Archive for the ‘Nature’ Category

You guys read my post and watched the video a couple days ago about the little girl being snatched by the Sea Lion, right? Sure you did. Well, I was a little tough on the mother for just walking away without thanking the guy who saved her kid.

W-e-l-l, turns out I’m not the only one. Mr. Robert Kiesman of the Steveston Harbour Authority is a little pissed at everyone’s behavior on that dock. Dude just kills me with his sarcasm. Take a read:

NBS News: Blame the parents, not the hungry sea lion.

That’s exactly what the head of a Canadian port did after a young girl playing on a pier was dragged into the drink by a California sea lion — and video of the dramatic rescue went viral after it hit the internet.

Accusing them of “reckless behavior,” Robert Kiesman of the Steveston Harbour Authority said the girl’s parents put her in harm’s way.

“There are signs all over the dock that explicitly warn people not to feed the sea mammals and the penalty for “disturbing” an animal is a $100,000 fine, Kiesman said.

“You wouldn’t go up to a grizzly bear in the bush and hand him a ham sandwich, so you shouldn’t be handing a thousand-pound wild animal in the water slices of bread,” he said. “You can only spend so much time protecting people from their reckless behavior. We’ve now seen an example of why it’s illegal to do this and why it’s dangerous and frankly stupid to do this.”

Meanwhile, the Vancouver Aquarium is urging the girl’s family to get in touch with them for information about handling a possible infection.

“Seals and sea lions carry some pretty nasty bacteria in their mouth,” Danielle Hyson, a senior marine mammal trainer at the aquarium, told The Province newspaper in Vancouver.

God, I love everything about this. Hey, you wouldn’t hand a grizzle bear a ham sandwich, would you, dumbass? That’s a 1,000 pound wild animal, fools. But hey, you can only spend so much time protecting people from their dumbness.

I also love how Danielle Hyson of the Vancouver Aquarium got her shot in. Just a heads-up, morons, but Sea Lions carry some pretty nasty bacteria in their mouth. Might wanna get that looked at.

And I swear Robert Kiesman is happy this happened. For him it’s a lesson for all the idiots who come through his Steveston Harbour Authority. I’m betting he’s said this to his wife a million times at the dinner table:

“Man, I wish one of those Sea Lions would leap up and eat one of these tourist’s kids. Maybe then they would listen.”

Dream come true for Robert Kiesman. Dream come true.

Say what you want about the Japanese Puffer Fish, but this little dude has it all figured out. Turns out chicks dig art, man. Who knew? Hell, I tried it once and got slapped in the face. Yep, that drawing I did of Kathy Lupert back in 3rd grade did NOT go over well. Seriously, this bro spends 2-weeks making this masterpiece and the Pufferbabes come out of the woodwork like bees to honey.  Diabolical. Anywho, Japanese Puffer Fish.

Man, just watch that sea lion set these people up, just looking all cute and whatnot, poking his head out of the water like a puppy while eliciting oohs and ahs from the adoring crowd. What those people didn’t know was that Mr. Sea Lion was eyeing his lunch buffet, and the minute that kid sat down he went for her like a fat kid snatching a Ho Ho. Sea Lions, man. Sneaky as hell.

PS- And how about mom there, just whisking her kid away without a word of thanks? Hey lady, if it wasn’t for that superhero little Yuki there would’ve been taken to the depths of hell, eaten, and her bones left in a watery grave. But noooo, just march away as if you have a plane to catch or something. Yeesh. 

I know I post a lot of this stuff but Sweet Mother of God there are some horrific creatures lurking under the surface of the ocean. And listen, don’t give me crap like, “Oh, that’s just a rotting whale” or something. I know a sea monster when I see one, damn it.

[click to enlarge, but at your own risk]

Deep sea diver.

[click to enlarge]

Man, take a look at that Rocksucker. Ugly little dude, huh? He’s also known as the Clingfish, and he’s found along the Atlantic coast of southern Africa. He grows to a length of about 12-inches and is the largest species in the Clingfish family. On a related note, I bet those Clingfish family reunions are off the hook, man. Get it? Off the hook? It’s a fish? Nothing? Never mind. Anywho, Rocksucker.

