Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

I like it.


Gus and Beemo.

Gus Kenworthy is an American freestyle skier from Colorado who recently made headlines not related to sports. Why? Because he rescued 91-dogs from a dog meat farm in South Korea while participating in the 2018 Winter Olympics.

You read that right. 91.

“This morning I had a heart-wrenching visit to one of the 17,000 dog farms here in South Korea,” he wrote on Instagram. “Across the country, there are 2.5 million dogs being raised for food in some of the most disturbing conditions imaginable. Yes, there is an argument to be made that eating dogs is a part of Korean culture. And, while don’t personally agree with it, I do agree that it’s not my place to impose western ideals on the people here. The way these animals are being treated, however, is completely inhumane and culture should never be a scapegoat for cruelty. Despite the beliefs of some, these dogs are no different from the ones we call pets back home.”

So, Gus decided to do something about it. “I adopted one of the pups, named her Beemo, and she’ll be coming to the US to live with me as soon as she’s through with her vaccinations in a short couple of weeks. I cannot wait to give her the best life possible!”

Gus arranged for 90 other dogs from the farm are taken from the facility to the United States and Canada for adoption with the help of Humane Society International.

Atta boy, Gus Kenworthy. Gold medals are great, but rescuing 91-dogs puts you on another level. You are a true American hero.

Yeah, you read that right. Here’s the lowdown . . .

Many of you have heard of Adam Vinatieri, the great NFL kicker who won the Super Bowl for New England back in 2002. Vinatieri has gone on to a Hall of Fame career with not only New England but also the Indianapolis Colts. Anyway, were it not for a fateful decision by General George Custer, Adam would not only have missed making the NFL, he wouldn’t even exist.

You see, Felix Vinatieri was Adam’s great-great grandfather. He was a musician and composer and served as George Armstrong Custer’s bandmaster during the Civil War general’s Indian campaign. Custer loved music and he believed the band boosted his troops’ morale and that they were good entertainment on long trips.

In the spring of 1876, when Custer led the Seventh Cavalry out of Fort Abraham Lincoln into North Dakota and its eventual destruction at the hands of Crazy Horse and his Sioux warriors, Custer decided that his band would stay behind.

Nobody is sure why he made this decision, but one thing is certain – had Felix Vinatieri not remained at Fort Lincoln, there probably wouldn’t be any Vinatieris, no Adam, and perhaps no Patriots 2002 Super Bowl victory.

And that’s how General George Armstrong Custer helped the New England Patriots win a Super Bowl.

Kobe Bryant missed more shots than any player in NBA history.



So Tom Brady sent this gem out yesterday, just to remind us that he’s Tom Brady and we’re not, that he’s married to a super model, and they’re about to get cozy on some island in the Caribbean. Just cocky as all hell. But hey, Tommy? You can’t deflect attention from the fact you lost that Super Bowl, big guy. Plus your shoes and shorts combo sucks.


Super Bowl 48-hours away? Going after my 6th ring? No biggie. I’ll just go to a Timberwolves game with my girlfriend and her leather pants. Maybe take in a movie later. Belichick, man. You know Philly’s Coach Pederson saw this and immediately ran and watched more film because Bill seems way too relaxed right now. Almost like he knows something.


The NFL probably doesn’t like this very much. Just a guess.


I suppose if you’re not an NFL fan this will hold no interest for you, but New England’s Defensive Coordinator (and future Detroit Lion’s Head Coach) Matt Patricia is sort of known for his bushy beard and burly appearance. Hence, a pic of him beardless and babyfaced is sort of jarring. Check it:

What can I tell ya? It’s a slow day At Shoe: Untied World Headquarters.


Here are some things the non-sports fan should know: New England plays Jacksonville this weekend in the AFC Championship game. It’s the Patriots vs the Jaguars. In addition, the Patriots have been accused of cheating several times. Also, New Englanders have accents. All of that makes this sign excellent on many levels. Enjoy.


