Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

Good God, man.

Tasty dessert.

Alcohol makes up 23% of all sales at Buffalo Wild Wings.

 

 

Well, sure.

The Giant Ditch Frog is the first thing I ate on my initial visit to Montserrat back in 1995, and it was tasty. It’s also known as the Mountain Chicken, and is also native to Dominica. Its population has declined 81% in the last 10-years and is now critically endangered, so I’m guessing you can’t eat them anymore. The Giant Ditch Frog is one of the largest frogs in the world, with adult females growing up to 9-inches long. This fat boy eats almost anything that can be swallowed whole, much like my classmate Frankie Mortenson back in 5th grade. It’s well camouflaged and remains still for long periods of time before ambushing its prey, usually at night. Diabolical. It eats crickets, insects, crustaceans, other frogs, snakes, and even bats. Hence, his obesity. Anywho, Giant Ditch Frog.

Tasty.

A brazen meat thief has been caught on camera stuffing hundreds of dollars worth of prime cuts down his pants.

Sheriff’s deputies in Mobile County, Alabama, on Tuesday said they are seeking a man and a woman in connection with the stunning broad-daylight meat heist that took place on April 19th.

‘We are actively looking for these “Meat Packers”,’ the sheriff’s office said in a statement.

Security cameras at the Greer’s Market in Theodore, Alabama, which is about 20-miles south of Mobile, caught the criminals in the act around 1:15 pm.

First off, how in the hell can you fit hundreds of dollars of steaks down your pants? What’s the average price of a nice steak at Greer’s Market in Theodore, Alabama, maybe $15-$20? Hell, you’d have to stuff 20 to 25 Porterhouses down your britches to get to “hundreds” of dollars. Dude must have had a lot of room in there. Stunning meat heist indeed. And I’m glad the sheriff is “actively looking for the meat packers.” Lawmen who inactively look for bad guys are rarely successful.

PS- Yes, although I was tempted I refrained from making a joke using the words “prime cut” and “pants”. That’s self-control right there, kids. 

PPS- While searching for an appropriate photo I typed “meat stuffed into pants” into Google Image search. Don’t ever do that.

They call it “The Chickle” and it is either fantastic of disgusting, depending on your culinary tastes. Anywho, The Chickle.

I don’t know why but this cracked me up.

Combining two of the greats.

Say goodbye to Hi-C Orange at McDonald’s. The fast-food chain will begin phasing out the beverage on May 1, according to a memo posted this week on Reddit. A representative for McDonald’s told Eat This, Not That that all locations will stop carrying the drink after July.

According to the memo, the chain is introducing a new “proprietary” beverage called Sprite TropicBerry that will be served exclusively at McDonald’s locations. It’s part of the company’s partnership with Coca-Cola.

McDonald’s website touts Hi-C Orange Lavaburst as “packed with crisp citrus flavor,” but customers won’t be able to enjoy it for much longer. You may still have time to order the drink because McDonald’s locations are advised to keep selling it until their current supply is gone.

At least one McDonald’s franchise owner expects a backlash from the move, writing, “It’s gonna be a fun few weeks up ahead. Hi-C is one of the more popular drinks at my location.”

Why, McDonald’s, why?

It’s a dark, dark day in the world of fast food beverages, kids. Just couldn’t get any bleaker. You know what I’ve ordered to drink every time I’ve visited Mickey D’s, ever? Hi-C Orange, man. Why? Because it’s the Nectar of the Gods. It’s the beginning of the end for McDonald’s.

As far as I’m concerned McDonald’s and their Sprite TropicBerry can go straight to hell.

Lay’s Chips? For realz?

What? No Sweet Cheezus? Sad really.

*Not really, but I knew a lot of people wouldn’t click on a link about bananas, and this blog is about bananas. It’s a banana blog. However, since you’re here you might as well stick around, right? After all, Shoe:Untied prides itself on its eclecticism. It also prides itself in using words like eclecticism. Full Disclosure: I originally typed eclecticness but spell check kept telling me I was dumb. But seriously, stick around. On to the bananas…

Bananas, man. Did you know they’re consistently the #1 selling item at Walmart superstores? True story. Bananas have been around the USA forever, true?

False.

Americans were first introduced to bananas in 1873. Think about that, man. Abe Lincoln never had a banana. That’s wild.

