Archive for July, 2012

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Sad Happy Face.

Letdowns. They happen randomly all the time. They’ll just wallop ya when you least expect it, right upside the back of the head. I’m not talking about something like The Hangover Part II or, you know, that birthday when you were 9-years old and wanted a BB Gun but got a Hungry Hippos game instead and went to your room and cried and . . . wait. Never mind. The point is letdowns suck. That said, here are a few letdowns that I’ve experienced . . .

I was in Las Vegas a few years ago with an ex, and she’d never been to the Sin City before. Naturally, she hit a Royal Flush on one of the Video Blackjack machines the very first day. Woohoo! Happiness, hugs and high-fives all-around. At that point I told her to stay with the machine until I got somebody to pay her off. I found a casino floor person lady to come over, and here’s the conversation that transpired:

Me: “Hey, she just hit a Royal Flush! She won $1,200.00! Show her the money! Woohoo!”

Lady, looking closely at the machine: “Honey, she didn’t win $1,200.00. She won $120,000.00.”

Stunned silence for approximately 7.3-seconds.

Next, I’m looking frantically around, trying to figure out what I’d missed. Was it one of those progressive machines? Was this some sort of a special machine and I didn’t notice? Was I dreaming? Had I gone batshit crazy? None of it mattered, we’d just one $120,000.00!!!

Incidentally, at this point I’m pretty sure I did the Hammer Dance across the casino floor and back.

Anyway, we’re hugging and jumping up and down, generally acting like idiots, and I may or may not have kissed an elderly gentlemen who happened by. But, unbeknownst to us the lady had bent over and taken a closer look at the machine. Then I feel a pecking on my shoulder, turn around, and hear these soul-crushing words:

“Honey, you were right. She only won $1,200.00. My mistake.”

So, in a matter of 3-minutes, Casino Lady had made $1,200.00 seem like 12¢, effectively shattering the moment and my world as I knew it.

Letdown.

Another time long time ago my Dad took me aside and we had this conversation:

Dad, excitedly: “Hey, how would you and (name redacted) like to go with Mom and I to New York City? We’ll stay for 3-days in a nice hotel, see the sights, everything paid for by us of course. It’ll be great.”

Me: “Hell yes! We’re in! When do we leave?”

Dad: “Well, we’ve already asked your sister and brother-in-law, but if they can’t go you guys are in.”

Then he walked away. I swear that happened. We were the backup plan.

Letdown.

Relationship letdowns are the worst, amirite? Like maybe, just maybe, you begin seeing someone and you think, “Wow, we could have a pretty nice thing going on here.” Then, on about your 7th date you start getting bad vibes. You know, little signs that things aren’t what they seem. Maybe a snide remark or criticism here and there. It could be a drop in the amount of affection coming your way. Or it could be something more serious. Maybe your date drops a subtly racist comment or something that sort of stops you in your tracks and you’re thinking, “Uh . . . oh.”

Please understand I’m speaking from personal experience here talking hypothetically here. The women I’ve had relationships with have been flawless in every way (wink-wink). But you know what I mean. In the beginning everything is new and both of you are on your best behavior, then as time goes by you kind of start acting like your normal self. At that point you either sink or swim, and I’ve hit the bottom several times. Also understand I’m totally cognizant of my responsibility in these relationships as well. I’ve let down far too many people in my life and I’m not proud of it. To be honest, the failures of my relationships have been largely my fault. Still, I like to think I’ve learned a lot from my screw-ups, making me a better man ultimately. Well, at least I like to think that whether it’s true or not. In addition . . .

Hold on. Jeebus, what am I doing? I actually opened up there for a second. What the hell? I’m losing my mojo right before your very eyes.

On a related note, have you ever dated somebody, only to break up after a few weeks? And then you run into them months later, thinking to yourself, “Wow, she looks really good and is being so nice.” Then, you ask them out again only to realize 17-minutes into the date why you broke up in the first place? Yeah, me too. That sort of blows.

I just realized this blog could never end. Hell, we’ve all had our share of disappointments and letdowns. It’s a part of life. You tough it out and move on, right? After all, you can’t hang on to the disappointment of not getting that BB Gun forever, can you?

Can you?

Something about watching this just sends me into hysterics. On a related note, I’m 90% sure I could win this event. Not even kidding. I’m one helluva walker.