So former NBA player Kenyon Martin went to Twitter to make fun of Jeremy Lin’s dreadlocks, accusing him of cultural appropriation and “wanting to be black.” Lin’s response was kind, respectful, and intelligent. Check it out:


You know what I hate most about all the talking sports heads on television? When they imprint how they think they would feel upon the athletes they’re covering. Some examples:

Boy, the Falcons are really looking to get revenge for that waxing the Eagles gave them 2-years ago!”
“Well Curt, it’s Senior Night here at Schmedlap Field so I’m certain the Panthers are going to be fired up to play!”
“Well, we all know what Billy Bob Stinkerton said about the Owls last week, and they didn’t like it one bit. That’s bulletin board material Joe!”

And all I’ve heard this week on Sports Talk Radio is how the negative ESPN story on the Patriots is going to fire up New England . . .

Wow, that’s going to be something! The Patriots have a point to prove now! They have extra incentive to win!”

Uh, no they don’t. Belichick won’t give that nonsense a second thought.

Truth be told, emotions last about a minute into a competition and then the teams have to play the game. All that “we owe them from last year” stuff doesn’t go very far. As Mike Tyson once said, “Everybody’s got a plan until they get hit.

So true.

Ask any athlete at any level. You can get as fired up as you want, but after the first few minutes you have to play the game. You get tired. That’s when fundamentals and preparation come into play.

The fact is the team that’s the most prepared and/or has the most talent is going to win. You can play all the uplifting songs, show all the inspirational videos, and give all the rousing pep talks you want, but if you’re not prepared and mentally ready to play you’re going to lose.

Simple as that.


Back on the late 60s and early 70s there was a baseball camp near the town I grew up in. It was Ted Kluszewski’s Baseball Camp, run by the former Cincinnati Reds’ slugger from back in the day. During the days of the Big Red Machine, “Big Klu” was the team’s hitting instructor. Anyway, it was a cool camp with kids attending from all over the world. Players ranging in age from 6- 17 attended the camp, and local baseball teams would go there to play against the campers. Bottom line, I spent a ton of time there, either playing in or watching games.

As I’ve mentioned before I used to spend a copious amount of time at my Uncle Myrl’s house and I basically went wherever they went, which leads to my story.

My Aunt Dorothy had taken my cousin Mick and I to the camp to watch some games, and it being the late 60s and all she just dropped us off and left, telling us she’d be back in a couple hours. Alas, it was a simpler time. Anyway, she returned later to pick us up, and we hopped in the backseat for the ride home.

However, as we were pulling out of the lot a guy waved us to a stop, and as I recall he didn’t look happy. Aunt Dorothy rolled her window down to see what was up, and the following conversation (as I remember it) then took place.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry to stop you but your boys have something that belongs to us.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your kids stole some of our baseballs. I have people who saw them getting foul balls and sticking them down their pants.”

[Those of you who want to insert a “balls in your pants” joke may do so now.]

What I witnessed next was the most epic ass-ripping my young ears had ever heard, and believe me, I’d heard a lot. But alas, my aunt’s gush of fury and vitriol wasn’t directed at us. Instead, Aunt Dorothy tore into this poor dude in every way imaginable, letting him know in no uncertain terms that she had not raised thieves and there was no way on God’s green earth we would ever stoop to the level of a common criminal.

During all of this Mick and I sat quietly in the backseat, not saying a word.

Turns out there was a reason for this.

I recall the guy backing away with his hands up as he said he was sorry for the mistake and left, presumably to look for the real ball burglars or perhaps a corner in which to weep.

You know, we might have gotten away with it had Aunt Dorothy not had to make a sudden stop on the way home in the little town of Bainbridge when some jackass pulled in front of her. But he did, and that was when all the baseballs we’d pilfered rolled out from under the backseat from where we’d hidden them, onto the front floorboard, and around the feet of the woman who’d just defended us to the ends of the earth to a man who’d had the audacity to call us crooks.

Which, incidentally, we now very clearly were.

