrote this after LeBron left Cleveland with his ridiculous television show, “The Decision”. I really did hate the guy for a few years, but he won me back with his letter admitting he’d made a mistake with the way he left, then returning to Cleveland and ultimately bringing them a championship.

Celebrity Mugshots: My Top 10

Another old post that saw a resurgence of sorts in 2018. I’ve no idea why.

Meet Australian Cow Knickers, the Biggest Damn Cow You’ll Ever See

Again, Australians, man.

If You Haven’t heard of August Landmesser It’s a Damn Shame

I’m truly glad people liked this one, and I’m glad I got to spread the word about August Landmesser.

Paint Valley Basketball Records

This is a page I maintain that’s linked to Shoe: Untied. It gets a lot of hits.

Brad Kerns and Parenting the Way It Should Be

A telling story about one of my basketball parents and also one of the best friends I ever had.

The Many Worlds Theory is Wildly Fascinating

A pretty good example of what an eclectic website Shoe: Untied really is.

Map of the Day: USA IQ Test Scores by State

I had a lot I wanted to say here politically bit I couldn’t pull the trigger.

Man Killed Trying to Bring Christianity to Remote Island Tribe

A recent story that was quite controversial. Seems not everyone agreed with my views.

Another Drunk Animal Causes Havoc, and This Time It’s a Sozzled Squirrel.

Who knew drunk animal stories would be so wildly popular? Not I.

Don’t Think Animals Are Scary Smart? Read On.

There’s a certain segment of people who visit my site that can’t get enough of the animal stuff. They just eat it up. Animals, man.

So there ya go. All in all it was the biggest year ever for Shoe: Untied, and I thank the people who visit because you’re obviously as nuts as I am.

Happy New Year everyone.

 

A big game hunter/veterinarian who sparked worldwide fury when he posed next to a lion he had killed has died after falling 100-feet down a ravine while shooting birds. Officials say he was out hunting with pals when he slipped on ice and fell down a ravine at Colle Delle Oche in the hills above the Italian city of Turin.

Luciano Ponzetto had angered animal lovers by posing smiling next to a lion he had shot and then uploading it onto his Facebook page. He hit back at critics and said: “I know that I have done nothing wrong. I am being criticized by people who do not know me, I have always loved my work and I have always loved wild animals.”

First off, we all know this wasn’t an accident, right? The animals are striking back. This dude was pushed off that cliff by a horde of revenge-seeking rabbits or squirrels or something, man. Just shoved him over the edge in the name of Simba, Cecil, the Cowardly Lion and all the other lions. And hey Luciano, please explain how you can “love wild animals” while also putting a slug in their brain. Newsflash – you can’t. Just be honest and tell us you get your jollies killing beautifully majestic creatures. Karma, man. It’s a bitch.

So a damn thief stole a package off someone’s porch, and it turns out he picked the wrong house. This is because the someone was an engineer that happens to work for NASA and rigged the box in an epic manner. Dude put a glitter bomb and fart spray in that sucker, set to go off upon opening. Oh, and he had a hidden camera installed as well, so we can see the madness in all its glory. Trust me, it’s worth a look.

Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Just an awful blow to the head. Hope he’s OK.

What can I say, some headlines just write themselves . . .

BYRON, Ill. — Ten football players at a Northern Illinois high school were suspended from the team for three games last month after they ran across the field naked with Oreo cookies wedged between their buttocks. The Rockford Register Star reports that the Byron High School players were suspended for indecent exposure after school administrators concluded they went on the “Oreo Run” at the school’s football field voluntarily and were not victims of hazing.

Well, isn’t this a crummy story. Listen, I couldn’t care less that a bunch of football players were involved in some homo-erotic team tradition. Hey, to each his own. What does bother me is that perfectly innocent Oreos were involved. Delicious Oreos are made to be eaten, not double-stuffed into a tight end. That’s abuse of a delicious snack treat, my friends.

PS- I heard one of the guys lost the filling in his ass. That’s unfortunate.

PPS- That “double stuffed into a tight end” line is what separates me from your ordinary bloggers, kids.

Sigh . . .

Local radio stations across the country have officially started to air their Christmas playlists as the holiday quickly approaches. But when it comes to Cleveland’s Star 102’s festive lineup, one classic won’t be heard.

“Baby It’s Cold Outside” may have been a fan favorite in the past. However, after one listener called in to flag the song’s lyrics, the station’s emcees realized that there may not be a place for the “manipulative” connotations of the song in 2018.

