7 Inventions You May Need. Or Not.

I ran across a bunch of these over at Bored Panda, a funky little website that posts quirky things like “The Most Beautiful Steps in the World” and “Dramatic Fairy Sculptures” and stuff like that. Anyway, I perused their “25 Inventions You Didn’t Know You Needed” and picked out my favorite seven to share with you, my loyal readers. I’ll add my thought-provoking comments and even add my grade for each. Wooot! Damn, I’m bored.

Let us begin . . .

I like this one. See, the paper has a bunch of names and greetings, then you just circle the one that is appropriate. Then again, that’s sort of impersonal, isn’t it? Disregard. Grade: D-

Not bad, but I could see myself getting toothpaste all over the mirror and throwing that thing in the trash in a few days. Grade: C-

I like this idea for the average person who, you know, irons and stuff. I haven’t ironed anything since 1985. That’s what the unwrinkle cycle on the dryer is for, right? Still pretty cool though. Grade: A-

How can this possibly work? I’d be spilling my beer, I mean coffee, all over the place. Dumb. Grade: F

I like this one a lot. I see my friend Heather running by my house all the time sprinting as she pushed her kids in a stroller. Better watch out for potholes, though. Grade: A

Not bad. Sparky would find it beneath him to use something so petlike though. Not horrible though. Grade: C+

What’s so great about this? I’ve been using scissors to cut pizza for years. And that slice thingy would just complicate matters and get in the way. Dumb. Grade: D-

If you’ve read my acclaimed blog “Wait. We were promised Jet Packs!” you’d know that I have several ideas for inventions much better than these, including my Refridgerwave, the Car Hair Dryer, The Flashdark and Drinkable Mouthwash. Trust me, they’re all A+ inventions.

Now excuse me while I go work on my Wine Flavored Dental Floss.