Well, I thought the tongue-lashing given to our accuser was bad, but it paled in comparison to what was laid on Mick and I now.  We were yelled at, belittled, shamed, mocked and at one point may or may not have been called assholes.

Which, again, would not have been a false statement.

Note: Understand that the fact I was a nephew wasn’t figured into the equation. When I was with my cousins I was considered one of the immediate family in every sense of the word. This was often a good thing but sometimes not. This time? Decidedly not.

We then had to suffer the indignity of returning to the baseball camp, giving back our stash, and apologizing to the man who had accurately accused us of our larceny in the first place. I believe we had to perform this indignity in front of an entire Pop Warner Little League team who happened to be nearby. The fact that a couple of them were laughing at us only added weight to our collective embarrassment.

And I still remember our accuser’s smirk as he accepted the returned baseballs. Dude was absolutely smug I tell ya.

And Aunt Dorothy must have figured we’d learned our lesson because as far as we ever knew she never told my Uncle Myrl or my father Ralph, and for that we were thankful. If she had a more physical punishment would have undoubtedly been administered, and that would’ve hurt a lot more than an ass-ripping by an aunt, the smug-smirk of a baseball camp employee, or the laughs of a couple 5-year old little league punks.

Alas, we survived, although we may have been blackballed from Ted Kluszewski’s Baseball Camp for a week or two, I cannot recall for certain.

Just another day in the life of a Bourneville kid.


Ever notice how sports talking heads have to constantly beat us over the head with useless statistics? Just mindless, meaningless, dare I say counterproductive information that actually leave us dumber in their wake?

Yeah, me too, and I’m sick of it. Theretofore, today begins my war against this useless drivel that rains down upon us on with alarming regularity. First off, some stats are so ridiculously obvious they’re worthless. To wit:

“Golden State is 89-0 while leading by 23 or more points with less than a minute to play in regulation.”  

Gee, ya think?

Other stats are even more witless. I shall now point out a few examples of what I may or may not have heard on TV and radio over the past few months but I quite possibly may have simply made up. Either way, you’ll get my point.

I hope. Let us begin . . .

“Jimmy Joe Snorkelwhipple is the 2nd player to have a triple-double on Christmas Day whilst wearing a man bun.”

“Artie ‘Goatface’ Mortlingdickle is the 3rd player to gain 100-yards on his 25th birthday while wearing #32 and having the nickname ‘Goatface’.”

Max Smorkendoodle is the 7th player to hit a home run while playing against a team with 3-players named Henry who have sets of triplets named Michael, Mika and Mickey.”

“DeShawn Jackson is the 33,510,113th player to play professional sports while being pursued by a Kardashian.”

Incidentally, I made up those names. Didn’t want you think those were actual professional athletes. But you get the picture, right? Do we really need the dumb sports stats? I think we do not.

I mean, can’t you make up a statistic about anything? For instance, I just created this stat about me, which happens to be true:

“Dave Shoemaker is the first Paint Valley basketball coach in history named Dave Shoemaker to coach a team that defeated Southeastern and Adena a week prior to eating 37-shrimp cocktails on Christmas Eve while owning a dog named Sparky who once won a fight with a coyote.”

See what I mean? Dumb.

In the interest of my blogging integrity I shall now give you actual, real-life stats given by actual, real-life sports announcers. Be amazed.

“He was the second pitcher in the last 83-years to win 13 more games than he lost for a team finishing 13-games or worse under .500.”

83-years? Really? On a related note, I had to read that 5-times before I sort of understood it.

“He’s the first player since 1912 with 50-doubles and 50-stolen bases in one season.”

So we’re combining doubles and steals to make up a stat? What’s next, foul balls and ear hair?

“He’s the first catcher over the age of 35 to hit .330 with 20-homers and 85-runs batted in.”

So let me get this straight. There could be another catcher over 35 with 25-homers and 80-RBIs? See what I’m saying? Geesh.

In conclusion, I give you one more meaningless statistic:

“What you have just read is the only blog written on December 26th, 2017 that contained the words Snorkelwhipple, Mortlingdickle, Goatface and Kardashian.”