Written in 1944, the song’s lyrics detail an interaction between a man and woman, when the woman expresses her desire to leave his house, and he lures her to stay:

“My mother will start to worry (Beautiful what’s your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor (Listen to the fireplace roar)
So really I’d better scurry (Beautiful, please don’t hurry)
Well maybe just a half a drink more (Put some records on while I pour).”

“We used to play the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” but the executives told us it’s no longer appropriate,” employee Glenn Anderson wrote on the station’s site.

Aaaand so it begins. First “Baby It’s Cold Outside”, and next they’ll come after “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” because it’s about adultery (yes, I know Santa was actually the father but you get the point). Seriously, I understand the Me Too Movement and its importance. I realize certain attitudes need changing, but isn’t this going a little too far? We’re talking about a Christmas song from another time. It was written in 1944 after all, and music reflects the time in which it was written. And have any of these people listened to rap lyrics? Hell, John Lennon sang about killing his girlfriend if she left him in 1964. Don’t believe me? Check it:

Well, I’d rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or you won’t know where I am
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand, little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end, little girl.

But hey, Lennon never killed anyone as far as we know. But this is not a new story where music is concerned. Remember back in the 80s when some kid committed suicide and his parents blamed an Ozzy Osborne song? You know, because it had nothing to do with the fact they were inattentive, lousy parents. Yeesh.

Anyway, lighten up people. It’s a song.

PS- Anyone under 25 won’t be listening to this song or give a damn anyway.

 

See what I did there?

Washington Post: A Texas mother is calling out a Southwest Airlines employee who she said mocked her 5-year-old daughter’s name and then posted a picture of the small child’s boarding pass on social media.
Traci Redford told ABC affiliate KABC her daughter’s name is Abcde, which is pronounced “ab-si-dee.”

Redford said the incident occurred when she and her daughter were preparing to board a flight from Santa Ana, Calif., home to El Paso, Tex. Redford told the station that a gate agent at California’s John Wayne Airport saw Abcde’s name and started pointing, laughing and talking to other employees about Redford and her child.

Southwest Airlines has since apologized, saying that the social media post is “not indicative of the care, respect, and civility” that the airline requires from its employees.

Here’s the deal. If you name your kid Abcde you should not only expect her to be mocked, you should expect her to be belittled, razzed, teased, disparaged, scorned, roasted, bad-mouthed and pooh-poohed. What are you going to name your next kid, Fghijk? Then Lmnopq? The mind reels, man.

PS- Seriously, why do people try so hard to come up with unique names for their kids? Every time little Blayde or Hayzil or Aliviyah gives someone their name at a bank or hotel they’re going to have to spell it out for the rest of their lives. Little Max, Sam or Hank? Not so much. Time saved, baby.

PPS- Turns out Abcde is not that unique. A little Googling reveals that an Abcde Zoller plays soccer for the University of Hawaii at Hilo, and an Abcde de Coito teaches Zumba classes in the Aloha state. The site NameCandy also suggests the name may also be relatively common in New Mexico and among Latino families. Huh. Who knew?

These are the young men of Baraboo High School in Wisconsin. They are posing on the steps of the county court house before their prom last Spring. And yes, most of them are giving the Nazi salute. How, I ask you, has blatant racism become so acceptable for some people in 2018? How could anyone think this is OK? Hell, by the looks on their faces they seem to find themselves hilarious. I ask you, who has enabled racists to become so damn brazen?

Click to see the faces of bigots up close.

PS- It’s Trump. The person I’m talking about is Trump.

CTV News: A study published this month in the Journal of Family Medicine and Primary Care said 259 people had died taking selfies between October 2011 and November 2017.

The report, based on findings from researchers who scoured worldwide media reports, said the main causes of selfie deaths were drowning, usually involving people being washed away by waves or falling from a boat, followed by people killed while posing in front of a moving train, deaths involving falls from high places or while taking pictures with dangerous animals.

Listen, I think I’m a pretty compassionate person, I really do. That said, it’s hard to feel badly for anyone who dies while being swept away by the ocean, falling off a cruise ship, getting hit by a train, falling off a cliff or getting mauled by a wild animal, all while attempting a cool selfie to post on social media. I’m sorry but that’s funny stuff right there:

“Hey Edna! Get over here! Let’s get a selfie with this crocodile! It’ll be great!”

And seriously, getting hit by a train while posing with your iPhone is classic. It’s really nature weeding out the weak, you know? Natural selection in action, man.

