Illegal Horsemeat Confiscated, Women Released Unscathed

STERLING, Va — Authorities at a Virginia airport encountered some unusual baggage when they confiscated 13-pounds of horse genitals and a total of 42-pounds of horsemeat from two women arriving from Mongolia on Jan. 29.

The two women landed at the Washington Dulles International Airport last month when authorities discovered the meat concealed inside juice boxes, a release from US Customs and Border Protection said.

The women told authorities the horse genitals were for “medicinal purposes.”

The discovery rivaled other finds — “from fully-charred monkeys, to voodoo ceremony tools, to cocaine concealed inside the cavity of fully cooked chickens, to live sea horses and giant African land snails,” the release described.

Authorities said horsemeat is prohibited from entering the US “if it is not accompanied by an official government horsemeat certification from the country or government it originates.”

CBP incinerated the food products and declined to bring criminal charges against the women.

Whew. Where to begin? First off, they let these women off? What the hell? If illegal horsemeat smuggling doesn’t get you arrested I don’t know what will. But my favorite part of the article is when the release described prior finds – “fully-charred monkeys, voodoo ceremony tools, cocaine concealed inside the cavity of fully cooked chickens, live seahorses and giant African land snails.”

Wait. Since when can’t we have a fully-charred monkey as a carry-on? I guess a semi-charred monkey would be OK? That’s bullshit, man.

PS – Eating horse balls is good for your health? Guess we really do learn something every day.