God I’m bored. I need a nap.


There’s just so much to love about this video. The midget, the Santa referee, the girl elf, Culkin with rabbit ears, the crowd chanting “Home Alone!”, and finally Culkin pulling out his old marble and bucket movie tricks to win the match. Too good, man. And hey, not to mention the fact that Macaulay Culkin took part in a wrestling match in a conference room somewhere. Just internet gold. Hell, I was waiting for Joe Pesci to enter the fray.

PS- Why Culkin didn’t scream, “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!” before clubbing that dude with the bucket is beyond my comprehension.

PPS- I’m 99% sure that midget pointed at Macaulay Culkin and yelled, “Come on you f**cker!” Doesn’t get much better than that.


He has to be dead, right? Just a brutal shot to the neck. Or perhaps he was flopping. Hard to tell these days.


So Cam Newton was discussing his team’s can-do attitude yesterday and unleashed the following quote on the unsuspecting masses:

“Yeah, we just lost a great player, but nevertheless, you know, the Titanic still has to go.”

Oh boy. Bad analogy. You know, because the Titanic sinks. What’s next, “We’re rising up like the Hindenburg”? Maybe “We’re driving ahead like Kennedy in Dallas”? Good God, Cam. Get your analogy game together. You’re embarrassing yourself.

PS- Cam’s post-game attire is must-see entertainment. Above we see the “Abe Lincoln Meets Urkel”. Good stuff.



We all know guys like this. J-u-s-t not quite right. A couple eggs short of a dozen. Both oars not quite in the water. A few sandwiches short of a picnic. They remind you of Paul Revere’s Ride, as in a little light in the belfry. Anyhoo, Jameis Winston is one of those guys. Honestly, you can tell he’s half nuts by looking into his eyes. Listen to his pregame speech yesterday and tell me I’m wrong. Dude is unhinged, man. But seriously, somebody needs to make sure Tampa Bay is following the proper concussion protocol.

PS- His speech rallied the squad to a 30-10 loss. Good times.


Yep. sure did. And they even put the 2017 World Series MVP on the cover. Pretty wild prediction that came to be. Crazy stuff.


Listen, I don’t like the way Bill Belichick treats reporters any more than the next guy, but this casually dumb dipstick brought the Belichickian Hell down on himself. First of all, he was sitting there all chillaxed-like and trying WAY to hard to be cool. Secondly, the question was just dumb. Check out the video, with another observation below it.

Some people online were saying this reporter reminded them of Ellis from “Die Hard.” I tend to agree.


The other day on Pardon the Interruption sports talking head/jock sniffer/name dropper Michael Wilbon said that NFL teams are “like plantations.” Wilbon, who used to have some credibility but lost it when he started sucking up to professional athletes like Charles Barkley, Magic Johnson and others, now mostly defends athletes and brags about having dinner with them.

Anyway, he was trying to point out that owners don’t have the right to tell players what to say and how to feel just because they’re employed by them. While that’s partly true, the plantation comparison was terribly misguided.

Wilbon, let me give you a short history lesson, for they apparently didn’t teach it to you at Northwestern. See, plantations were places that were usually inhabited by slaves and the owners who held them against their will back in the not-so-good old days. Slaves were kidnapped, beaten and forced to work without pay. On the other hand, NFL teams are businesses with employees who are compensated quite handsomely to play a game once a week, and are free to work in the NFL or not work in the NFL as they please.

To conclude, NFL teams are in no way similar to a plantation.

Thank you. That is all.


If you haven’t seen photos or videos of NBA player Gordon Hayward’s injury yet, you’re either not a sports fan or you’re hiking the Appalachian Trail without phone service or something. Anyway, it was brutal. I’ll include a video below for those who feel inclined to watch. However, if that sort of thing makes you queasy don’t push play. Here’s a link to the photo as well. To get an idea of how horrific the injury was, however, you only have to look at the reaction of the crowd and the other players on the floor. Take a look:

[click on a pic to see enlarged version]

Here’s a video showing the Cavs bench and their reaction.