Listen, I couldn’t name one damn Bieber song. Sure, I’ll give anyone a try but the first time I heard him I was out a few bars in. Not my cup of tea. And hey, I know the guy is a tool who wears sunglasses indoors and is about as self-aware as a clam.  Still, I kept my hate at bay until today. Why, you ask? Because today these eyes gazed upon a sight that was so horrific, so outrageous, so abominable and so unforgivable that he can never, ever be forgiven.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, Justin Bieber eats his burritos sideways.

[UPDATE: That’s not Bieber]

PS- Maybe it’s a Canadian thing?

PPS- I’ve offended many a group on this website. Nazis, racists, Duke fans, LeBron James, bowler’s mothers, eclipse lovers, the list is a long one. Bring it on, Beliebers.

LaDue, MO: A St. Louis mother has filed a federal lawsuit, claiming that a soccer coach’s decision to cut her son from the junior varsity team was age discrimination.

The suit claims the soccer coach told the boy’s mom that he was “right on the bubble” of making the team, but that there were too many kids who had a better soccer skill and soccer IQ than him. The coach also wasn’t willing to put the boy on junior varsity again.

The mother and stepfather complained to the school, but they eventually supported the coach’s decision.  The teen’s mom claims her son will face “irreparable harm” if he’s not put on the team.

A judge is expected to make a decision in the case on Monday.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Age discrimination? For realz? Listen, any coach with a brain in their skull will tell you that if two players are of equal talent the younger one usually plays. That’s just common sense, right? Because you’re going to have them longer and they’ll have more of a chance to develop? Bueller? Bueller? Anybody? And sorry kid, but I guarantee your coach was being kind when he said you were “on the bubble.” Newsflash: You were not on the bubble. You were under the bubble. Perhaps nowhere near the bubble. In fact, there were not only “too many kids with better soccer skills” than you, but they also had better soccer IQs. This means you don’t understand how to soccer, dude.

But you know the worst part of this story? The worst part is that mommy squandered a perfect life lesson for this kid, like, you know, work harder to achieve your goals, rewards are earned and not given, stuff like that. I can’t wait until this kid is passed over for a promotion at work when he’s 27 and mom tries to sue his boss. Good stuff, man. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times – how in the world can a kid learn to deal with adversity if mommy and daddy are going to jump in and save them every time they face it?

UPDATE: The judge threw the case out of court, stomped on it, spat upon it and was seen laughing uncontrollably as he skipped away. Good job, judge.

PS- I can totally name some parents who would do this, but I’ll save it for my upcoming blockbuster blog. Stay tuned.

See how my people censored the photos? Crack staff indeed.

Toronto, Canada: Visitors were enjoying a monthly jazz night at Ripley’s Aquarium, in Toronto, Canada, last Friday when a man decided to skinny dip. He didn’t seem to have a worry in the world despite being circled by two sharks. Onlookers seemed equally shocked by his foolishness and nakedness. Security at the aquarium were not pleased with his antics and a video showed them telling him to get out. The exhibitionist seemed to be following their orders but inexplicably dived back into the water moments later. Guards made sure they secured him when he got out again and escorted him away.

Oh my. Where to start? First of all, I think it should be posted at all zoos and aquariums that if you enter a wild animal habitat you are 100% on your own. No discussion, no debate. No other human should be subjected to danger because of your stupidity. Secondly, I’m sure glad that security was “not pleased with his antics.” Had they been pleased they’re probably not very good at securitying. I’ll also pat the onlookers on the back for being “shocked by his foolishness and nakedness.” Seems like an appropriate reaction. Finally, why do crazy people take their clothes off before doing something crazy? There has to be some psychological reason for this, no?

PS- Jazz night indeed.

For the 7% of you out there who still watch major league baseball, you know the playoffs are in progress as we speak. The Dodgers are playing the Brewers, and last night some doofus named Manny Machado loafed to first base on a routine ground ball to the shortstop. Then, after the game he said this:

Obviously I’m not going to change, I’m not the type of player that’s going to be ‘Johnny Hustle,’ and run down the line and slide to first base and … you know, whatever can happen. That’s just not my personality, that’s not my cup of tea, that’s not who I am.”

Uh, OK. We get it. You don’t hustle. You don’t work hard. You’re lazy. You know, because that’s not “who you are” and not your “cup of tea.” I swear to God when I heard the interview on the radio I thought it was a Saturday Night Live parody. On a related note, Manny Machado makes $16-million a year to play baseball.