Anywho, author Jules Verne introduced bananas to us in his novel Around the World in 80 Days, which was eventually turned into a movie starring Jose′ Greco but that’s neither here nor there. In the book, Verne described bananas as being “as healthy as bread and as succulent as cream.” Perhaps an overstatement but people were intrigued, man.

Fun Fact:  The scientific name for banana is musa sapientum, which means “fruit of the wise men.” Cool. Plus banana is way more fun to say.

Bananas were originally from Asia but were brought to Central America by the Spanish along with smallpox, measles, mumps, whooping cough, influenza, chicken pox, typhus, and oh yes, slavery. Good times.

Actually some people from our country had eaten bananas, but very, very few. Why, you ask? Because it took too long for them to get here and they would go bad. Of course that all changed later with steamships and airplanes and whatnot, and by then we could all enjoy the wonder that is the banana.

There was a downside, of course. The big banana companies used the governments of the countries where the bananas were grown for their own good, manipulating and bribing the politicians, organizing coups, and exploiting their workers. Basically, the companies stunted the country’s growth and cultivated a corrupt form of so-called capitalism. A lot of the problems in places like Colombia, Costa Rica, Ecuador, and Honduras still continue today. Sad really. On a related note, that’s where we got the term  “Banana Republic” which is defined as ” A small country, especially one in Central America or the West Indies, that is dependent on a single export commodity (traditionally bananas) and that has a corrupt, dictatorial government.”

Random thought: Are Banana Republic stores still a thing? I haven’t seen one in awhile.

Before you go, take a look at this awesome banana trivia:

  • Rubbing the inside of a banana peel on a mosquito bite or on poison ivy will help keep it from itching and getting inflamed.
  • Rubbing the inside of a banana peel on a scrape or burn will help the pain go away, keep the swelling down, and keep the wound from getting infected.
  • Bananas don’t actually grow on trees—they grow on plants that are officially classified as an herb. They’re in the same family as lilies, orchids, and palms, and are actually berries.
  • The band Bananarama had a #1 hit song with “Venus” in 1986. Thought I’d throw that in there.

So now you know more about bananas than you did 5-minutes ago. Your life has been enriched ways you never have imagined when you awakened from your slumber this morning. You’re welcome.

PS- On a personal note, is it odd that I like to eat a banana but I hate anything banana flavored or anything with bananas in it? The world is a vast, complex and confusing place, man.

PPS- Next up, my Beet blog. Stay tuned.

 

 

So I read somewhere the other day that Seinfeld’s last episode aired 19-years ago and I was sort of shocked. Anyway, it got me to thinking, which often leads to something like you’re about to read. What follows are 10 things that will turn 30-years old in 2017, and some are pretty surprising. Read on . . .

Full House

Yep, the TV show with the obnoxious, mouthy little girl began 30-years ago. I blame Michelle for all the little disrespectful punks that have come since. Damn you Michelle Tanner. Damn you to hell.

The Princess Bride

If you don’t recognize the line, “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die”, well then, you need to rent this movie poste haste because you’re living a life unfulfilled. Anyway, 30-years old.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Yessir, Donatello, Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Raphael kicked off with their cartoon back in ’87. Since then we’ve seen toys, TV shows. movies, and a ton of other stuff.

Disposable Contact Lenses

Yes kids, there was one a day when people had to carefully take out there contact lenses, put them in a little container, and repeat the exercise every night. Barbaric, I know.

Panera Bread

If you’ve never had their Pasta Primavera with Shrimp you’re a dirty rotten communist. Again, seems like yesterday.

Red Bull

Yep, some dude from Austria mixed some caffeine, sugar, taurine, niacin, jackal urine and some other stuff and came up with Red Bull. Fun Fact: According to the exhaustive research done by my crack staff, the energy drink biz exploded in 2005. I have no idea why. Anywho, I’m a Rock Star guy myself.

The Simpsons

Yep, it all started on the Tracey Ullman Show. Memba her? Bart and his family were featured in short cartoons during that show.

Dirty Dancing

Nobody puts Baby in a corner, man. The Swayze at the peak of his powers.

Congressional Ban On Inflight Smoking

Hard to believe it now but there once was a time when people smoked everywhere – in airplanes, on TV, in restaurants, bars, even hospitals. Crazy times fo sho.

