Confusion reigns.

So this ad campaign has always confused me. Let me get this straight. So we are to believe that cows can stand upright, write, and make signs, but yet they are poor spellers?

Wussification Alert! Mother turns to Facebook when wimpy son cries over getting glasses.

Noah in 10-years.

When her 4-year-old son Noah was reduced to tears by the thought of wearing glasses, Lindsey Fisher decided to turn to an unlikely source for help: Facebook.  To show Noah he was not alone, Fisher created a Facebook group called “Glasses for Noah.”

On the Facebook page Fisher wrote that Noah didn’t want to wear glasses. “He keeps telling us that ‘everyone will laugh at him.'” To help her son, Fisher made a request: “Show Noah how awesome glasses really are by posting some pictures for him to see you in your glasses!” It turns out plenty of people wanted to show off their spectacles. Thousands posted photos to the page with supportive messages for Noah. The page has currently been liked by more than 4,000 people. Lindsey Fisher’s father and Noah’s grandfather, Bannister Eads, told ABCNews.com that all the photos have made Noah much happier about wearing glasses.

“He saw all these people wearing glasses and I think he thought, ‘Well it’s not so bad after all.’ It helped him,” said Eads.

On Friday, Fisher posted a message on the group wall thanking supporters for posting photos.

“Noah is LOVING them!!” wrote Fisher. “Y’all are amazing and we would give each of you a hug if we could!!!” She said now Noah no longer cries when wearing glasses and is even comfortable wearing them to school. “He puts them on after his nap at school. He’s used to it now,” said Eads, who also wears glasses. “He’s like me. He can see now.”

Hey. Psssst. Noah. You’d better sit down, I have upsetting news for you. Easy now, settle down. No, no, don’t cry. You haven’t even heard what I’m about to say. You alright now? Wait, don’t scream for your mommy, just listen up. You ready? OK, here goes . . .

See, before your mommy stepped in to try and save your fragile little ego only a few of your friends were laughing at you. Now? Well, the whole country is laughing at you and 99% of the kids in the country think you’re a spoiled little pansy.

Have a nice day!

PS: Lindsey Fisher could have saved a lot of time by showing him these pictures:

Woman hit by errant pass in NBA game, is apparently dead.

Woman down.

It’s Black Friday! Be careful out there!

Good God. Run for your lives!

Bikers Against Child Abuse are awesomely badass.

Child abusers, you have been warned.

Bears acting like humans? Bears acting like humans.

Have I mentioned it’s a video of bears acting like humans?

Great Moments in TV History: Reverend Jim’s Driving Test

From the show “Taxi”, when Jim was taken to the License Bureau by his taxi driver friends. You simply must watch this all the way through. One of television’s classic moments.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

. . . from the crack staff here at Shoe: Untied!

Woohoo! It’s Fails of the Week!

From the gang over at Fail Army. Enjoy.

Best News Bloopers of November 2013. Enjoy!

Here ya go!

Wussification Alert! People outraged by “How to fight a baby” video.

(Source) — Yes, “How to Fight a Baby” is getting a lot of attention — the clip has been viewed over half a million times since McInnes uploaded it to YouTube on Monday. Some viewers are calling it “cute” and “hilarious” and others have described it as disturbing and irresponsible. “[Department of Family and Children Services] needs to watch this video and I am sure the child would be taken away from this idiot and his idiot wife,” someone commented on YouTube. “Yes, I know they’re just playing…but it still doesn’t make it any less unsettling to see a baby being tossed and thrown; no matter how safe he is (it’s a baby, not a toy),” said another. A well-known child safety expert and author on the topic (who preferred not to have her name used) tells Yahoo Shine that she feels the video should be taken down from YouTube immediately. “I find it extremely disturbing.” She adds that not only is throwing and flipping an infant highly dangerous — even on a bed covered with pillows — she’s deeply worried that a copycat might push the mock-violent antics one step further. The American Humane Association warns that, although rare, tossing and playing too roughly with infants can cause shaken baby syndrome, and result in brain damage.