PS- As a free agent for 2019, he is expected to sign a contract in excess of $400-million. Sigh.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Soddy-Daisy High School’s athletic director Jared Hensley. Listen, I’m about as non-PC as they come, bit this guy is nuts. I was trying my best to believe the guy might be joking, but I’ll be damned if he doesn’t sound serious as hell. How in the world would he ever think this is OK to say in 2018? I mean, I’ve known some dumb administrators, but . . . never mind, just watch.

Listen, I don’t know if this is a setup or not, maybe the drone operator and the guy on the wind turbine are buddies. What I do know is I don’t give a damn, that guy’s batshit crazy. He’s 200-feet up on a Wind Turbine in Rhode Island with no railing and one wobble of that thing or one gust of wind will send him over the edge where he deserves to be – squashed on the ground below. Idiots like this guy deserve what they get.

Update: Apparently this nutcase is a Benedictine Monk who went up there for “some solitude.” What the hell? Don’t they lock the doors to wind turbines in Rhode Island?

Not her. This is a different idiot.

Adriatic News: A cruise ship passenger who was rescued from the Adriatic Sea 10-hours after falling overboard is in “excellent condition,” a doctor said Monday. The 46-year-old British woman is “very healthy,” Irena Hristic, director of the Pula Clinic in Croatia, told reporters.

“She said the fact that she practices yoga helped her as she was fit. And she said she was singing to not feel cold in the sea overnight,” the rescuer told the news site. Probably that’s the only way she survived,” the doctor added. “She’s nice lady. A healthy lady.” The rescued passenger, who identified herself to reporters as Kay, fell from the rear deck of the Norwegian Star as it sailed from Dubrovnik to Venice. 

Wow, it’s great to hear that this poor lady was rescued after spending HOW THE HELL DO YOU FALL OFF A CRUISE SHIP? Had to be drunk, right? Had to be.

PS- Honestly, I can think of few more terrifying things than treading water in the open ocean overnight. Sweet Mother of God.

PPS- More recent reports are saying that she and her boyfriend were fighting, and that “alcohol may have been involved.” Boom. Nailed it.

We’ve all wondered the same thing. How in the hell can an athlete making gazillions of dollars go bankrupt so quickly?

Because, hell yes, it happens. Often.

Consider these staggering facts:

The National Basketball Association leads all U.S. team sports in salaries, paying $6.39 million per year on average. Major League Baseball players earn $4.39 million on average, NHL hockey pays an average income of $2.9 mil to their athletes, and the average salary for NFL players who were drafted and make the team out of training camp is $2.43 million.

To the average hard-working everyman, that’s a shit-ton of cash, amirite?

Still, consider these facts:

After only 2-years of retirement, 78% of NFL players were either broke or struggling financially.

Within 5-years of retirement, 60% of NBA players are broke.

Major League Baseball players file for bankruptcy at a rate 4-times the national average.

Kids, professional athletes file bankruptcy at a rate of 7.8 times more than the average American, who earns an average of $51,000 per household. That said, let’s take a gander at some pro athletes who have pissed away more money than most of us could ever have dreamed of seeing in our lifetimes . . .

Ever heard of boxer Mike Tyson? Dude was a machine early in his career, just demolishing everyone in his path. He was worth $400-million in his prime, yet he went bankrupt.  Tyson’s main competitor, Evander Holyfield, was worth an astounding $560-million at one time, but had to file bankruptcy as well.

Anyone recall NBA point guard Allen Iverson? AI was worth $156-million at one point, but was declared insolvent due to historically hilarious spending.

Former Kentucky Wildcat/Boston Celtic Walker blew through $110-million and filed for bankruptcy as well. How is this possible, you ask? Well, here’s how:

  • He owned two Bentleys, two Mercedes, a Range Rover, a Cadillac Escalade, and a Hummer, all outfitted with the latest gizmos of course.
  • He’d authorized 5-people to use his American Express card.
  • He wouldn’t wear the same suit twice.
  • He had an expensive watch collection.
  • He had a 70-person entourage and paid for their cell phone, rent and car payments (which of course be bought for them too).
  • Add to all that a series of bad investments and a gambling addiction and you have, shall we say, problems.

Yowza. But let us continue.

Remember NFL QB Vince Young? He signed a $26-million contract in 2006 and was broke by 2011. How in the hell? Well, here’s how. Let’s see, one of the reasons is that he did things like buying all the seats on a Southwest Airlines flight, simply because he wanted to fly alone. He also reportedly averaged spending $5,000 a week at The Cheesecake Factory. Now, I like The Cheesecake Factory as much as the next guy, but really? Couldn’t you spend that kind of cash on a personal chef and get a little variety? Jeebus.