“The Drive”

Sorry, Cleveland fans, but this Fall is the anniversary of John Elway’s drive to beat you in the playoffs. Good thing all those Super Bowl wins have made up for it since then though.

Bonus:

A Bunch of Famous People

Yep. Ronda Rousey, Kesha, Lil Bow Wow (was he the first of the “Lils”?), Kendrick Lamar, Blake Lively, Wiz Khalifa, and Zac Efron were all born in ’87. Man, that was a shitty year for celebrity birthdays, wasn’t it? Good Lord.

Where was I, you ask? Teaching Reading, and a few other things, to Greenfield McClain to bunch of unsuspecting Junior High kids.

Howzabout you?

Why not?

Sometimes, it’s all in the marketing. And a shitty name always hurts as well. Here’s the story.

Kids, there once was a cookie brand called Hydrox, and it is the original “sandwich cookie.” Hydrox debuted in 1908 and a cookie you may have heard of, Oreos, began in 1912. Oreos have been the knock-off brand all along, man.

Be honest. Did you know that?

It’s a familiar story. A small, fledgling company comes up with a great new product, so great that a bigger, more powerful company copies the idea. The larger firm flexes its better distribution and promotional muscles, the smaller outfit watches helplessly as its business slips away, and suddenly it’s all over. Another case of the strong running roughshod over the weak. It’s the American Way really, when you think about it.

Hydrox cookies were originally the signature product of a small company called Sunshine Biscuits. The public loved them and they single-handedly ruled the sandwich cookie market for four years, until they looked around and saw a giant peeking through their window.

National Biscuit, the massive company that would later become Nabisco, took an interest in this strange new product and created their own ripoff version, using their vastly superior, already established distribution channels and massive advertising budgets to steamroll the good old USA with it. Sunshine was a cool little company and all, but they didn’t have a real good strategy to fight this other than saying, “Hey! We were first, man!” with ads like this:

Yeah, that’s pretty weaksauce. Sad really. Plus that kid is terrifying.

The problem is, after a few years Oreos had become so popular that Hydrox began being perceived as the imitation. It probably didn’t help that Hydrox sounds like something you’d buy to clean your toilet or to bleach your dirty linen, so there’s that as well. Branding, man. It’s important.

So anyhoo, Sunshine was eventually bought by other companies and their products discontinued, while that filthy imitation product known as “Oreo” went on to become a cultural icon, which I happen to adore.

I guess the lesson to be learned here is to always be looking over your shoulder, trust nobody, and never give a food you invented a name that sounds like a cleaning solvent.

You’re welcome.

So I stopped at a gas station today to fill up the Jeep. While there I mosied inside to grab a pop for myself and a Slim Jim for the Spark. As I was grabbing my stuff, I proceeded to witness the following bizarre exchange between the lady at the counter and a older, hunched over geezer on a mission:

Geezer: “Where’s yer Zagnuts?”

Lady: “My what?”

Geezer: “Yer Zagnuts!”

I mean, this guy was speaking really loudly.

Lady: “Sir, we don’t carry . . .”

Geezer: “ZAGNUT! I WANT A ZAGNUT!”

Man, I gotta tell ya, this guy really wanted a Zagnut. Bro was unhinged. He was yelling now, and he hadn’t walked in there for a Baby Ruth, a Milky Way, nor a Butterfinger. Dude wanted a Zagnut and he wanted one now.

Lady, showing extraordinary patience: “Sir, we don’t have Zagnuts. I don’t even know what they are.”

Geezer: “How in the HELL could anyone not know what a Zagnut is? They’re ZAGNUTS!”

At this point the lady was totally confused as to what to do, and actually seemed a little frightened. So, being the gentleman I am, I tried to help:

Hey buddy, how about some Goobers? Goobers are good.”

At that point the old dude glared at me, made a noise that sounded like somebody stepped on a baby squirrel, turned, stormed out the door, got into his 1981 Chrysler Cordoba and squealed out of the lot, presumably on a quest for the elusive Zagnut.

Me? Although I had to pay for my pop, the Spark got a free Slim Jim. Damn Sparky always seems to come out ahead, and he’d stayed in the car.

But man, I’d never seen anybody so intent on getting a Zagnut.

PS- Do they even make Zagnuts anymore?

PPS- I looked it up. They do.

Excuse me for a second. I need to take a deep breath. OK, I’m fine now. It’s just that I almost passed out from merely looking at this heavenly, cheesy concoction. Good Lord almighty.