And here’s the actual injury. Again, hard to watch.

Thoughts and prayers go out to Gordon Hayward. Hopefully he comes back from this and is better than ever.


How may of you knew the United States had a Flag Code? We do. I kid you not. Read on readers . . .

On June 14th, 1923, the National Flag Code was constructed by representatives of over 68 organizations, under the auspices of the National Americanism Commission of the American Legion. The code drafted by that conference was printed by the American Legion and given nationwide distribution. The United States Flag Code establishes advisory rules for display and care of the national flag of the United States of America, because damn straight it does.

We have a flag code that we all should follow and obey, being the good Americans that we surely all are. That said, we don’t always follow. I shall now give you some highlights of the code, along with some examples of how we blatantly disregard them. Let us begin . . .

All present except those in uniform should stand at attention facing the flag with the right hand over the heart.

Take a look around you the next time you’re at a professional sporting event and the National Anthem is playing. What do you see? People going to the restrooms, guys and girls with hats on, concession workers doing a brisk business, people talking, couples with arms around each other, not to mention people yelling at the quietly kneeling players. And what about you folks at home? During the Super Bowl anthem, does your party stop as everyone stands respectfully with their hands over their heart? Just asking.

Factoid #1: In 1990, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in United States v. Eichman that prohibiting burning of the U.S. flag conflicts with the First Amendment right to freedom of speech and is therefore unconstitutional.

Let’s move on . . .

No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform. However, a flag patch may be affixed to the uniform of military personnel, firemen, policemen, and members of patriotic organizations.

Did you read that? NO PART of the flag. Nobody EVER does that, right? And I’m pretty sure a football team doesn’t qualify as a “patriotic organization.” Still, check ’em out:

That’s just awful. Throw them out of America, man!

Factoid #2: Contrary to urban legend, the flag code does not state that a flag that touches the ground should be burned. Instead, it is considered disrespectful and the flag in question should be moved in such a manner that it is no longer touching the ground.

Huh. I did not know that. Anywho . . .

The flag should never be carried flat or horizontally, but always aloft and free.

Nobody would ever hold our flag horizontally, right? None of us have ever seen a giant American flag covering the entire football field held horizontally, have we? Sweet other of God! Sacrilege!

That’s a blatant disregard of the United States Flag Code, man. Just spitting in the face of America. Pa-thetic.

All men not in uniform should remove their headdress with their right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the hand being over the heart.

Well, well. NO HEADGEAR, MAN. Somebody needs to tell this to Hank Williams, Jr. among others, amirite? Dude sang the anthem with a cowboy hat perched upon his noggin. And have you ever been to an NFL game and seen the unpatriotic shenanigans that take place? Hey! That Packer fan left the cheese on his head during the anthem! Un-American! Go back to Europe ya foreigner!

I sincerely hope they removed their headgear during the anthem.

The flag should remain in its original state and should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature. 

No way any good American would disfigure the flag, right? It has to stay in its original state! Wait . . .

Oh, and here’s a bonus photo of a red-blooded American patriot showing respect for our flag as some of his home team knelt during the anthem. That’s a real American right there, man. Respect like ya read about.

Dude, put your hand over your heart. Follow the protocol.

So, have you ever disrespected our flag? Unless you stand at attention with your hand over your heart every single time the anthem is played, whether you’re at the game or watching on TV, I don’t want to hear it.

During the anthem we have people wearing the flag as a shirt, pants and God knows what else. We have people downing beers, buying nachos, wearing weird hats and everything else during the anthem. Still, you’d better not kneel quietly and respectfully or you’ll be branded a communist and a outright traitor.

Let’s be honest. This isn’t about disrespecting the flag and never has been. It’s about racism and resentment towards millionaire athletes being uppity enough to use their position to take a stand.

God bless America. We need it.


Oscar Robertson was amazing.


Shocking really. Who’d ever think a lion would bite you?


Clean, yet brutal hit. On a related note, that dude may have more than alcohol in his system.