There are many levels of stupid, and NBA player Chris Bosh is apparently both stupid and heartless. It’s a long story that you can search up on the Goggle, but his wife Allison of his 3-year old daughter Trinity had to apply for food stamps a few years ago. Chris Bosh at the time, my friends, was making $18-million a year.

And no, the problem isn’t just prominent with kids who grow up poor and in inner cities. To wit . . .

Hall of Fame NFL legend Johnny Unitas went bankrupt. So did quarterback Mark Burnell, who earned $52-million over his long playing career.

Remember Bill Buckner, the Boston Red Sox first baseman who let the ball roll between his legs to let the Mets back in – and win – the World Series in 1986? He had to file for bankruptcy in 2008.

Curt Schilling is a legendary pitcher who had major success in the World Series. He filed for insolvency after he couldn’t pay back a $75-million loan to start a video game company. And Philadelphia Phillies great Lenny Dykstra also had to file for bankruptcy after becoming a “financial guru” in retirement and ending up with $50-million in liabilities and only $50,000 in assets.

There’s more. NFL players Lawrence Taylor, Michael Vick and Travis Henry had highly-publicized legal troubles to make them broke despite earning a combined $200-million buckaroos.

Let’s keep going. The NBA’s Scottie Pippen won 6-world championship rings with the Chicago Bulls, yet still filed for insolvency despite earning $120-million during his playing days.

Hell, maybe San Diego Padres teammates Jack Clark and Tony Gwynn had the same bad financial advisor, because they both ended up filing for bankruptcy after their playing days –and their bank accounts – were numbered.

Terrell Owens, just inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame, ran through most of the $80-million he made during his 15-year career, thanks in part to bad investments and business deals.

And the bad decision-making isn’t limited to he three major American sports.  Olympic sprinter Marion Jones lost all of her wealth and filed for bankruptcy after being disgraced by a doping scandal.

WNBA legend Sheryl Swoopes? She had to do the same in 2004 even though she made more than $50-million in her career.

But let’s go farther back. America’s darling Dorothy Hamill, the 1976 Olympic gold medal winning figure skater, had to file for bankruptcy in 1995.

So I ask you. How does a person make millions of dollars over his/her career, yet go broke within five years of leaving his/her sport? How is this even possible? Well, there are several reasons. Let’s take a look:

  • Most athletes think they’ll compete for at least 15-20 years, but in reality the average NBA career is less than 3-years. NFL players? Under 3.5-years. This is because of injuries or maybe just getting cut. In addition, 65% of NFL players leave the game with permanent injuries before they barely get started.
  • Entourages. They’re not good. The more hangers-on the worse it’ll be. See Antoine Walker, among many others.
  • Dumb overspending. Athletes see the money as infinite. They can’t imagine it ever running out. How could they ever spend it all? Spoiler alert: They can.
  • Athletes are targets for poor investment pitches. They’re naïve and fall for all sorts of outlandish schemes, and the con men know this. The sharks begin circling the minute the contract is signed.
  • To most poor, inner-city athletes the worst thing anyone can say about them is that they turned their back on their old neighborhood. Even athletes with middle or upper class backgrounds feel the responsibility to support their entire family and beyond. Think about it. What if you signed a $10-million contract tomorrow? Imagine the family and friends that would come out of the woodwork, asking for a handout. I’ve seen up close the mentality that the aforementioned Antoine Walker exhibits when he’s literally paying for a 70-person entourage. You see, a lot of these guys have made it out of tough situations, growing up with very little. In the eyes of the family and neighborhood friends they grew up with, the worst thing a guy could do would be to turn his back on them. So, the athletes feel like they have to take care of the people they grew up around. That’s no excuse, but it’s why you see the hangers-on and the leeches being allowed to take advantage and blow money that isn’t theirs. The player doesn’t want to be labeled a sellout, plain and simple. I’ve seen it up close and personal.
  • Divorce. This is often cited as the number one challenge, as divorce drains funds in legal fees and dissipates assets. The athlete ends up with half of what they earned and may have large and burdensome alimony and child support payments as well. Which leads us to . . .
  • We all know the problem many professional athletes have with the apparent unwillingness to use protection during sex. Combine that with some women knowing that having a baby is a free ticket to never working again and well, you get a lot of unwanted pregnancies. Want some proof? Former NBA player Kenny Anderson has some interesting stats: 8-teams, 7-children, 5-women. Pro football player Willis McGahee has 9-kids with 8-different women. Former NBA hoopster Willie Anderson? 9-kids, 7-women. Another NBA guy, Jason Caffey, has 10-kids with 8-different women. That’s almost a double-double. Pro football player Travis Henry ups the ante with 11-kids and 10-baby mamas. Antonio Cromartie has 12-kids with 8-women. There’s a video of him attempting to name all of them and it is sadly and pathetically funny. And finally, I give you NBA legend Calvin Murphy. Calvin has 14-children by 9-different women. I believe we have a winner. Calvin’s nickname when he played? “The Pocket Rocket.” Pocket Rocket indeed. Bottom line, child support for all those kids can certainly drain a banking account and empty your pockets.
  • Lack of competent financial planning advice. The fact is a lot of young professional athletes simply don’t contact the people they should be contacting – honest, up-front financial advisors with their best interest at heart..
  • Lack of preparation for a second career. Pro athletes have long off seasons they can use to lay the foundation for their life after sports. However, some athletes do not give it a second thought and end up missing the structure and direction that sports has given them. Quite simply, they don’t use their free time to plan ahead.
  • Finally, a lot of these pro athletes have been coddled for so long that a lot of them just don’t have anyone to tell them no, that they’re making asinine decisions, or that they’re just being stupid. That’s sad but true, man.