 

Nice hair, bro.

On Gull Watch

I know, I’m sick of it too. Just a sick, disgusting, abhorrent, and ultimately sad affair from beginning to end. Still, the Freeh Report came out today and it should be required reading. It’s even worse than a lot of people suspected and more. If you’re one of the people still defending Joe Paterno you really need to read the report, or at the very least peruse the links below (provided by the website Deadspin). Like I said, just sad on so many levels.

On a sidenote, I actually met JoePa in an elevator once. I said hello and responded with a friendly, “Hrmmph.”

Special moment.

Lit: “My Own Worse Enemy”

Posted: July 10, 2012 in Rock Music, Rock Videos
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Take a long look into those eyes. Sparky knows things.

OK, so I already introduced you all to Sparky, the Jack Russell who recently joined my household. I’ve had Sparky for less than two weeks, and all I knew about him was that he was a good dog who may or may not have been involved in a chicken massacre.

It wasn’t long before I realized Sparky is not a normal dog. Among other things he can learn tricks almost immediately and recognizes commands after being told just once. He knew the difference between a “ride” and a “walk” right away. When we walk he automatically knows how to maneuver around trees and poles so we don’t get tangled up. He’s also athletic as hell and can catch treats from a distance of 15 feet. I swear I can’t throw one by him. He’s the Brandon Phillips of Jack Russells. Oh, and he can jump like Blake Griffin but I think that’s typical of the breed.

I know what you’re thinking. Shoe’s all excited about his little dog, he thinks it’s a special dog, how cute. But really? It’s just a dog. Well, hell, you just might be right. But I don’t think so.

He did something yesterday that made me look at him with a cocked head and a gaze of wonder. Somehow he got all twisted up in his retractable leash as we were walking out the backdoor. I mean, it was wrapped around one of his back legs and his torso a 2-3 times each. As I was about to lean down and try to untangle this mess, he backed up and looked at me like “Easy, I got this.” He then leaped straight up into the air, did some sort of a mid-air spin move combined with a flip and landed on his feet, completely untangled.  Then he just stood there, smiling. Like I said, I sort of backed up a step, cocked my head, and said, “Who ARE you?”

But he just trotted on to the car.

I’ve always been a dog guy, but this one might be special. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

W-a-i-t a second . . .

Alright, I’m about to piss off approximately 87% of my followers. For this I apologize in advance. Seriously, I’m sorry, but you know me. It’s been eating at me so I gotta do this. So, with deep breaths and open minds, let us proceed . . .Have you heard of Oscar Pistorius? He’s the dude in the photo there. He’s a South African runner who will be competing in the 400 meters in the olympics soon. Oh, and he runs on carbon fiber legs. To be precise, they’re Cheetah Flex-Foot Carbon Fibre Transtibial Artificial Limbs. Jeebus. His nickname? “Blade Runner.” Very cool, right? It’s a heartwarming story of courage, a story of a man overcoming his handicap to achieve an ultimate dream. Trust me, you’re going to be seeing this guy all over television this summer. Tears will flow freely and adulation will rain down. And you know what? All that will be justified. You know what else?

It’s not fair.

It’s cheating.

There. I said it. Now before you throw a hissy fit, no, I wouldn’t want to trade places with the guy, and there’s no correlation between my opinion of his unfair advantage and my admiration for his accomplishment, so stop it. Just stop it. Like I said, an open mind is required here.

Still, I’ll say it again. It’s not fair. Not to the other runners. Not sure if you noticed, but the man has springs for legs.

Nobody will complain because, well, who wants to bitch about getting beat by a guy with no legs below the knees? But don’t you think, in the privacy of their own brains, they just might be having this thought?

“What the hell? He has springy things for legs! I don’t get to have springs for legs! What’s next? They gonna let a guy with pogo sticks for legs in the high jump? A guy with a jackhammer for an arm in the shot put competition? C’mon!”

Let me just finish up here with this thought – would Oscar Pistorius be in the olympics without the Cheetah Flex-Foot Carbon Fibre Transtibial Artificial Limbs?

Would be be fast enough with his regular, normal legs?

That’s what I thought.

Let the angry comments commence.

Update: It has been pointed out to me that another advantage Pistorious has is in the area of injuries, fatigue and soreness. Thanks for the tip Brad K.