Archive for the ‘Nature’ Category

Check out that Asian Sheepshead Wrasse, man. Dude looks like the guy in that movie Mask back in the 80’s. Seriously, click on that link. Not even kidding. The Asian sheepshead wrasse is a species of wrasse, because of course it is. It’s one of the largest wrasses native to the western Pacific Ocean. It inhabits rocky reefs, because really, who’d want to go out with that mug? It can reach 39-inches in length. This species is valued as a food fish in Japan, which is sort of sad. Anywho, Asian Sheepshead Wrasse. 

PS- Check out the video at the bottom about an Asian Sheepshead Wrasse and his buddy. Awesome stuff.

“Not so fast, fish boys.”

NP– The orcas will wait all day for a fisherman to accumulate a catch of halibut, and then deftly rob them blind. They will relentlessly stalk individual fishing boats, sometimes forcing them back into port. Most chilling of all, and this is new: After decades of relatively peaceful coexistence with cod and halibut fishers off the coast of Alaska, the region’s orcas appear to be turning on them in greater numbers.“We’ve been chased out of the Bering Sea,” said Paul Clampitt, Washington State-based co-owner of the F/V Augustine. Like many boats, the Augustine has tried electronic noisemakers to ward off the animals, but the orcas simply got used to them. “It became a dinner bell,” said Clampitt. John McHenry, owner of the F/V Seymour, described orca pods near Alaska’s Aleutian Islands as being like a “motorcycle gang.” “You’d see two of them show up, and that’s the end of the trip. Pretty soon all 40 of them would be around you,” he said.

I already knew Orcas were the Badasses of the Sea. Hey, I saw that documentary where that pod of Orcas went hunting and eating Great White sharks just for kicks and giggles. But gathering and bullying fishermen? That’s chilling, man. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times, once the animals figure it out we’re all doomed. We’ve been bullying them for years, making them work and putting them in cages to gawk at for our pleasure. Now the tables are starting to turn. Pretty soon it’s gonna be Planet of the Apes, Eight Legged Freaks, The Birds, Willard, and Razorback all rolled into one. Good thing I have Sparky to vouch for me.

PS- Love the quote about the sounds becoming a dinner bell. Orcas, man.

PPS- If you haven’t seen Razorback do so immediately. The opening scene is terrifying.

I looked down into one of these about 36-hours before she blew.

(Fox News) – A man in Texas caught a monster-sized frog, and the photos are going viral online.

According to the South Texas Hunting Association’s Facebook page, Markcuz Rangel is the man who captured the giant bullfrog last Wednesday. The frog was caught in a fishing pond in Batesville in south Texas. A spokesman for the Texas Parks & Wildlife Department told the Houston Chronicle that the photo is real and not photoshopped. 

“It’s not as big as it appears,” spokesman Steve Lightfoot said. “Still a big bullfrog, though.”

This is how the South Texas Hunting Association captioned the photo on Facebook: “Wanted to share a monster bullfrog we got yesterday afternoon at one of our fishing ponds in South Texas! 13 lb monster frog!”

Holy hell, man, that thing looks like it could eat a baby. And to the people who say it’s an optical illusion, let me remind you of all the settlers who thought grizzly bears weren’t real in 1789. Then again, I may be biased. I’ve been having nightmares since I saw this movie when I was a little kid:

They don’t make ’em like that anymore, my friends.

PS- Does that frog have dreadlocks?

Not horny yet.

Sigh . . .

From Tech Insider – From a lodge sculpted from ice to one made from metal sheets, there are an infinite number offbeat hotels that re-think the traditional B&B.

One open-air hotel, called Null Stern, eliminates walls and a roof altogether. Located in the middle of the Swiss Alps, it only features a bed with linens.

The “hotel” costs about $210 per night.

“The star is not the hotel but each guest,” the hotel’s co-founder, Daniel Charbonnier, tells Tech Insider. “We got rid of all the walls, and the only thing left is you and your experience.”

$210? Hey, I have an idea. How about I throw a sleeping bag on that hill back there and pay zero dollars? Listen, you morons, you’re defeating the whole purpose of sleeping in a hotel if you’re, you know, outside. And you’re also defeating the purpose of sleeping outside if you’re, you know, in a bed. On a related note, I hope a bear sneaks up on the next people who stay in this “hotel” and eats them alive. Good God.

Or is that a dog? I have no idea.