However, there are exceptions. I give you gentlemen like Mr. Klay Thompson, Mr. Junior Bridgeman, and Mr. Earvin “Magic” Johnson, just to name a few.

First let me tell you about Klay Thompson. We all know Klay, the 26-year old who plays for the Golden State Warriors. He’s one of the top pure shooters in the NBA. Klay’s father is Mychal Thompson, who was a helluva player in his own right back in the day. Long story short, Mychal and Klay’s mother Julie controlled Klay’s bank account, at least in his first few years in the NBA. All checks went directly to them. You know, so he didn’t buy a gold-plated commode or something. Klay’s parents gave him $300.00 a week in an envelope for spending money. Yep, $300.00. Back in 2014 Klay got into a fight in a game and was fined $35,000.00 by the league. Because of this his “allowance” was cut by mom and dad. Seem excessive? Maybe. But as Klay matured and proved he could handle it he gained more control over his dough. To me, that’s just two parents who care about their son.

Junior Bridgeman played at Louisville and had a 12-year career in the NBA. He was a good, not great, player, but he was smart. Junior has no gold plated cars, no $50,000 gold chains, no armored vehicles. Instead, he happens to own 196 Wendy’s franchises and over 100 Chili’s Restaurants. And oh by the way, if you’re interested in buying a Wendy’s you’ll need a minimum net worth of $5 million, including at least $2 million of liquid assets. But most agreements stipulate royalties of 4% of sales, so there’s that.

Earvin “Magic” Johnson? When he was still playing he had the good sense to sit down with Michael Ovitz, CEO of Creative Arts Agency, a cat who understood business to say the least. Ovitz talked, Magic listened. Magic now runs Magic Johnson Enterprises, a company that had a net worth of $700-million as of 2015, and its subsidiaries include Magic Johnson Productions, Magic Johnson Theaters, and Magic Johnson Entertainment, which happens to be a movie studio. In addition to these business ventures, he has created the Magic Card, a pre-paid MasterCard aimed at helping low-income people save money and participate in electronic commerce. And this doesn’t even mention his work on television and his motivational speaking income. And did I mention he’s a co-owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers? Bottom line? Earvin “Magic” Johnson was worth over $500-million dollars by 2015.

And what about LeBron James? He currently has a net worth of roughly $440-million and recently built a school that guarantees students free tuition, free uniforms, free breakfast, free lunch and snacks, free transportation within 2 miles of the school, a free bicycle and helmet, access to a food pantry for their family, and guaranteed tuition for all graduates to the University of Akron

See? It can be done. Just look at guys like Klay Thompson, Junior Bridgeman, Magic Johnson, LeBron James and many others.

Most major professional sports require their rookies to go to a seminar explaining all the perils that lie ahead, but clearly it’s not working. I’m not sure how you can convince a guy who has never had much money that millions can disappear so quickly, that he doesn’t really need that $200,000 pedigreed Belgian racing pigeon or that $1,000,000 Red Tibetan Mastiff to crap in his yard or maybe roll on a dead cat.

Hell, I don’t have any answers.

Maybe all checks should go directly to Klay Thompson’s parents. Then we could let them dole it out.

Touché.