Oh, for the love of God. Really? People are mad about this? “Extremely disturbing”? “Unsettling?” He’s tossing the baby gently onto a pile of pillows and blankets! In addition, the baby is enjoying it.

I have two words to say about this video. It’s funny. Get a life, people!

Boxer puppy born with no hind legs just livin’ life like it ain’t no thing.

Check out Duncan Low Who, the dog with no hind legs and a deformed pelvis, just running around his backyard like a boss. This is another example of why dogs are the best. Cats? They ruthlessly kill chipmunks and stuff and then skin them and leave them by your backdoor. Cats are diabolical. If a cat was born without back legs it would probably blame the world for its problems and go throw itself in front of a truck after poisoning your breakfast. Dogs? No way. Duncan Lou Who is happy as can be. Back legs? Who needs ’em?

“Celebrities Reading Mean Tweets” is comedy gold.

Good stuff.

Sparky’s Sixth Sense

The look.

Sparky has a sixth sense, and I’m not sure if all dogs have it and I simply haven’t noticed or if it’s unique to my best friend. Here’s the thing . . .

Sparky always knows when I’m looking at him.

Always.

Seriously, here’s an example. Let’s say I’m driving and Spark is asleep on the passenger side seat. Every time, and I mean every single time, that I look down at him he opens an eye and looks back.

I can do this in total silence but he still knows. How does he know? It’s gotten to the point now that when I see him sleeping out of the corner of my eye I’ll v-e-r-y slowly turn to look at him, just trying my best to watch him sleep without him knowing it.

Never happens. Always, the eyes pop open. It’s almost like he knows what I’m trying to do and he’s toying with me.

Same when I try to take a picture of him sleeping. I quietly pick the phone up, point it towards him, and I get the look you see in the picture right up there. This, after he’d been snoring for the past 10-minutes.

So, is this common in dogs or does Sparky have some rare ability to sense when I’m looking his way?

Because believe me, he knows.

Sparky always knows.

Alex Trebeck has gone insane.

Pure comedy.

Noted psychic Sylvia Browne has died. Here are some of her greatest hits.

And by “greatest hits” I mean “misses.”

One of the greatest commercials ever, period.

So good.

Horrifying hygiene facts are . . . horrifying.

Sweet Jeebus.

Manson finds his mate!

Hypervocal – Well, sure, you probably won’t be super-jealous of a man getting hitched to a 25-year-old superfan of one of the most infamous convicted killers of all time. But, hey, c’mon, bright side, there’s love out there for everyone. Even you. Rolling Stone reports on the match made in heaven, if heaven is prison: “Star is a 25-year-old brunette who’s been loyally visiting 79-year old Charles Manson in jail since she was 19 years old and maintains several websites devoted to defending Manson and his pro-Earth environmental causes. And according to an astonishingly in-depth new profile by Rolling Stone contributing editor Erik Hedegaard in our new issue (on stands Friday) that was nearly two years in the making, the pair could be heading down the aisle. ”

Dear Mom & Dad,

I have awesome news! I met a wonderful man! Charles is a little older than me but we have SO much in common. He’s totally  into environmental causes, just like me. He’s talented, intelligent, a great listener and I just know you’re going to like him as much as I do.

And mom, get this –  he has an incredibly loyal family who loves him and would do ANYTHING for him!

I simply cannot WAIT for you to meet him!

Love you!

Star        xoxoxoxoxo

PS – In addition, Charles is one of the most notorious psychopaths in the annals of American criminal history. Hope you’re cool with that!

The night I met the dumbest couple ever.