ALBERTA, Canada (KWQC) – Theunis Wessels is a man who likes to finish what he starts.

On Friday evening, he began mowing his lawn in the town of Three Hills and kept mowing even as a towering tornado appeared in the distance. When his wife, Cecilia, saw him cutting the grass with the tornado at his back, she snapped a dramatic photo.

Theunis took the tornado in stride and said he was “keeping an eye on it” while he continued to mow.

While there was property damage in the area, there are no reports of injuries from the tornado.

Monster tornado heading your way? No problem. man. Theunis Wessels has a lawn to mow. Hey, he was keeping an eye on it. And how badass is his wife Cecilia? While most people would be running for their lives to the cellar, she grabs her phone to take a picture of her hubby as he laughs in the face of disaster. Canadians, man. They don’t give a damn about nuthin’.

PS- The only thing that would make this photo better would be a beer in that dude’s hand. 


NYT – President Trump announced Thursday afternoon that he is withdrawing the United States from the landmark Paris climate agreement, an extraordinary move that dismayed America’s allies and set back the global effort to address the warming planet.

Trump’s decision set off alarms worldwide, drawing swift and sharp condemnation from foreign leaders as well as top environmentalists and corporate titans, who decried the U.S. exit from the Paris accord as an irresponsible abdication of American leadership in the face of irrefutable scientific evidence. Trump has described climate change “a hoax.”

The U.S. withdrawal from the Paris agreement cannot actually be finalized until near the end of Trump’s term because of the accord’s legal structure and language.

The Donald, man. Gotta give him credit to sticking to his guns on this one I guess? Our children and their children and their children can go to hell, man. We’ll all be gone by then anyway, amirite? But hey, at least we have two other stable, level-headed governments who see things the way we do – Nicaragua and Syria. Thank God for that. I guess all us weenies who believe in the climate change “hoax” can take solace in the fact that our withdrawal from the pact can’t take place for a couple years. The odds of Trump surviving that long are about 9%.

PS- One positive about a Trump administration? Endless source of blogging material.

PPS- Another positive? Wildly entertaining messages from Trump supporters.

PPS- For those who care, and I don’t think many do, here’s climate change explained pretty simply (and spare me the climate change is a hoax videos, please).

On a related note, I never thought I’d miss this guy so much:


Check out that Dusky Snout Catshark, man. Dude’s ugly like you read about, all wrinkly and whatnot. This bro can be distinguished from his two closest relatives by a combination of prominent comb-like dermal denticles along the tail-fin, the fleshy lumps in the mouth, uniform body coloration, and a noticeable dark dusky snout. Sounds exactly like my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Goldblatter. This guy was just recently discovered, and if I looked like that I’d stay on the downlow too. Anywho, Dusky Snout Catshark.

All in the timing.

We have explored less than 5% of the world’s oceans.


The Giant Ditch Frog is the first thing I ate on my initial visit to Montserrat back in 1995, and it was tasty. It’s also known as the Mountain Chicken, and is also native to Dominica. Its population has declined 81% in the last 10-years and is now critically endangered, so I’m guessing you can’t eat them anymore. The Giant Ditch Frog is one of the largest frogs in the world, with adult females growing up to 9-inches long. This fat boy eats almost anything that can be swallowed whole, much like my classmate Frankie Mortenson back in 5th grade. It’s well camouflaged and remains still for long periods of time before ambushing its prey, usually at night. Diabolical. It eats crickets, insects, crustaceans, other frogs, snakes, and even bats. Hence, his obesity. Anywho, Giant Ditch Frog.


This handsome little dude lives in Sulawesi, Indonesia. His most eye-catching feature is his impressively long incisors, which are big enough to compete with Dracula. The bottom teeth of this shrew rat can grow up to 0.75 inches. Researchers admit that they’ve never seen anything like it, and researchers hate to admit they don’t know anything. Another fact about these bros is that their ears are one-fifth as long as their bodies, sorta like Bobby Lumquist, a kid I went to school with in 4th grade. Anywho, Pig-Nosed Vampire Rat.

Totes adorbs.

The Black and White Dolphin isn’t really a species, it’s just a regular dolphin. It’s coloring is a result of leucism, which is a condition in which a partial loss of pigmentation causes animals to have white, pale or patchy discoloration of the skin, hair, feathers, scales or cuticles. This particular dolphin is named Patches and was first spotted back in 2006. By the way, dolphins can live to be about 40-years old, though the average is about 25. Anywho, Black and White Dolphin.