Fredric Baur invented the Pringles can. When he passed away in 2008, his ashes were buried in one.

 

Cambodian Fried Spider is a delicacy comprised of tarantulas, a lime, and black pepper dip. I might go with the ranch dressing, maybe caramelize that bug or something, but hey, what do I know? The Phnom Penh Restaurant in Romdeng serves around 200 of these dishes a week. Looks delish.

People Food: Market Force Information is the most recent company to try their hand at separating the true fast food cream from the rest of the crop. According to CNBC, these customer experience experts culled responses from more than 11,000 people to create “a composite loyalty index that measures satisfaction with the food quality, service, value and restaurant experience, among other things.” From there, Market Force was able to assess what restaurants it believes people truly love.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear. This list is bogus. Oh, I know it’s opinion-based and there are no right and wrong answers, except for the fact that these are all wrong answers. Let’s take a look:

Favorite burger chain: In-N-Out Burger

Listen, I had an In-N-Out burger in Vegas once. It wasn’t that great. And you know how people are offended by calling White Castle’s delicious little delicacies “sliders”? Well, what exactly does “In N Out” mean? That’s disgusting, man. My favorite? The Castle, man. Der.

My typical order at The Castle.

Favorite Mexican chain: Chipotle Mexican Grill

You know why I dislike Chipotle? Because the founder, Steve Ells, is a pretentious blowhard. My favorite? Mad Mex. It’s in the Gateway District in Columbus. Get the Grilled Salmon Taco. Your taste buds will thank you.

Favorite pizza chain: Marco’s Pizza

We have a Marco’s in the town near me and I’ve ordered from there once. Was I blown away? I was not. My favorite? Three locations qualifies as a chain, right? Jerry’s Pizza, baby.

A dumpster out front is always a nice touch.

Favorite chicken chain: Chick-fil-A

Chick-fil-A is fine and I enjoy dining there from time-to-time. Is it my bottom-line favorite? It is not. That distinction goes to Mario’s Lord of the Wings in Cincinnati. If  you haven’t had their wings you haven’t had wings. ‘Nuff said.

Favorite sandwich chain: Firehouse Subs

Isn’t this the sub joint founded by some firefighters? I had one of these in Columbus recently. Not bad. My favorite? The Melt Bar & Grilled in Columbus. Listen, and listen now. Go there and order the Mighty Macaroni sandwich. It has creamy homemade macaroni & cheese (battered and deep fried, man!) and is layered with cheddar cheese sauce and the melted cheese of your choice. Good God. That’s heaven right there. Take a bite, set the sandwich down, and let the tasty goodness wash over you. Repeat.

The legend itself.

So there are the nation’s favorites, as well as mine. What say you?

Many people dislike White Castle and refuse to eat there. Many people find the thought of eating seafood at White Castle repugnant. I am not one of those people. Oh, how I look forward to this tasty goodness.

PS- Not sure why they added “seafood’ to the name. Isn’t that sort of a given?

40% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

 

happy

screwworm_flickr_8455823819_ce1f716566_k_horizontal-1024x591

Well, h-e-l-l-l-o-o-o, flesh-eating screwworm.

A San Antonio woman has sued Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen and its local franchisee saying the fast-food chain served her rice and beans that had flesh-eating screwworms.

Karen Goode says in her lawsuit, filed Tuesday in Bexar County district court, that the screwworms entered her digestive tract and laid eggs, which became embedded in the interior lining of her small intestine. When the eggs hatched, they infested her body and began to eat her “alive from the inside-out.”

Patrick Stolmeier, Goode’s San Antonio lawyer, said she became ill and couldn’t work. As a result, she lost her business, her house and vehicles, he said. Goode seeks more than $1 million in damages from Atlanta-based Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen Inc. and Sugarland’s Z&H Foods Inc.

Man, nothing worse than going to Popeyes for some rice and beans and ending up with flesh-eating screwworms entering your digestive tract and laying eggs that become embedded in the interior lining of your small intestine, huh? That’s a bad day all-around, man. Especially when the eggs hatch, infest your body and begin to eat you alive from the inside out. Yeesh. On a related note, I may skip lunch today.

Tasty goodness.

bbq-margarita-chicken-tostadas-with-sweet-jalapec3b1o-margarita-salsa-15