So last Saturday evening I was at a local establishment having a burger and watching football with a couple of friends. The game we were watching was Northwestern vs. Michigan, and Northwestern was wearing those special uniforms that teams are so fond of these days. These particular uniforms were made by Under Armour and were created to promote the Wounded Warrior Project and honor our veterans. It’s important to know that the players’ last names on the back of each jersey were replaced with one of seven “core value” qualities: Duty, Honor, Courage, Commitment, Integrity, Country and Service. In addition, the jerseys were to be auctioned off after the game with the proceeds going to the Wounded Warrior Project.

Cool idea, right? But that’s not the point of this story.

So I’m sitting there at the table when a middle-aged couple walks in and sits at the table beside us. After a few minutes I hear the following conversation:

Man: “Oh look. Cool uniforms. Is that the Army team or something?”

Woman: “I don’t know. But I think it’s neat that they have a player named Courage on the team. That sort of fits with being a soldier, you know? Very nice.”

Then, a few minutes later . . .

Woman: “Look! They have another player named Duty! That fits too!  I wonder if they actually recruit these players because of their names?”

Oh Lord. At this point I’m dying to explain things to them but I couldn’t wait to see where this would lead. And then . . .

Woman: “Doug, look! LOOK! That guy’s name is Service! This can’t be a coincidence! They have to be recruiting kids with names that reflect the values of soldiers. They just have to be!”

All the while Doug is just sitting there, head cocked, knowing something’s amiss but it’s as if he simply couldn’t put his finger on it.

Now I’m just fighting the urge to scream, “STOP IT!” But I wait. And finally, to my amazement I hear this:

Woman: “Are you shitting me? That guy’s name is Commitment . . .”

But I couldn’t let her finish. I had to interrupt with a quick turn in my chair and a raise of the hand and no, I didn’t hit her. Instead I gently explained the situation as best I could as they listened attentively. Then came this response:

Man, slapping the table: “I KNEW something was wrong! I KNEW it!”

Woman: “Oh.”

I swear to God she was actually disappointed.

Sigh.

Need proof that people are getting dumber? O.K.

Dumb.

Dumb game show answers, continued.

Say what?

Breakdance baby kick is unfortunate, but where’s the parental guidance?

You can’t let your toddler wander out into a breakdance dance-off, can you?

Joe Cocker: “You Are So Beautiful”

Great song.

Yes, people are buying $500.00 milkshakes, because of course they are.

(Source) — A new glamorous nightspot called The Powder Room in Hollywood, Calif., is whipping up a spiked version of the creamy classic that will cost no less than $500. Though the exact recipe for “The Velvet Goldmine” is still being refined by award-winning mixologist Adrianne Biggs, representatives of the watering hole say the shake will be “real lush and over-the-top,” combining premium spirits, premium Belgian chocolate and edible gold, and arrive garnished with a Swarovski Nirvana Montana blue crystal ring that can be kept as a souvenir. “We wanted to offer an experience where guests could take something special home with them, and it’s perfect for a bachelorette party or a special occasion,” owner John Arakaki told ABC News, likening the cocktail takeaway to the nostalgia of finding a prize in the bottom of a Cracker Jack box.

Get me to The Powder Room in Hollywood, California now! I want a Velvet Goldmine! For my entire life, my #1 wish has been to spend $500.00 on a “real lush and over-the-top” milkshake combining premium spirits, premium Belgian chocolate and edible gold while also garnished with a Swarovski Nirvana Montana blue crystal ring. Would I spend $500.00 on a milkshake with NON–premium spirits, NON-premium chocolate and NON-edible gold made by a NON-award winning mixologist? Hell no. Not nearly lush or over-the-top enough.

And I agree with owner John Arakaki, this is EXACTLY like finding a prize in the bottom of a Cracker Jack box, if you can only ignore the fact that I haven’t spent $500.00 total on Cracker Jacks my entire life.

And seriously, “Velvet Goldmine”? Then again, I suppose it will be a goldmine when all the trendy hipsters come running to buy one.

Finally, how long do you think it’ll be before we see a  photo of Bieber, Miley, or a Kardashian buying one of these things? I’m guessing less than a week.