For some reason I’m betting on the Mantis here.


Hello there.

Never made it across the ocean yet. You’d think one or two would’ve stowed away on a ship or something. Huh.

Yep. Iceland again. I have to make a road trip soon. Just spectacular.


I guess this is the first time I’ve ever seen an Armadillo roll into a ball because I’m amazed by it. Little dude just popped into a ball instantly. That’s some crazy stuff right there. Armadillos, man. The ultimate ballers.

Yep. Five years today. Hard to believe, really. After months of meticulous and careful planning, conducting arduous interviews while assembling my crack staff, and clearing a myriad of government regulations, we launched Shoe: Untied on an unsuspecting world.

Since that warm, sparkling Spring Day back in 2012 I’ve posted over 5,300 times and have been viewed by citizens from all over the world. For reasons unbeknownst to me, our humble little site is very popular in Belgium and the Philippines. I know, that makes absolutely no sense to me either.

The site has had as many as 300,000 hits in a single day as we’ve covered sports, politics, education, history, kids, animals, music, entertainment, and God knows what else. We’ve posted original writing, weird, funny and outrageous videos, and we’re 87.3% sure Lebron James himself messaged us to defend himself once.

I’ve received death threats and angry messages from racists, nazis, clowns, midgets, Trump supporters, fans of Peter Cetera, the People of Facebook, and angry mothers of high school bowlers.

The other day somebody made the comment on Facebook (after I’d made fun of something or other) that we, “Shouldn’t judge.” My response? “If I can’t judge I should probably shut down my website.” Honestly, that’s true. A large percentage of my content is making fun of people. Not sure what that says about me, and I may not want to know.

I’ve also received some great response from stuff I’ve written that sort of came straight from the heart, blogs like Remembering Andy, Jigger, Jigger’s Tree, Sara’s Last Wish, Trusting Robbie, A Man called Pop, A Right Cross, With Love, “You Saved Me, You Know“, Losing Tim, and WE ARE PAINT VALLEY.

See, I might just have a heart after all.

Of course, a lot of my writing is an attempt at humor, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Some of my more popular humorous blogs include Regarding Beach MidgetsTop 40 Eternal Musical Questions Answered! Sort of.OSU vs. Michigan and the Road Trip to End All Road TripsDodgeball: A Microcosm of LifeAn Incident at the MallHow a Convict Killed My Relationship, But Probably Saved Me In the Long Run, The All-Time Cartoon Football Team, My Reviews of the VMA Awards, and many more.

Of course, a lot of my writing involves my best friend, a 25-pound bundle of smarts and energy called Sparky. Just type is name into the search box up there to read all about him. Fair warning though – you might be up all night. I’ve written about that pup a lot.

A few of my articles have been picked up by newspapers and national websites, so that’s always cool. One piece, Requiem for a Tradition: The Demise of High School Sports, was linked to on The Big Lead, nationally prominent sports website.

Of course, sprinkled throughout has been funny, interesting or just plain strange videos, new articles with my commentary, and various other weirdness. I’ve had regular features like Cool Animal of the Day, Map of the Day, Incredible Photo of the Day, music videos, and a bunch of other stuff. I read somewhere once that if people visit a website 3-4 times and nothing new has been added they don’t come back, hence the crazy filler stuff.

Honestly though, writing is therapeutic for me. It’s an outlet that, quite frankly, I need. Is there ego involved? Absolutely. I get a thrill out of getting good feedback when I write something that touches somebody enough to make them cry, laugh, or feel something. Hell, I even get a kick out of the people I piss off. You know, except that one insane lady. She actually scared me a little.

All in all, though, the whole thing has been a positive experience. I’ve made a bunch of new friends a few new enemies in the last 5-years, I think more of the former than the latter.

I think.