You guys read my post and watched the video a couple days ago about the little girl being snatched by the Sea Lion, right? Sure you did. Well, I was a little tough on the mother for just walking away without thanking the guy who saved her kid.

W-e-l-l, turns out I’m not the only one. Mr. Robert Kiesman of the Steveston Harbour Authority is a little pissed at everyone’s behavior on that dock. Dude just kills me with his sarcasm. Take a read:

NBS News: Blame the parents, not the hungry sea lion.

That’s exactly what the head of a Canadian port did after a young girl playing on a pier was dragged into the drink by a California sea lion — and video of the dramatic rescue went viral after it hit the internet.

Accusing them of “reckless behavior,” Robert Kiesman of the Steveston Harbour Authority said the girl’s parents put her in harm’s way.

“There are signs all over the dock that explicitly warn people not to feed the sea mammals and the penalty for “disturbing” an animal is a $100,000 fine, Kiesman said.

“You wouldn’t go up to a grizzly bear in the bush and hand him a ham sandwich, so you shouldn’t be handing a thousand-pound wild animal in the water slices of bread,” he said. “You can only spend so much time protecting people from their reckless behavior. We’ve now seen an example of why it’s illegal to do this and why it’s dangerous and frankly stupid to do this.”

Meanwhile, the Vancouver Aquarium is urging the girl’s family to get in touch with them for information about handling a possible infection.

“Seals and sea lions carry some pretty nasty bacteria in their mouth,” Danielle Hyson, a senior marine mammal trainer at the aquarium, told The Province newspaper in Vancouver.

God, I love everything about this. Hey, you wouldn’t hand a grizzle bear a ham sandwich, would you, dumbass? That’s a 1,000 pound wild animal, fools. But hey, you can only spend so much time protecting people from their dumbness.

I also love how Danielle Hyson of the Vancouver Aquarium got her shot in. Just a heads-up, morons, but Sea Lions carry some pretty nasty bacteria in their mouth. Might wanna get that looked at.

And I swear Robert Kiesman is happy this happened. For him it’s a lesson for all the idiots who come through his Steveston Harbour Authority. I’m betting he’s said this to his wife a million times at the dinner table:

“Man, I wish one of those Sea Lions would leap up and eat one of these tourist’s kids. Maybe then they would listen.”

Dream come true for Robert Kiesman. Dream come true.

Say what you want about the Japanese Puffer Fish, but this little dude has it all figured out. Turns out chicks dig art, man. Who knew? Hell, I tried it once and got slapped in the face. Yep, that drawing I did of Kathy Lupert back in 3rd grade did NOT go over well. Seriously, this bro spends 2-weeks making this masterpiece and the Pufferbabes come out of the woodwork like bees to honey.  Diabolical. Anywho, Japanese Puffer Fish.

Man, just watch that sea lion set these people up, just looking all cute and whatnot, poking his head out of the water like a puppy while eliciting oohs and ahs from the adoring crowd. What those people didn’t know was that Mr. Sea Lion was eyeing his lunch buffet, and the minute that kid sat down he went for her like a fat kid snatching a Ho Ho. Sea Lions, man. Sneaky as hell.

PS- And how about mom there, just whisking her kid away without a word of thanks? Hey lady, if it wasn’t for that superhero little Yuki there would’ve been taken to the depths of hell, eaten, and her bones left in a watery grave. But noooo, just march away as if you have a plane to catch or something. Yeesh. 

I know I post a lot of this stuff but Sweet Mother of God there are some horrific creatures lurking under the surface of the ocean. And listen, don’t give me crap like, “Oh, that’s just a rotting whale” or something. I know a sea monster when I see one, damn it.

[click to enlarge, but at your own risk]

Deep sea diver.

[click to enlarge]

Man, take a look at that Rocksucker. Ugly little dude, huh? He’s also known as the Clingfish, and he’s found along the Atlantic coast of southern Africa. He grows to a length of about 12-inches and is the largest species in the Clingfish family. On a related note, I bet those Clingfish family reunions are off the hook, man. Get it? Off the hook? It’s a fish? Nothing? Never mind. Anywho, Rocksucker.

For some reason I’m betting on the Mantis here.


Hello there.

Never made it across the ocean yet. You’d think one or two would’ve stowed away on a ship or something. Huh.