Will this site make it another 5-years? Who knows. But hey, I’ll give it a shot, and hopefully you’ll hang around with me.

Especially my good friends in Belgium and the Philippines.



Check out that Archerfish, man. Archerfish are known for their habit of preying on insects and other small animals by shooting them down with water droplets from their specialized mouths. Archerfish are remarkably accurate in their shooting. Adult fish almost always hit the target on the first shot, and they can do it from a distance of up to 9-feet. That’s diabolical, man. Anyhoo, Archerfish.

Check out the Invisible Eel, man. He’s also called the See-Through Eel because, well, you can see right through the dude. Transparent like you read about, man. Divers recently discovered these eel larvae in the waters of southeast Asia. You can see through them because their bodies are compressed and their organs and muscles vastly reduced. They possess a simple tube gut and their bodies are filled with a clear gel. That’s cray-cray, man. Anyhoo, Invisible Eel.

Fact: Spiders could theoretically eat every human on earth in one year. Want more? No? Sorry, here goes . . .

Spiders are quite literally all around us. A recent survey of North Carolina homes turned up spiders in 100% of them, including 68% of bathrooms and more than 75% of bedrooms. In addition, soak up this horrifying truth – there’s a good chance at least one spider is staring at you right now, where you sit, sizing you up from a darkened corner of the room, eight eyes glistening in the shadows.

Chills, man.

Spiders mostly eat insects, although some of the larger species have been known to snack on lizards, birds and even small mammals. Given their abundance and the voraciousness of their appetites, two European biologists recently wondered: If you were to tally up all the food eaten by the world’s entire spider population in a single year, how much would it be?

Their estimate was published in the journal Science of Nature earlier this month, and the number they arrived at is a tad jarring. The world’s spiders consume somewhere between 400-million and 800-million tons of prey in any given year. That means that spiders eat at least as much meat as all 7-billion humans on the planet combined, who the authors note consume about 400-million tons of meat and fish each year.

Or, for a slightly more disturbing comparison, the total mass of all adult humans on Earth is estimated to be 287-million tons. Even if you tack on another 70 million-ish tons to account for the weight of kids, it’s still not equal to the total amount of food eaten by spiders in a given year, exceeding the total weight of humanity.

In other words, spiders could eat all of us and still be hungry.

Sweet Mother of God, man.

And as I did some research for this article, I found a couple more interesting tidbits:

  • The mass of every spider on Earth today is equivalent to 478 Titanics.
  • It would take approximately 2,000 pounds of spiders to consume a 200-pound man in one day.

Woot! Good to know I guess?

Check out that Angel Shark, man. Dude looks like Jaws and a Manta Ray got their groove on, amirite? Angel Sharks chill out, all hidden in the sand and whatnot, and just wait for their prey to appear. When the prey gets close enough, the Angel Shark grabs it in 1/10 of a second. That’s diabolical, man. Angel Sharks will only attack when provoked, so don’t provoke an Angel Shark. Anyhoo, Angel Shark.

Note: If you like our Cool Animals of the Day, just type Cool Animals of the Day into the Shoe: Untied search box and go nuts. 

Stunningly beautiful.

There’s something about this one I really like.

[click on the photo and hop right in]

[click on photo to step into the ice cave]

Incredible indeed.

Hump Party.

Humpbacks have been gathering in large groups in a bizarre never-before-seen behaviour that is baffling scientists.

The gatherings can reach 200 whales and have been spotted in the midst of mass feeding frenzies off the coast of South Africa – thousands of miles further north than their normal feeding grounds around the Antarctic.

The whales are not normally social creatures, preferring to travel and hunt alone, in pairs, or as small groups that quickly disband. 

No big deal. Just humpback whales gathering in feeding frenzies as never before, probably plotting to take over humanity. Soon we’ll see the Allure of the Seas cruise ship go down in a bubbly death spiral, swimmers off the coasts of the world being snacked upon, and scuba divers being massacred like Custer at Little Bighorn.

Have a great day.

We’re coming for you.